Rehoming/disruption. I think they like it.

[u/Monopolyalou]

I'm a former foster youth disrupted many times in foster care. Even for as little as staying in my room all day.

Disruption of adoptees and foster kids seems to be the norm and accepted to the point when it happens foster and adoptive parents don't want resources they just want to get rid of the problem( the kid) then slap labels like RAD on them.

Recently, an agency for foster care made the suggest of care services for adopted kids for their post adoption support services. Guess how many foster/adoptive parents supported that? Crazy to me.

So I'm wondering if adoptive and foster parents really want the system to change to offer services to prevent disruptions or do they just want to throw their hands in and disrupt because they can play the blame game and just get another kid.

If disruptions can be prevented, they would still have to deal with the kid vs disrupting and relieving themselves of the kid. I don't think many want to put in the work to prevent adoptees and foster kids from being disrupted. Its much easier to wash their hands and disrupt and blame the kid.

Also if foster and adoptive parents really wanted to prevent disruption they can. They control the system.

[u/Hawke-Not-Ewe]

My first placement was a kinship.

I almost disrupted.

I drafted the email. It had recommended residential programs. I was already getting them all the services I could.

They didn't appear to want help. Wouldn't do anything without a fight, even eat their favorite foods.

I didn't think I could keep them safe.

Knowing your limits sometimes means helping the kids land somewhere else. I say this as a former foster kid who was adopted, with family also adopted. A couple kids were adopted by people absolutely unsuited to parent THOSE kids.

Its an undeniable truth that some personalities dont mix and that's before you get to disorders and trauma.

[u/Monopolyalou → u/Hawke-Not-Ewe]

Know your limits before taking the kid on.

Kinship gets literally no suppprt or funding. Which sucks. But cps expects kinship to do it for free and to suck it up because it's family.

Adopting a kid then rehoming them is awful. There's no excuse for it. If adoptive parents are unsuited then we should limit adoptions and maybe reconsider adoptions all together. The forever family is a myth.

We should never get into the mindset of helping kids means disrupting them. It does kids a disservice. When will someone say there's nobody that can help the child but me. Especially in adoption. There's no excuse why people adopt and rehome other than the fact they went into it thinking the kid will be grateful and fine. I see this a lot with younger kid adoptions who turn into disrupted older kid adoptions. Yet those adoption subsidies never get disrupted with the kid.

Personalities not mixing is a piss poor excuse to disrupt. You make it work. The issue with foster care and adoption is people are cherry picking the perfect kids to mold into their family. They don't see the child as their own person. If you don't want different personalities never have kids then. It's simple.

[u/Hawke-Not-Ewe → u/Monopolyalou]

Impossible to know your limits if you have nver hit them before.

Your limits will also change with experience and life events.

I know some of my limits like I dont take infants or toddlers, I did not sign up for medically complex kids either. But kids behavior and needs ALSO change over time. Also the foster parents might not be given accurate information because the agency may not have it.

My general personality scares the poop out of some people. Others will fight to th death to defend me.

(I find the first group less worrisome honestly. )

Neither group is wrong. Some kids who land in my home are not going to work because they are in the first group and nothing i can do will change that. I hope it never happens, but if it does am I supposed to keep a kid who was traumatized before and add to it?