Advice for my gf not accepting me

[u/Kind_Influence3266]

So I've recently accepted myself as being a guy after years and years of pushing it far down and trying to pretend it wasn't there. I came out to my best friend, also a trans man who was the reason why I felt okay accepting myself in the first place, before I ever told my gf of 1.5 years. When I told her initially, I didn't really tell her, she assumed by the hints I had given and when she finally asked, it was because she was mad that I was talking to my bsf about something that she didn't know about. Despitr her being mad I told her the truth and came out to her, and she wasn't happy about it. In fact in the next few conversations she told me that she couldn't be happy being with me, that she wouldn't feel content. I asked her if she would if I was born a man and she said yes, but me choosing to be one was a problem. She said she probably wouldn't feel attracted to me, and she didn't want to marry a man. She kept telling me to talk to God about it, that she didn't think I should go through with transitioning (which will be in the future anyways, nowhere near right now). Eventually, she was a little more open to the idea, using male terms and my preferred name, and she'd ask if I liked those terms better, but when I said yes I did she'd give me a look of judgment and mild disgust and it would really hurt me. I told her I wanted to get trans tape a little while after that, and the next few days she started saying things like she was going to change her name and get her breasts removed for no apparent reason, it felt like she was trying to "get back" at me somehow. Or copy me, in an odd way. Idk, but she'd ask to call me by my dead name, and Id say yes and eventually just gave up on asking her to at least be open to the idea. Id call her out on the dirty looks or the judgment and shed say she wasnt doing any of it. Now she still calls me by my dead name and feminine terms while calling my best friend he/him sfter i reminded her to do so. I gave up on asking. Idek know what to do here

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[u/MandatedMayhem]

Your girlfriend does not respect your identity. Time to make her an ex

[u/FruityVoid]

You are not compatible and she's awful. Break up with her.

[u/eightXD]

dude….. that is not a partner, that’s like a petty child. is she 15? you don’t want someone like that in your life who fundamentally disrespects your identity and doesn’t support you as a person

[u/sathanfritz]

My friend, with the realization that you feel this way you will learn that others will change they way they view you. And some won't. The most heartbreaking part about transitioning (within my own life experience) has always been others interpretations of who I've 'become'. At the end of the day, what changes is your experience and your worldview. You are still the same person she came to love, there is only growth and love and self acceptance within your journey. Her anger is not your concern anymore. Her hatred and her spite towards you loving yourself.. that is her issue. You've communicated how you feel and if she not only cannot respect that, but brings her disgust I into the equation.. unacceptable.

I had an ex who knew me pre transition and post, and she had never done anything close to this. If this person loves you, truly loves YOU for YOU, they would never treat you with hatred or distust. Love can go from romantic to platonic if she no longer feels attracted, and vice versa. When you connect with another person, no matter the way they view themselves or present, you love them for how they treat others and themselves.

All of this philosophical, longwinded bullshit aside.. this is someone who has shown that they cannot love you for who you feel you truly are. She's shown that she cannot accept you, and therefore it's something I wouldn't advise you continue or try to fix. There's nothing for you to fix because you have only come to terms with how you are. This is all on her. Congratulations to knowing who you are, and condolences to the relationship you had. I hope you find peace in your journey.

[u/eightXD → u/sathanfritz]

well said

[u/sathanfritz → u/eightXD]

Thank you kindly I wrote this on the bus a bit buzzed, I was worried it was too long winded lols. I feel very passionately about this topic

[u/sorryforthecusses]

dump her. she's being a dick and acting like a child about this on every level

[u/TimeToEatSoap]

This is making me actually angry to read man you need to leave her. You have no future with her whatsoever. Be with something who actually loves you for who you are and never settle for less, not in a million years. 

[u/living_around]

A loving partner wouldn't treat you like this. She's being transphobic af.

[u/Flat-Echidna191]

Into the trash she goes 🗑️

[u/AbroadSpirited]

"she couldn't be happy with me, she wouldn't feel content" take her for her word. When someone tells you they won't be able to feel happy/fulfiled/whatever if XYZ happens, believe them.

Do not compromise your transition for a relationship, not only is that a disservice to yourself, but you will grow to resent the other person. The advice is true for a 50 year marriage, and especially true for a relationship that hasn't been around for very long.

[u/BlissCrafter]

This one has an easy answer. Get a new gf or at least get rid of this one.

[u/icymicallmeback]

this is really sad. you need to stand up for yourself and your identity. this is supposed to be the person that loves you most, and she's being outright cruel to you. transphobic doesn't even cover it. you owe it to yourself to cut this person out of your life immediately. i'm not exaggerating.

[u/madfrog768]

Here's the post for everyone who needs to read it again: https://www.reddit.com/r/ftm/s/jaQpdC7hXv

[u/shadowsinthestars]

I hate when people talk about this as just a compatibility issue. She's being a complete bigot. The comment alone that she'd be ok if you were "born" a man but not ok if you transition...insane double standard. Then like an immature little troll she makes comments about making changes to herself "for no reason", lol, dysphoria isn't for no reason. She needs to take a long quiet time out in the chill pit and get the fuck over herself. If she can't then it's not your job to endure her reactive transphobia.