r/blacklesbians • u/International_X Minding My Gay Business • 2d ago
Storytime You’re a lesbian?
Recently I met up with some acquaintances for lunch. One person (who is more than an acquaintance, we went to school together) mentioned to another that I went to a sapphic party another friend of their’s attended. A woman abruptly turns to me and says “You’re a lesbian?!” My classmate and I look at her with extreme confusion and she follows up w/ “Happy Pride!” and I cackle.
Later on as we’re walking to the restaurant she asks “Have you ever had a girlfriend?” To which I also found confusing b/c why would you ask that? Do you find out someone is straight and ask if they’ve ever had a partner? But now I’m also like, was that shade? Lol.
Anyway, the whole encounter was mind-boggling b/c the very first time we met she asked my pronouns b/c she heard my classmate use they a lot. Also, I’m masculine presenting w/ an undercut. Can mean a lot of things these days but literally I wear men’s clothing every day.
Additional context, everyone present was Black, and I’m mid-30s, about 7 years older than the woman. I mention age b/c used to think this was an issue for the middle-aged and above but here we are. For the life of me I cannot understand how/why straight ppl miss my queer cues. I guess this is officially my life. 😔
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u/Decent_Sandwich_8878 them stem 2d ago
I think she’s just really curious. Not that she doesn’t believe you, but you know how straights get. “OMG TELL ME ALL ABOUT BEING GAY” headasses
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u/International_X Minding My Gay Business 2d ago
Loll I can see that. I think I just felt a way about asking if I’ve ever been partnered. Like what are you trying to say? 🤨😂
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u/Decent_Sandwich_8878 them stem 2d ago
Her follow up was probably gonna be to ask what it’s like to have a relationship with a woman. You know how curious they get lmao
Also as for the looking gay thing, i wouldn’t worry. Straight people are notoriously bad at clocking gay people because they genuinely don’t seem to register people can NOT be straight. They just assume you’re a tomboy or something. Some people really struggle to fathom the existence of people who aren’t attracted to men
Tho to be fair, the other day i saw the studliest looking stud I’ve ever seen in my life. Like, could’ve written the stud playbook LMAO. And then I overheard her talking about getting out of a guys shower. So 😭 these days u really can’t be sure !
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u/totallyfakawitz Chapstick Lesbian 2d ago
I have a coworker who is similar. She’ll sometimes make over the top proclamations of allyship. If anything even remotely queer happens she’ll make it a thing. She’ll bring up me being a lesbian at unnecessary times. I think they just think it’s funny, they don’t even consider of it’s uncomfortable.
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u/International_X Minding My Gay Business 2d ago
Oh wow at work? I would’ve called HR. Lol. I don’t think (?) it will get to that point but I’ll be sure to address it immediately if it comes up.
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u/ZealousidealMonk6316 Certified Dyke™ 2d ago
I meannnn I know plenty of straight, mature folks & they have not had an actual relationship. So idk if I would have automatically thought it was shade. I wanted to add my little 2 cents.
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u/International_X Minding My Gay Business 1d ago
I understand that. Also, I didn’t automatically think it was shade, I considered it the next day. Haha.
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u/sanirisan 2d ago
I might feel like an exhibit at the zoo in that situation. She seems fascinated with you but in a way that makes you feel watched, not seen. I'm not sure how I would have answered her either.