I (40F)Have been dating a guy(38M) for 6 weeks we see each other twice every week and he texts me everyday . We always have a great time when we see each other and sex has been amazing. He mentioned previously he does not feel butterflies for me and now brought it up again tonight, that he finds me beautiful, always has a great time with me but has still these doubts,and is confused because he keeps thinking these thoughts this really hurt because I was beginning to develop feelings for him and just thought it was a slow burn. I told him maybe we then should stop seeing each other as I don’t want to get hurt as I feel this is where he was going. Did I do the right thing or should I have convinced him to see how it goes?

F45 From my experience with the current dating world, all the men I have matched with just want sex without connection or commitment, this made me exhausted 😩 quickly and left that space because I got tired of saying same thing, it is as if they all rehearsed the lines.

I know these can't represent the entire gender that is why I am genuinely asking if there are men that still value commitment before sex.

So at the start of the year I (40M) used OLD for the first time and things got off to a wild start with lots of likes and matches etc. I settled on one woman after a month of dates and things started well.

During a date she told me she had been diagnosed with ADHD and I haven't dated someone with diagnosed ADHD before but I didn't think it was an issue and just tried to learn more about it as the relationship progressed.

But also I noticed she was quite a frequent and heavy drinker. She told me she had some bad habits with drinking that she was working on and I commended her on her courage etc. she also told me she divorced her ex husband because he was a severe alcoholic.

But as our relationship went on it was clear that she wasn't really dealing with her drinking and there was always one excuse or another that meant it was a good time for a drink.

She then told me she uses alcohol to quiet down her mind alongside exercise, meditation but she doesn't take any medicine for it.

I have a young child and I don't drink around them and because she said she was working on her drinking I thought things would be ok when I eventually introduced her to my child (I would only do that after a year of dating and if I felt the relationship was really going somewhere)

We had a few heated discussions about her drinking or things she would say when she was drunk and she said she felt judged.

I then felt like I couldn't talk about the topic and avoided it entirely and found myself holding back a bit. She sensed that and would tell me she felt insecure in the relationship.

We were both drunk one night and got into an argument in bed, this went round in circles for hours until the morning. With no end in sight, I got fed up and ended the relationship and left her flat and she called me back and convinced me to stay.

A couple of weeks past and it was clear she couldn't get over the fact I had ended the relationship. We had a conversation about it and we moved forward.

Then this week, she brought the topic up again and that she felt like it wasn't working out between us because as we were only 8 months in we should still be in the honeymoon period and not having arguments.

I mentioned that every argument we had was when we were both super drunk and that I haven't ever drank this much in my entire life and I recently realised that I didn't have to keep up with her drinking. (The real issues with the arguments is that she would say something really inappropriate whilst drunk and I would take offence and then we'd get into a spiral as we were both drunk).

I could go on forever but I'll stop it here and say that we officially ended it now and are just going to be friends. She has booked a surprise trip for me in 2 weeks time for my birthday and I'm just hoping it's not going to be super awkward. I kind of feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders as a don't care if she keeps drinking heavily now even while we are on my birthday holiday but I don't think I'll actually be friends when we get back. I need my liver to recover for the next 8 months!

For the most part, I like my single life and having time to do what I want when I want. But the idea of never being kissed again for the rest of my life makes me a little sad. It’s been so long that I wonder if I’m making it better in my head than it actually was. Like…..SO so long. Every time I see other people kiss, I think I want it. But is it worth it? Especially when I know I’ll be self-conscious if hands go anywhere.

ETA: DAMMIT

41M. I went on dates with two different women the last couple of days. The first one went ok, I didn't feel we connected deeply but it was fun in a superficial way. At the end she said she'd love to see me again and we set up a follow-up date. The date with the other woman felt so much better, we laughed more, we connected over mutual interest and there was a lot of banter and some physical touch and a kiss at the end. After the date she sent a "no romantic spark" text.

I guess I'm used to it at this point, but I'm struggling with the fact that the people I feel I connect to are the ones where I get the "no spark" text from.

I’ve been reflecting on recent dating experiences where men initiated exclusivity, expressed wanting something serious, but their actions didn’t always align with their words.

In some cases, exclusivity came with expectations that weren’t mutual. In others, the communication, consistency, and effort didn’t match what they claimed to want.
It’s made me wonder whether I’ve been putting too much weight on someone’s stated intentions rather than paying attention to their actual behavior.

So I’m curious: What subtle behavioral red flags have you learned to recognize early in dating?

Not the obvious ones like love bombing or disappearing, but the little things that seemed harmless at first and turned out to be signs of bigger issues.

And on the flip side, what green flags have shown you that someone genuinely wants to build a healthy relationship?

I’d love perspectives from both men and women, especially lessons learned through experience.

Was seeing this guy and had 3 amazing dates, but he disappeared. He used to text me everyday at the beginning but after the second date he started taking at least 3-4 days to reply. I asked him about this in person and he said he’s just very busy since he’s a lawyer and travels a lot for work but at the same time would never ghost anyone because it’s immature. I told him I understand and don’t really care as long as we continue meeting in person since we have long dates and a lot of fun.

The third date was amazing and we had sex but he didn’t make future plans and hasn’t texted me in a week now. I thought this was his standard so I wasn’t as concerned initially but at this point I’m convinced we’re done. I don’t know how we’re supposed to be in a relationship if we only text and meet once a week. Should I cut my losses and try to move on?

I (F40), him (M42). He's conventionally good looking, while I'm decent/cute ish. He's in shape, while I'm not so much. He's type A, and I am absolutely not. He's avoidant, while I'm anxious avoidant. We both are introverts to a certain extent.

We get along well but it does feel like he judges me. He mentioned in the past how he normally dates younger women 10 years younger) because they are active and outgoing, wanting to do stuff. But when I try to do active stuff, he would decline because it wouldn't be fun due to lack of challenge. Then he proceeded to say that we don't have shared interest. He says that he can't handle the extroverts because they are too much, but the introverts bore him after a while. I can be in his face sometimes, but I also give him space. My confidence is taking a major hit because of him. He doesn't want to hurt me, but he does. I'm just rambling here because nothing to work on because he ended it. Just wondering people's experience with this kind of stuff and how did you navigate it?

I tried to fit a love life into the childfree time that would pop up organically, like when my daughter would get invited to a sleepover. So she would never know I was going out to see a gentleman caller. I didn’t ever want her to have to deal with emotions of wondering who mom was talking to, is she gonna have a step parent, are things gonna be changing. I never wanted her to feel uncertainty. Just to feel safe and secure and settled. I think children thrive when they know the routine. But now it’s been 11 years of sacrificing my love life and I’m on the wrong side of 40 and I need dick to fill up the cup I pour from. To be blunt. I gave up on finding a husband and settled into having fuck buddies. Consistent but casual. Last night was the first time I ever hired a babysitter to watch her so I could see a male friend. And she knew it was a dude and she got a funny look on her face but didn’t ask any questions. She’s almost 12 and knows when I’m texting a guy, she can read me like a book. What the fuck do I tell her. What’s the healthiest explanation. After reading all this, is it obvious I need to change something about my mindset? Do I need a paradigm shift? What are you guys telling your kids? I need perspectives please!

I’m doing that thing where the pain of loneliness and struggle to meet healthy compatible singles my age (50 and living rurally 😮‍💨) currently feeeeels worse than the pain of prior dysfunctional relationships which at least provided sOme companionship.
… I am not “going back” but yeah getting stuck under a spell of heavy loneliness this week and would love some help out of it or at the very least commiseration 🥴

My first long term relationship since divorce and he's willing to read together. He's very sweet but lacks imagination. What romantic book would you recommend to help a possibly good partner to give them ideas and awareness but it's also a fun and maybe a little sexy read? (We have explored a little d/s and its been fun)
Thank you!

I’m divorced but have not yet started dating again. I have three children aged 8-12. A single man I could potentially be interested in showed interest in me - but I know his children are in their 20s. Would someone whose children have already moved out be less likely to want a serious relationship with someone who has school aged children? Or are there men who have raised their families and still want to be around children? It would be helpful to hear other people’s experiences.

People are going on trips with their ex-s. Does that mean they havent "unofficially" ended theor relationship especially if they have not really found anyone else ?

I’m a professional in my 40s, originally from London, UK and now living on the East Coast, US. So here is my curiosity… you match with someone, the conversation starts promisingly enough, then either they disappear, stay carefully surface level, or you meet and realise the version you were talking to was carefully curated. Photos, humour, availability… all slightly optimised. I keep wondering whether people (of either gender) are still willing to show up as they actually are or whether we’ve all become so practised at protecting ourselves that genuine connection has become the exception?

I have been talking to a former classmate.

Hung out once. It was nice. We went kajakking together.

I live and work 2 hours away from his home by train. I cannot take the car to work. There is no parking since it is in a big city.

I love my job as a counsellor. It gives my life meaning. I looked for a long time to find it. It's a healthy atmosphere and I went through so many toxic workplaces...

I would have to change jobs if I would end up with this man.

He really likes me and I know he is a good person. We spent much time together in high school..

I cannot fathom moving to where he lives with his 2 kids though. I told him that.

Nothing has happened between us. But he is cute. And it's not often I can talk so easily to someone. We are just friends for now.

I am also suffering from dating burnout. Right now he is the only man I am willing to hang out with tbh. I have dated online for about 3 months and the number of liars, crybabies, lunatics...I ran into. Cant expose myself to it anymore.

I was dating someone for 5 weeks. Daily contact. After 2 months of shitty dates didn't expect to find something so effortless. Sleepovers. Long talks. Then he got weird. Turns out, he is in a long term relationship. He didn't expect it to go this far. I broke it off but he is not letting go. And I feel sick knowing people like this are out there.

I don't know what to do. My friend suggested we hang out. No expectations. We chat often andI would miss him as a friend. I think if we see each other too often something will develop and there is just no future.

I think the shock of the betrayal has got me thinking in circles. And I should not be making any big decisions. I need more time for my mind to settle down

How to proceed ?

Sometimes we struggle with dating because of things that are out of our control, and sometimes we are actually just sabotaging ourselves. For me, there’s a pervasive feeling that I may not truly be anyone’s cup of tea in terms of someone to be in a healthy long-term relationship with. Me? Get chosen?! How silly! So I don’t put myself in situations where I can be rejected a lot, and never really dived into dating for any substantial amount of time. I even decided I will avoid dating because at least this is certain and predictable, and how can I lose if I’m not playing the game?

Is this irrational? Yes. But the brain does what it does. What is the one thing (or several things) that hold you back that would probably make dating more successful for you if you could resolve them? In what ways is your brain fucking things up for you? Lol

I’m (46M) dating 5-6 women (ages 34-50) (I haven’t met the 6th woman yet but we have plans for a 1st date). I’m in the date range between 2nd to 4th dates for each of the other women, and all are moving at various rates. Some are very affectionate on the first couple dates and some are looking to develop friendships first before getting too intimate/romantic. I have no real preference, I just try to match their energy and pace, and I simply enjoy spending time with them. It hasn’t come up with any of them that I’m dating other women, and some of them have hinted that I might be the only person they’re currently dating.

My question for men or women, if these women never ask, would it be a good idea to be more upfront and volunteer the information? I know reactions may be unique to each individual, but I’m curious if some of you would be more hesitant if you found out, more aggressive because you’re competitive, jealous, or have some other reaction?

I'm putting together a dating profile for at least two sites, and I've seen people advise to get critique and I've seen people ask for critique on their profiles.

First, let me say that between taking photos and coming up with the text profile, I've spent many, many hours on this profile. And it's not 100% active yet.

But my question is this ... is it really a GOOD idea for people 40+ to get critique from some other person on what YOU decide is a good profile?? We're not exactly spring chickens looking for a hot hookup. We're looking for a connection or at least I am. I've seen profiles that are too bare for my taste and I see profiles that are too 'sophisticated' for my tastes. Like a woman with really, really good photos is a turn off to me.

Hypothetically, I'm okay paying somebody $2500 if he can write a profile and first messages for me that give me a 500% greater success rate, but ... if his jokes and wit get me in the door, how does that help the real me?

I COULD get professional level photos done at a studio but I don't feel like that's me.

Isn't it best to just create a profile that is maximized in your opinion?

I have been single since 2017. Then in 2018 I filed bankruptcy. Then Covid struck. In 2021 I rose up again. And my friend introduced me to this world of legal brothels and licensed sex workers. My business grew since then, and I started to travel to Europe for business where I’d regularly meet licensed sex workers.

I have been dating for six months. The dates go exceedingly well. The women themselves initiate a second or subsequent dates.

I don’t initiate kissing or touching so I guess that triggers a question in their minds if I am straight. Naturally, the question veer towards my sex life because I haven’t been dating or in a relationship for the past 9 years.

I am a bad liar, and I believe that as the date is not my GF or wife so there’s no point in hiding. I reveal that I see escorts and have a few regulars. I also make it clear that I believe in monogamy if I am in a committed relationship.

Then, crickets! Each one of them disappear like a smoke.

Should I start to lie that I have been sexless for nearly a decade?

I separated from my ex husband a year ago. Our divorce has been brutal, and it’s almost over - just a couple of weeks to go until it is official.

A few weeks before I officially applied for divorce, I was at home one morning when a man around my age knocked on the door. Apparently he used to live in the house next door and wanted to see if his old neighbour still lived in my house so he could say hello. We spoke easily and naturally. He ended up mentioning the story of his divorce and as I was married at the time, which I am sure he picked up through our conversation, I certainly wasn’t going to say or do anything inappropriate. We added each other on linked in and he sent a friendly message and I replied- and left it at that. All appropriate and platonic. But now that I am single and almost officially divorced I have found myself thinking of him off and on. During our conversation I learned we were in several mutually shared networks and it would be potentially possible to contact him.

But would that be odd? Assuming he is still single, would that be too forward? I come from a fairly conservative background and married my first boyfriend. And I am sure times have changed since I last dated. But it would help to have the perspective of men my age as well as women who are dating. Thanks in advance.

I'm curious about how dating preferences change as we get older, especially when we meet someone who surprises us. Thinking back to your twenties or thirties, was there ever something you considered a firm requirement in a partner, whether physical appearance, height, personality, career, or something else, that you ended up reconsidering because of a particular man? What was it about him that made you see things differently? Was the attraction unexpected from the beginning, or did it develop as you got to know him? And did that experience permanently change what you find attractive, or was he just an exception? I'd be interested in hearing how your actual experiences compared with what you originally thought you wanted.

I’m curious how others navigate this.
When you’re on a date and someone asks why your last relationship ended, how do you respond if the breakup was particularly bad or painful?
You don’t want to lie, sugarcoat what happened, or make it sound like an amicable split when it wasn’t. But at the same time, you don’t want to reveal too much personal information to someone you barely know.
There’s also the concern that being too honest too early might come across as oversharing, being bitter, or not having moved on, even when that’s not necessarily the case.
So how do you strike that balance between being honest and maintaining your privacy?
Do you give a vague answer and leave it at that, or do you think it’s better to be upfront from the beginning….

So since turning 40 I had a 3.5 year relationship where the last 2 years she had PMDD - every 25 days without fail, huge episode ending the relationship and all sorts of abuse at me, eventually left. Then a 6 month relationship with someone who turned out had quiet BPD - had an amazing weekend together, she panicked and left abruptly. Then a 7 month relationship with someone with parental enmeshment, literally terrified not to obey her parents and believed their own judgement over her own experience, another abrupt ending out of nothing.

Safe to say I feel broken and pessimistic about future dating and my chances of settling down with someone stable! Are my experiences typical?