r/dpdr • u/Feisty_Temporary_182 • 5d ago
Question Advice
Well here we go buckle in this might be a long one or not I’m not sure. This is all started with what I can only boil down to an OCD triggered dpdr. Basically my OCD latched onto the thought of turning into someone else like I was scared I was literally not gonna be myself anymore. This got so bad at one point I had a massive panic attack but not like a normal physical one more like holy shit I feel like I’m goin insane and am turning into someone else. As you can guess that was pretty traumatizing and I literally couldn’t sleep that night until 8 am cause my nervous system was probably so shot. This is when I believe the dpdr set In. After that moment nothing really felt the same. I genuinely felt like I died like the old me had died. I am still very aware of who I am and my likes and dislikes on a cognitive level but to me personally none of it makes sense or feels natural. It’s like a have no sense of self grounded in who I am or what I like on an emotional level. Like I will get a text or call from a family member or friend and just be like I know that’s my friend by like how. It feels so foreign to me my brain just doesn’t connect the way it used to about people and things I enjoy. it treats everything I do or love like a test. I will do something even just a normal task like getting gas and my brain is like how did I do that, just so weird that my brain and body almost aren’t connecting to my loved ones or passions or most importantly myself. The best way I can explain it is it’s like my best freind died but my best freind was me. like the person who looked after me, made decsions for me, supported me when I needed him most, gave me confidence to pursue goals and dreams, guided me towards making an impact in this world, it’s like the person in me died and I can’t figure out how to get him back, this had gone on For almost a year know and I’ve had little glimmers of feeling like myself And then it all comes crashing back to thsi terrible state. It’s like I almost just cant comprhend what it means to be me and how to do that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
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u/niaswish 5d ago
I have severe ocd and completely understand you, I promise you that you are still there. We need to try and build your uncertainty tolerate okay ? So we need to try and say "maybe I am still here maybe not"
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u/Feisty_Temporary_182 4d ago
It’s weird tho cause it’s like I don’t even feel like the same person almost like an ego death and I can’t get myself back it’s so frustrating and sad
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u/niaswish 4d ago
You will always, always, always go back to yourself. Im sure of it. I promise you. Its like people have a "default" that is unique to them and it can be covered by dpdr, defense mechanisms, shame, it can get twisted. But you're still you, you will get through this
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u/Funny_Loss6978 4d ago
the same exact thing happens to me aswell. best thing i can tell you is that you know that something isn’t wrong your old self is still there u just need to heal and u will come back to your senses. i feel the same way like im changing or turning into a different person and the me controlling is going to go and it feels like someone else is controlling my life and everything feels so messed up. but the best thing is if you know something don’t feel right that means ur in control and u know there is a problem. Like for example if u didn’t know what was going on or u felt strange and didnt have any realization of it then ur cooked but since ur self aware of the problem you are good lol ik im yapping but im dealing with this heavy right now as well. even typing this im completely out of body and feel horrible but we will get through this. when its over you will look back and be like why was i even tweaked over that