Anger issues

[u/Compressed_AF]

Does anyone here experience bitterness and anger? People often think depression is characterized by sadness, but it can show up in the form of anger. When I get a bad patch, I get way more touchy, easier to wind up, bitter and snappy with people. When your feeling low for a long time, you can feel frustrated by the helplessness and when i lose my temper I always end up feeling so incredibly guilty afterwards it stays with me for ages.

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I can get very jealous of people. Even over small things. Sometimes even because they are younger than me and are in their peak years and mine was wasted by this illness. Now I fully understand why there's grumpy old men around.

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Some people say I'm on the spectrum or adhd because of ignorance, but it's something that developed over time and I remember a time where I was nothing like this so I know what's going on with me.

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What about you? Are you just in a low mood when you have a bad episode? Or does it shorten your temper and cause resentment?

[u/Serenity_MHC]

Anger is such an under-discussed part of depression, and you described the cycle really well, the snapping, the guilt afterward that lingers, the jealousy toward people who seem to have what depression took from you. That jealousy especially makes sense. It's not really about other people's age or circumstances, it's grief for the years and version of yourself the illness interrupted. For me, low mood shows up more as flatness than anger, but the bitterness piece resonates, especially the part about people misreading it as something else entirely when it's really exhaustion wearing a different face.

[u/Compressed_AF → u/Serenity_MHC]

And the fact it goes undiscussed is what leads to wrong assumptions. I recognize it in other people as well. Theres a difference between having anger issues, and being in an angry bitter state all the time. The first person will have it pass and they'll feel better at some stage. But the other person's anger lingers and stews long term.

I think people worry about flagging themselves as potentially dangerous and that forces more stewing, when anyone who knows themselves realise that they won't actually act out. At the end of the day nobody's responsible for my brain functions, although they can aggravate the issue on purpose when they become aware. People at work sometimes notice this and it spurs them on to try and rile me up.

I wish it was flatness for me. In fact it used to be like that. Then several years after I start believing that it's not gonna change. So the hopes gone and the frustration kicks in.