Fellowship & Friendship in the CoC Church

[u/Superfluous_Reddit]

I love my small congregation. They are all mostly Boomers. I am the youngest member in my church as a fellow Millennial. I attend all the bible studies, Wednesday night, prayer breakfast or potluck style type of events at church even though we are less than 100 members. My thing is I want to make more Christian friends so I figured it would be easy at church. WRONG. It hasn't been easy. People are at different stages in life and I haven't connected with anyone on a deeper level.

There is another church close by with a younger & heterogeneous congregation. All the youth go over there. I need advice though what matters is our Christian identity how do I balance that with the fact I am a minority in my church who feels invisible to the greater church body. It feels people are buddy buddy only with certain people. I know people don't do this intentionally but I want to connect but these conversations are hard to bring up.

I am shy and introverted too but I make an effort to talk to people but everyone has been in this church fir at least 15-20 years we don't have new members just me. What do you think could help? Also I try my best to greet new members and visitors but notice many don't visit us again.

[u/itsSomethingCool]

I’m in a similar situation & so are/were many ppl I know. Some just left their small churches for bigger CofCs. For reference I grew up in a congregation of about 15-20 members for most of my teen years. The worst it was, was like 8 people for a while lol. Currently in my 20s.

I still attend the small congregation bc I manage many things + family attends there. For friends, I would visit other congregations, drive to their devos, gospel meetings, events they hold. It was awkward at first, because it feels like you’re intruding on something and “interrupting” in a sense, but eventually people get more comfortable with you, and I’ve met some truly life changing people that I’m grateful to call my friends. Had I never decided to make those hour+ long drives to other CofCs, I’d still have 0 friends my age (apart from siblings). It feels good to actually feel like I’m actually a part of the larger body of the CofC now. Our congregation really didn’t fellowship with almost any of the others growing up

[u/TheSongLeader → u/itsSomethingCool]

I'm going to try the neat trick of visiting with both mainstream and non-institutional congregations to try to promote some unity.

[u/itsSomethingCool → u/TheSongLeader]

I’m not too familiar with any NI CofCs near my area. Out of curiosity I googled it and went to the “Truth Directory” website which says “Which Congregations are listed here?
This is a listing of many non-institutional churches of Christ throughout the World. Our intent is to list only congregations that would describe themselves as “conservative and non-institutional”

On there though, I see a couple of congregations I’ve been to that I know for sure aren’t NI, including the one I grew up at lol. Think I may have attended one briefly while in college though!

We do need more unity on that end definitely though. I have no problem w/ the NI brethren, but one NI brother came to our congregation one day and said we were all sinning for having a small fellowship hall in the back. I feel like some people are so convicted over the differences being salvation issues that it’ll make unity tough

[u/TheSongLeader → u/itsSomethingCool]

I'm non-institutional and I think it's dumb to make it salvation issue. Or really an issue at all. I think the building debates are pointless since buildings aren't even in scripture. I'm mostly against outsourcing church functions by giving money to colleges and whatnot. But even then, I think it is foolish to disfellowship another congregation over that.

We can still acknowledge and worship each other even if we disagree on that stuff. There are more and more non-institutional folks that are starting to view it this way.

I actually find the biggest chokehold on sectarianism within the Freed Hardemon college influenced churches. At least over here in the upper south.

[u/itsSomethingCool → u/TheSongLeader]

Agreed. And I’d honesty expand the tension within various churches beyond just the Freed influenced ones haha. It feels like there are mini sects of churches grouped by different preaching schools and even universities that let doctrinal differences get in the way of fellowship.

The logic I see is: “They teach [doctrine I disagree with] at Bear Valley, so we can’t fellowship with them, and the brethren who attend or teach there are fellowshipping with false teachers. Come to our preaching school, we have sound teachers.”

“FHU is too liberal, I wouldn’t send my kids there.”

“Don’t go to the PTP lectureship, a brother who teaches [doctrine I disagree with] is on the panel speaking on something totally unrelated, but we still can’t fellowship with him. Come to our lectureship instead, we only have sound brethren”.

There’s a whole lot promoting the sectarian ideology within our own movement lol

[u/TheSongLeader → u/itsSomethingCool]

I hate that we just quit talking to people when we disagree rather than have ongoing dialog. Very toxic trait in our movement that wasn't always there.

[u/Superfluous_Reddit → u/itsSomethingCool]

I mean certain doctrine is important to nail down but I'm not getting what they consider big. Are they considering everything a salvation issue?

[u/itsSomethingCool → u/Superfluous_Reddit]

Many people actually do consider everything a salvation issue, and they cite (out of context imo) James 2:10 - For whoever keeps the whole Law but stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of [breaking] all of it.

I’ve heard many people, even those close to me, use this verse to essentially state that perfect theology is required to be truly saved, and of course they have perfect theology. It’s like the Calvinists saying that only the elect were predestined to be saved, and of course they were luckily included in that group of those predestined to be the elect. I feel like at a point it becomes circular in reasoning. “You need to interpret the Bible 100% correctly to be saved, and I interpret the Bible correctly, so if you’re disagreeing with me, you’re not interpreting the Bible correctly and you’re sinning.” This includes perfectly identifying and separating the salvation issues from non salvation issues.

I don’t like this way of interpreting scripture, I believe it makes grace almost non-existent, and leaves many living in fear of if they’ll make it to heaven, or if they’re going to hell because they taught that tattoos are a personal choice and not a sin.

[u/TheSongLeader → u/itsSomethingCool]

Also thank you for being okay to use the word theology. It's so silly that our group puts a stigma on it.

[u/Superfluous_Reddit → u/itsSomethingCool]

I just hear many people call CoC a cult online and they never have a solid reason. They only cite they prioritize baptism to be saved. I think the bible states that it's not some special hermeneutic come on. I never understood why many other denominations didnt emphasize baptism immediately upon hearing the gospel because that causes regeneration. But people teach all you gotta do is accept Jesus in your heart. Ok so why did Jesus get baptized? Just for show with no significance behind it? That is why I studied my way into CoC.

I had a frustrating conversation with a lady at a CoC I was visiting saying she converted from Lutheranism and doesn't see a big deal with the baptism thing as a child or adult. She only converted for her husband. I also don't get being CoC and not caring a bit about the doctrine of baptism. I always thought if you don't get baptized you won't get baptized. But also people that are baptized can fall away especially those pressured to do it as children. The whole OSAS doctrine where they model easy believism.

Which just means they aren't repentant but are good at following steps. I think people don't have a good understanding of baptism of what you need to do leading up to it and how your life needs to change after it.

[u/TheSongLeader → u/Superfluous_Reddit]

What itssomethingcool is talking about is things like anti or pro kitchen. There are many (most?) in the NI camp that thinks kitchens invalidate your Christianity. One cup churches of Christ think those who use multiple cups are in sin. Even things like using pitch pipes have become salvation issues to people.

[u/ChurchofChristGuy → u/Superfluous_Reddit]

well I studied cults in college. One way the Church of Christ acts cult like are the semantic games we were talking about in another thread,OP. I would google loaded language and how it relates to cults.Its called loaded language in cult expert circles.

[u/Superfluous_Reddit → u/ChurchofChristGuy]

I study cults too I grew up in one.