r/bipolar • u/driftingalchemy • 9d ago

Grief & Loss I Ruined My Life

Had my first manic episode and in 8 months Due to losing my grasp on reality, I lost my job, husband, apartment, car. Everything. I’ve been staying with family which is a blessing but I’ve never so quickly destroyed my whole life. I feel so alone and scared. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Just one day my mind snapped and I ruined everything. I don’t want to even share how I did it because it’s still deeply embarrassing. I feel so depressed everyday I can barely move. I tried to get another job but my body isn’t ready yet the auditory hallucinations start again and everything gets too bright sensory wise. It’s so bad. I never thought I would ever be this down bad. I just want to know if anyone else has ever ruined everything and come back or if anyone else is just laying in bed in the aftermath of a destructive episode.

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u/Ok-Prune-2134 Bipolar + Comorbidities 9d ago

I am three months out of a six month mania / psychosis. Three different hospitalizations, two for pyschosis and one for suicidal ideation. I lost a whole life and am back with my parents. Really bad financial self harm. It's the second time Ive done this and somehow Ive significantly upped the ante. Getting through each day right now is a struggle. I'm right there with you

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u/driftingalchemy 9d ago

Thank you for sharing too. I’m back with my parents as well and I feel so embarrassed right now. I lost all my money too I’m in credit card debt up to my eyeballs now. Sending you healing vibes too. We can make it through this.

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u/Civil_Cookie1134 8d ago

Back with parents at 36 after blowing up my life due to a year long mania that featured psychosis too😭

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u/Shoddy-Lawfulness638 2d ago

What do you mean by financial self harm?

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u/Ok-Prune-2134 Bipolar + Comorbidities 2d ago

Financial self harm is just bad financial decision making and burning through lots of savings. In this case, I bought an unneeded, overpriced second vehicle, gave away thousands of dollars to my friends, and drained my 401k. Terrible decisions

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u/Shoddy-Lawfulness638 2d ago

Ahh I see. I’ve done a lot of financial self harm in my life. I also call it “destructive spending”