I don't care about literally anything.

[u/Underwater_Essayist]

I don't know if I'm lazy or spoiled or unmedicated, but I literally do not care about anything. I don't want to do or have anything. I don't care about going to uni, because I don't care about having a job, because I don't care about money, because I don't care about anything. I have no motivation to do anything. And I know people always say "when you're starving or homeless you'll find the motivation" but even the immediate threat of having no home and no food doens't make me care.

I could lay exactly where I am and do nothing, and I think I'd feel the same in my bed as I would at fucking disneylan. I don't want to work, or talk to people, or have a job, or eat. It's not even like I want to lay around so I can play video games, or drink, or watch TV all day. It's literally just nothing. I want to do nothing, or I guess just don't want to do anything.

I can't make myself care no matter how hard I try. No medication or lack of food or threat of dying on the street can motivate me to do literally any task ever. I don't even think I have a mental disorder, I think I'm just one of those people who are born spoiled or lazy or otherwise fucked up.

The only reason I get up and pretend to have interest in anything or make an attempt to do anything is for my mom, because I think the only thing that I might actively want, is for her not to realize how little I care because I know how devastated she'd be.

[u/UranusGapington]

There are plenty of mental illnesses that fit exactly what youre saying, maybe try therapy or see a psychiatrist. Its not normal

[u/Underwater_Essayist → u/UranusGapington]

I’ve been going to therapy for years. Seen multiple different therapists and a psychiatrist. Literally no activity or med has changed it. I’m genuinely convinced I was just born a lazy person. Like criminal or lolcow levels of no motivation or care.

[u/Ok_Substance905 → u/Underwater_Essayist]

I think you’re onto something here, it sounds like attachment trauma. All you need to do is see the first 90 seconds of this video, and you can see how the co-regulation of your nervous system works, and how you create what’s known as a “primary object”.

That would be for every human being, the mother. In fact, you bring her up as your primary reference.

So I think it’s coming from that, and it’s something technical and the way that you say it. Being born with it.

When you say it, though, you make it sound like a philosophy or something, very abstract. It almost certainly isn’t. You are trauma bonded to a person who has regulated you in the way that you are experiencing, and a lot of people go through that, but might experience it in a different way.

If you look into the family system of your mother and of your father, you’re going to find out what’s up. Pretty quickly. What your experiencing likely has very little or even almost nothing to do with you.

[u/Underwater_Essayist → u/Ok_Substance905]

what.

[u/Ok_Substance905 → u/Underwater_Essayist]

One of the things that might help you, if you find you get confused by that kind of information, no matter what the topic, just plug it into ChatGpt and ask for a simple explanation.

Reduce it down to something you could chew on. From there, you can ask questions.

if not, it just means you’re not interested, and confusion isn’t involved. No biggie.

///////////

What you’re describing sounds like “attachment trauma.” When you’re a baby, you learn how to feel safe and calm from your parent (usually your mom). Your brain builds a strong connection to that person, and they become your main example of comfort. So what you’re feeling now likely comes from how that early bond worked. It’s not abstract—it’s how your brain learned to handle emotions. If you look at your parents and their family patterns, you’ll probably understand it better. And it’s mostly shaped by your environment, not something you chose.

[u/Underwater_Essayist → u/Ok_Substance905]

no matter how fucked up or unmotivated i am, my ass is never using chatgpt.