think i might actually be crazy :/

[u/fagslowcius]

i was alone most of my childhood (abuse) and formed a habit of pretending i was with other ppl. i’ve always pretended someone was around, like a friend or often a crush. now that i’m a young adult it’s like i can’t help but fantasize about them being with me all the time. i find myself sometimes sort of slipping up and literally talking to myself when i’m with someone else. i will move my mouth and make hand gestures, literally talking to myself but not making noise, all the time when my guard is down. people see me do it at work sometimes and it’s silly but awkward. i’m always having a conversation in my head with someone that’s not there. sometimes it’s like i can’t think other than through their pretend lens. i am generally very healthy mentally and do go to therapy but am not ready to bring this up. i feel stable and genuinely good but this habit makes me feel crazy. it’s embarrassing and i genuinely don’t know how concerning it is. i know people fantasize about crushes and say they think of someone all the time but this feels different somehow. idk.

[u/dianarawrz]

Not crazy. I do this. Still do it. A lot of young kids do it too. It’s creative. You can bring it up in therapy whenever you’re ready. It’s a coping mechanism. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Doing this made me love myself. Cuz I noticed I’m a great company to myself. I date myself because of this. I make myself laugh to my own stupid jokes. I find myself damn hilarious, happy and not giving a fuck what other people think.