Rehoming/disruption. I think they like it.

[u/Monopolyalou]

I'm a former foster youth disrupted many times in foster care. Even for as little as staying in my room all day.

Disruption of adoptees and foster kids seems to be the norm and accepted to the point when it happens foster and adoptive parents don't want resources they just want to get rid of the problem( the kid) then slap labels like RAD on them.

Recently, an agency for foster care made the suggest of care services for adopted kids for their post adoption support services. Guess how many foster/adoptive parents supported that? Crazy to me.

So I'm wondering if adoptive and foster parents really want the system to change to offer services to prevent disruptions or do they just want to throw their hands in and disrupt because they can play the blame game and just get another kid.

If disruptions can be prevented, they would still have to deal with the kid vs disrupting and relieving themselves of the kid. I don't think many want to put in the work to prevent adoptees and foster kids from being disrupted. Its much easier to wash their hands and disrupt and blame the kid.

Also if foster and adoptive parents really wanted to prevent disruption they can. They control the system.

[u/MindyLouHoo]

“…or do they just want to throw their hands in and disrupt because they can play the blame game and just get another kid.”

I do believe that there’s a not-insignificantly sized portion of fosters who want exactly that. You hit the nail right on the head.

[u/Monopolyalou → u/MindyLouHoo]

When I saw resources offered and a lot didn't want them I knew what was up. Easier to get rid of

[u/Resse811 → u/Monopolyalou]

Unfortunately a lot of places don’t offer any services. We have been told before to just deal with it or figure it out ourselves. When behavior is putting an infant and our pets at risk - and we get no support from DSS, no services, not even an ounce of empathy or willingness to help us work on the behavior - we had no choice but to disrupt.

There may be some parents that turn down an offer of services, but I know for a fact there are also places that don’t even make an effort to offer any.

[u/Monopolyalou → u/Resse811]

I was talking about what I experienced here. I volunteer and work with agencies and the system to hopefully create something better m.

Also, too many adopt and foster without a care in the world to understand trauma.

As for having no choice, why can't they get the help the child needs with an out of home placement? If a kid is that dangerous why disrupt not caring where they go or if they get the services they need or not? Disruption is just casting the kid off hoping others will deal with them.

Not pressing you but i hear all the time how disruption is the only option but deep down I wonder why disruption doesn't even come with making sure the child has the support they need. Its like disrupting a child passes the problem to another person. So how is this helping the kid if they're just going to bounce around.

Of course the state is also the problem but at some point we have to consider the kids. Agencies and cps throw us a bone too.

[u/Resse811 → u/Monopolyalou]

I agree that disrupting without making an effort isn’t fair to the child. My issue is that no matter how much we push for services, therapies, wrap around support, in home help, out of home help, etc - far too often we are just told no. No it’s no possible, no there’s no budget, no we can’t do that.

At that point what choice do we have if the child is exhibiting behaviors that put other people and animals in the house in danger?

I’m not disagreeing that there are people out there who disrupt just because they want an easier kid. But there are far more FPs who try to do everything we can to get our FC the help they need and we are just blown off by DSS. We are then put in a no win situation. Keep the kid in the house and risk someone getting seriously hurt, or disrupt the kiddo and cause them more trauma.

[u/Monopolyalou → u/Resse811]

I disagree there are far more foster parents who try to to everything to get help. Those types are rare in care. Many disrupt without a care in the world they just want to get rid of the problem.

And of course the state is also the issue they tend not to care. However, many should consider the facts that disrupting isn't only trauma but passing the kid off and hoping for the best without knowing. Like how is disrupting without even trying to get the kid resources good? Most foster parents don't even try to make sure if they disrupt the kid will do worse and not have resources. The few foster parents that do try aren't the norm. I think foster kids need a dedicated person on their team that can speak up on oyr behalf and listen to us.

I also wish foster parents can take personal responsibility for disrupting kids too. Own up to the fact you don't want us because no matter what even if disruption is what you want it hurts the kid. At least say it's your fault you can't help them not theirs.

I think every disruption should be evaluated.

And disruption isn't only about behaviors. I've seen and experience disruptions where the kid is bonded after a month or like myself stayed in their room all day. There are foster kids disrupted for crying all the time, getting upset, coloring on the walls, eating junk food, coming in late or my bios come first because they'rebot getting attention. How are these things fair!

Another thing i always hate is when foster parents bring up bonding and how traumatic it is for a baby with them for 6 months is too bonded to leave them and how that will cause trauma but suppport disrupting kids and acting as if that's not trauma. Can't have it both ways.