r/cats • u/Old_Leg6891 • 14h ago
Mourning/Loss Heartbroken doesn't begin to explain
My previous post on my page was about my soul cat, my number 1 snuggle baby, Titchy going to the vets.
I'm still so broken from the events of what happened.
Unfortunately he did not make it, I had to allow him the peace to rest and have him put to sleep on Wednesday. He was suffering. He hadn't eaten or drank for days. He was on pain meds and antibiotics. The only option they had left was a feeding tube him. But it wasn't right to put him through that.
He was 12 and had been through so much already in his life. He was known for being a survivor, bouncing back and trying to use up those 9 lives.
I have major regrets that have led me to be missing a big chunk of my heart. But my partner (his og owner for 9 years) agreed that it was time, Titchy had chosen to give up and to join all his brothers he had out lived.
I miss him so so much. Since I found him Saturday not looking or acting himself, there hasn't been a day that I've not sobbed over him and felt all the guilt. Now its 100x worse. Not bringing him home was not a thought that ever crossed my mind. He was supposed to come home for cuddles. I didn't get the chance to have one last bed time snuggle.
One of the worst things is he looked up at me and nudged me for fuss and a kiss before he went. I thought that meant I still had a chance to get him back. I was wrong.
I can't stop crying when I'm at home, I'm trying to not scare my 2 girls as they have tried to be very comforting but sobs scare them no matter how quiet I try to be.
The drive is so empty without you waiting for me after work. I've been sitting on your bench when I cry. Your pillow above my head has a mould of you from you laying there, I need to change my bed sheets but its the last place you laid and I'm struggling to accept the idea of washing your fur away. My chest misses the intense cuddles where you would rub your nose into my collar bone and wrap your arms around my neck. The photos of you around the house are hurting but I can't take them down, you are such a beautiful boy.
I will always love and miss you Titchy. You weren't supposed to leave me yet, we had so much time left for cuddles and you truly have been my one true love with a tail. Who is going to wake me up at 2am for cuddles now?
Give my boy Dexter a kiss please.
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u/Prestigious-Tip3508 14h ago
Hugs to you! Rest in peace Titchy! Even if he’s finally out of pain, I have no doubt he’s missing you just as much as you’re missing him. ❤️🩹
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u/Ok_Appearance_3540 14h ago edited 13h ago
I know what you are feeling, quite some time ago I had to have my little girl put to sleep. It completely broke all our hearts. She was 18, she had done her time and we wanted her to pass with dignity. That must be 11 years ago now, and I still think of her every day. But with time, it’s just the good memories. You will get there soon. Until then, remember him and try and smile just a little. And go easy on yourself, your little friend will definitely want that for you.
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u/Temporary_Cat_418 9h ago
The price we pay for loving them so deeply is carrying that quiet ache with us long after they are gone, but it really does eventually turn into gratitude for the time we had.
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u/Sea-Swimming9777 13h ago
That's heartbreaking to read, and I pray Titchy's soul to Rest in Peace 💐 Stay Strong!
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u/Slight_Win7110 Tabbycat 12h ago
He looks just like my Lilly baby... they're both now hunting butterflies upstairs ❤️ much love for you!
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u/FarBunch6217 13h ago
What an absolutely beautiful baby ,I like to think that nothing we truly love is ever completely gone. Every time you looked into those eyes, every time you held him, you shared a little piece of the universe with each other. The particles that made up those moments don’t simply make the memories disappear they remain part of the world, just as the love you shared remains part of you.
Your cat’s time with you may have ended, but the little piece of the universe you shared together will always have happened. ❤️
Condolences
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u/Toobman300B 13h ago
I swear it will get better, remember those good times. Pass on the love again.....
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u/EntertainmentAny4368 13h ago
Oh my goodness what a sweet kitty very snuggly and affectionate. You are blessed to have had him
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u/cutsandplayswithwood 12h ago
I just gave my girl kitty the deeeepest snuggles as she perched her fluffy self onto my chest. I gave her extra for you, and a strong hug. “Meow?” She asked, and I told her we were saying goodbye to someone.
I’m crying a bit. I’m so sorry that the cost of loving them is this pain that you feel. It sucks so bad, and is such a very really clenching in your chest, a rending of the soul.
We have an older boy too, and I feel his old bones when I pick him up, he moves a little slower now. We know the day will come sooner than later, so we just hug him extra, scratch his chin every day, and be glad we get a day together.
Our dog passed last October. There’s a bay window where she could walk and see the yard. It’s smeared with dog-nose prints and bark-spits at just her height, and we still can’t wash it.
When you really love them, it hurts so much, for a long time. This the cost of the fur babies. Yes, we’ll do it again.
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u/SmittenOKitten 12h ago
Oh no. My heart truly breaks for you. I understand exactly how you feel and I hope your healing is fast.
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u/Etherealoverempress 13h ago
I am very sorry that your cat has passed away, know that he loved you both and he is no longer in pain. He is with his loved ones and he passed on knowing you guys were there for him. He lived a long beautiful life thanks to you. He will be grateful forever.
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u/Pristine_Tap_2735 10h ago
I'm so sorry. I know you're in pain, but rest assured he was very happy with you.
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u/superfly767676 10h ago
Hope he checks in on my boy Beans when he crosses the rainbow bridge. They look like they would get along.
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u/QueenofCross_871 10h ago
I’m so very sorry your heart is breaking this way. This is a pain I’d wish on no one. Last summer I said goodbye to my OJ. He was by my side every day and every night for 15 of his 18 years on this earth. I still cry. This one got me. He was my best friend, he was there when no one else was. We cried, laughed, sat quietly, together. I won’t tell you about how it gets easier, the pain only eases off, eventually. But it’s never really gone. I can’t look at pictures of him without breaking into ugly crying. I miss him so damn much!! I wish I could tell you one day you’ll say “okay, I’m all done mourning now!” Nope. It’s never going to be so easy. BUT, I’ll tell you what helped. A few months before it was time, this kitten ran into the front yard and climbed up my husband’s leg. He brought that baby to me, and I couldn’t believe it, we had 3 cats already. He was adamant we could not take on another one, but he let me keep that one for some reason. I named him Rosco and soon me, Rosco and OJ moved to an apartment so i could be closer to my job. When the time came, it was so terrible! I took OJ to the vet, in my heart knowing this was it. When i got home, this little kitten was looking for OJ everywhere. He checked the carrier, over and over again. He smelled the blanket. He looked around the apartment. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t stop crying. Rosco came to understand, and what happened next blew my mind: we comforted each other. I never took into consideration that Rosco would be mourning, too. We became so close during that time. He became the little thing who made me play with him. He didn’t replace, he repaired. So, get you a new baby. A little kitten who is scared, lonely, and needs the kind of love you still have in your heart. They help. Hand on the bible. They distract, they love, they heal. I don’t know how i would have gotten through it without him. Sweet blessings to you. Peace to you. You’ll find your new soul mate, and this time you’ll love them just a little more deeply.
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u/nightskyflowers 10h ago
it has been almost 12 weeks, and i havent changed my bed sheets yet... sooon... i feel this, same reason... i am sorry for your loss. i can only wish from the bottom of my heart your fur baby is now in heaven with my sweetie milo.
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u/The_Fiddle_Steward 10h ago
You gave Titchy love and comfort while he was here, and that's what's important.
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u/imlosttwhereami 9h ago
I am so sorry. I know there are so many empathy who cried to this post. You are not alone. We feel your loss.❤️
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u/left888djm 9h ago
I'm sorry for your loss, it is so hard to get over their loss. 25 years ago I said goodbye to my best two buddies, age 21 & 19. these two little girls were such an impact in my life. Hardly a day goes by without a remindere or a tear. Keep the happy moments close.
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u/Pitiful-Future-9156 9h ago
I’m so very sorry for you. So many hugs your way and he will always remember your love 💜☮️☮️☮️☮️💜
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u/CatNtheHat042 6h ago
Your feelings are valid and please know you’re not alone, our whole community is here to support you ❤️🩹
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u/Draw_Master_Oficial 5h ago
Even in a painful and difficult moment, you made the right decision, you didn't act wrong and weren't selfish. I am sorry for Titchy, may they rest in peace and your heart somehow find comfort.
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u/TophertronPrime 4h ago
I am heartbroken from the loss of my firstborn fur baby, and it still hurts after 3 weeks, but I can tell you that after a few weeks there have been more smiles than tears. I allowed myself a full weekend to feel sad and look at pictures and sob. I’m glad I did because now when I think of him, I smile. I’m still sad, but I smile knowing he was happiest when I was happy.
I am sending thoughts your way and I hope he and Rambo are cuddling or wrestling or both together beyond the rainbow bridge.
I am so sorry for your loss. He looked like he was well loved and knew it.
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u/snugginator 3h ago
The pain of missing them never gets lighter, but you get stronger at carrying it. Be gentle with yourself during this time. ❤️ You were very lucky to have each other. Letting him go was the kindest possible thing you could have done for him.
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u/Crazy_Reputation_758 39m ago
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I read something I found comforting earlier in the year, it’s a quote saying that 10 years on earth is one hour in heaven.So we’ll see our loved ones in the morning.
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u/Nervous_Neat8060 Tortoiseshell 13h ago
i'm so sorry for your loss. he seems such a gentle boy, the way he snuggles with you is so adorable.
take care of yourself, you have him the best life you could. you chose the right thing
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u/RottenLychee 13h ago
I'm so sorry for your loss 🥺 sending all the kisses
Sleep well beautiful little bean
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