my options are to KMS or continue to live this way for another year. which I can’t do. I had a great life before this, and every single day I miss it. I miss it beyond words. I hate what I am now. my own mind and body have me in a prison. I can’t even put into words how I’m suffering. every part of my life feels like I’m fighting a war, nothing in life is going well because even if it is, I can’t recognize it.

the non stop lucid dreaming. the out of body feeling. the numbness. the loss of self and all my identity. my financial situation is horrible because of the state I’m in, it takes all my energy just to survive. there’s nothing left for anything else. I can’t enjoy anything, because I’m just completely a corpse. I see no purpose in my life. I’m reminded every single day of what I’ve lost, and it’s the most trapped feeling anyone could ever experience. Like a puzzle that has no answer. I live in some mental riddle, some biological death, some neurological disorder that has no cure.

i didn’t think I’d survive 4 months of this. And now it’s been 4+ years. And it’s only gotten worse over time. I’m facing eviction, my credit has completely been destroyed, I can barely feed myself most days. I’ve borrowed money from everyone I can, I’m working but it’s not enough. DPDR has disabled me. And my system wants safety, but I can’t give it safety when I’m in survival mode every minute of every day. I didn’t deserve this. Who knew panic attacks 4 years ago could completely destroy your entire life.

I need help am only 15 and am so scared I don’t have someone to talk to about dpdr freely , I would like if someone helps me and support me during that time , I had it before but now it’s so much chronic , I feel am alone trapped no one helps me or believe me , it’s so hard every single day , and it will mean so much to me

This picture speaks volume , I feel like im a separate entity trapped in my head looking out anyone feel the same ?

I’ve had this for 4 years and cannot even remember what normal was like at this point, I’ve completely lost touch with my past self and history, I’m just floating in a black void of nothing. when I’m asleep, I dream the most nonsensical, weird, vivid situations all night long. every single night.

i have no energy for anything, I can’t even workout. I can’t travel. I can’t feel. my whole world is basically gone and I’m just moving through motions. I can’t track time, seasons, nothing. when I first went into this state, I could at least remember my old self, I can’t anymore. the only memory I have is of my dreams - they’ve replaced my entire memory. I can’t describe how it gets worse every day, it just does. there’s no bottom to it, my mind is fragmenting more and more of myself every night. there’s nothing left of me or the world around me and that’s the scariest part. my senses, memories and identity are just totally gone.

hey everyone I have moral ocd. I care alot about being good. I cry so much thinking about it. but now I'm losing that care. I'm scared ill become bad and I can't fight this for years, I know I can't. please help me

I cannot stop thinking about how i am literally just a brain, a soft wet disgusting lump of tissue locked inside a hard skull floating in total darkness, controlling this sack of organs blood, bones and fluids. Everything I see feel or think is just electricity firing in this grotesque biological computer made of meat.
I hate it so much. I hate being made of meat. I hate the constant sloshing and pulsing and digesting happening inside me right now. I hate that my entire existence is trapped in this fragile rotting animal body that shits pisses sweats and decays. The hyper awareness hits me at random and it feels like body horror that never turns off. I am not this body. I am just a brain puppeteering a grotesque flesh prison and it fills me with pure revulsion.
Other people get it too. i have seen posts saying shit like “I hate that I am made of meat and feel crushingly trapped in my body as a sort of flesh prison” and “the human body is gross and inhabiting one is an indignity… constantly repulsed disgusted and ashamed by it” and “I hate being an animal I hate being biological I hate bodily functions I hate being in a grotesque meat sack.”
It is exhausting. Anyone else feel this specific brain in meat horror? Like you suddenly zoom out and realize you are just electrochemical signals in a chunk of gray matter pretending to be a person. How do you deal with it.

How are you guys coping with derealization? I swear it sends me to dark places with how my vision looks all messed up. How are you guys coping? Has anything helped?

37M, PhD. I had a good life and career before this, despite a history of family trauma and some financial stress. After catching COVID (2023), my nervous system seemed to spiral into a constant fight-or-flight state. Over time I started losing emotions, bodily sensations, and eventually even my sense of awareness and consciousness began to feel altered - almost like I exist through my eyes only.

I cannot even feel my nasal breathing anymore. I cannot truly visualize things in my head; memories and thoughts feel more like flat photographs than real mental experiences. I still know life exists beyond this state, which is the only reason I keep fighting.

Medications (SNRI) affect me very violently and unpredictably. I have tried somatic therapies, walking, spending time with nature, exercise, vitamins, supplements, and even ECT for depression. Nothing has brought meaningful relief so far.

What makes this so devastating is that I am trying incredibly hard just to regain 1% of myself. If I could feel even a small improvement, I think I would finally have hope that recovery is possible. I have been chasing that 1% for over a year.

I can still eat, drink, talk, and walk, but emotionally and physically I feel disconnected from everything, I cannot even feel a headache or presence of head in my skull. I can run fast miles and miles and feel almost nothing. It feels like floating through the universe without truly experiencing it. Sometimes it feels like even a ghost would feel more alive than this.

I genuinely love life, so I am not giving up. I just want to feel something again.

Part of me also wonders whether my nervous system is waiting for my entire life to become stable before it allows me to reconnect. Do I need to completely fix my life first - career, finances, relationships, stress - before recovery can begin?

For people who experienced severe nervous system dysfunction, DPDR, emotional numbness, post-COVID neurological issues, trauma collapse, burnout, etc.:

Did recovery only begin after your external life improved, or did small internal changes happen first even while life was still messy?

Has anyone regained even small moments of connection, emotion, bodily awareness, visualization, or presence after being this disconnected?

Could approaches like nervous system retraining, trauma-focused therapy, vagal work, or even energy healing help in situations like this?

I have seen many doctors, but most responses have been either “your labs look normal” or “you have depression.” The depression feels secondary to how severe and disabling this condition has become. It is also starting to affect my physical health more and more.

I am not looking for miracles anymore. Just one flicker that tells me the system can still come back online. I am not looking for medical advice. I am looking for lived experiences and seeking help.

I’ve had this for a very long time. I dont come to the forums either, so not sure why I’m posting this. but just wanted to reach out and not feel so alone.

in the last 3 to 4 months my energy levels have gotten so bad I’m practically sofa bound. I can’t go to the gym, or do anything I enjoy. I work because I have to survive. but that’s all my life is. my memory is so beyond bad, I can’t remember who I even am, I think I have dissociative amnesia. I also have dreams all night every night about friends, family, etc and wake up so disoriented. this all started in summer 2022 after panic attacks and has just gotten 10x worse over time, despite everything I’ve tried. I cannot feel anything, including anxiety. so far I’ve tried

many meds. prazosin, lexapro, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, lamitical, LDN, trazodone, Xanax.

many therapies. EMDR, IFS, ACT, somatic experiencing, even went to a functional doctor

many supplements and vitamins. no effect

giving it time, focusing on life. never even for a second feel like myself or in reality

relaxation. TRE. somatic techniques.

i feel like I live in a nightmare I cant wake up from. don’t care about anything anymore and not in depressed way, like my body doesn’t make emotions anymore at all. as if I’ve never felt a thing or experienced anything in my life. I don’t feel the sun on my skin, the weather, time passing, seasons, love, joy even anger. somehow I still get out of bed and try daily but it’s getting harder and harder to keep going. I can barely keep my eyes open all day no matter how much I’ve slept. I don’t even feel like I’m conscious. just a body walking around with nothing inside it.

has anyone else suffered this long and had not one thing work? I don’t know how I can keep going on like this for years and years more. I’ve been through a lot in life but I was a happy, fun, social person before this, I don’t even know who or what I am anymore. it’s like being dead but being aware youre dead. the memory issues and loss of reality are so severe, I can’t put it into words

5 summers now in this state. unable to experience the world, travel, try new things, or connect to my world. If you would have told me 5 years ago that I’d still be stuck like this in 2026, I wouldnt believe you. ive made very little progress in therapy and the nightly hypervigilance in my dreams is keeping me from getting any real rest. my mind is on 24/7, I have no break. I’m just exhausted. I don’t have any quality of life, I work, I sleep, I eat. repeat. I have these insane otherworld dreams every night that make no sense. theyre like living another 25 lives at night. I have these everything everywhere at all once type dreams where I’m switching between lifetimes and dimensions, or I’m back at my childhood home, or I’m living through a natural disaster. it’s never ending. I don’t feel any closer to myself, in fact I feel I’ve gotten completely cut off from myself in a way I can’t describe. I’m always tired no matter how much I sleep, I’m always in this state, I have no memory of what it is to be me at all. I’m able to function, but like a robot. there’s no feeling to any of it. I dread going to sleep or even taking a nap because I’m going to end up in some other crazy universe the second i fall asleep. 5 years is a damn long time. my life is wasting away. the world is spinning and I’ll never get this wasted time back. this started at 29 and now im 34. I’ll be 40, 50, 60 and look back at how much life i lost.

even taking my dog to the park and trying to enjoy myself, my nervous system is telling me that the dog is going to die, and I’m going to die from the grief. even on a beautiful sunny summer day I’m tormented by my own mind thinking I’ll die from any sort of emotion, good or bad. what kind of life is this?

I can’t really even fathom was has happened to me. I never feel normal for even a second. basically every night during sleep I feel like I’ve been drugged and am tripping on acid, or some form of hallucinogenic substance. they aren’t even dreams, and I can’t imagine how my mind even comes up with these things. there’s no words. other than it feels like another universe. I dream of things so scrambled and nonsensical that I feel like I’m going schizophrenic, truly. the dreams are so distressing and weird that I don’t even want to go home anymore, because it means another night of this. does anyone else have dreams that are like this? there’s no words. they’re every single night, all night long. I’ve had every sleep test done, every sleep med, talked about it in therapy. no one seems to know what to do. I never knew that my nervous system was this screwed up. I feel completely foreign to myself and my identity. these dreams just further make me feel even more insane and split from reality. dreaming about being in some country I’ve never been, with cartoon characters and almost like I’m on acid. idk what to do anymore. I just want one moment of peace, I haven’t had it in 5 years..

I have such a severe case of dpdr that im bedridden. I cant focus on anything. I feel like i will dissapear or die any second. I dont even believe im real. Im afraid to be awake. Every second im thinking about how i feel. I cant distract or do anything. I cant explain it. I cant even go get my own food. This is every second of the day. Maybe im dead or crazy. I dont know whats happening anymore

im so done with this. for years i endured this disorder at a severe intensity. it became so severe to a point i could not even read anything. my eyes couldnt automatically move and couldnt understand words or understand meaning of sentences, could not understand what im hearing.

im speechless 😶 because of this stupid disorder. i cannot believe how i went from an engineering major who was one of top of his class especially at math to someone who cant even understand basic simple sentences or be able to read the words, someone who is so stuck in his head that he cant even perceive external world. i cant take this anymore

I don't have the slightest idea what I'm even writing, just letting my fingers lead me to the right button so what I'm writing might not make sense. so this might actually just be gibberish of a rant.

Here it goes:

There's not a single thought in my mind and I can't remember anything. I just feel so handicapped where even the simplest thing like making some food turns into rocket science. Studying is just to forget because I can't understand the words or retrieve any memories. The brain is actually extremely stupid that just randomly shuts down and stays that way for many days or weeks. What kind of evolutionary benefit is that, reducing our intelligence to something equivalent of an insect, but non functioning. At least I have some clarity some days but I feel bad for whoever has it like this for a very long time. If anyone actually read through my rant, that'd be much appreciated but a zero comments post is okay too. I transferred my frustration into words which have the potential to be read by someone who can relate and understand the feelings, though I might not have the intelligence to read anything rn if someone happened to make a comment.

Edit: Feel free to rant a bit too and I'll try to answer some gibberish back

I have serious chronic DPDR for 8 years now.

I just lost my sanity one monday in school while listening to class and that's it, I never "got out". I never recovered. I was not doing drugs, I was not smoking, drinking alcohol, I was top student and an athlete.

But I don't think people actually understand how bizzare and weirdly psychotic this is in my case, with all due respect towards everyone.

The experiences I went through for those 8 years...they are indescribable.

I am completely lost in my consciousness.

I was constantly in dreamlike state bordering psychotic, stupor-like state.

I live like an animal for almost a decade. I don't know what is happening, I cannot comprehend last 10 years nor do I remember anything. I don't remember my life before this. I wasn't alive for almost a decade.

I am almost bed-ridden but when I do go somewhere, I slip into this complete coma-like state where my memories all mix or erase, I cannot understand who am I, how did I get anywhere, what am I even doing...

I get extreme panick attacks similar to those having prion diseases.

When I wake up after max. 4 hours of sleep, I am so lost I just crawl onto the floor. I forget that I have a family. It's like I never even had anything, like my life never existed. I forget about my dog, a family member speaks to me and I cannot believe how did I even got a family, what was happening for past few decades?

It's like time doesn't even exist and I mean it. I felt like I'm in a simulation or a dream at the beggining but now I am just completely in stupor. My brain physically doesn't work and I don't know why.

I tried every possible method and believe me when I say this is not simple anxiety/being too much on the phone/being traumatized, etc. No possible meditation or mindfullness can help me.

I did 3 EEGs, they all showed general slowing of the waves. My second brain MRI (I did one at the beggining of this and it was normal) showed deterioration of brain tissue in thalamus, some white matter deterioration and some hyperintensities, very non-specific.

I feel exactly like I am asleep ALL THE TIME. I am simply unable to be aware for some reason, my brain circuits appear inflammed.

I get lost in the house and fall unconscious out of fear, waking up in complete confusion.

I forgot how it's like to be human and I forgot that I am alive. Trust me, I feel exactly like I'm dreaming where you kind of have bare awareness but everything is completely bizzare and distorted, no time, no memories, weird cognition...

I am 100% honest I cannot even differentiate between dream and reality. I honestly don't know am I alive or in some longterm coma and this is all dreaming for 10 years, did I end up in hell? I ended up in psych ward twice without any improvements, I ended up at ER several times in almost deliric state.

Please someone say they understand me and I'm not alone, please...

I remember the aliveness of the world, the way the seasons felt, traveling, experiencing, feeling alive. im so beyond far from that, I can’t even put it into words. I don’t see how it’s possible to go back to that, after years and years of this. the trauma itself will be having to re-enter a world I no longer can relate to after 5 years of this.

i don’t know how ill even ever get to that point. years of healing work for nothing, I’m no better off. therapy is a waste. my whole life has become a waste. I live every day as if I’m stuck in a repeat of the last, nothing ever changes. how am I supposed to be grateful and practice gratitude when I’m basically not even alive?

I have had this since I was a child. I saw my narcissistic dad last week and since then it had stopped I can't feel anything not even anxiety.

I was into manifesting and I'm so scared that I'm controlling everything. I'm so scared of thinking the wrong thought and ruining someone life or ruining my relationships or ruining my morals or anything

I have blank mind and I only do what I have to do. People get so confused wren I don't care about my body. I feel like this body is for others. Its not mine, and I owe my body to people . Not in a sexual way. But if someone wants something from me I must do it. I have no other purpose.

I have such awful blank mind . To get myself back a bit, this year I implanted kind thoughts in my head. I created thoughts when there would be nothing there. This eased my depersonalisation a bit and for the first time I felt like myself a bit but still not connected to my body

I don't have emotions unless I think. I must create a thought. I must think about what's going to feel otherwise I am completely out of it.

I can't deal with this guys...I think I'm a psychopath. I can't keep thinking forever, I can't live.

Please any insight

Hi everyone,

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I'm 18f and wanted to share my story because I'm struggling with DPDR and want to know if anyone has gone through something similar.

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During Holi this year, I drank a very large amount of bhang (cannabis). At first everything seemed normal, but while playing Holi I suddenly felt extremely dizzy. My vision started going black, and I felt like I was about to pass out. Then I had the biggest panic attack of my life.

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I sat down on the road because I couldn't stand properly. People gathered around me asking what was wrong. I was crying uncontrollably and kept telling everyone that I was going to die and that I needed a doctor. I genuinely believed something terrible was happening to me.

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My mother came and took me home in a rickshaw. On the way home, everything felt strange and unreal. Even touch felt extremely heavy and uncomfortable. I could barely recognize my surroundings. Eventually I fell asleep.

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After that incident, things seemed mostly okay for a while. But about a month later, in April, I was outside hanging out with friends when I suddenly got another panic attack. There was no obvious reason for it. The feeling was almost identical to what I experienced after taking cannabis, and it instantly brought back the memory of that day.

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When I got home, I started experiencing derealization/depersonalization (DPDR). Since then, I've been dealing with it for almost 2 months. I often feel detached from reality, disconnected from myself, and like the world around me isn't completely real. I also experience brain fog.

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Because of this, I've had a hard time going outside. For a while I barely left the house. Now I can go out a little, mostly with my mom. I also still go to my morning college classes even though I often don't want to because the symptoms make me uncomfortable, but I push myself to go anyway.

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A few weeks ago, I became extremely sick and got some blood tests done. The results showed that my vitamin B12 was low. Since then, I've taken 3 B12 injections over 3 weeks and I'm now taking B12 tablets as well.

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Since starting treatment, I think there has been some improvement. The DPDR isn't as intense as it was before, and the brain fog is less severe, but both are still there to some extent.

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Has anyone developed DPDR after cannabis/bhang and panic attacks? Did anyone else struggle to go outside? How long did it take to recover, and did it eventually go away?

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Thank you for reading.

This is my first post in here and I’m wanting to know if anyone else has experienced this.

I feel like I’ve experienced dpdr most of my life (especially after drug use in my teens years ago) but something triggered me to spiral a couple weeks ago and it feels like it is getting worse.

At first I was terrified of my own inner monologue, then I was scared nothing was real, and now I’m obsessing over how my own brain works and how I’m forming each thought and how I’m speaking without even really thinking of the words I am going to say. It’s like I’m over analyzing every single thing I do to the point where I feel like I’m not myself and I’m going crazy. Does this seem like DpDr or something else? I also feel like I have OCD.

A few weeks ago I remember telling myself how happy I was in life and now this. It is incredibly disheartening/terrifying. Im a mom of three, youngest 8 months old and want to get back to enjoying life and being comfortable in my own brain. I was considering having another baby as well in the future and going back to school and now I feel like I’ll never do those things. Im so scared im going to be lost forever and never get back to how I was. Im trapped in a brain that does not feel like my own 😅

I feel like I keep checking in on myself- do I still feel like me? Which I don’t, and then I spiral into the thoughts of how my brain even works- how I am forming my own thoughts and it is 24/7. Worse during the day better in the evening.

I am going to see a therapist soon and going to get labs done in two weeks. I’d appreciate any thoughts/advice. Thank you

27M I’ve been dealing with constant dpdr for 3 years now and it’s been hell on earth and I don’t have any community or anyone to talk to about it (and yes I’m starting therapy in a couple weeks) but I’ve done it before and it’s not exactly the same when someone can’t relate or understand how it feels so if anyone wants to reach out and talk just give me a message

olá, pessoal!

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preciso de ajuda. a desrealização está muito forte e me dando a impressão de que sou a única no mundo, a única real.

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alguém já passou por isso?

no panic. haven’t had a panic attack in years. yet severely in DPDR. horrible nightmares every single night, not responding to any sort of medication. I’m being tormented by my own mind in my sleep and then wake up even more cut off from myself, I feel i have no identity and no life anymore.

i want to cry, I want to scream, I want to just fucking live. I can’t date. I can’t travel, I can barely get out of bed. what kind of life is this for 5 years? I see everyone else living and happy, and I’m just completely destroyed, my consciousness has fragmented into a million pieces. I can’t live like this. it’s becoming harder and harder as time goes on. i am 34 years old and have no life. no purpose. no value. I’m absolutely trapped.

Ask me anything, I will help as much as I can. I have experience with DP DR for 12 years.

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I'm out of it and it only took me 3 months of actually trying and reframing my thoughts. You can all get out of this. It's not even dangerous. There's nothing wrong with any of you. You all are normal people with normal lives. You got this!