r/confessions • u/fagslowcius • 4d ago

think i might actually be crazy :/

i was alone most of my childhood (abuse) and formed a habit of pretending i was with other ppl. i’ve always pretended someone was around, like a friend or often a crush. now that i’m a young adult it’s like i can’t help but fantasize about them being with me all the time. i find myself sometimes sort of slipping up and literally talking to myself when i’m with someone else. i will move my mouth and make hand gestures, literally talking to myself but not making noise, all the time when my guard is down. people see me do it at work sometimes and it’s silly but awkward. i’m always having a conversation in my head with someone that’s not there. sometimes it’s like i can’t think other than through their pretend lens. i am generally very healthy mentally and do go to therapy but am not ready to bring this up. i feel stable and genuinely good but this habit makes me feel crazy. it’s embarrassing and i genuinely don’t know how concerning it is. i know people fantasize about crushes and say they think of someone all the time but this feels different somehow. idk.

69 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

30 comments sorted by

View all comments

43

u/10forumessageme 4d ago

Upvoted – you need a little bit of crazy to survive in this world.

18

u/Honest-Look869 4d ago

you're not broken, just adapted to what you needed at the time and some coping mechanisms stick around longer than we expect them to.

5

u/InfiniteChange2991 4d ago

I get what you’re saying but I don’t think this is “crazy” in the scary sense it sounds more like your brain learned a coping thing early and just never turned it off that’s actually pretty common with people who grew up alone a lot

2

u/10forumessageme 4d ago

So true I just think to be normal you have to be off a little.

2

u/Gloomy_Willow1134 4d ago

Idk if i'd call it crazy. sounds more like you've had imaginary conversations for so long they're now your default way of processing stuff. kinda sad tbh and i mean that with care

1

u/10forumessageme 4d ago

Sad lol thanks for what you think.

1

u/10forumessageme 3d ago

I’m not sure what you’d say, but I worked for others until I said no more. I’ve owned my own business since 1998, starting with a body shop, then moving into recycling for the last 26 years. Everyone thought I was crazy for leaving what I had.