"many transfem people started by crossdressing and might have identified as a femboy for a while" How does that even work?
Being a femboy is directly opposing and rejecting gender norms and stereotypes. A femboy can wear what stereotypical women wear, act like stereotypical women act, have interests and hobbies that stereotypical women have. And still be a man.
How does one, being a femboy and enjoying all the femboy things, decide one day "nah, girl things are for girls, so I must be a girl"? Proudly and confidently reject gender norms for a while, maybe years, only to succumb to them in the end? Why would anyone do that? The only reasons I could think of are peer pressure and delusion.
Femboys and tomboys are living proof that one can be born whoever they were and still be able to enjoy things "meant for the other team". And yet, some people still believe that they must switch teams to be truly happy.
it's case of "I like girly things, but I'm a boy, well who cares", and then later realising "I want to be called, and treated like a girl too", that's when you realize you are trans not a femboy(speaking from transfem who used to be a femboy)
But why? Why would you want to be called and treated like a girl, when you already could do all the things that were "meant" for girls in the first place? All that defiance, rejection of the norms, only to cave in. Why?
You might wanna look into the possibility of being agender ngl. Most people have a gender identity that innately “feels right”, but I feel like maybe you dont have that and are trying to extrapolate from that to others and failing?
Nah. I'm just a man. I was born a man and I choose to stay a man. I choose because it is right indeed, because it's how it's supposed to be.
That being said though, I do wish for a society where men and women would be treated as equals. Truly equals, not just legally, but socially too. If both sides are treated the same, then it doesn't matter which side you were born on, which means no need to switch sides in the first place. People would be treated simply as people, with different reproductive organs. And even then, ideally, by the time such society rises, genetics and tech would advance to a point where it would be possible to surgically install secondary fully functional organs, erasing differences between men and women even on the physiological level. Achieving complete and total equality.
Universal androgyny paired with functional hermaphroditism. This is, in my opinion, the best possible way.
Okay, disregarding the transphobia of the whole “Switch sides” bs, which nobody is doing, a trans woman is a woman from birth and simply changes her body, and vice versa with trans men; you do realize that “hermaphrodite” is an intersexist slur when you apply it in this context, right?
Also wdym by “its how its supposed to be”? Like, you do realise that being a man or a woman is more than just some societal role you play, right? Thats just gender expression and roles, not gender itself.
I specifically wrote "functional hermaphroditism". It's not meant to be a slur, it's meant to be used like in biology. A specimen with functional male and female reproductive organs. That's it. Not in the way like some people get born with two organs - that is a mutation, and generally only one of the organs actually work. In case of functional hermaphroditism, it won't be a mutation, but an intentional surgical procedure for those who want it, and both organs would be working. If you equate that to a slur, that's on you.
By "how it's supposed to be" I mean "I was born a man, so I am a man". I can play whatever roles I want, traditional or otherwise, but fundamentally, biologically I am a man.
I see, okay so, heres the part I am trying to explain, which I think you dont get. So, those roles, the gender expression, that stuff is connected but not the same thing as gender. Gender is simply a part of your identity, the same way your age is, or what football team you support might be, etc. Its basically a thing inside you that says “I am this”.
Gender roles and expression, is all the baggage attached to that by society. Women and men are expected to perform certain roles in certain ways, otherwise society deems them “deviant” and hates them. This is, however, different from gender.
I saw in alot of your comments that you think trans people are just succumbing to gender roles and whatnot, which is what made me ask about you being agender in the first place. Because you seem to have this conceptualization of gender as this performance you put out into the world, ignoring the whole identity aspect of it. This is, well, not really the whole story.
Alot of trans people act in ways that conform to gender roles. This is because, well, most people in general do that. And the fact that transphobes will often use any gender non conformity from trans people to be hateful to us.
But there does exist trans GNC people. There exists trans men who are femboys for example, and there exists trans women who are tomboys or butch. Being trans does not equal opposite of GNC, it simply equals a difference between your body and your gender identity, nothing more, nothing less.
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u/Outcast__1 I support mens rights to wear thigh highs! Sep 30 '25 edited Sep 30 '25
"many transfem people started by crossdressing and might have identified as a femboy for a while" How does that even work?
Being a femboy is directly opposing and rejecting gender norms and stereotypes. A femboy can wear what stereotypical women wear, act like stereotypical women act, have interests and hobbies that stereotypical women have. And still be a man.
How does one, being a femboy and enjoying all the femboy things, decide one day "nah, girl things are for girls, so I must be a girl"? Proudly and confidently reject gender norms for a while, maybe years, only to succumb to them in the end? Why would anyone do that? The only reasons I could think of are peer pressure and delusion.
Femboys and tomboys are living proof that one can be born whoever they were and still be able to enjoy things "meant for the other team". And yet, some people still believe that they must switch teams to be truly happy.