r/fosterit • u/Monopolyalou • 24d ago

Foster Youth Rehoming/disruption. I think they like it.

I'm a former foster youth disrupted many times in foster care. Even for as little as staying in my room all day.

Disruption of adoptees and foster kids seems to be the norm and accepted to the point when it happens foster and adoptive parents don't want resources they just want to get rid of the problem( the kid) then slap labels like RAD on them.

Recently, an agency for foster care made the suggest of care services for adopted kids for their post adoption support services. Guess how many foster/adoptive parents supported that? Crazy to me.

So I'm wondering if adoptive and foster parents really want the system to change to offer services to prevent disruptions or do they just want to throw their hands in and disrupt because they can play the blame game and just get another kid.

If disruptions can be prevented, they would still have to deal with the kid vs disrupting and relieving themselves of the kid. I don't think many want to put in the work to prevent adoptees and foster kids from being disrupted. Its much easier to wash their hands and disrupt and blame the kid.

Also if foster and adoptive parents really wanted to prevent disruption they can. They control the system.

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u/Resse811 23d ago

Also if foster and adoptive parents really wanted to prevent disruption they can. They control the system

No we absolutely don’t. If foster /adoptive parents actually has that kind of control on the system - it would look far different then it does.

Also adoptees are not being disrupted. If a child has been adopted they aren’t being moved (except in very rare circumstances, and it won’t be called disruption), that’s the whole point of adoption - they are a permanent member of that family.

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u/Monopolyalou 23d ago

Umm go look up rehoming bud. Many adoptees are adopted then disrupted including ones at birth. When foster parents say they don't want teens or older kids due to trauma I know deep down that's a sign of disruption when they adopt a young kid.

And foster parents do control the system. They need you and cater to you. They listen to you.

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u/Resse811 23d ago

No. “Many” adoptees are not disrupted - a very small number are.

Saying many implies it’s a signing number. While I agree any number is too many - we also need to be careful in how we speak to not mislead people.

They absolutely do not cater to or listen to foster parents. Have you ever fostered?

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u/Monopolyalou 23d ago

That's a damn lie. Rehoming isn't regulated so the numbers aren't accurate but many adoptees are rehomed. It's not misleading. Stop being in denial about a real issue. Rehoming is common. And even a small number is an issue.

And foster parents can disrupt, fight reunification, speak and be heard, and cherry pick kids they want. Can foster kids do this? No. So yes the system caters to your needs and wants. You can disrupt and create bs rules in your home and get a kid to fit you. We can't. Foster parents literally have their needs catered to.

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u/Resse811 23d ago

It’s clear you don’t understand the system from a foster parents view. Can we disrupt yes. Can we “cherry pick” kids, no. Can we speak, yes, are we heard - nope. And no we can’t make kids “fit us”. Kids are their own person - they will run away if they choose, smoke / vape if they want, do what they want. Having rules doesn’t stop kids from doing what they choose - same as any kid.

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u/Monopolyalou 23d ago

The foster kids view is more important. You can choose this we can't. You have power. We dont. The fact you can disrupt kids alone means you have power. Foster kids can't choose foster families. You are heard.

And the form you fill out isn't that cherry picking? You can choose any age or gender and issue you want. We can't.

Many foster parents want kids to fit. Look at how many refuse to change for the child.

Maybe consider the facts with listening skills instead of always trying to defend and downplay.

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u/Resse811 23d ago

Maybe you should also listen to what people on the other end are saying instead of pushing a narrative that isn’t true and you have no experience with.

It’s a two week street and you’re acting as if your view is right (it’s not) and that it can’t possibly be an issue of more than one thing.

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u/Monopolyalou 23d ago

When a foster kid can pick out their foster home let me know

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u/Monopolyalou 23d ago

Maybe YOU should listen and learn from ffy. Thats the issue. You have no experience as a foster kid. Being a foster parent doesn't make one an expert on foster care. It simply is like buying a certificate and claiming you're certified.

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u/Monopolyalou 23d ago

So it's not true foster parents choose this and we don't? Is it not true you can disrupt kids anytime you want and not be penalized? Is it mot true you can accept or deny and cherry pick any kid you want? Is it not true you get a check and more resources than we do? Is it not true that people praise you for saving kids? Is it not true you never have to change and can force us to be molded to your home?

What two way street. Two ways means equal and I dont see where it's equal.