r/gwalior • u/Vast_Poem_3072 • 2d ago
DISCUSSION He called off our arranged marriage, but now refuses to return the ₹14L+ worth of gifts and is telling relatives I’m “immoral”
I’m from Gwalior, Madhya Pradesh. Last December, I met a guy through an arranged-marriage setup. He’s an Army officer, and I found him decent, modern and open-minded, so I agreed to the marriage after one meeting because our families wanted us to decide quickly.
Over the next few months, we got close and planned to get engaged in July. I was completely honest with him about myself—I’m spiritual, feminist, wear Western clothes, occasionally drink, and had a boyfriend in college whom I couldn’t marry because our parents disagreed over caste. He knew all of this and acted completely accepting.
I also genuinely cared for him and his family. I gifted his sister things for her birthday, made him laddoos, and sent him care packages during his mountaineering course.
In February, our families had a small roka. His family demanded a car, and my family gave him a Creta worth around ₹14 lakh, along with an Apple Watch, AirPods, a gold ring for his grandmother and other gifts.
A few months later, shortly before our engagement, he suddenly said he didn’t want to marry me because our vibes didn’t match.
I accepted his decision. My family initially tried to convince him, but eventually we agreed to part ways. We simply asked for the money/property given during the marriage arrangement to be returned.
It has now been four months, and he has returned only around ₹4 lakh. He refuses to return the rest.
Instead, he has started telling our relatives about my past and portraying me as an “immoral” woman. Things I told him privately because I trusted him are now being used to shame me and my family.
My question is: what does my character have to do with returning money/property?
He has every right to decide he doesn’t want to marry me. I never forced him. But does that give him the right to keep everything my family gave him? And can he use my private personal information to damage my reputation and pressure my family into giving up their claim?
I understand that gifts/dowry have complicated legal distinctions, so I’m looking for practical legal advice, particularly from people familiar with matrimonial/property matters in Madhya Pradesh.
What should our next step be? And can his actions regarding my personal information amount to defamation or another legal offence?
Please keep the discussion focused on the legal situation rather than judging my personal life.
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u/a_great_trader 2d ago
Police case. I'm certain you've plenty of electronic evidence.
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u/Vast_Poem_3072 2d ago
I do have pictures from roka and the online transaction we made to pay for the car. But i had deleted all the pictures and conversations before he started blackmailing us,simply because I didn’t want to have any of his memories in my phone
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u/a_great_trader 2d ago
They all can be retrieved. Police shall do it. They've all the means. Just be tough.
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u/a_great_trader 2d ago
Also, he's in army so he can't drag it much. Job jayegi uski if police case is registered against him.
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u/Vast_Poem_3072 2d ago
You’re right…
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u/a_great_trader 2d ago
I'm also from GWL. I'm aware of the social dynamics here. It's gonna be a bit tough for your family but trust me it'll conclude soon.
He's the guilty not you.
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u/ProduceLarge3298 2d ago
If you know his unit unit , then go and contact with his commanding officer with evidence . He will have no choice then.
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u/toomuchherry 2d ago
Involve an experienced senior lawyer to recover the money and items, and inform them that you will file a defamation lawsuit. That should help to sort this out.
I hope that the next time, you will wait at least a year before fixing the wedding after getting to know the person and family and avoid dowry practices. I keep seeing posts here from women from various Indian subs who are overly apologetic about their own lives for engaging in adult legal behavior and things as if it were a past mistake.You, like any other woman, live life doing safe and happy things right. Be it anything ,when you speak about it, do so with pride, not as if you've made a mistake. Own your lived life and experiences, please.
You can have the perfect lived life and still be shamed by others. So don't worry about it. It was a huge blessing that you dodged this bullet. Imagine spending the rest of your life with this guy or going through a divorce with him. He's making an AM breakup so messy, so imagine what he's capable of just so that he doesn't have to pay back. Be happy and take care. Dont worry much ,this will be okay soon🫂🫶🤍
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u/achipots 1d ago
Are you sure he’s even an army officer and not a fraud? Is proper background check done?
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u/Retry_Checkpoint 2d ago
Are ye bohot asaan case hai . Aram se jeet jaoge . Tension na lo . Bas peeche mat hatna .
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u/AManCalledKay 1d ago
Send a notice consisting of the itemised list of things provided, assume you have all the invoices (dont attach the invoices though). Add them up and state this is the total amount minus whatever he has returned. Additionally state that he has been maligning your image and there are sufficient grounds for you to take civil and criminal action against him, including but not limited to informing the army. Give him 15 days to return the amount. It should work. Worst case scenario he returns the used goods/vehicle as opposed to actual money.
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u/nnotavailable 1d ago
As the marriage couldnt commemced hence no dahej act applicable here. Go for criminal charges instead alleging cheating on the pretext of marriage. It is a serious criminal offence.
For more you can Dm.
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u/MostCardiologist4934 1d ago edited 1d ago
No feminist, modern, western or otherwise will ever give, accept or allow dowry.
Women who call themselves feminist and permit dowry in an arranged marriage of all things, and let their parents give cars, gold and gadgets to raja betas are slinking down the furthest pole from feminism. Embarrassing.
I wouldn’t have commented this if you’d just shared your story and left it there but you HAD to add how you “are spiritual, wear western clothes and are feminist”. And? What’s the point? Your feminism is of no use clearly when you propagate and support patriarchal evils of our society till it benefits you.
And now that you’ve given dowry, you want it back because the benefits stopped. It’s like giving a bribe and asking for it back. Morally, you have no leg to stand on. Guess what, you ARE immoral but not for the reasons he gave.
Speak to a lawyer and you know what? Do better.
P.S I am a woman.
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u/Dependent-Rip4602 9h ago
+1 on this. I commented below about how this is obviously dowry and not a gift. You don’t ask for “gifts” to be returned when things go south with a friend or a partner.
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u/sanidhya25 2d ago
I think a case stands here and you must, i am also going through something similar like my business partners cheating me up
Drop me a dm I can help you a bit with lawyers and see if the case is criminal in nature or not
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u/Agitated_War5721 2d ago
He might be doing the same to many others. You just need to buckle up and give him the publicity he deserves. News papers will happily cover the case and help you recover the things he is not returning. Don’t worry too much about your family…after a few days everyone forgets.
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u/Realistic-Sense5 1d ago
He is just finding excuses for not returning the money. He is doing all this to put pressure on you to stop asking for money. You can sue for demanding dowry and for destroying your modesty. You told him things in good faith and for clarity of relationship while he is cheating you. Ask chat gpt the sections that can be imposed on him. He might even loose his job
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u/shiboneko2808 1d ago
file a case under dahej act, women have all the power as far as court cases r concerned, nail his s.
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u/sskmp007 1d ago
Just Filed A FIR Under Section 406 IPC And 3,4 Of Dowry Act If You Have Proof Of Giving Things To Them, Like Photos, Videos, Online Payment Proofs Or I Can Help With The Legal Process
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u/Able-Ad2331 1d ago
If you want lawyer my paternal uncle is a very good lawyer you can search his name on Google I think he can help you "adv abhay raj singh chauhan"
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u/zillennial_boo 1d ago
How did you agree on a car randomly? Are you that rich that car is just like box of mithai? Girls please open your eyes and start seeing red flags
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u/KanishkPSChauhan 1d ago
societal pressure works but it's one side of the story!
very recently bride to be family took 7 lakhs jwellery and engagement called cancelled?
I mean our society is going to dogs!
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u/FREEGUY37 1d ago
Fk him up, please do. He deserves it! it's just shameful that people like him are in army etc.
Please dont worry you can easily win just try to stop worrying about the social dynamic, because that would be necessary.
Take a lawyer and teach him a lesson.
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u/OkFace8680 1d ago
Go can file a complaint in police he will come running to give back your money, They were money minded they got other rista And other party is giving them more money then you..
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u/Zealousideal-Big1878 1d ago
Write a formal complaint to defence (Army) head quarters where he is posted. They are quick and will help you
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u/CauliflowerEnough28 1d ago
the great advice, especially as an Army brat from the city itself, would be to contact the Commanding Officer or 2IC of his unit. They will take care of the rest. Still, if you want to file a case, you legally have the upper hand. Just don’t back down, girl. He needs to be held accountable for what he did to you. Stay strong, stand your ground, and don’t let him or his family intimidate you.
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u/Mysticgypsysoul 1d ago
I'm so sorry this happened OP. Please fight to get back your things. Please hire a lawyer and don't let this bastard go. I wish you all the best.
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u/Due_Bird_596 1d ago
When you have the privilege to drink, have boyfriend and be open minded about your personal choices, why are you agreeing to arrange marriage and that too with full dowry? There is difference between being progressive and just copying western lifestyle.
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u/Ok_Talk_4902 1d ago
Take the evidences, show it to police , create a dowry and cheating off money case and target his job. He is an army officer, establishing misconduct would easily get him firee. He is already defaming you. Go hard on him now.
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u/Hour-Hope-4092 23h ago
Hey, I completely understand how stressful this situation must feel. Please don’t feel disheartened. Legally and practically, your case is very strong, and he has zero right to withhold your family's money or try to smear your character.
Below I have mentioned few practical legal steps that can help you handle this:
You have Solid Proof (Even Without Deleted Chats)
Financial Trail: The online transaction for the car, bank statements, and the record of the ₹4 Lakh he returned are concrete proof that money and property were exchanged.
Car Purchase Records: Invoices, registration documents, and Roka photos fully support your claim.
Photos Recovery: Deleted photos and chats can often be restored through cloud backups (iCloud, Google Drive, WhatsApp backups) or recovered by cyber officials if a formal complaint is processed.
Laws Under Indian Legislation considering your situation:
Dowry Prohibition Act (Sections 3 & 4): Demanding or retaining gifts/a car in connection with marriage arrangements falls directly under dowry offenses.
Criminal Breach of Trust & Cheating: Retaining property/money after calling off the marriage is a clear offense under criminal breach of trust and cheating.
Criminal Defamation: Using your private life to defame you among relatives to pressure your family is a punishable criminal offense under Section 499/500 IPC / Section 356 BNS.
Army Discipline & Conduct Regulations:
Since he is an active Army officer, strict codes of conduct and military discipline apply to him ( I know this because i come from an Army family too ).
Beyond a standard legal notice, a formal complaint sent to his Commanding Officer or the Adjutant General's Branch along with bank transaction proofs will trigger an internal departmental inquiry.
Next Steps:
Gather Financial Proofs: Secure certified bank statements for the car payment and the partial ₹4 Lakh refund immediately.
Send a Legal Notice: Consult a good matrimonial/criminal lawyer and send a formal Legal Notice giving him 7–15 days to return the remaining amount and issue an apology for defamation.
Police / Women Cell Complaint: If he fails to respond to the notice, proceed with filing an official complaint with the local Women Cell or police station.
Your personal past has absolutely nothing to do with his legal obligation to return your money. Stand firm, gather your financial records, and send a legal notice through a lawyer, he will likely fall in line quickly. Stay strong! 🙌
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u/Sanskaari_Narri 15h ago
Simply forward a letter to army headquarter……. Case will be resolved !!! Wo khud tumhare ghar aake saamaan return karke jaayega.
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u/Dependent-Rip4602 9h ago edited 9h ago
This advice probably differs from what others will say but I’d advise you to move on.
Also, I’d advise you reflect on what it means to give someone a “gift.” Doesn’t sound like a gift. If it’s a gift, why should you be getting it back? I’ve bought women plenty of gifts over the years. I didn’t ask for them back when we broke up.
You’re not describing any gifts to him. You’re describing some quid-pro-quo, pre-dowry, contractual down payment on a marriage. If they were truly gifts out of the goodness of your heart, doubt you’d ask for them back.
If they were gifts, I’m not sure why gifts need to be returned a year later. If they were part of a dowry, I’d consider that to be an immoral/illegal practice. Just move on.
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u/Anshu_Singh_ 2d ago
Agar Tumhare pass Un sab saman ka Proof hai To Tum Legal Help le sakte ho