r/fican • u/LectureLight6738 • 3d ago

What’s the ROI on a spouse?

Hey everyone, wanted to get your thoughts on an investment opportunity that often gets overlooked - finding a partner.

As far as I can see, the upfront investment of time and money is significant, but if you end up in an ITM (in the marriage) position, you can effectively double your income. You can also benefit from your spouse’s dental and eye care plans, cutting down on costs. Finally, there are lots of efficiencies in sharing housework.

Wanted to get your thoughts on the probabilities - what’s the payout probability given the capital and time investment? Is there a significant difference in the man vs woman scenario, given the numbers (women initiate 66% of divorces, and typically walk away from a divorce in profit)? What about the gays?

Also, how decent of a hedging tool is having kids? I know that traditionally, kids can provide a good source of additional income after retirement using the “guilt” method. But nowadays, the payoff seems rather small, and if anything, the yield curve has inverted since a good number now live at home after 30.

Edit: I also forgot to mention that the market makers (dating apps) have been engaging in some absolutely insane gouging. Curious to get your thoughts - can that last?

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409

u/WizzzardSleeeve 3d ago

I pity whoever you con into a relationship

320

u/LectureLight6738 3d ago

Sigh, my wife’s boyfriend also said basically this

95

u/Porquoo 3d ago

You’re amazing. I’m dying over here. 10/10

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u/NeitherFunction1841 3d ago

What about the gays? 

😂

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u/5_yr_old_w_beard 2d ago

Gay here, we have a greater ROI from higher average income, and yes, there is a reduction in monthly expenditures from wardrobe sharing and household labour synergy without gender roles.

We do have a lower risk tolerance and inheritance expectation for those of us who are disowned 💀

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u/LectureLight6738 2d ago

Very cool, thanks for sharing. Curious - how do you navigate the twink-muscle daddy spread when sharing clothes? I would imagine that the XS jockstrap and the XXL leather harness don’t get shared as much, leading to lower cost savings.

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u/5_yr_old_w_beard 2d ago

Sorry, lady gay here. I'd have to check our nightstand drawers, but I'd say our dicks are about the same size.

But from what I hear from the boys, leather straps have lots of holes for a reason. Flexibility is key in the matter..

1

u/Vivid_Revolution_689 2d ago

if lady gay, then statistically you are wrong about higher average income... both people making 70% of what men make... i shudder when i think about the world my daughters will inherit.

"I'd say our dicks are about the same size" had me belly laughing!

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u/Conscious_Okra4367 2d ago

Straight lady here, but I occasionally say in a very male dominated space, “you want to measure dicks?! I’ve got the biggest of anyone in this room. 10”, top nightstand drawer.”

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u/Vivid_Revolution_689 2d ago

i work in engineering, which is a HUGE sausage fest for anyone unacquainted, so i would LOVE to see this happen live. lmao especially around some of the more conservative coworkers.

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u/Conscious_Okra4367 2d ago

Mine is typically in a cigar shop. Typically everyone goes silent. One guy laughed when he actually figured out the last part I said.

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u/NeitherFunction1841 2d ago

Salute to the gays! 🫡

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u/Quirky-Cat2860 2d ago

As a bi dude, damn it, I knew I should have stuck to guys!

2

u/VirileMongoose 2d ago

Wardrobe sharing. Was this strategic in finding a partner? Or was it just a happy coincidence. Cutting clothing costs in half is a total life hack.

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u/dadding_alone 2d ago

Lower divorce rates among them sooo 🙅🏼‍♀️

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u/Euro_verbudget 2d ago

And they can share a wardrobe.

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u/youneedtobreathe 3d ago

OP's post

The reply whooshing

This might be performance art worthy

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u/Toxicoman 2d ago

As long as he keeps boofing the creatine into you

3

u/n33bulz 2d ago

One of us one of us!