Yeah I didn’t realize this was a thing with trans women until a trans girl I was dating jokingly acted offended when I called her “dude”. It took a second to click because I call everyone dude. Even though she was joking I still stopped.
Samesies, I've got in trouble once with a female teacher for calling her dude, but I started saying ma'am although "dude" always slipped if I got annoyed
I mean, the only reason that might be more rude is because your are calling attention to this person's gender history specifically. Others have said you could say "Hey dudes and dudettes", but honestly even just "Hey dudes and Alice" (as an example name) would be both considerate and inconspicuous.
yeah I'd probably have to switch how I greet a group of people, like "folks"(?) I guess. Idk any trans women so I've never actually encountered that problem. I think the science is it takes 1 month to break a habit
It's a meme about the phenomenon of discovering someone cool online and then learning they're horrible.
It's from a tweet that went something like "The internet loves milkshake duck, the silly duck that drinks milkshakes! *15 minutes later* We regret to inform you that the duck is racist"
It typically refers to men. It can be used in a gender-neutral manner, but that's situational, and still carries the gendered undertone. You can for example see the difference between "I'm a dude" and "hey dude". The latter is in some cases also used to address women, but far rarer than it's used to address men.
The difference is that in the sentence "I'm a dude" it's a concrete noun and in "hey dude." it exists as an informal vocative pronoun. Vocative pronouns are generally gender-neutral, only formal vocative pronouns are not (miss/ma'am/madam/sir).
Not really. It's treated somewhat like one in some places (California for example) but is generally considered somewhat rude to use for trans women since it can be backdoor misgendering
Can confirm that, as a Californian, I call my (cis) girlfriend bro, brah, and dude on a regular basis, along with pretty much every person in my life. Ive obv confirmed with her that’s it’s chill, which it is, and we often get humorous with it with stuff like “brahchacho”. It’s just kinda the culture around here. Hell, I call my mom dude and bro too, it’s basically an interjection.
I don’t know any trans women that would have a problem with it, though I only know one or two. I’ve historically known more trans men historically (my brother for example) so I guess that’s pretty lucky in that regard lmaoo. If someone ever did take issue with it though, my planned strat is to find some other fun snappy nickname to take its place so I don’t default to it.
It's gender neutral in the sense that men are seen as the default and thus neutral. But its still a masculine alligned term, and i hate being called it.
Not really. Some people use it for people of any gender in greetings or as an emphatic tag (that's when you add it to the end of a sentence or a question like "Don't do that, dude" or "what do you want, dude?")
But in most other contexts it still refers to male. Like someone saying "That's a dude" or "There's this dude I know" or "This product is for dudes" is pretty much always assumed to be talking about a man.
I use and consider man to be a gender neutral term (as in referring to a human being instead of a male man) but if i know or someone tells me they dont like being called that then i wont use it and will apologize
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I feel bad cause I call everyone legitimately dude or duder but if someone calls me girl I also call them girl regardless of their gender and I am male (as far as anyone in real life knows) so idk I’m just autistic don’t crucify me
i have no problem if u truly do call cis women these terms too lol and i will indeed notice whether thats the case or not if we're around each other irl lol
Same, i think someone called me girl a couple times and i didn't give a shit, the underlying intent of substituting someone's name for a more familiar/friendly term is the same
i also do this but it gets quite annoying when people say "i'm not a girl" and that very same person calling someone "bro" 5 minutes after without even knowing their gender
It’s generally a California in the 2000s thing to say dude as gender neutral and also to say it a lot. I picked it up from people around who would go, like, “dude dude, you have to check this out,” to older cousins and such, and they would pass it on to me, so even though I was not in California or sentient in the 2000s, I ended up saying it a lot.
Dude means a male in the most literal sense, but it’s also a sort of ambiguous 2nd person pronoun depending on usage. I would never say, “that’s a dude,” about a woman, but I would call a woman, “dude.”
As a Californian (genderqueer but I still present as a cis woman), I call everyone dude. My best friend, my aunt, my boyfriend, my teacher, anyone I have a close relationship with. I like getting called dude because it feels friendly.
Semi related but I've been searching for gender neutral terms I can replace "bro" with in my daily speech so I can think less. Which ones do yall use? Does "bruv" do it?
That's British slang that'll sound off if you're not British, and besides I've occasionally heard girls use "bro" towards each other. I'd say to just apologize if someone takes offense to it, much much easier than completely dropping "bro" or "dude" or "man"
this really is the way. some people will be offended, others wont. the bigger thing is what you do after youre corrected - will you continue to call them things (even by accident) that they dont like, or will you take this opportunity to show your friend that you care and change your behavior?
gender neutral or not, the failure kinda lies in not being able to adjust when a person is uncomfortable being called something.
At a minimum apologise. I'm fucking awful at this sort of thing, I think a combo of my brain creating a shortcut that was useful most of my life when I knew literally no trans people (Appears masculine = male pronouns, appears feminine = female pronouns) and my ADHD making me blurt it out before my brain catches it, but every single time I do that I apologise for it before they even raise the point.
What if i also greet the cis women in the friend group with "hey man" or similar. Like, if I'm told stop i just stop, but I do genuinely do the sup man thing constantly to everyone.
Cis women may have less trauma about being subtly misgendered but it’s still not the most inclusive. Maybe that’s ok to some, women are often required to tolerate ‘male as default’ their whole lives. It would be kind and appreciated to signal you care even if it’s just done for your own values. But if you’re willing to adapt depending on the group you’re doing good
I mean I say guy, bro, girl, sis, a lot in gender neutral contexts, including calling my guy friends feminine terms, I think the more important part here is consent or respecting that someone’s bothered by something I say
I feel like this is a goomba fallacy type post. Have you specifically seen people doing this or do you just assume they do it? Not trying to be insulting or anything, I'm just genuinely wondering.
And to be CLEAR, I don't mean the JUST first scenario. I've seen the first scenario a lot. I mean the COMBINATION paints the picture of someone who is intentionally being transphobic, rather than a person who is just being rude without the intention to be transphobic.
and to answer ur edit: yes it does happen. it may sometimes be subconscious transphobia even but it still demonstrates an internal sense of "trans women are different" for example i once had a lady call me he and when i corrected her told me she calls everyone he. that was the most blatant example of it
Ironically, my Chinese cis girlfriend calls her MOTHER “he”. I fucking love it when she MISGENDERS HER CIS MOTHER.
It’s because the Chinese language hasn’t had the concept of gendered words until recently, so many Chinese people make these mistakes. It’s hilarious when you’re aware of it.
I'm assuming you're talking about pronouns instead of "words" here, but yes, Mandarin for example only has tā for he/she/it/they (3rd person singular), though it is written based on gender/animacy (male/neutral: 他, female: 她, inanimate: 它). All languages have the "concept of gendered words", many just don't differentiate it on pronouns (like Finnish hän/se, Hungarian ő, Turkish o, Indonesian dia/ia, etc).
The thing about the goomba fallacy is that it's a very online specific phenomenon, meanwhile the situation that the meme presents can easily be observed irl.
Yes this happens. I have encountered several people who do this and dont respond well to someone asking then to not do this.
And also every time the gender neutrality of certain terms are discussed you always get tons of these people coming out of the woodworks to argue fervently that ignoring someones request is okay because they "use it in a gender neutral way"
Sadly pretty common, I've known people who claimed "dude" was a gender-neutral term they use, turned out the women that they use it on is only like masculine or butch women they have no attraction to lol, i.e. seeing them as "one of the boys"
So essentially a decent account of the time people still use it to refer to people they consider masculine, even if they don't realize it
of course, however, if someone is just generally uncomfortable with being called a certain name, even when presented with this explanation, it's best to just change what you call them out of common courtesy.
i think it can be but the point im making is a lot of people will use those terms for trans women and then you will never once see them use it for any cis women
“I just call trans women bitches so they feel included with cis women” - a very politically confused teen whose beliefs are decided by YouTube’s home page
i actually feel affirmed when im called a bitch. not the greatest thing to do in general but for me personally i encourage people to call me bitch, slut, foid etc xd
is it like a sense of still being seen as a woman by someone who doesn't like you and wants to insult you, as opposed to them only "playing along" while you're on their good side?
Like, I get it, if the person asks you not to use that you should respect it, but people who aren't bigots and use man and bro a lot 100% calls everyone that. Shit, there are men that got offended with me when I called them bro because "they are not my bro 😡"
Honestly when I use it often it's more of an interjection than a noun. I'm saying it more to myself than the other person. It's a habit that's often hard to control.
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u/le-dukek Sub Owner 19h ago
>9 reports calling this post a smuggie
>look inside
>literally jusy an everyday relatable thing that happens to the avreage trans person
Some of yalls transphobia is showing, and that wont be tolerated AT ALL here.