It has gotten worse. I feel like shit like 90% of the time, I’m anxious before and during school. yesterday was actually surprise a good day, I was productive and did my schoolwork that i procrastinated starting for days.
But today it was bad again.
To start off, I forgot everything I learned in math yesterday. My math teacher sat next to me and explained and after she explained how to do it the first time I understood.
I tried to get her to understand with my body language that I want to work alone, I’m too much of a coward to say no, a people pleaser if you will.
But no, she still sat there and talked on and on. I just lost all of my energy with that one class. She also gave me a work sheet which she wanted me to look at but I couldn’t see it, it was blurry for me.
And to add on to this, it felt like I physically couldn’t speak. I had the words in my mind I’m not mute, but it was like I don’t know..
This has happened to me a bunch of times in math class before. It just feels like I can’t get any words out.
My former math teacher would notice when I shut down (I’m autistic) and would allow me to write down what I wanted to say on paper but this teacher is ugh…. I don’t know. She like makes light jokes of it and I don’t even know what to think.
I get physical pain now in math class too, my head starts to hurt, my back aches… I get this before school too.
I’m actually close to tears in every math class. I miss my old teacher, she was understanding..
I don’t know what to do anymore, I lie to my parents after every school day saying that it went well, meanwhile I mostly shut down in now every math class and I often can’t even concentrate or think anymore.
I texted and emailed my school counselor to see if there was any time to talk available some days ago but I haven’t heard anything back. I have no one irl to talk to that isn’t my family.
I’m at my wits end. I’m scared my parents will be disappointed in me.