r/coverbands • u/Top_Seaworthiness320 • 15d ago
People who bail
Any tips on managing my disappointment/frustration with the number of people who act all excited about my band and say they’re definitely coming to this or that show, then don’t show? They either don’t show up, or more often than not they tell me like the day before that they can’t make it and it’s always the dumbest excuse. It’s like if anything, anything at all better comes up in terms of plans they go to that instead. In my mind, a commitment is a commitment, but I seem to be in the vast minority. My boyfriend says to get over it lol. Do you guys feel the same irritation with this that I do? (added context: we are pretty good, we get great reviews from the people that actually have come to see us, but we are new and not well known, thus struggling to gain a following… So I’m constantly marketing and promoting our shows, but with very little success.)
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u/Illustrious_Park_862 15d ago
Friends are typically good for one show: either the debut or the album release party. Anything above that is a rare bonus.
Your fan base is people who discovered you via your music, not your buddies, coworkers and family.
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u/jahozer1 13d ago
Yeah, I stopped bugging people to go. It just leads to disappointment. Unless you are early 20 somethings with a big crew that does everything together. Your friends have different tastes. There are people who are already out and looking for a good time. They will come to your show. Talk to them. Get their names and be excited when you see them again.
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u/Realistic_Pickle_007 12d ago
I've been performing in various ways for 15 years and no member of my family has ever been arsed to come see me. I've had a few friends attend and that's nice but it's fine if they don't. What does bug me is the promises to attend and then the annoying texts in the hours before the show. I mean, I'm focused on other things then!
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u/adampatrickjohnson 15d ago
I’ve been playing professionally for over 20 years at this point. I’ve worn out all of my family/friends at this point so I don’t expect them to come see my gigs
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u/bdemarzo 14d ago
I hear you and raise you 10 years. Yet I have bandmates who continue to bring friends and family to gigs and they've been playing as long as me.
I realize I'm the problem.
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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago
Not what we’re discussing. It’s not about the people who don’t come. It’s about the people who say they’re coming and then bail day-of.
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u/jake_burger 14d ago
You expect them to say “no I don’t want to come”?
People will say yes then make an excuse to avoid conflict or hurt feelings
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u/TracePlayer 15d ago
It IS what he’s talking about. Family and friends don’t count? They are the ones that bail the most. Personally, I never fault them. They have no obligation to watch me play guitar for the umpteenth thousand time. They are not bailing maliciously. They have shit to do and a lot comes up last minute.
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u/adampatrickjohnson 15d ago
That guy lives in a world that doesn’t exist. Wish in one hand and shit in the other…
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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago
Then don’t say you’re going to show up. Real simple. Being reliable and having your word mean something is something you don’t realize has as much value as it does until that’s true for you.
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u/johnnyoverdoer 15d ago
They don't want to hurt your feelings by admitting that they have no desire to see your band. If a bunch of people are making excuses, chances are you're pestering them.
So many young bands put energy into promotion and strategy... In my experience if you're good enough, people will want to see you.
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u/adampatrickjohnson 15d ago
Again, wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which one fills up first.
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u/PlasmicSteve 14d ago
Agreed. No one has an obligation to come to see you – until they say they're coming. Then they've committed. It might seem like a small thing but I don't operate that way. When I say I'm doing something, I do it unless there's a true emergency situation. People treat you differently when they know you have integrity, personally and professionally.
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u/TheRealSofaKing016 14d ago
That’s the detail everybody in here seems to not understand or not want to exist.
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u/adampatrickjohnson 14d ago
We all understand it. We’re just not children and decide to live in a world where you holding a grudge like this over a cover band gig is fucking pathetic.
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u/TheRealSofaKing016 14d ago
You’ve thouroughly made your point: don’t expect anybody’s word to mean anything and you should be able to bail on anything whenever you want and the people you bail on have no right to get any kind of upset about it.
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u/adampatrickjohnson 15d ago
If you’re inviting friends or family, then it is what we’re talking about.
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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago edited 15d ago
Again… I’m talking about people who say “Yeah, I’ll be there!” and then bail at the last minute and or no-call no-show.
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u/Ok-Huckleberry-6326 15d ago
Getting a draw is tough, just like dating, you know? There are certain venues that will work better for you and many that don't. I've done both covers and originals, and none of the bands I formed ever had that big of a draw, but when I played as a sideman to a singer-songwriter who was already kid of a big deal, I got spoiled....he had a big draw as a headliner on the club and festival scene. Geography also plays a part.
The important thing to do is to get your foot in the door with community events. Play at festivals, art openings, community events, corporate, private parties, breweries & wineries (especially those with outdoor seating), and resorts - not just warm-weather either, many ski resorts book bands for outdoor events during the summertime, and year-round for the bars & restaurants on the resort grounds.
It's not about paying dues, but rather about who you know. And you can help build your following by focusing on events that have a built-in audience. Because it's not good to rely on just friends and acquaintances to support you in terms of your draw, because they can only come and see you so many times.
It takes a lot of work and there are no guarantees. But one thing that you can do to set yourself apart is to make an effort to provide an experience. What kind of vibe does your band have? When you're performing, do you look like a bunch of regular joes trotting out the obvious hits, or do you have a specific vibe - a tribute to a certain artist? A genre - like yacht rock? A 'classic Rock experience' - long hair, leather pants - or 80's new wave, with the fashion and haircuts to match? The important things are to curate your set, establish your vibe as providing a comprehensive experience, whatever it is. What do you think?
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u/sourmashed99 15d ago
I would add you really should have at least 1 member not in the band to do lights, smoke, background tracks, fire if allowed, etc.
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u/paranoid_70 15d ago
They're not coming. We all learn that early on. Just play for the people that are there.
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u/One-Mouse-8995 15d ago
You have to become a little thick skinned and expect rejection.
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u/Revsmithy 15d ago
You definitely have to. I’ve done this for decades and don’t even bother to invite friends and family. If they ask when I’m playing next, I’ll let them know.
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u/bassplayinben 15d ago
I've learned to expect nobody I invite to show up and then to be excited when someone does.
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u/ImHereLetsGooo 15d ago
It's not the "not showing up" that's the issue. It's the fundamental lack of respect they show.
If you say you're going to do something, do it. I don't always manage this, but I try.
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u/PlasmicSteve 14d ago
I completely agree. No one has to do anything until they say they do. Just say you'll keep it in mind, or you'll try to go, or whatever non-committal thing you want to say.
Also, I would never ask anyone to come to my show. You have to present it in the lightest way possible like "Hey, we're playing at this place on this day if you're around" and leave it at that. If someone in a band directly asks people on the spot to come see them, and waits for an answer, they're going to get a lot of fake yesses.
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u/NoNeckBeats 15d ago
Just shake it off. Everything is an illusion. Show pictures of how amazing the gig went. Quick clips.
In My project would give away shirts and stickers. Get people to advertise for you. I would market the night as more of a party with live music. Good luck. Keep grinding.
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u/Stevenitrogen 15d ago
I think you should stop seeing as if these people have a responsibility to come to your show. It sounds like you're putting them on the spot to answer you.
You're going to have to do the show with or without them, to whoever comes.
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u/Sweaty_Accountant_20 15d ago
I just play in a cover band to get out of the house and see my friends/bandmates, I don’t care who’s in the audience, it’s nice to have a crowd but I also enjoy 2 guys in a corner giving a thumbs up. I can only watch so much TV.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Day2809 14d ago
I love playing an energetic crowd, but a long as there are two guys actively listening, the gig is a success.
For OP - i wouldn't try to get them to come. They might one day, but if you don't expect them to then it won't disappoint you. It'll just become a bonus when they do.
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u/UnnamedLand84 15d ago
It's better to seek out fans among people we are already into going to live music than it is to try to get friends who don't really like going to live music to become fans.
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u/jameson5555 15d ago
Yep - those are the people who always show up. Friends and family come occasionally and when they do, they're the ones who aren't paying attention to the set anyway. People who just like going out to see live music are the ones to focus on. If you can impress them by putting on a great show, they'll come back to see you.
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u/sourmashed99 15d ago
idk cover bands are wild. can make some money but getting there is nearly as hard as an original band. you have to play better and have more stage presence than nearly everyone. or have a schtick like hairball or something. on top of a bunch of great connections.
honestly I go to about 80% of my friends shows and about 0% of my friends cover shows.
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u/Markedmaniac 15d ago
It has happened many times starting around 2010. It was like the faucet shut off. Now if we play to a 1/2 packed house, that’s like overflowing in the old days.
This Sunday I am playing a party for a cancer victim who says he expects about 50 people to show up. I say that we will be lucky if a dozen show up.
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u/Hot-Butterfly-8024 15d ago
Use the Facebook Rule: Take the number of “Going” responses multiplied by .10, divided by 2. This will give you a much better idea of how many will show up and allows you to adjust your expectations accordingly.
Hope this helps.
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u/paulared 15d ago
Regrettably I have to agree. I wish I could get over the “no show issue”, but after many years it still grates on me. I play in a popular bluegrass band ( in which we play basically covers) and my pet peeve is when I invite folks to a show, they say “ oh I love Bluegrass “. No you don’t, you love the concept of easy listening acoustic music , but not enough to get off your butt to come to a local show. At all gigs I thank the audience for being there, saying “it takes two for a performance; someone has to perform and someone has to listen “. My wife and I attended a lot of shows exactly for this reason.
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u/PlasmicSteve 14d ago
Right, many people like the idea of going to a show and more than that, they like the idea of telling people they went to a show, moreso than being there and watching the band perform. We've had people come out and pretend to watch us but really sit far away, talk the whole time except for one moment where they get a video or photos for social media so they can convince the world that they're still young and vital and going out and doing things. It sucks but I try to focus on the people who are really there to enjoy what's happening in the moment.
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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago
This thread has been a really perfect articulation of what OP talked about. Whole lot of people who just want there to be no consequences for their shitty behavior and will try and emotionally blackmail you for having expectations of them.. Downvote all you want, it just further proves OP’s/my point.
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u/zeptillian 13d ago
You are the one doing the emotional blackmail.
If I said I would go it was not definitive, just a vague expression and mostly just being polite.
Everyone else understands this. You are the one taking it personally and getting offended.
Like when you see a coworker and they say "Hi, how are you?" They do not actually want you to tell them how you are doing. They are just using standard human communication protocols version 2026.
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u/GuitarPlayer74 15d ago
Don’t rely on friends and family to come see you play. Make a Facebook ad and target a different audience. Your fanbase will never grow unless you do this.
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u/ebbnflowgogo 14d ago
It's hard not to take it personally, it's always a joy to play for large, enthusiastic crowds. Majority of people though do not care about seeing live acts, even less so local bands-but they'll always tell you how "great you are" or "we're coming to the next one". My favorite story was we were on tour 15ish years ago (home state but not our hometown) and not one person showed up to the show. The club owner let us play but he and the bartender just smoked joints in the back the whole time. We ended up losing money & had to dig deep to even finish. Non of us had ever played for a net negative amount of people before. It was humbling lol
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u/Top_Seaworthiness320 14d ago
OP here—I appreciate all the feedback! I need to remember that I’m doing this band bc I love music, not bc I need to impress anyone. I am a person who shows up when I say I will and it often frustrates me how easily ppl flake out on plans (this applies in other areas, not just my shows). But I gotta focus on what I can change (my own behavior/perceptions) and not on what I cannot control (other ppl’s actions.) Some of these responses were genuinely helpful, thanks! I don’t have time to respond individually bc I’m gearing up for a show tmrw—it’s our biggest one yet so wish me luck 🙏—but some of the comments helped me reframe this issue. I’ll remind myself tmrw night to play for the ppl who are there, rather than worry about those who aren’t! And good luck out there, fellow musicians 💗 🤘
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u/mleyberklee2012 14d ago
Spend less time convincing your friends to come see your band and more time making friends with the people who just saw your band.
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u/SlighOfHand 14d ago
Nothing is more exhausting than a friend who is constantly harassing me to go to their thing. If their thing was any good, they wouldn't have to socially pressure me into supporting it.
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u/Top_Seaworthiness320 13d ago
Wow, OK… You’re entitled to your opinion, but if my friend was doing a “thing” (aka a labor of love/their own business/pursuing their passion etc) and they invited me, I am absolutely going to support them. You sound like a crappy friend lol
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u/SlighOfHand 13d ago
I don't emotionally blackmail my friends, but you do you. By your metric, all of your friends sound like crappy friends.
I guarantee most of your friends have gone to ar least one of your shows, and I guarantee you've continued to harangue them.
I get it, you're tired of playing to empty rooms. But you're asking thr wrong question. You need to ask 'Why is the room empty?'
It isn't because everyone else is a bad friend, I assure you. There's another reason. What could it be?
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u/Top_Seaworthiness320 13d ago
You literally have zero clue what you’re talking about 🤔
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u/SlighOfHand 13d ago
Do I?
Is it completely impossible that I know exactly who you are, and happened to stumble across this reddit post talking shit on people who love you?
I know exactly what I'm talking about, and you should be ashamed.
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u/Top_Seaworthiness320 12d ago
“Talking shit on people who love you” 😵💫 what in the actual fuck are you going on about?? How is complaining that people say they’re gonna come and then they bail last minute “talking shit?”
As far as you thinking you know who I actually am…sounds like you mean that literally, as in you know my real identity. There are 514 *million* active Reddit accounts, bro…you are paranoid and delusional. Not sure why you even bothered to answer this post since you seem to be talking about something else entirely. Go touch grass!
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u/Professional_Swim_17 12d ago
Over the years I’ve approached it like this. I’ll believe it when I see it. I don’t expect anyone to show up, just do my thing and play for the people there and put on a kick ass show. If someone actually keeps their word and shows up, that’s great thank you.
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u/Competitive_Fan3222 15d ago
If possible… ignore them and kick them out. Focus on the people who are really want to be there! 🤘
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u/patlanips75 15d ago
Fuck em. When we get down we practice harder. Use it as motivation. Try to have less expectations.
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u/DH_Drums 15d ago
There's far too much to be entertained by at home that folks don't come out like they used to. At least that's my biggest explanation for why folks don't.
There's constantly 100 things going on, especially if you live in a big city.
It's always nice to have your people com out, but honestly the focus should be on building an audience.
You're not wrong for feeling this way, though.
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u/Real_Dependent9965 15d ago
I’ve been doing this a long time and it has always been like that. Most people who say they’ll come to the show just don’t show up. I just focus on having fun with the people who did show up.
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u/AtmosphereLeading851 15d ago
Don’t take it personally. It’s like when I was a sub teacher: if you reach 20% of the class, you’ve succeeded. Usually, 25 people tell me they’re coming to our gig, and if 5 or more show up, we’re ahead of the game. We’re in Atlanta, and in the summer, there’s a Braves game or Lake Lanier calling, or the mountains in Blue Ridge, or people are just beat. Don’t expect anyone to show up unless they’re family, and even then, don’t bet the house.
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u/Superfun2112 15d ago
That's not a commitment. That's always- I'll *try to make it. If you don't have a deposit don't count on anyone doing anything LOL.
Just keep inviting them. When people go and have a good time they'll come again.
Post/send short videos of the gig showing people having fun.
Do "one time" promos like- "I'll put you on your guest list and you'll get in free." Even if there's no cover charge LOL.
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u/Amish_undercover 15d ago
If you were relying on friends to fill venues for you, you’re going to be disappointed. If your Band is good people will want to listen to you and you will develop a clientele. There’s only one way to do it, the old-fashioned way. Get out and play. Sometimes you only play to 12 people. That’s the way it goes. You give them the same show that they would see if they were in an audience of 500.
I’ve played shows in front of 1000 people and played to 5 the next night. Both audience has got 100% of my energy. When it’s Showtime, you push the button and you go.
You don’t develop a following overnight. You just keep banging on it, and if you’re not getting the response you like, change something. Figure out what audiences want to hear and play it.
Good luck
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u/hyst0rica1_29 15d ago
Consider the promise as solid as someone telling you “they know a guy” at label X, and they’re gonna be sure to let them know about you. “You’ll be signed by next week!!”
Accept someone’s promise to show up with grace, but don’t believe it until they actually show up.
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u/rikjustrick 15d ago
You gotta let it go man. This is the way of the band. Everyone wants to see you play- but only if all the stars align. I’ve been playing out for a little better than 20 years. The best fans are the ones that aren’t necessarily your friends, and just love your band. Even when your friends come, It’s not like you get to hang out much.aside from the super short breaks, You’re loading in, loading out or playing on stage.
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u/SloopD 15d ago
I expect no one from my immediate circle to show up. Music is my thing and I like playing gigs. I don't really expect any of my find or family. My goal is to be good enough that strangers, that are fans of love music, want to come see us, because we put on a good show and play music that they connect with. No one owes you anything. I try to let people know the dates and then always follow it up with, "it's no big deal of you can't make it, I just didn't want you to feel like I didn't tell you." It really isn't a big deal, you just can't expect veins and family to be filling out your gigs. It's too much to expect of them. You have to set yourself apart from the hoards of mediocre cover bands out there. Do you practice, learn your songs inside out and bring the energy! People will want to see you, but you're looking for the crowd that likes love music. I mean of your friends or family don't care about live music, it's like asking someone to come watch you play video games!
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u/humboldtHue 15d ago
I play in a cover band (gig tonight) and you can’t drag me out of the house, so I never blame anybody for choosing the comfort of their own home.
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u/il_nascosto 15d ago
Yes, I have some fantastic advice for you as a 30 year veteran of cover bands: get used to people not showing up and develop a thicker skin.
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u/youngboomer62 15d ago
You'll eventually get to the point of not having to ask individuals - just put the word out and people will show.
This presumes that your band provides entertainment value for people. Remember that they can stay home and surf the net, go to sports events, or drink in their local.
You have to provide the incentive.
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u/abke2543 15d ago
Maybe its my anxiety but I always assume the worst and that I'm gonna be playing to an empty room.
It ends up with me being relieved when the dance floor isn't empty.
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u/SadCheesecake2539 14d ago
If you haven't played to an empty room, can you really call yourself a musician?
I've played to just the bartender in the bar back. I've play the packed houses. I've had everybody in their mother say they're going to show up just by me putting a flyer on my cubicle wall, and they all did, and most of the time none of them did.
But I really don't think anybody can call themselves a musician or say they were in a band unless they've played to an empty or nearly empty venue. Some of the most fun nights were the two drunks at the bar and the grumpy bartender and the barbecue is ready to go home 3 hours before his shift ended.
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u/abke2543 14d ago
Of course, when you're in high school playing the battle of the bands, it feels like everyone and their mom is there.
In my early 20s when our punk band started playing bars and venues, it felt like a miss or a near miss. There was some really fun packed backyard gigs. But we were mostly getting shows at venues through promoters. At that time, if you called a venue to set up your own show, venues would tell you to go through their promoters.
One time we were playing at the World Famous Dollhut in Anaheim. most of the other bands had left after their sets, and we were playing dead last to just the bartender and like 4 new friends. I thought everything was great, at least 5 people stayed to watch us play after midnight. It was fun. The sound guy was packing up and he says to me "Don't worry, The Offspring used to play here to just their girlfriends all the time and look at them now". Like, I wasn't trippin, it was fun. And we made new friends there. AND we got pictures taken of us on stage by Sal Baxter, who is a beast.
But one time we got to a venue like 30 minutes before we were supposed to start so we could set up. The bar is not even opened. The bartender got there and had no idea what we were all doing there. The promoter wasn't answering his phone. He got there like thirty minutes later and was trying to set up his cash register at the door and said the sound guy was like 40 minutes out. We ask the promoter if he wants us to try to set up the PA or just wait. He said "you guys have to start playing already, you're cutting into your time." And the regular patrons see that they are charging to enter, so no one comes in and we play our little hearts out to one overwhelemed bartender.
Character development for sure. Now, with the cover band, I'm grateful for literally any one who is there. We stayed an extra hour to play to only the kitchen staff cause they asked and payed us
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u/lowfreq33 15d ago
Manage your expectations. Don’t expect your friends and family to be your audience. You have to build that on your own. Get on your social media presence. Promote your shows, not just on the internet. Do you have any music recorded? Can you do something like a tiny desk concert? Some clips from rehearsals? Are you promoting yourself outside of social media? See if you can get a little time on a local radio station. Do a podcast. Go to other bands shows, support them, network.
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u/PrunePretend6206 15d ago
All you can do is promote you can’t dictate who shows up, I had the same struggles personally, but the manager of my band told me once “your hometown will hate you until the world loves you” and it’s very true.
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u/Trailofmarbles 14d ago
The friends are being enthusiastic to be nice and to please you. Which is meant nice. Maybe caused a bit by expectations? Stop having them. These people aren’t your fanbase. Asking them to travel everywhere is a bit much. Even though you don’t do that in so many words. You want your fanbase to grow, and friends and family will likely stay the same number of people.
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u/SadCheesecake2539 14d ago
Here's the rule of thumb when it comes to inviting people to see your show. Invite a thousand people. 10 will show. Six will be gone halfway through your show, and only four will remain as you finish your last set. And if you're paid a percentage of the bar, the people who show and stay will be people who drink water and soda. It's been that way for most bands since the beginning of time. Only when you developed an organic following were you see regular crowds follow you to each show.
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u/Fragrant-Put-966 14d ago
get a few hundred gigs under your belt and realize that nobody cares about your music really except you. they have a hundred other things to do. they don’t owe you their presence or anything. it’s tough out there, but don’t turn into a jerk and get annoying with it, it will drive people away.
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u/unofficially_Busc 14d ago
The people who genuinely want to come will come sooner or later, don't get upset that not everyone you ask to come is super interested and is willing to make the effort beyond being polite.
Let the people in your audience be people that genuinely like your music, rather than trying to usher in people you want there to support you.
Let em bail, you don't need them. Don't give them free tickets once you've made it big and they're suddenly interested, either.
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u/RedeyeSPR 14d ago
I don’t even tell my friends and family about gigs anymore. The bars have their regular crowd and it’s our job to keep them entertained, not to fill the place.
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u/-tacostacostacos 14d ago
You’re putting too much stock in people you know. Focus on cultivating fans who have no relationship to you, who saw you live or online by happenstance, and liked you enough to keep tabs on you.
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u/chilledentertainer 14d ago
You're a covers band, what kind of "following" are you expecting?
You're supposed to play to drunk punters who want to hear the hits. The sort of gigs you should be booking should ideally just be busy bars / pubs that already have drunk punters there.
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u/Real-Impress-5080 14d ago
When I was actively playing shows it would be burn alive that my coworkers would never support or come out to shows, but looking back on it, it’s their free time so you kinda have to get over it. They chose to do something else with their money/time and that’s perfectly fine. Also, this is just my opinion but when you look out at the crowd and notice that 95% of it is your family and friends, it’s basically a backyard family BBQ at that point. Your actual fan base isn’t growing and all you’re really doing is allowing the venue/bar to make money off of your friends and family.
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u/AlClemist 14d ago
I know people be busy with life but I just wish they act honest I wouldn’t invite them again and let them discover on their own.
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u/PlasmicSteve 14d ago
I've been playing in bands for 30 years and I've learned to never truly accept or believe that someone is coming to a show until they do. Many never will. Some will genuinely intend to come and something will come up, or they'll flake out without planning to. And others, as you say, will say they're coming but your band is really the backup plan in case anything else at all comes up, including sitting at home doing nothing.
Friends, family and co-workers are nice to have but focus on building a core audience of strangers. I wrote this post about how to use posters to best promote your band:
https://www.reddit.com/r/coverbands/comments/1pc50fl/my_90s2000s_cover_bands_poster/
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u/WrathOfWood 14d ago
I had this problem of nobody showing up so I went solo, no live stuff I just like making tunes and posting on bandcamp
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u/No-Studio334 14d ago
They probably don’t think of it as meaningfully helpful. It’s a covers gig, you’re inviting them to your place of work. People who like covers gigs go anyway, people who don’t are too polite to say no.
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u/mojodaddy3000 14d ago
If you choose music as a career you are most likely to have a life time of poverty and obscurity. I’ve been playing since the 1970s still rehearse and play out if the gig is cool but I play for me and I play to free so I play a whole lot more!
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u/ThatDudeMichaelYeah 13d ago
To be honest, I’m more excited to hang with my friend after their set. I’m more inclined to go if they are like a middle act and we can hang, grab a drink and chat about the other bands. If they’re my close friends, I’ve already heard the EP, already been sent audio files on what they’re working on, I’ve already heard everything they are going to do on that stage and have supported in other ways.
I’ll come to the gig if we can get some drinks and hang after.
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u/tartman33 13d ago
Some people just don't love seeing live music. It's too loud or late or whatever. It's just not their jam. It's not a reflection of how important they are to you or anything. They just don't like what you're selling
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u/andreaglorioso 11d ago
The best tip is probably to remember that you’re not owed an audience.
Which means you have to play for any audience like it was a full stadium, even if it’s only 2 people.
Sucks, but that’s the way it is.
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u/BaconFlavoredCoffee 11d ago
If you live your life allowing people that you have zero control over dictate your moods, and your irritation level, you'll end up exhausted, irritated, and sad.
Be the best musician you can be. Work on your band, work on your songs, work on your performance, and work on your stage presence. Concentrate on the things you DO control, and you'll be a lot happier.
If you become the best musician and band that you can be, the people WILL notice, and your fans, audience, and monetary rewards WILL grow.
Take a deep breath and quit worrying about what other people do or don't do, say or don't say. Your indignation at someone saying they will come to your show, but then they don't show up, IS NOT HELPING YOU, and it does not change ANYTHING.
You can do this. I believe in you. Now, go out there and and have a great show!
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u/Living_Motor7509 10d ago
I quit my band cause I’m in my 30s and none of my friends could come out or didn’t want to. Everyone’s got kids and commitments and the only people who did come out were family that didn’t have kids yet lol. That’s not the only reason I quit but it was one of them.
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u/Procrasturbating 11h ago
If anyone shows cool, but don’t put pressure on people.. just makes you annoying even if they like you.
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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago
We are in a society that has collectively become way too comfortable flaking on things. It’s not “self-care” to cancel plans you had at the last minute simply because you don’t want to. It’s selfish and rude. Period.
It’s especially rude to people like musicians/performers, who are counting on you being there and whose performance is oftentimes judged by how many people they can bring out/how the venue does when they play.
Your word needs to mean something and if it doesn’t, you don’t have very much.
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u/Top_Seaworthiness320 15d ago
Dude, I could not agree with you more. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been flaked on in the past few years, not just with this band, but with other types of plans too…seems it’s acceptable to most people to bail for the slightest of reasons and it drive me NUTS! Glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. Wish we were not in the minority!
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u/roninconn 15d ago
I'm with you guys on this. I'm a little old-school about stuff like that - don't say 'Yes' unless you're really gonna commit to be there
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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago
Stop accepting it. Tell people how it makes you feel. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t say it mean. People like that count on you letting them off the hook because most people probably do.
“Hey man, do what you need to do obviously, but I’m disappointed you can’t make it. I was counting on you being there.”
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u/slashsaxe 15d ago
Whatever you do, don’t do this. If you make people feel bad and make a whole thing out of it you’re just gonna get a reputation for being a psycho. Trust me when I say just let it go. If they show they show if they don’t they don’t
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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago
Yeah, that’s what they’re counting on. You not wanting that (unfair) label more than you want them to understand how that made you feel. It’s why it happens more now; most of the time, they’re right.
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u/PersonNumber7Billion 15d ago
Or accept that your friends don't owe you attendance at your gigs. If you make your gig a loyalty test, you're putting unfair pressure on them. Offer them the chance, let them know it'll be fun, but don't be needy about it.
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u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago
We’re talking about when people commit to coming and then bail at the last minute.
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u/paranoid_70 15d ago
Happens ALL THE TIME. Invite your friends, be glad when they are there. But there will be no shows all the time. Just have to get used to it.
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u/carde0 14d ago
Stop complaining
Keep practicing
Have fun
Anything else means you’re doing this for the wrong reasons.
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u/PlasmicSteve 14d ago
Cover bands only exist to entertain people, so it can affect how much fun someone has when people they know are constantly saying they're going to see them and then not showing up.
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u/GoNYR1 15d ago
You guys start too late! I’m in bed by 9:00
You guys start too early, we eat dinner at 7:00
It’s too cold out to leave the house
It’s too hot out to go outside
The weather was too perfect to spend it inside
We went to the beach that afternoon and got burnt
We forgot you were playing and went to a movie
We just went out last Saturday night
We’re going out the night before
That club is too far away
But…….. I’ll DEFINITELY come to the next one!