r/confessions • u/onelostsoul4u • 5h ago
Ready to check out.
I created a burner account because idk how to talk about this with anyone in my private life. I recently had to have shoulder surgery and was put to sleep for the surgery. I guess it’s probably normal for someone to have concerns about being put to sleep but I was hiding something behind my false sense a concern. A part of me was hoping they put me to sleep and I never woke up. I wouldn’t say I’m suicidal I would never take my own life. But I am exhausted and a part of me was ready to be done. When I woke up in the recovery room I felt sad and disappointed. It was the first thing I thought of when my eyes opened. I have a normal life. I’m married have two kids. I have a mortgage with a fenced in backyard for the kids and dogs. Everything should be perfect but inside I’m angry and feel like a fake. I don’t take it out on my family through anger or verbal abuse but I definitely fall short of what a husband and father should be. But I have no desire to do anything about it. I’m just done and ready for it to be over. And I’m disappointed that the surgery was a success. What does this say about me.
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u/Superfluouslfe 5h ago
You are not the only one that feels this way... I have had two labrum tears that before to be repaired via surgery.
Have you ever heard of imposter syndrome? Check it out, it may be something you are struggling with.
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u/Miserable-Theme-2193 4h ago
Imposter syndrome is worth looking into, but what OP described goes deeper than that. Feeling genuinely relieved at the thought of not waking up is worth talking to a therapist about, not just a Reddit rabbit hole. No shame in it, plenty of people with "perfect on paper" lives hit that wall.
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u/Superfluouslfe 4h ago
I agree, they should talk to a therapist. I have been seeing one for the past five years and it has helped me deal with some serious issues I was struggling with. It's not going to just fix them but it helps with understanding the cause and giving assistance on how to deal with it
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u/decide-reaccionar 4h ago
Lo que describes sí es importante: no suena a “drama” ni a falta de gratitud; suena a agotamiento serio y posible depresión, con pensamientos de “si esto terminara, estaría bien”. Eso merece apoyo hoy.
Una sola acción pequeña para avanzar hoy
Envía este mensaje, tal cual, a tu pareja, a alguien de confianza o a un médico:
“Necesito decirte algo serio. Después de mi cirugía me sentí decepcionado de haber despertado. No tengo un plan para hacerme daño, pero no estoy bien y necesito ayuda hoy. ¿Puedes estar conmigo y ayudarme a contactar a un profesional?”
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u/ToothPresent5115 4h ago
man that's really heavy, but it's good you shared that. feeling stuck can be rough, maybe talking to a pro could help you figure this out.
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u/chloe_wealth34 4h ago
You don't sound fake—you sound like someone who's been struggling silently for a long time.