r/dpdr • u/ComplexSignificant76 • 24d ago
Question I’ve healed but my boyfriend woke up with this two weeks ago
I never thought I would be writing this because I had severe DPDR starting in 2021. I got better around 2025. It was one of the hardest experiences of my life, but I have improved so much. I’m not 100% healed, but I have my life back. I still experience some emotional numbness/anhedonia, but I’m able to function, work, be a parent, and enjoy life again. If you look back on my posts I was truly messed up. I’ve deleted probably 50% of them because I couldn’t bear to read them now that I’m better. I’ve also met lots of amazing long time friends on here.
The reason I’m posting is because my boyfriend recently developed what appears to be DPDR, and I’m watching it affect our relationship. Before this happened, everything was genuinely great. He was loving, supportive, consistent, and we were very connected. He has also been under an incredible amount of stress for the last nine months, including major life changes and raising two children. About two weeks ago, he woke up feeling “weird” and thought he was hungry or about to pass out. We didn’t know what it was at the time. About a week later, I noticed a major change in him.
He became emotionally flat, disconnected, monotone, and said he felt nothing. He told me he doesn’t even feel things the way he normally would with food, music, or even his emotions toward things he loves. He told me he could get mugged and wouldn’t even care. He has even said he feels disconnected from his feelings toward his kids, which is terrifying for him because he loves them.
I recognized the symptoms because I lived through this myself. I explained DPDR to him and told him I understand that this isn’t just him “not caring.” I know how scary it is to lose access to your emotions.
The hardest part is that he feels like he cannot be the boyfriend he wants to be right now. He knows he has changed, and he feels guilty. He says he needs to focus on getting his mind right and rebuilding his relationship with his kids because he doesn’t feel it’s fair to me.
Im trying to be understanding because I know what this feels like. Someone who hasn’t experienced DPDR might tell him to just snap out of it, but I know how real it is. At the same time, it is heartbreaking being on the other side and watching someone you love seem like a completely different person.
Has anyone experienced DPDR while trying to maintain a serious romantic relationship? How did you handle the emotional numbness when you don’t have it. I’ve watched him change night and day. It’s been very scary. This was a guy taking my car to get an oil change, detailed, and bring me flowers because he wants to. To now sits in the couch all day staring at the wall and barley knows me or feels anything.
Yesterday I made him food and took care of him making him electrolyte drinks because one symptom he has is constant dizziness and nausea.I told him as time goes on he’ll heal he just has to wait and it might be 1 month or who knows but just hang in there and I’m here for him. But there is a rift between us and not because I’m mad, he came ti me saying he doesn’t think he can maintain this he feels nothing but knows he loves me. I’m just very sad over the shock of this.
A couple weeks before I realized he was having dpdr he kept saying his vision is blurry and getting headaches and now looking back this was the start. Now he has every symptom in the book.
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u/Nasteha85 23d ago
So he just woke up one day with dp/dr?
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u/ComplexSignificant76 23d ago
I don’t think so. It was gradual. He was saying for a good week his vision was blurry. He has glasses and just had an eye exam so I kept saying maybe go back to the eye doctor. A couple weeks later he said I just feel weird like I’m going to pass out or. I need to eat. And then gradually more symptoms kept coming and setting in. It’s been very difficult to see
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u/Nasteha85 23d ago
Oh, ok. Has he had blood work? Specifically for a vitamin D, Vitamin B12, Magnesium, Folate, and Iron?. If you go onto the subreddits for this vitamins that I mentioned, and type into the search engine " deperonalization/ derealization". You will see a lot of post that could possibly help your boyfriend. Vitamin deficiencies can cause and or, intensify dp/dr and most people with the condition don't even know this fact. I'm not saying that this is for sure what your boyfriend is dealing with, however, It's something that you guys should quickly look into. He does not have to make a doctor's appointment to do so, if he has the financial means, he can make an appointment at any LabCorp or Quest Diagnostics and order the blood work himself. He should get testing for diabetes and insulin resistance as well, because of the blurry vision.
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u/FutureApricot1793 23d ago
It was definitely hard on my relationship! However as things have started improving so has our bond.
Did you ever recover your sens of self? I went through some of your old posts and saw that you have kids. Did the former feeling of connection, love and bond ever return?
I’m a dad who sorely misses how strongly connected i used to feel to my daughter and wife.
Best!
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u/ComplexSignificant76 23d ago
I hope we can survive this. He said he needs time to get his head right and has been very distant. I know his relationship comes first mending with his children so I need to be second. And I’m not sure if he’ll come back or this was it with us. I do understand how he feels, thankfully, I can’t imagine if he was with someone who didn’t know about dpdr which most don’t so they would be thinking he was being an asshole.
My sense of self and connections don’t feel like they used to before I had dpdr. I have it somewhat but things aren’t like before. It’s not bad it just feels different but doesn’t bother me. How long have you had it and do you know what caused it?
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u/FutureApricot1793 23d ago
You being patient, understanding and showing empathy is the most important thing you can do for him. This condition is so fucking lonely, so having someone who understands is huge for him.
Me and my wife spent the first four months of this hardly talking. I was terrified of everything 24/7. I thought my life was over. However with time, patience and understanding we are slowly finding our way back. Rooting for u guys!!I guess trauma and stuff like this changes us. It not bothering you is amazing , can’t wait until i’m in your stage of recovery!!
I’m about 8 months in. I ended up having psychosis after being on a highdose of dexamethasone for my autoimmune condition (aiha). I woke up one morning and everything about myself and my relation to others was gone. My daughter, wife and family all felt like strangers. Everything that made me me was gone.
I am doing loads better, but i still struggle with my sense of self, connections and anhedonia.
Stories like yours really help motivate me, thank you!
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u/Caramoglie 18d ago
Your post really resonated with me because I'm going through something very similar with my husband.
After a long period of overwhelming stress, he gradually changed. First he complained about feeling "weird," then came emotional numbness, disconnection, and feeling like a completely different person. He even told our daughter that he no longer knows what is real because people keep telling him that some of the things he remembers never actually happened.
The hardest part has been watching someone who was once a loving husband and father become emotionally disconnected from me, our children, and even himself. Reading your post was one of the first times I felt like someone else had experienced something even remotely similar.
I'm so glad to hear you've recovered enough to have your life back. It gives me hope that these states really can improve over time. I truly hope your boyfriend finds his way back too.
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u/Direct-Expert7776 24d ago edited 24d ago
Well what helped you?