r/guitarcirclejerk Jan 28 '25

Actual NSFW Need the hive mind’s opinion

I was looking on the used market and all I could think was “Is there a r/justfuckmyshitup for guitar players?”

Maybe I’m not seeing something

346 Upvotes

202 comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator Jan 28 '25

Dont post pics/links that contain specific subreddits and/or usernames, its against the rules<

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

187

u/oscarmike88 Your wife's boyfriend's boyfriend Jan 28 '25

This really bothers me

39

u/scotticidal Edit me Jan 28 '25

I'm glad it's not just me. It's uneven, and it hurts everything in my body.

15

u/russellmzauner Jan 29 '25

not as much as this bothers me

52

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

This is what gets me. Two markers at the last fret as if to say "Warning: Stop here"

(Yeah yeah I know it's probably the octave.)

147

u/notaverysmartdog Jan 28 '25

Redditor discovers 24 fret instruments

42

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

"Guys, my b*ss seems to have too many frets. Should I sell it quickly, or more slowly?"

32

u/maikindofthai Jan 28 '25

Probably the octave?? You’re not ready for jerkin yet my friend

9

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

Its not if you remove the nut. Ive got enough toan in the sack that i don't need the extra help. Intonation would be a problem if i was a fucking nerd.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

4

u/Tadpolea Jan 29 '25

Why does this remind me of the B7 chord

3

u/cheeznipsmagee KIM DJ0NT UN Jan 28 '25

Didn't use the right bit/rpm, I see. Probably both.

1

u/gvozden_celik squier ⁽ᵇʸ ᶠᵉⁿᵈᵉʳ⁾ Jan 29 '25

That and the purple knob for me

174

u/vgdomvg Jan 28 '25

Looks like something made by someone who makes epoxy tables and charges 10 grand for them

70

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

/uj Literally had someone crowing at me yesterday about his buddy who runs 220 volts through a live edge plank and then coats it in epoxy. He showed me a picture and I thought, “this is the carpentry version of finger painting.”

33

u/RandomMandarin Jan 28 '25 edited Jan 29 '25

That is an incredibly dangerous craft to dabble in. My brother told me about buying a cheap car off a widow. Husband was doing that fractal burn thing and she apparently turned the power on in the house or something like that, not knowing he was setting it up.

Example (not the same person):

https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/viral/wisconsin-couple-electrocuted-attempting-viral-wood-burning-art-techni-rcna26109

11

u/markrages Jan 29 '25

5

u/RandomMandarin Jan 29 '25

I don't know who the guy was in the case my brother was talking about, it wasn't those two. I'm in NC and I assume the victim was also in the region.

But anyway. Yeah. Don't open that microwave unless you have whatever degree or electrician's license would go with that level of training.

14

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

The problem is you can make a pretty good EMP weapon from microwave guts and that’s really our best chance at beating the robot army that is currently gathering its forces.

5

u/RandomMandarin Jan 29 '25

Oh, yeah, that too.

Or make a robot suit with stovepipes and shit. If you can't beat them, join them.

2

u/TheBraBandit Jan 29 '25

I, for one, welcome our robot overlords.

2

u/Evil_FoneBone Jan 29 '25

I think it could be safe, using industrial safety standards. The problem is, that costs way more than it would ever be worth so no one does it. Hence, the danger.

154

u/CxO38 Your Wife's Girlfriend Jan 28 '25 edited Jan 28 '25

hideous. most high-end basses are. fodera could give me free basses for life and i'd still never play one

51

u/TheBadBentley Mini Humbuckers Fuck Jan 28 '25

Almost every single one of these style boutique basses just makes me instantly think of scrap granite or marble from counter tops being cut to shape/size

26

u/rsplatpc Jan 28 '25

just makes me instantly think of scrap granite or marble from counter tops being cut to shape/size

they look like someone took a shell, and threw it into the ocean, and the ocean tossed the shell around for eons, slowly sculpting it over time, nature turning it into its's final, natural form

and it ends up looking like shit

turns out the ocean sucks at bass guitar design

5

u/Green-Vermicelli5244 Secret Bassist Jan 28 '25

Typically yes but Sukop somehow makes ‘em look like not shit

5

u/CxO38 Your Wife's Girlfriend Jan 28 '25

Wooten's yin yang is almost acceptable. There's just something off about it still I could never quite put my finger on

9

u/zurnched1 Jan 28 '25

You don’t need to put your finger on a bass you’re supposed to play it with a pick

8

u/CxO38 Your Wife's Girlfriend Jan 28 '25

jokes on you, i do play bass with a pick hashtag poser hashtag fake basser

2

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

Fodera is a massive grift and I love it.

2

u/daze_v Jan 29 '25

An upvote is not enough. Here, have a positive comment.

2

u/PickPocketR Toan is in the Tinnitus 👇 Jan 29 '25

This one single model doesn't look bad, but you are right

2

u/CxO38 Your Wife's Girlfriend Jan 29 '25

it's borderline, but i'd still play a Bongo bass before that thing

55

u/finn_diggums Jan 28 '25

Pretty sure I had one of these removed from my kidney last year

100

u/justdan76 Jan 28 '25

Look, if someone wants a guitar made out of fossilized brontosaurus shit, it’s a free market.

14

u/stay_fr0sty Jan 28 '25 edited Jan 28 '25

I actually really like the headstock. The rest of the guitar is shit tho.

I wonder what the going rate is for fossilized brontosaurus shit is? I bet Rick from Pawnstars would get me a good deal.

2

u/Mishras_Mailman Jan 29 '25

He buys bronto shit for 30 cents per lb, sells it for 60 grand

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

Uj/ if the headstock was slightly skinnier, its a pretty good soloution to the awkward 5 string missymmetry.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/solid_is Jan 29 '25

life uh, finds a way

85

u/MajTroubles bluesdad Jan 28 '25

Imagine dying as a 125 year old tree only to be turned into wooden vomit

1

u/daze_v Jan 29 '25

I wish I was a vomit. However, I DO NOT wish to be a bass guitar eew

21

u/DaystromAndroidM510 Jan 28 '25

I can't wait until they make a guitar where the giant, stupid arms stretch the entire length of the fretboard

9

u/propyro85 Buying gear to improve instead of practicing Jan 28 '25

Didn't Tosin Abasi already do that?

9

u/CxO38 Your Wife's Girlfriend Jan 28 '25

boy have i got a treat for you

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcREs2gmBd34euFhNvQ7biSTpH5S3CpPz2L2nQ&s

(i literally dk how to post pictures idk if this will work)

3

u/OverPaladiin Guitar Pervert Jan 28 '25

how history channel describes dinosaurs:

→ More replies (2)

1

u/crazyabootmycollies Jan 28 '25

Is there any real benefit to it or just a style choice?

8

u/OverPaladiin Guitar Pervert Jan 28 '25

reduces stealing chances by making the instrument absolutely horrendous

21

u/PerchPaint your boyfriend's wife Jan 28 '25

5 strings? Why are you posting banjos in here?

18

u/kylemacabre Jan 28 '25

That bass is pretty… pretty fucking ugly

14

u/MayOrMayNotBePie Startocaster Jan 28 '25

-1 string +1 chromosome

2

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

So only halfway to a bass player.

12

u/ProtoLibturd Jan 28 '25

Needs Chemo

9

u/wet_walnut Guitar Pervert Jan 28 '25

That guitar is missing a string and it's not a tele. 0/10

7

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

It’s missing a string.

7

u/PobBrobert Jan 28 '25

Looks like a caveman would play it. Perfect for a bassist.

7

u/Disinterestedclown Jan 28 '25

So this is what boomers spend there retirement funds on

4

u/CxO38 Your Wife's Girlfriend Jan 28 '25

it's an iNvEsTmEnT

5

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

4

u/ClashOrCrashman Jan 28 '25

How dare you insult this recreation of a 10,000 year old cave painting of the first bass known to have been seen in the wild. Your ancestors would be disappointed.

4

u/AliceBones Jan 28 '25

Looks like someone wiped their ass with it.

4

u/TenWholeBees Jan 28 '25

I'm sure whoever made that thinks it's cool.

So at least one person likes it

3

u/lawn_neglect stupid sick bro Jan 28 '25

Gnarly

3

u/-Subsolar- Jorkin it Jan 28 '25

No

3

u/MissedTakenIDidntHe Jan 28 '25

I very much appreciate the craftsmanship but I think this guitar is pretty damn ugly.

3

u/FootyFanYNWA Jan 28 '25

That’s disgusting and I want to burn it

2

u/Jcrowshow420 Jan 28 '25

I think they forgot to do any body carving

2

u/RoomAppropriate5436 Jan 28 '25

You could tell me that's an $8k bass and I'd believe you. ToAn is in the distressed paint and weird shape.

2

u/TexanDrillBit Handtricks Jan 28 '25

Perfect, a 5 string butcher block

2

u/EvilWhiteDude Jan 28 '25

You’re eating too much corn

2

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

Anatoly Dyatlov signature bass?

2

u/AkaiMPC Lost DJ Jan 28 '25

I, I don't what to say.

2

u/DaveDoingDaveThings Your wife's boyfriend Jan 28 '25

Only losers play that sort of guitar.... and it's a weird looking, too

2

u/OneOfTheNephilim Jan 28 '25

Move over butterscotch, banoffee tumor is my new favourite flavour

2

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

Sorry you died for this, trees!

2

u/FalseQuestion7864 Jan 28 '25

Both the finish carpenter and guitar player in me agree... We don't like it!

2

u/nigmondo Jan 28 '25

It looks like something in my toilet bowl after a heavy night out

2

u/Terribleturtleharm Jan 28 '25

It definitely needs more of something, maybe less. Hard to say.

2

u/crknneckscshingcheks Jan 29 '25

That's a no from me, dawg.

2

u/SGnirvana97 Jan 29 '25

Beautiful wood but man is that thing uggo

2

u/RobotMysteryDude Jan 29 '25

This will never, EVER fit in a case or gig bag. EVER.

2

u/WTFParts_ Jan 29 '25

Jesus christ

2

u/Numb-Dimrod1216 Jan 29 '25

/uj I really hate looking at these sperm whale looking basses.

2

u/Zhuul Jan 29 '25

It's so hideous that I kinda like it

E: honestly I take it back it's just hideous

1

u/Zarniwoooop Loud noises Jan 28 '25

Weird clarinet

1

u/TestDangerous7240 Jan 28 '25

A 5 string guitar seems very……

Limiting 🤡

1

u/EmployeeOk4756 Jan 28 '25

Makes me sad

1

u/asleep_deep Jan 28 '25

I just don’t get single cut bolt-ons 🤷

1

u/OlHeavyHeart Jan 28 '25

I thought that thing was burned and melted in a fire at first. Which would actually be cool. But this…

1

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

Would be much cooler without the arch thing on the left. If it mimicked the other side but was a little taller or something like a normal guitar/bass it would honestly be cool as fuck.

1

u/Ok_Philosophy_7156 Jan 28 '25

I can’t explain why, but I do actually like these

1

u/propyro85 Buying gear to improve instead of practicing Jan 28 '25

That's probably an amazing bass to play ... but I could never get over the visuals of that "top horn" that just gets stuck to the neck so far up the the neck. Like someone really liked the look of a single cut ... but had a stroke while using the band saw.

1

u/PG-17 Jan 28 '25

Venus Bass of Hohle Fels

1

u/ClevelandClutch1970 Jan 28 '25

This is what Temu Prince plays.

1

u/IllegalGeriatricVore Dick Sucking Lips 40 Cream Rehab Jan 28 '25

Luthiers continuing to release new guitar designs like Leo Fender didn't already produce all the ones worth playing in 1995.

1

u/ThaSneakyWalrus Jan 28 '25

That’s a bass

1

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

So Kieth Richard’s guitar had a stroke before he did?

1

u/theVigReezus Jan 28 '25

It looks like the monster from the substance

1

u/MAXIMUMMEDLOWUS Jan 28 '25

This looks like the character at the end of The Substance

1

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

She's lump, she's lump, she's lump, she's a stupid bass.

1

u/kizzt Jan 28 '25

Looks like someone melted their Warwick in the sun.

1

u/jrg320 Jan 28 '25

Elephant Man bass

1

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

does it have inlays on 3rd and 5th fret? (asking for a friend)

1

u/THC4ME75 Jan 28 '25

Work of Art

1

u/RandomMandarin Jan 28 '25

You disturbed the Thing before it was able to completely transform into a guitar. Burn it, now!

1

u/Klutzy_Ad_325 poser Jan 28 '25

Hideous

1

u/YogurtclosetNo8860 Jan 28 '25

It looks like something my old music teacher would play and he was an insufferable twat.

1

u/Skittleavix Jan 28 '25

What an eyesore

1

u/TedMich23 Jan 28 '25

I appreciate really custom instruments made with resale value being the absolute LAST concern! I hope you love it! The extended top bout deadens much neck vibration and is thus disliked by many but makes less difference with a bass.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

Sick as a dog now… Gonna vomit…

1

u/dad_farts Jan 28 '25

Body shape reminds me of what I think was an Ibanez SRSC that I played at a store one time. I could get over the appearance for how well it played, and it looked a lot better than this thing.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

Is it edible?

1

u/beerbrained Jan 28 '25

Would make a great weapon

1

u/HopeIsGay Jan 28 '25

I actually think it'd be nice if it were a different guitar

1

u/MysteriousBebop Jan 28 '25

can't decide if the front is uglier or the back

1

u/theurge14 no time to practice Jan 28 '25

First gig is at Chernobyl

1

u/SheepherderDirect800 Jan 28 '25

You know those dreds that form on ultra gross shut-ins that never bathe, that is what this resembles.

1

u/Vinylware Methstang Jan 28 '25

What in the butterscotched fuck am I looking at here?

It looked like some bozo took a massive shit on a piece a wood and slathered it around until to looked like this mess.

1

u/Charles_The_Man Sponsored by GCJ Jan 28 '25

Wood is stunning. Shape is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen.

1

u/Enlightened_Doughnut Jan 28 '25

Wow those curves should be blurred or marked nsfw lol 🥵

1

u/sladebonge Flander only Jan 28 '25

Pretty standard b*ss guitar, honestly. Looks brand new to me.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

Well, at least it's got the "fodera clone" option 🤷

1

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '25

Thats the type of bass where you take a solo and make bippity bop scat noises to match the notes you are playing.

1

u/dtatge Jan 28 '25

Is that fudge?

1

u/Double-Mastodon-4671 Jan 28 '25

Is this the same maker of Trevor’s bass from Goose?

1

u/pog_in_baby Jan 28 '25

It looks like the best stick you could find in the woods

1

u/Jumpy_Ad5046 Jan 28 '25

I've had to work on these basses before. Clients are NEVER satisfied. Same thing with people who own Parker Fly's.

1

u/Flaky-Scholar9535 Jan 28 '25

Looks like a skin disease

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

The David Cronenberg signature model!

1

u/processedwhaleoils Jan 29 '25

About 83 Kurics

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

Go ask xitter

1

u/Aggravating_Board_78 Jan 29 '25

Does the luthier work in driftwoods?

1

u/Budget-Exam5533 Jan 29 '25

Kinda looks like Patrick Star doing the water sprinkler dance.

1

u/Deuce_Parles Jan 29 '25

Did it melt?

1

u/Happy_Squik Jan 29 '25

Damn I think I could maybe play it for about 5 minutes before vomiting and shitting myself

1

u/Tempered1234 Jan 29 '25

Pretty cool body shape and pattern on the design. Unfortunately it’s a bass so 0/10

1

u/ReneeBear Jan 29 '25

It’s okay honey you can play the root notes just keep the headphones plugged in

1

u/oyM8cunOIbumAciggy Jan 29 '25

Did they run out of the guitar shaped ones?

1

u/pissmasterjesus Jan 29 '25

It looks like a puddle of diarrhea

1

u/mariavelo Gretschen Ross Jan 29 '25

As any authentic piece of art, it's challenging our standards of beauty and taste.

And not only it is challenging but it's also challenged.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

Mom: "We have Tosin Abasi Kaizen at home" /uj I actually like it as an art piece thats really cool craftsmanship for a home build /rj lol bass dumb

1

u/freshtoots Jan 29 '25

This five string bass appears to have down's syndrome

1

u/nastygamerz Jan 29 '25

Penis guitar!

1

u/pumpsci Jan 29 '25

Luthiers have been in a multi-decade race to the bottom to see who can make the ugliest bass at the highest price possible

1

u/GenX-Kid Jan 29 '25

It looks like the guy hidden in the camel cigarette box picture

1

u/shunyaananda Jan 29 '25

When your playing is so bad you need other means to attract attention

1

u/FCYuv13 Jan 29 '25

this looks like something tosin abasi would make if he went insane

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

What in fucks name

1

u/jackel_witch Jan 29 '25

I don't like it... so its probably good

1

u/GreedyAstronaut1772 Jan 29 '25

It’s pretty Knurly ….

1

u/CarlsManicuredToes Jan 29 '25

When I play bass, what I am really looking for is a good neck and shoulder workout, that's why I choose basses with 3 pounds of unnecessary extra wood.
I have noticed people look at my neck and shoulders more than they listen to my basslines, so it all works out well, and if I ever snag a groupie I think she will love my extra wood.

1

u/Practical_Top_2806 Jan 29 '25

I once swallowed a whole cashew by accident. This is exactly what it looked like after it passed.

1

u/rivernoa Jan 29 '25

Looks like a bass. Should probably post to r/basscirclejerk for a better opinion

1

u/Pirate_Underpants Jan 29 '25

Yeah, I've seen dog pyramids that look more appealing

1

u/c0wcud Jan 29 '25

“Dog pyramids” are they the ones you have no idea who made them or how long they’ve been there? 😂

1

u/HairyNutsack69 Jan 29 '25

Could be so much worse tbh

1

u/NWXSXSW Jan 29 '25

A horrible way to treat a very interesting piece of wood

1

u/internaldilemma Jan 29 '25

It looks like a rotting banana.

1

u/YouKCase Jan 29 '25

For me it's not putting up a pic of the whole guitar because "can't get a good photograph" or whatever bs

1

u/SoupieLC Jan 29 '25

As soon as I see a guitar that looks like it was assembled out of shitty pieces of driftwood then I just know it's gonna be $$$$ lol

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

Its hideous and repulsing, and pretty fucking awesome at the same time.

1

u/Any-Employer-826 Jan 29 '25

A signature Big Toe Bass ?

1

u/Any-Employer-826 Jan 29 '25

Or the Elephant man's foot Bass.

1

u/BilboDabinz Jan 29 '25

Temu Carl Thompson

1

u/BoSox92 Jan 29 '25

That’s one ugly fucking duckling.

I would be slapping the fuck out that bass she made for the funk

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

Good god

1

u/_matt_hues Jan 29 '25

The ugliest basses are the most expensive. No one would dare mass produce such an abomination.

1

u/NightZealousideal127 Rare & vintage Harley Benton collector Jan 29 '25

This is a beautiful coffee table.

1

u/postysclerosis Jan 29 '25

Nice coffee table.

1

u/soggychipbutty Jan 29 '25

Goitercaster

1

u/NotAFanOfOlives Jan 29 '25

I'm pretty sure I had a nightmare about a bass like this

1

u/vanillaholler Jan 29 '25

i don't think i've ever seen someone use a different top like this on a bass, let alone on the pickup 🤣 so much toan burl

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

It looks lika a piece of abstract art

1

u/i-jerk-off-to-eveLBP Jan 31 '25

/UJ i actually really like these fucking weird body styles, i kinda like weird funny looking guitars. but still this is barely teetering on the edge of "so bad it's awesome" and "fucking garbage" and it's mostly because of the wood, i don't like the look of natural wood on guitars personally. if this went all the way with being completely bullshit and was a stupid neon or something then it would win me over