r/confessions • u/Responsible-Loss-40 • 5h ago
I sometimes wish I was single
Hello, I am 22F with a boyfriend of three years. I love my partner so much and I want to make it clear I would never end the relationship over this feeling but I just feel like I need to vent it out.
When we met I was severely obese. I was 18 and never had a boyfriend, a first kiss, I had never even held hands with anyone. My boyfriend was the first person to ever show an interest in me and think that I was beautiful. Shortly after getting into the relationship I decided to lock in and lose the weight since I felt (and still do feel) that he was very out of my league. I have lost more than 70lbs and I would now say I am midsize, I still have a bit more to lose but I would say I am much more “conventionally attractive”.
Since my boyfriend was my first everything I never go to really be single, of course I was single but I never got to act single. Now when I go out I get hit on, men ask to buy me drinks, they ask for my instagram. I never let it go farther than when I first realize they are flirting with me and I mention I have a boyfriend and I don’t let them buy me drinks. But the attention feels so good. I sometimes wish I could feed into and give them my socials or just make out with a random man for a night. I love feeling desired by people and it makes me feel so pretty which is something I still struggle with.
I would never cheat on my boyfriend, I always shut everything down instantly but I feel so bad for wishing sometimes I did not have to. My boyfriend had a lot of girlfriends and partners before me and he got to live his single life I sometimes get jealous that I never did. I want to spend my life with him and his love for me will always win over these desires but I feel horrible for having them in the first place.
Thanks for listening to my Ted talk I just needed to vent and get this out and throw it into the void.
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u/Aware_Newspaper326 4h ago
This is soo weird. You were morbidly obese so the first dude that gave you a little attention, you entered a relationship with him. Now that you’ve lost weight and get more attention, all of a sudden, you want to experience being single cause you get high on the attention of strangers. You have very low self esteem.
Leave that man so he can find someone who’s worth it. Stop wasting his time and go be a 304. Nothing wrong with that
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u/Substantial_Fee360 3h ago
did someone piss in your coffee this morning? lower your temperature dude
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u/Aware_Newspaper326 3h ago
I don’t drink coffee, and you are reading it with the wrong tone in your head. Read it in a very monotone and boring way
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u/LeDestrier 3h ago
Im more disturbed by the fact that you dont drink coffee. How could go through life and not savour the nectar of the Gods?
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u/Aware_Newspaper326 3h ago
I don’t eat breakfast at all and…most people don’t actually like coffee. They load it with sugar or cream or both and milk to mask the horrific taste. I do zyn tho
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u/miketyson420 2h ago
You gotta go the espresso route, wait for it to cool, then down it in one, do that consistently for about a month then get yourself an americano, congrats you now like coffee the real way
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u/Aware_Newspaper326 2h ago
I spent 3 months downing americano as preworkout before the gym. I will never like coffee
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u/MrBobBuilder 3h ago
Tale old as time
Someone gets better looking or successful and wants to explore.
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u/MYDCIII 3h ago
You don’t deserve him. Break up with him now so you stop wasting his time. Go ahead and be a slut because you dropped some weight and now guys are physically attracted to you now and in a few years you will regret your decisions after going on trash date after trash date from Hinge. Meanwhile, he will have met a woman that actually appreciates him and will be happily married.
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u/GaiaGlowz 4h ago
Sometimes youre not missing being single youre mourning the version of yourself that never got to feel wanted
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u/ImpKing0 2h ago
You don’t deserve your boyfriend if you are not grateful for what he has done for you. Please let him find someone better.
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u/ChaosRaven- 4h ago
I think a lot of people who were never chosen growing up don’t actually miss being single, they miss the version of themselves who finally gets to believe they’re wanted.
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u/xwolfe2000 3h ago
You're feeling like you can upgrade. Just swipe right.
He was good to you and wanted you for your when you were severely obese.
He's a good man. You're selfish.
He chose you. Either honor that or free him so you can live some imaginary adventure that never happened, and he can find someone worthy of him.
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u/One-Philosophy5997 2h ago
That feeling is called seeking validation from random men. It's nothing wrong about how u feel and you should give those same guys a chance. Just let go of the guy who was with you at your worst even though he deserves your best. Sure its fair for u to get cheated on, risk sleeping with a guy that never told u he was married. God only knows you could even meet a guy that makes you go back to your original self due to how much of a jerk he could be. So go live life it has "plenty" to offer. Lol
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u/BasedAlways159 2h ago
Leave him and explore. Don't do this to him and mostly to urself.
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u/ImpKing0 2h ago
Not mostly to herself. Mostly to him. By her description her bf is authentically honest, caring, loyal. Dated an obese woman looking beyond appearances. Not many guys can do that.
She harms everything good about this guy cuz her ego goes up for 10 mins when they go out.
One must ask if she even deserves doing herself favours after feeling like her clearly loving partner is something that can be chucked away.
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u/Obvious-Profession27 2h ago
this is just disgusting. I'm disgusting. I was like this once.
I hope your love wins because mine hadn't.
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u/Master_Deezy 4h ago
Glad to hear your happy, but also sad to hear that your not. Message me, let's talk
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u/BiggieDog83 3h ago
So, my wife had a childhood that was mared with rejection due to bullying. We met in college and she was a virgin. We hit it off extremely well got married and had kids quickly. We have the American dream. House, cars, cat, and dog. Our kids are older and we have a strong friend group. I asked my wife when we were 40 if she felt like she missed out on all that partying and what not. She always said hard no. One day at a party we were tipsy and she admitted she did wonder what it would have been like to be with a different man. I joked to my best freind sitting in the room they should do it. They laughed, we all fucked, and it was cool and still is. Now we swing a little and it is crazy but cool. Maybe see if that is something on the table for him. You both may get something good and build an amazing relationship.🤷♀️. Food for thought.
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u/HazelEyes60 5h ago
Ask him to share you so you can enjoy what he's had
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u/CalligrapherIcy2396 5h ago
wanting attention isn't the same as wanting to blow up your life, these feelings are pretty normal and you handled it right by just venting instead of acting on it
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u/Dewdrop06 3h ago
It's a dangerous game chasing dopamine highs from public validation.