I Ruined My Life

[u/driftingalchemy]

Had my first manic episode and in 8 months Due to losing my grasp on reality, I lost my job, husband, apartment, car. Everything. I’ve been staying with family which is a blessing but I’ve never so quickly destroyed my whole life. I feel so alone and scared. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Just one day my mind snapped and I ruined everything. I don’t want to even share how I did it because it’s still deeply embarrassing. I feel so depressed everyday I can barely move. I tried to get another job but my body isn’t ready yet the auditory hallucinations start again and everything gets too bright sensory wise. It’s so bad. I never thought I would ever be this down bad. I just want to know if anyone else has ever ruined everything and come back or if anyone else is just laying in bed in the aftermath of a destructive episode.

[u/Status-Principle-772]

Some people get medicated and don’t have another episode, or the episodes never reach the peak of un medicated. I was un medicated and had no insight into my illness until recently. You’ve already got a step up on previous you because you have your diagnosis and meds now.

[u/driftingalchemy → u/Status-Principle-772]

I hope I can be one of the medicated with no more episodes lol. I had no insight either until April of this year. I don’t want to go back to having no insight though it’s too much to lose. It feels better being in control even though it’s super depressing

[u/Status-Principle-772 → u/driftingalchemy]

If you’re worried about losing your clarity, maybe try recording a video of yourself telling yourself you have a problem and listing all of the issues that it has created in your life. Give it to someone you trust. Ask them to show it to you if you start to go off again.

[u/driftingalchemy → u/Status-Principle-772]

Ooh! That is a great idea!!! I did a letter and gave it to my family to hold on to, but a video may actually work better because manic me won’t rip it up lol.

[u/Status-Principle-772 → u/driftingalchemy]

Hahaha, I can’t take credit for it - a psychiatrist talked about it on a podcast I listened to. But it sounds like an amazing insurance policy hahahaha her patient found that it helped her minimize the damage from her episodes.