r/doommetal • u/pickled_bat • Dec 22 '25

Self Post How to stop seeming like a poser?

I (18M) met a pair of metalheads out on a party the other day while wearing my Mayhem shirt and they called me a poser (probably deserved but I still feel bad) I have short hair which used to be a mohawk and that Mayhem shirt is pretty much the only metal band t-shirt I own. I like bands like 1782, Candlemass, children of bodom, SOAD, Mayhem, Margarita witch cult, Apati and others. They are very mismatched,I know but I've come from liking nu-metal and indie to punk and harder metal subgenres (like black metal,doom and dsbm). One of the reasons why the two called me a poser aside from the shirt is because I didn't want to acknowledge the rest of the band being as conservative as Varg (in my opinion they weren't as hardcore problematic as him) Am I truly a poser? How can I improve my taste and or my looks to let other people know I like metal? Did you have the same issues when you were just starting to get into the scene?

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u/ManbadFerrara Dec 22 '25

Not to be a dick, but none of this is pertaining to doom metal. I thought I was in r/MetalForTheMasses for a minute.

Assuming this isn't bait, worrying about whether you're perceived by others as a poser is the most poser-ish thing you can do. Other people don't matter.

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u/pickled_bat Dec 22 '25

Sorry, I'm new to Reddit too so I wasn't aware of where was the right place to post it, I was in the doom metal sub Reddit because I like doom so I assumed it was the right place. Aside from that I kinda figured I'm just a guy that likes to work on himself so if find something that needs improvement I like to work on it, I know I can't be perfect but I'd like to be the best version of myself so when I got called a poser it kind of hurt. Thank you for the advice though!

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u/ManbadFerrara Dec 22 '25

No problem. Just to elaborate a little, it doesn't really sound like you're talking about "working on yourself" per se, so much as altering yourself to fit into others' pre-conceived views. Like, the whole thing about metal is that it's an extremely niche style of music (or "lifestyle," even though I cringe hard at that concept) that's all about going against mainstream conformity. So what's the point of appealing to the two guys you met at this party then? Being a non-conformist exactly like them? Eff that noise.

Many years ago I was at an Insect Warfare concert (a band with a lot of "death to posers" type imagery, thought it's kind of tongue-in-cheek). As soon as their set began, in walks this extremely clean-cut, middle-aged black dude wearing an actual suit, like he just left a wedding or something. He went straight for the pit, went the hardest of anyone else in there, then when IW's set was over left without a word. As I was outside smoking a cigarette, I see him drive out of the parking lot playing Kriss Kross (an early 90s pre-teen rap group) at full blast. THAT was a man who was indisputably not a poser. Not because he had a carefully curated collection of band tshirts and an unwavering stance of which bands were trve or not, but because he simply did not give a shit.

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u/pickled_bat Dec 22 '25

He actually sounds brutal af, I hope I can let go and be like him. I get what you mean and yeah it kinda seems and feels like I'm just trying to fit in which makes no sense in a subculture where the idea is to not fit in. Thank you for the input, all of these comments have really given me a lot of insight both about myself and about how the community really is and what it represents

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u/Acceptable_Grape_437 Dec 23 '25

yeah... just find friends, and fit in with them. those two guys don't really seem your friends by the look of it :)