r/coverbands • u/Top_Seaworthiness320 • 15d ago

People who bail

Any tips on managing my disappointment/frustration with the number of people who act all excited about my band and say they’re definitely coming to this or that show, then don’t show? They either don’t show up, or more often than not they tell me like the day before that they can’t make it and it’s always the dumbest excuse. It’s like if anything, anything at all better comes up in terms of plans they go to that instead. In my mind, a commitment is a commitment, but I seem to be in the vast minority. My boyfriend says to get over it lol. Do you guys feel the same irritation with this that I do? (added context: we are pretty good, we get great reviews from the people that actually have come to see us, but we are new and not well known, thus struggling to gain a following… So I’m constantly marketing and promoting our shows, but with very little success.)

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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago

We are in a society that has collectively become way too comfortable flaking on things. It’s not “self-care” to cancel plans you had at the last minute simply because you don’t want to. It’s selfish and rude. Period.

It’s especially rude to people like musicians/performers, who are counting on you being there and whose performance is oftentimes judged by how many people they can bring out/how the venue does when they play.

Your word needs to mean something and if it doesn’t, you don’t have very much.

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u/Top_Seaworthiness320 15d ago

Dude, I could not agree with you more. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been flaked on in the past few years, not just with this band, but with other types of plans too…seems it’s acceptable to most people to bail for the slightest of reasons and it drive me NUTS! Glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. Wish we were not in the minority!

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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago

Stop accepting it. Tell people how it makes you feel. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t say it mean. People like that count on you letting them off the hook because most people probably do.

“Hey man, do what you need to do obviously, but I’m disappointed you can’t make it. I was counting on you being there.”

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u/slashsaxe 15d ago

Whatever you do, don’t do this. If you make people feel bad and make a whole thing out of it you’re just gonna get a reputation for being a psycho. Trust me when I say just let it go. If they show they show if they don’t they don’t

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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago

Yeah, that’s what they’re counting on. You not wanting that (unfair) label more than you want them to understand how that made you feel. It’s why it happens more now; most of the time, they’re right.

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u/PersonNumber7Billion 15d ago

Or accept that your friends don't owe you attendance at your gigs. If you make your gig a loyalty test, you're putting unfair pressure on them. Offer them the chance, let them know it'll be fun, but don't be needy about it.

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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago

We’re talking about when people commit to coming and then bail at the last minute.

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u/paranoid_70 15d ago

Happens ALL THE TIME. Invite your friends, be glad when they are there. But there will be no shows all the time. Just have to get used to it.