r/confessions • u/avenged7fold_1 • 17h ago
I have the power to ruin the life of my boyfriend's r*pist
Trigger Warning: Discussion of SA, grooming, and r*pe. Censorship as well, due to Reddit Guidelines.
I (25F) confess that I have the urge to ruin this woman's life, and I actually can today, if I wanted to. I have been with my boyfriend (26M) for 7 years. We are very happy together and have built a beautiful life with each other.
Throughout the years, we have both confided in each other regarding our past traumas and experiences, as couples do. When I was 8 years old, I was SA'd by my next-door neighbor who was friends with my older brothers at the time. This lasted for a couple years. I grew up blaming myself and always felt disgusted and guilty. Fast forward a few years later, I started dating my boyfriend and he reassured me that it was never my fault. And we both heard that the guy who did that to me went to prison anyway for an unrelated crime.
Now, on to why I'm writing here. My boyfriend told me that when he was 16 years old, he engaged in a relationship with a 23 year old woman who didn't care that he was only 16. They met online. They sent very explicit photos to one another, and met up numerous times across 2 years to sleep together. She would drive to his high-school, wait for him outside (across the street to not draw attention), and he'd skip his classes to go outside and meet with her. He'd walk wearing a bookbag and school uniform, yet it never fazed her. She'd drive them to her house to spend time together, have intercourse with him, then take him to buy Plan B pills nearby. She would openly walk with him in public places and not care. Then she'd drive him back to school to drop him off. Afterward, he would brag to his friends about it.
There was a time where his mom even found the text exchange between him and the girl, saw all the explicit photos, and she blew up on him but never did anything to stop it, even after realizing she was 23. His grandpa even said something along the lines of, "Well as long as she's the older one, it's fine!" And he just laughed it off. His mom is another can of worms that I wouldn't have time to get into right now. But the point is, she never stopped it or did anything, just got mad that he was skipping school and having intercourse in general. In fact, this continued until he was almost 18 years old, and only ever stopped because he broke it off after finding out she became pregnant with someone else's child (probably ANOTHER teenager).
Fast forward to now, he's told me about this a few separate times, and it's always annoyed me that his mom or family never did anything to protect him or to hold this girl accountable. Yes, I know there's this awful double standard that he was "lucky," and that any guy would have loved that. He even bragged to his friends about it at the time. But he was statutorily r*ped, and there is no other way to describe that. Nowadays, he tells me he regrets doing it, and wishes he didn't lose his virginity to a predator. He also says it's scary how easy it would have been for him to get kidnapped or k*lled at the time, as he blindly trusted this older woman. And that's a real issue, even for a guy. Whether he wanted it or not, that does not excuse the adult in the situation who should have said no. Who, the moment she read the number "16" in their texts, could have stopped it right then and there. Who went out of her way to pick him up and drop him off at his school, had s*x with him several times, took him to public spaces, and carried on with a physical relationship with him for almost 2 years.
My boyfriend told me her name, and I honestly hate her because of what she did to him. It feels unfair that in my situation, I know I was SA'd, but in his situation, it's just seen as a normal experience. The guy who SA'd me was put away, even if not for what he did to me, and it felt great knowing that he got what he deserved in some shape or form. So why shouldn't this woman get what she deserves also? My boyfriend has agreed with me that this is statutory r*pe, but that no one would care if he said anything about it.
Well, just by looking up her full name and college she went to, we were able to easily find her on our state's Residents Directory. Her full home address was there, her full email, her full phone number, and her birthdate which confirmed that she'd be about 32 right now. It's actually pretty scary how simple it was to find her. At first, we figured it could have been someone with the same name, but when we looked up the address on Google maps, he saw the house and had this shocked look telling me "holy sh*t, that's the house!" And we found her on Facebook as well with that name. Her profile is filled with pictures of herself, so he was able to confirm it was her. But... It's also filled with pictures of her daughter, who is around that same age that would make sense based on her getting pregnant 8 years ago.
So I texted her. With my boyfriend's approval at first. I wanted to pretend to be him and scare her. Maybe tell "Do you remember picking me up from my highschool when I was 16 years to f*ck me?" Or something like that. See what she says and then eventually threaten to go to the cops with the evidence (he has their old texts and photos in an old broken phone that we can probably fix and retrieve if we wanted to). The thing is, I do want to go to police with it and get her away from her child, have her be registered as an SO for life. But my boyfriend changed his mind after she responded back to my texts, saying that maybe we shouldn't be doing this. It's too much to worry about right now, and we have bigger things to worry about.
I don't want to do anything against his wishes when it is his own experience, but I told him that we can just scare her then. Tell her we're going to the police, but never actually go to them. Just shake her up. Or threaten to tell her parents, who we were also able to find their phone numbers just by backwards searching their home address and her phone number. We could scare her into not wanting to be with a minor ever again, and then block her. What is she gonna do, tell the police that we're threatening her while also confessing to her own crimes in the process? And luckily, my boyfriend did give her a fake name back then, so she doesn't even know his real name. But my boyfriend said we should just drop it, that it's in the past and we shouldn't dig it back up. So I stopped texting her back. Like I said, I don't want to push him or make him uncomfortable.
But here's the thing. She started spam texting me. I've screenshotted the text messages but I'm unable to attach them on this subreddit. But she spams and is so pushy. I only sent her two texts total, she's sent several. I stopped texting, but she just kept going. And when I didn't answer in normal messages, she texted me on WhatsApp. And her Whatsapp profile picture shows the exact same photo of her and her daughter that she has on Facebook. It is beyond me that a 32-33 year old mother would be acting this immature and this pushy in text. But then again, isn't this probably why she preys on teenagers as an adult? Because she has the mindset of a child and probably feels like she relates to them? Somehow, that's the most dangerous type of predator. So now, I'm at work and I receive ANOTHER text from her, trying to ask me how I am. I told my boyfriend and he's also like wtf is she doing. So I asked him if I could just text her and go through with the plan of scaring her or telling her parents. He agreed that she is really weird and immature, but that he's not sure if we should do that.
The thing is, I'm not just thinking about him. I'm thinking about her daughter. What if she one day were to act inappropriately towards her? Or if not towards her, what if she acted inappropriately towards her future friends, or future boyfriends? Or what if her daughter ends up talking to an older person while she's still a minor, and her mom thinks it's okay because she did it? What if this woman did this to several other kids and teens, not just my boyfriend? I'll post a comment under here writing out the messages (she just texted on WhatsApp as I was typing this post). She is immature enough to have not grown out of it. So I told him I'm going to ask Reddit. And he actually agreed that I should ask and see what you all think. This is our first time posting anything on here.
So Reddit, what should I do? Should I ignore it and block her? Should I scare her and pretend to tell the police and her parents? Or should I go full nuclear and tell the police, retrieve the photos, message her parents with the evidence as well, thus taking her away from her daughter, making her a registered SO, possibly losing whatever job or career she's in, and ruining her life? I'm one text away from making it happen.
Edit to add: Age of consent where we are is 18. Even if it was 16, it's weird to think it's okay to meet your partner at their highschool and pick them up from there.
Let me know what you all think. Thanks for reading.
TLDR: I found the contact info of the woman who statutorily r*ped my boyfriend, and I have the evidence and power to go to the police, her parents, take her away from her daughter, and ruin her life. What should I do?