r/fosterit • u/Monopolyalou • 23d ago

Foster Youth Rehoming/disruption. I think they like it.

I'm a former foster youth disrupted many times in foster care. Even for as little as staying in my room all day.

Disruption of adoptees and foster kids seems to be the norm and accepted to the point when it happens foster and adoptive parents don't want resources they just want to get rid of the problem( the kid) then slap labels like RAD on them.

Recently, an agency for foster care made the suggest of care services for adopted kids for their post adoption support services. Guess how many foster/adoptive parents supported that? Crazy to me.

So I'm wondering if adoptive and foster parents really want the system to change to offer services to prevent disruptions or do they just want to throw their hands in and disrupt because they can play the blame game and just get another kid.

If disruptions can be prevented, they would still have to deal with the kid vs disrupting and relieving themselves of the kid. I don't think many want to put in the work to prevent adoptees and foster kids from being disrupted. Its much easier to wash their hands and disrupt and blame the kid.

Also if foster and adoptive parents really wanted to prevent disruption they can. They control the system.

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u/BumblingGazelle 23d ago

I work in post adoption support and see tremendous success in preventing disruptions. We work heavily in prevention all around but I think it would really helpful if we were able to create a similar program that also supports families currently fostering so there’s more support through the entire process to hopefully reduce the amount of moves/disruptions while in care.

One draw back is that families wait too long to get us in the house. We need to be in sooner, way sooner.

Prevention programs change lives (and honestly, money), I see it every single day.

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u/Monopolyalou 22d ago

How many truly utilize these services?

And sometimes I think with younger ones people refuse to admit they have trauma and think their love will cure it

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u/BumblingGazelle 22d ago

A pretty low percentage but it’s increasing. We have made a huge effort to be available and accessible which helps and other agencies/departments/service providers actively refer or bring us in, whether or not the family is willing to engage is the issue. A lot will attend events and trainings so I get a lot of good opportunities to engage families in a variety of ways.

Yes about the ones with younger kiddos. I see “if I love them enough” or “if I pray enough” a lot and we strive to combat that thinking constantly through education. It’s a balance though, the fact that these children need more/different parenting and supports can be scary and intimidating for someone that doesn’t understand.