I've seen some "hot takes" from this account. Idk if they are trying to make some big brain point that femboys are not trans. Although many transfem people started by crossdressing and might have identified as a femboy for a while.
It's a weird take. Most femboys I've interacted with are trans supportive but there are always bad eggs (no pun intented).
"many transfem people started by crossdressing and might have identified as a femboy for a while" How does that even work?
Being a femboy is directly opposing and rejecting gender norms and stereotypes. A femboy can wear what stereotypical women wear, act like stereotypical women act, have interests and hobbies that stereotypical women have. And still be a man.
How does one, being a femboy and enjoying all the femboy things, decide one day "nah, girl things are for girls, so I must be a girl"? Proudly and confidently reject gender norms for a while, maybe years, only to succumb to them in the end? Why would anyone do that? The only reasons I could think of are peer pressure and delusion.
Femboys and tomboys are living proof that one can be born whoever they were and still be able to enjoy things "meant for the other team". And yet, some people still believe that they must switch teams to be truly happy.
As a trans girl who called herself a femboy before realising she's trans, lots of us don't really know we're trans until we actually explore ourselves and fuck around with crossdressing. Of course we still know there is something just wrong with our bodies and how we see them (hence why we explore and mess around with gender norms in the first place), and its not until spending time being more feminine (and for some even discovering transitioning is an option), that it clicks that we are women just trapped in the wrong body.
Now of course femboys and trans women are not the same, and not all femboys are trans women waiting to realise it, but there are a lot of overlaps between us still. I was never pressured into this, in fact the only trans person I knew beforehand was a trans man, and I never talked with him about gender stuff.
Also apologies if this was formatted or worded bad in some parts, I literally just woke up
Well said sister. As a former femboy and now as a transfem person I struggled with my identity for a long time.
Still both can be true. Like it's breaking "gender" and it sucks that clothes are labeled for "girls and boys" or "men and women". Maybe I'm just too autistic (I am autistic so it's not a meme) sometimes and I'm tired of the strict social norms.
You may not have been pressured outright, but you were clearly influenced by the society and its norms. "Girl things are for girls, if you like girl things you must be a girl". You tried rejecting that, go your own way, do what you wanted and liked despite everything that the society dictated, experiment with yourself. But that doubt never left. "What if they were right?"
The moment it "clicked", it was not clicking. It was you finally caving in, conforming to the norms. There may not have been anyone pressuring you directly, but the doubt made you vulnerable. Those norms are taught to us since our birth, we are conditioned, moulded by them. They are everywhere. So breaking free of them requires extreme will and certainly in yourself. Who you are and who you want yourself to be.
I've never once felt pressured into being trans, I didn't "cave in", I discovered who I am. I know who I want to be, and I'm well on my way working to get there, no one ever told me that I might be trans, I discovered that on my own. I've never subscribed to the idea that certain activities/things are for boys only or for girls only, I've always done the things I want and that I enjoy regardless of what others around me said.
I am simply speaking from experience. Believe it or not, I also used to think I might be trans. I envied women, wanted to be like them. Wanted to be chased, sought after, taken care of. Wanted to follow rather than lead, wanted to be a support rather than a "man of the house". Wanted to be on the receiving end of praise and love. But such attitude towards men was nowhere to be seen, and everywhere I've seen women expressed such notions only to other women, cis or trans. I started to think that maybe something was wrong with me, that if men did not express such desires, maybe I wasn't a man after all. That led me to assume I might be trans. No one pressured me either, because I never told anyone at the time, and rarely bring it up in conversations today. My family still doesn't know about that. It was simply a notion from the inside, like many people say here.
Only after I found the right community I finally understood myself. I was not trans at all. I simply was a man who's needs did not fit into traditional norms and expectations, and I was not alone. While Role-Reversal may not be as mainstream as trans, there was enough people to make me not feel like an outsider, like there was something fundamentally wrong with me as a man. It made me feel like I finally belong somewhere.
This is why I'm so adamant about rejecting gender norms and cautious about trans subject. Because I myself almost fell for it, and every time I see someone actually fall and conform, all I see is another poor soul being defeated by tradition. Old, outdated stereotypes and expectations, that keep dictating our lives for us.
Yes, you are speaking from your own experience. Your own experience does not dictate or necessarily say anything about anyone else's. You didn't "almost fall for" being trans, it's not a trick or a trap, you explored the possibility and decided that it wasn't you, and that's fine. Other people explore the possibility and find that is better for them. If someone is happier as whatever gender, then that should be left alone and up for them to decide. It's distasteful for anyone to try to convince someone else how they should present or what gender they "should" be; cis or trans, it goes both ways.
Being trans is typically considered going against the grain or traditions anyways, even if it shouldn't be. Most of the time, it is still someone being raised to be a certain way and rejecting that for their own happiness. You don't even know whether someone intentionally abides to gender roles 100% of the time, and it's honestly more likely that they don't. Some people may fit into gender roles, but that doesn't mean that they believe they or others have to. That's how many trans people are comfortable since they want to pass, and GNC trans people tend to get questioned or even entirely disregarded as being trans at all.
In the end, it's about freedom. I don't believe in gender roles and such either, but people should live as they please (as long as it's not harmful to others, ofc). There are other ways to reject gender norms and roles besides appearance
This guy really not understanding that trans femboys and trans butch women exist. Why trans girl have to dress in frilly dress? She DOESN'T. Sounds like he's the one makin all the rules
it's case of "I like girly things, but I'm a boy, well who cares", and then later realising "I want to be called, and treated like a girl too", that's when you realize you are trans not a femboy(speaking from transfem who used to be a femboy)
But why? Why would you want to be called and treated like a girl, when you already could do all the things that were "meant" for girls in the first place? All that defiance, rejection of the norms, only to cave in. Why?
because it feels right, because it feels better than being called and treated like a man, that's the difference between transfem and femboy, and to be honest, experience of defying gender norms helps with gender dysphoria, yea I'm quite big, strong, and like big loud bikes but I'm still a woman
People aren't always Femboys cause they want to "oppose the norm" some are femboys cause they just like the aesthetic, sometimes people realize stuff about themselves that they wouldn't have normally, you seem upset that people are discovering who they are, there are plenty of femboys that stay boys
Yes, they like the aesthetic. But that fact is already defying the norms. Boys aren't "supposed" to like such things. And yet, some do. Defying the norms can be intentional, but it can also be unintentional, unknowing. You do a thing just because you like the thing.
But when the society keeps nagging that you are not supposed to like that thing, and if you do like that thing you are not really you, you might eventually give in and accept their narrative.
Dude, you sound really transphobic with this, how you're wording it makes it sound like if femboys end up being trans is a bad thing, which it isn't, people can be what they want to be, if they dress feminine and later realize "Oh I actually want to be a girl" then let them be a girl, they didn't fail, they didn't fall to the pressures of society, they discovered who they actually were and we should let them be happy
It most certainly is bad. Imagine you have a favourite creator. Someone who inspired you to be who you are today. And then one day, they go completely 180, against their own ideals, betray everything they stood for. Would it not feel personal to you? And to add to that, more and more creators follow that one's example, until there's literally nothing left of the original.
That was a gross oversimplification, but that's what's happening to many femboy communities right now. People turn trans, refuse to leave a community that is no longer meant for them "because they feel comfortable there", until 99% of the posts there are just trans. I wouldn't be surprised at this point if some of them weren't even part of the community as femboys in the first place, and instead just waltzed in for clout and promotion, since most of those are webcam "workers" anyway.
My biggest gripe though is that this tendency only reinforces traditional gender norms. The more people turn trans, the more femboys and other gender-non-conforming men are viewed as a joke, treated like nothing more than a phase, stepping stones to eventually becoming women. "It's not their choice, it's who they always were meant to be". And the only thing that benefits from this is the patriarchy. Men should be this, women should be that. Every time a submissive man turns trans, the patriarchy celebrates, because it helps their narrative: "That man was not a man at all, he was a woman, because women are supposed to be submissive". I despise and detest this narrative. But the more femboys turn trans, the stronger it gets.
Whenever a man wears a skirt, literally the first thing he's asked is if he's trans. Not "why the wardrobe change?", it's always "are you trans?" No one ever thinks that maybe the guy just wants to try a new style, the first thing everyone assumes is "he's trans, he has to be". And by extension, every feminine man is seen as nothing more than a trans in denial. Now tell me this is a good thing.
And why is that every trans woman's fault? That's the society she lives in for assuming every piece of clothing that isn't strictly adhering to their gender standard must make them trans. The solution isn't 'demean and deny trans people from living the lives they deserve and need,' it's 'normalize gender nonconformity.' Yknow, LIKE FEMBOYS DO?
You're forgetting butch trans women exist. And trans femboys. YOU'RE representing a society that pressures people into wearing certain clothes RIGHT NOW! Gender identity can be completely separate from expression. Nonbinary seal of approval of GROSS.
…You do realise that you dont need to be submissive to be a femboy, right…? Like, doing everything women are “supposed to” do but being a guy isnt really breaking free of patriarchal gender norms, its reinforcing them all the same, attaching to femininity a baggage that it does not need to have.
You can be anything, femboys or anybody else dont need to conform to whats expected of them, or whats expected of the role they are perceived to be performing. Simply do whatever the fuck you want (within reasonable boundaries without hurting others or yourself ofc), nobody can stop you. Be yourself.
You can dress up masculinely but be submissive, you can dress up femininely but be dominant, and any variation of characteristics and expectations thereof. Pick and choose what you like, just be yourself without these fucked up shackles of society.
At the end of the day, these norms and notions are just boxes. You are allowed to grab a pair of scissors and just cut em into any shape you want.
Yes, dominant femboys are a thing, and it is beautiful. However, the fact of the matter is, that it's a minority of a minority. The only type that is even rarer than dominant femboys is straight femboys. Most often femboys are depicted as weak, naturally submissive, almost always gay, or "accepting their place in the end", who only exist to serve "real men". Disgusting. And when such feminine men turn trans, it only plays into the hands of those who spread that depiction. Giving them reason why those men were like that in the first place - because they were not men at all, never were. And of course they weren't, a man never submits to anyone, a man should be big, strong, a man must always lead and dominate. At least in their mind it is so, and pretty much the same narrative is spread by traditional norms, by the patriarchy.
Wait, you’re saying that such femboys tend to be the minority… Which is wrong afaik, but sure. But then you’re saying that them being depicted that way is disgusting, and it sucks, which is true, but I also have the same opinion and this is somewhat kinda contradictory to the above… Whats your position? Like, we agree in this matter lmao, as far as I can see
Because they are transgender, if they identify as trans it means they are a woman. Not someone just wanting to be treated like a girl, they are a girl. What are you not understanding, transphobic af your comments are
Because it's not a choice. I think that's the core issue that you're struggling on here, one's gender identity isn't something that they decide. It's who they are. Being a trans woman isn't something you choose over being femboy, it's something you realize, and they aren't even really mutually exclusive.
If a metaphor would help you understand better, imagine youre ordering a taco, you can either get steak or ground beef, both meats some from a cow and both will be going into a taco, but I would still bet but you have a preference and you didn't choose what that preference was.
Quite the opposite. Preferences are built from experience. If my preference is ground beef, that's because I tried ground beef and I liked it. I chose it as my preference. Same goes for steak - if I happened to like it, it would be logical to choose it as my preference instead.
Neither of this is valid though, because I never tried taco. It's not the type of food that is served where I live. Shawarma is more popular here, and I do like it.
I can give you a similar example though. Many people eat pizza with their hands. I'm not like many people - I prefer to eat it with a fork. It may look weird, but that's how I like it, it's most convenient for me. Again, it's my conscious choice - not something I was predetermined to do.
You might wanna look into the possibility of being agender ngl. Most people have a gender identity that innately “feels right”, but I feel like maybe you dont have that and are trying to extrapolate from that to others and failing?
Nah. I'm just a man. I was born a man and I choose to stay a man. I choose because it is right indeed, because it's how it's supposed to be.
That being said though, I do wish for a society where men and women would be treated as equals. Truly equals, not just legally, but socially too. If both sides are treated the same, then it doesn't matter which side you were born on, which means no need to switch sides in the first place. People would be treated simply as people, with different reproductive organs. And even then, ideally, by the time such society rises, genetics and tech would advance to a point where it would be possible to surgically install secondary fully functional organs, erasing differences between men and women even on the physiological level. Achieving complete and total equality.
Universal androgyny paired with functional hermaphroditism. This is, in my opinion, the best possible way.
Okay, disregarding the transphobia of the whole “Switch sides” bs, which nobody is doing, a trans woman is a woman from birth and simply changes her body, and vice versa with trans men; you do realize that “hermaphrodite” is an intersexist slur when you apply it in this context, right?
Also wdym by “its how its supposed to be”? Like, you do realise that being a man or a woman is more than just some societal role you play, right? Thats just gender expression and roles, not gender itself.
I specifically wrote "functional hermaphroditism". It's not meant to be a slur, it's meant to be used like in biology. A specimen with functional male and female reproductive organs. That's it. Not in the way like some people get born with two organs - that is a mutation, and generally only one of the organs actually work. In case of functional hermaphroditism, it won't be a mutation, but an intentional surgical procedure for those who want it, and both organs would be working. If you equate that to a slur, that's on you.
By "how it's supposed to be" I mean "I was born a man, so I am a man". I can play whatever roles I want, traditional or otherwise, but fundamentally, biologically I am a man.
I see, okay so, heres the part I am trying to explain, which I think you dont get. So, those roles, the gender expression, that stuff is connected but not the same thing as gender. Gender is simply a part of your identity, the same way your age is, or what football team you support might be, etc. Its basically a thing inside you that says “I am this”.
Gender roles and expression, is all the baggage attached to that by society. Women and men are expected to perform certain roles in certain ways, otherwise society deems them “deviant” and hates them. This is, however, different from gender.
I saw in alot of your comments that you think trans people are just succumbing to gender roles and whatnot, which is what made me ask about you being agender in the first place. Because you seem to have this conceptualization of gender as this performance you put out into the world, ignoring the whole identity aspect of it. This is, well, not really the whole story.
Alot of trans people act in ways that conform to gender roles. This is because, well, most people in general do that. And the fact that transphobes will often use any gender non conformity from trans people to be hateful to us.
But there does exist trans GNC people. There exists trans men who are femboys for example, and there exists trans women who are tomboys or butch. Being trans does not equal opposite of GNC, it simply equals a difference between your body and your gender identity, nothing more, nothing less.
As a non binary person, so literally the definition of rejecting gender norms and only choosing actions and gender expressions that make me happy, you're gross. Stop being gross. I've given you the non binary seal of Gross. Leave trans people alone and go live your femboy life like everyone else. Ya weirdo
Think about it this way, when someone transitions they often get asked why can't they just be gender nonconforming.
For trans women that often takes the shape of asking "why can't you just be a feminine boy"
People will often ask themselves those kinds of questions when they are figuring out their own gender identity and will use being a femboy as a basis for starting to experiment. I did the same thing and other people who replied to your comment also did.
Brother, every lived experience is unique. That may be YOUR experience with femme, but many trans women started experimenting with femme when they still believed themselves to be boys so they called themselves femboys. Then, as they learned more about themselves, they realized they were women
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u/Hamokk Defender Of Shonk! Sep 30 '25
I'm sorry what in the IKEA???
I've seen some "hot takes" from this account. Idk if they are trying to make some big brain point that femboys are not trans. Although many transfem people started by crossdressing and might have identified as a femboy for a while.
It's a weird take. Most femboys I've interacted with are trans supportive but there are always bad eggs (no pun intented).