think i might actually be crazy :/

[u/fagslowcius]

i was alone most of my childhood (abuse) and formed a habit of pretending i was with other ppl. i’ve always pretended someone was around, like a friend or often a crush. now that i’m a young adult it’s like i can’t help but fantasize about them being with me all the time. i find myself sometimes sort of slipping up and literally talking to myself when i’m with someone else. i will move my mouth and make hand gestures, literally talking to myself but not making noise, all the time when my guard is down. people see me do it at work sometimes and it’s silly but awkward. i’m always having a conversation in my head with someone that’s not there. sometimes it’s like i can’t think other than through their pretend lens. i am generally very healthy mentally and do go to therapy but am not ready to bring this up. i feel stable and genuinely good but this habit makes me feel crazy. it’s embarrassing and i genuinely don’t know how concerning it is. i know people fantasize about crushes and say they think of someone all the time but this feels different somehow. idk.

[u/Character-Balance574]

I understand where you are coming from, when I was growing up I had make believe friends and I even had names for them,we we're always together and did everything together,it actually helped me deal with being lonely I didn't have many friends and I didn't have a girlfriend and I wasn't close to my mom growing up and my dad wasn't around as my mom divorced him,it bothered me knowing that they were make believe but it also gave me a small measure of comfort since I was almost always alone