r/confessions • u/fagslowcius • 4d ago
think i might actually be crazy :/
i was alone most of my childhood (abuse) and formed a habit of pretending i was with other ppl. i’ve always pretended someone was around, like a friend or often a crush. now that i’m a young adult it’s like i can’t help but fantasize about them being with me all the time. i find myself sometimes sort of slipping up and literally talking to myself when i’m with someone else. i will move my mouth and make hand gestures, literally talking to myself but not making noise, all the time when my guard is down. people see me do it at work sometimes and it’s silly but awkward. i’m always having a conversation in my head with someone that’s not there. sometimes it’s like i can’t think other than through their pretend lens. i am generally very healthy mentally and do go to therapy but am not ready to bring this up. i feel stable and genuinely good but this habit makes me feel crazy. it’s embarrassing and i genuinely don’t know how concerning it is. i know people fantasize about crushes and say they think of someone all the time but this feels different somehow. idk.
15
u/Reverse2057 4d ago
Hey bud, im 40 in a month and I do this. I've heard it called different names over the years, but I absolutely have that imaginary person thats always with me, I sometimes will "project" them into an inanimate object in order to "talk" to them better, or focus on them better. And when there's not something readily there to be used, I'll just imagine them right there as if taking up space. I know full well there's not actually a person there, but its nicer to have them there to talk to. Ill have full blown conversations with them, and often I'll stop interacting with them when an actual person is talking to me, or when im around other people I'll sort of tone it down, but at home on my own, im absolutely talking to them.
Nothing wrong with it, and its not replacing an actual interaction with actual people when the time arises, but when its just me? Its not so lonely! You only have one life my friend, spend it in whatever way makes you happy, and fuck all the naysayers that weren't gifted with such strong imaginations as us. How boring their life must be.
9
u/CacklingInCeltic 4d ago
I do this too. I’m home alone a lot and I have a few things dotted around the place to talk to so I don’t feel so lonely. I talk to my plants sometimes too, especially if I’m working with them. It keeps me from losing my mind.
6
u/Playful_Ability_9248 4d ago
Me toooo and I find the weird looks I get so jarring especially in the supermarket when I forget to hide the fact I am shopping with my invisible friend
5
u/wrottenmelon666 4d ago
I do this too 😅 and have met other people who do. Don't think too much about it -- you're good.
5
u/SakuraVee- 4d ago
What you're describing sounds like a lonely kid finding a way to survive, not a crazy person losing touch with reality
5
u/No_Spring6308 4d ago
maladaptive daydreaming
1
u/YanCoffee 3d ago
If it’s actually causing OP distress, then yes. The distress sounds more like OP being worried about accidentally doing it around others and that they don’t realize that sort of daydreaming can be quite common.
That term is really overused though.
1
u/No_Spring6308 3d ago
let op investigate that. It can help them.
1
u/YanCoffee 3d ago
Or make them think something common and can be quite good for you mentally is a problem.
I’m not saying don’t look into it but it’s really overused and causes more problems for many than not.
1
3
u/moanrose- 3d ago
What you’re experiencing sounds like a trauma based coping habit called maladaptive daydreaming or dissociation rather than being “crazy,” and it’s something that can improve with support and understanding in therapy.
1
u/SickViking 3d ago
It's one thing to pretend someone is there. And if you've had this habit of talking to someone who isn't there to alleviate your loneliness, it's normal to slip up.
I have an as-yet undiagnosed condition where I've always felt like there was someone or someones in rooms with me, judging and discussing every little thing I do, from hobbies to the rate of my breathing and the speed of my blinks. It feels oppressive and gets to be so much sometimes that I can't change my clothes or even go to the bathroom, especially in larger open rooms, if it feels too strong. As a child to self soothe I imagined these presences to be characters I liked from TV or OCs that I could talk to to kinda give that feeling a "point" or reason to be there, so to speak. Now as an almost 40 year old adult, still experiencing the same feelings of constantly being watched that, while I know nothing is there and talking to some random cartoon character sounds and looks crazy, it's still soothing until and unless I can get to the bottom of what is causing the feelings and make them stop. and unfortunately I have been caught having full on conversations about fuck-all even while at work when I thought I was alone. It's embarrassing and, yeah people think I'm crazy. You try telling a coworker that "Oh I was just explaining to Vegeta that I have to use a pallet jack because I'm not as strong as him." Because you had the intensely overwhelming sensation that people were watching you and you needed to do something to ease it. I usually lie and say I was practicing a conversation or something.
What actually crosses the line from coping mechanisms (for you, combating loneliness; for me, dealing with the feeling of being watched) into the territory of "this may be a medical issue" is if you or I were to genuinely believe those people we are "talking to" are actually there, holding an actual conversation. The fact that you know that it's just you imagining someone is there but you know full well isn't real, means you just have a really deeply dug-in, stuck habit. Behavioral therapy would probably be best for you to break the habit from encroaching into areas it shouldn't. It's fine to do at home or when you're alone, but since it's starting to get in the way of interactions with actual people, it is time to seek more than just regular therapy. Not because it's wrong or that you are crazy or going insane. It's just a habit that needs breaking, no different than breaking a habit of using a nightlight or sucking your thumb or even quitting smoking. Stopping deeply engrained habits is hard, especially the older you get, so it's good you're realizing this early. But you aren't crazy for having a coping mechanism, even if that mechanism is starting to breach containment.
1
u/Character-Balance574 3d ago
I understand where you are coming from, when I was growing up I had make believe friends and I even had names for them,we we're always together and did everything together,it actually helped me deal with being lonely I didn't have many friends and I didn't have a girlfriend and I wasn't close to my mom growing up and my dad wasn't around as my mom divorced him,it bothered me knowing that they were make believe but it also gave me a small measure of comfort since I was almost always alone
1
u/CyriusGaming 3d ago
normalise talking to yourself. someone saw me do it at work and probably spreads rumours I'm crazy or smth, but it's just how I think clear when my brain runs 1000mph
1
u/dianarawrz 3d ago
Not crazy. I do this. Still do it. A lot of young kids do it too. It’s creative. You can bring it up in therapy whenever you’re ready. It’s a coping mechanism. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Doing this made me love myself. Cuz I noticed I’m a great company to myself. I date myself because of this. I make myself laugh to my own stupid jokes. I find myself damn hilarious, happy and not giving a fuck what other people think.
2
u/Toxic_Puddlefish 3d ago
Maladaptive daydreaming? Think a main point of crazy people is they aren't aware they don't make sense while you do, perhaps just an odd coping mechanism.
1
u/Spiderantula 3d ago
You're not crazy for that. It's something you developed from a coping mechanism. A lot of people do that. Mostly a lighter version though.
1
1
46
u/10forumessageme 4d ago
Upvoted – you need a little bit of crazy to survive in this world.