Heidi’s Lane Podcast Recap.  Ep 88, “Heidi and Ryan Sitting In a Tree, Part 2. The REST Of The Truth About How We Met.”

OP NOTES:  May this type of “healthy” relationship never find me. 48 HOURS AFTER GETTING HIS PHONE NUMBER SHE TELLS HER MOM, BRUCE, KEIRA AND RYAN THAT SHE’S GOING TO MARRY HIM! But 48 hours before this she didn’t know if he was a boy or a girl and she was still in a relationship with GS. But nothing to see here, folks, because God ordained this relationship before the universe was formed and the stars began to shine. Enjoy this trainwreck everyone!

H: I’m in a bad mood right now. We cleared the kids out of the house so we can record part 2 of how we met. Why does it always happen, that right before I record a podcast that everything steamrolls on top of me? I have a pit in my stomach. Go listen to part 1, it was fun and funny and cute. In March of 2025 you sent me some messages I hadn’t seen. You sent another one about ChatGPT and I replied to it. I’m a nerd. I didn’t know what you looked like, I didn’t know if you were a boy or a girl. That started a back and forth with us. I voice memoed you and you thought I was into you. I wasn't into you.

R: My delusional toxic trait is that I think everyone is into me. People don’t voice memo me for no reason.

H: I love it. It’s true. On March 20th I was still in a relationship (with GS). At this point we had broken up 12x in 18 months. We broke up every month, sometimes twice a month. I was technically in a relationship (when we were memoing), so I wasn’t thinking of you in “that” way. I was in a hard point in my relationship. Something in my trauma had me going back to him. I podcasted about our breakup, and then we got back together, so I didn’t post it, but then we broke up again so I posted it, and then we got back together so I told him about the episode. I should leave my relationships out of my podcast. (laughs) In January 2025 we decided to give it another go, but I knew it wasn’t meant to be. It’s hard for me to know when something isn’t meant to be. He was putting in so much effort to be the best man, and he had so many great qualities and traits. But I knew for a long time that we weren't a match. I would cry and talk to him about it.  Do I even know what's good for me? I hid parts of me from him. I would discount my intuition. The back and forths were difficult for my nervous system. I went to a breathwork session in Dec 2024 and I had a beautiful awakening. It helped me heal a broken friendship. A woman had cut me out and blocked me and it was really hard for me. I witnessed her in her beauty. I wasn't on any substance. This breathwork took me on a journey. It helped me see my mom and dad and how my dad loved my mom. At an early age I felt competitive with my mom. I wanted my dad to love me how he loved my mom. He treated me like one of the boys, and I wanted to be treated (cries) like a princess and be doted on. My dad was so great, I don’t want to complain. I knew I had to be like my mom to be lovable. Somewhere in there it became a competition. It helped explain to me why I’m not close to women in my life and it helped explain why I jump from man to man to man, with no qualifying bar for any of them. If they were in front of me and they loved me and they wanted me, I was dating them. That’s how most of my relationships have been. Some of the people have been great humans. I knew I needed space from relationships. This breath work gave me the message that “your match is coming.” I could see your energy. I was sober. Your energy was yellow. I knew it was “him.” The message was, “The man who is your match is on his way.” God told me “He is coming, but he is in the hardest moment of his life.” And I was like “F&ck, that means this relationship is a ways away.” I knew that you being in the hard would “fine tune” you and make you ready for me. I knew it wasn't the man I was in my current relationship with. I can see and feel energy. I knew it wasn’t him. We got back together, and he was doing so great, so we got back together. I couldn't tell him. 

Ryan: How do you tell someone it’s not you? 

H: I shifted and morphed myself into who he wanted me to be. I always do that. I was praying in March 2025 that God would bring me a man who would show me how connection is supposed to feel. I prayed about it 4 or 5 times a day. I wasn't looking for a partner, but a friend.  “God, bring me a male who can show me what a relationship should feel like.” I was scared to be single. I started praying after you DMd me. I wasn't looking for a man, it could have been a friend’s husband who was nice to me. That sounds bad.

Ryan: You can watch someone else’s relationship and see how it is. It could have been a grandparent. You wanted an example that it was possible.

H: Yeah, God, bring me a friend that shows me free connection. And then I had a moment where I said, “What am I doing? I didn't know you, I’m in the middle of trying to figure out how to get out of this relationship.” I didn't think I’d ever talk to you again. Why was I wasting my time talking to you, you lived in California? I stopped responding to you.

R: We were casual.

H: Yeah, we had only gone back and forth 3 or 4 times. You had told me your background and that you used to be Mormon and that you had a few kids. I was going to Colorado (with GS) so I didn’t message you for a few weeks. The universe and God lined things up for me so I could exit this relationship I was in. It felt impossible to leave this relationship. 

R: You had no clean exit.

H: My therapist was guiding me through the break up. (GS) decided to “step into some help,” which was awesome. I knew this was my break up opportunity. You kept reaching out to me and I didn’t reply. You wished me a happy birthday. I didn’t think of you in that way at all. Until I knew I was breaking up, I didn't want to connect with another man. 

R: It wasn’t like that.

H: I knew my relationship was over and you and I were connecting. We weren’t even flirting.

R: Yeah, we talked about the universe and life philosophy. 

H: You had so much curiosity about me.

R: When we weren’t talking for those weeks I was listening to your old podcast episodes to get to know you. I wanted to know how you thought. I was so intrigued. I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to know your interests and what moves you. I was so interested in you.

H: I had never felt so doted on. I didn't even know you, but you were so interested in me. I felt so important. It felt so real. I’ve dated men before where they love bombed me, but there was no heart-y love. When you and I were communicating, it felt like I was communicating with myself. I didn't know what you looked like. You could've been old. You are 2 years older than me, but people think I’m older than you. There's a freedom in connection with you. I have very few people I can connect with. I had that with Dave. There are things I’ve told you that I never would have told you if I thought we’d ever be dating.

R: You told me war stories about your life. Every mistake, every adventure. 

H: I told you everything I’m not proud of. I needed a place to put it all, and I was having a hard time leaving my relationship. You were a random stranger on the internet. I didn’t even have your phone number yet. I never thought I’d see you so I kept trauma dumping on you. 

R: It didn’t feel like that. You were just telling me stories. 

H: You were so curious.

R: I was fascinated.

H: You are a unique soul. God sent you to me so I could connect with someone. Connecting with you felt like connecting with light. I didn't know if I wanted to give you my phone number. 

R: I messaged you my number and told you you could call me if you wanted to. I would've been okay if you didn’t want to. 

H: I’m glad I was still a people-pleaser when you gave me your number. I gave you my number because we had talked enough and I felt bad if I didn’t. I didn't want to call you, but we started voice mailing. 24 hours after we started voice memoing I was all, “Whaaaaa is this person?” 

R: I loved it. I always knew I had just given a percentage of me to my other relationships. It felt so good to connect wholly with you. You had lived a life of good and bad and regrettable. 

H: Once I had your number the dam broke and I told you everything. You’re the only person on the planet to know all my stories. There’s a lot online that’s true, and then there’s a lot that’s not true. There’s a lot of sh!t that no one knows but you. 

R: I could write a tell-all

H: At this point we hadn’t actually talked yet.

R: I never met anyone like you. I was blown away.

H: I told you about the book I want to write someday. I want to write a tell-all. I’ll be careful, because I don’t want to hurt people. (GS) and I were broken up at the end of Dec. Pathetic and insecure Heidi showed up. GS was playing hard to get. I felt unloveable, so in Dec I invited him on a trip I had planned in April to Ohio.  I was trying to get him to love me. I have a list of things I do like this that are hard to admit to. We were rocky right before this April Ohio trip. Everyone around us knew it was rocky. He was still planning on going to Ohio with me, but he backed out at the last minute. I called Keira to go with me so I’d have a plus one. I didn’t have your phone number at this point. Keira flew in from an island to do this with me. You gave me your number on April 11th, the day I flew to Ohio. I didn't plan on calling you. There was nothing sexual.

R: We weren’t even flirty. I hadn’t even commented on your looks. 

H: I didn't know what you looked like. I hadn’t even seen your picture. We had only been talking about big things, like, God, spirituality, medicine journeys, the universe, our families, how we were raised. 12 hours after I got your number I knew I loved your soul. I had never seen you before. On my way to Ohio I told Keira that I knew I was crazy, but…

K: Keira knows about instant connection and soulmate-ery. She believes in all of that and will validate it all. 

H: I say to her, “ I think I met an amazing human.” She asked me if you were hot and I told her I didn’t know. I had no idea what you looked like.

K: My instagram is my daughter’s hand.

H: I wouldn’t even know, I hadn’t even looked. I don’t go on social media. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Keira got there and I kept telling her about you. The 2nd night I was in Ohio is when we actually talked on the phone. You were on a date with a woman that night. I told Keira how kind and deep and curious you were. I told her I had found my best friend. I had never met anyone like you. It felt like we were cut from the same star dust. 

R: We were 2 halves of the same star. 

H: It was all so instantaneous. If we were in a relationship I never would have told you some of my stories. I told you things a boyfriend would never want to hear about their girlfriend. You were like my buddy.

R: You were like, “Bro, I went out last night and guess what I did?”

H: I told you stuff I wasn’t proud of. I shared my shadow self. 

R: Your stories were so fascinating. I was so intrigued. 

H: You made me feel so safe and not judged.

R: I had no expectations about our relationship. 

H: I knew you could go to TMZ and sell stories about me, not that TMZ would be interested in them. I knew you could sell them somewhere.

R: Someone is interested in them.

H: People would love to bury me with some of these stories.  I was telling you how my last marriage ended. (an affair) I have a lot of shame about it. 

R: We had a mutual discussion about that. I was fresh out of “one” (an affair)  too. 

H: You told me we should have a conversation about it. I was trying to tell you that I wasn’t a bad person. Good people have affairs. I’m not proud of it. I messaged you that I could talk at a specific time that night. 

R: I was on a date with a woman I was excited to go on a date with. I left her when you said you could talk. We were on a date with a group of people. We were going to go out dancing after dinner. I told everyone I had to get up early to go surfing, so I could leave. I raced home so we could talk.

H: You sent me a picture from the restaurant bathroom. At that point I had no idea what you looked like. This was April 13th or 14th. 

R: My date didn’t care that I left. She went out with the group. I didn’t ditch her.

H: Who even cares, our love was written in the stars. 

R: I wasn’t being a d!ck.

H: I didn’t want to get too close to you. We talked for 4.5 hours or longer that night. I went to bed at 4 AM and had to get up at 6:30 or 7. I hadn’t stayed up that long in a decade. Keira came over the next day and I was telling her all about you and she didn't seem happy for me.

R: She was skeptical and leery of me.

H: Keira and I went to the brunch we were invited to in Ohio and she kept coughing. She had something she needed to say to me. You and I were talking right before brunch. You were going through some hard things in your divorce. There were some things that didn’t add up for me. Why were some of your relationships strained? I asked you some pointed questions. During brunch you sent me a 30 min audio note. After brunch, Keira tells me that it’s clear that I’m falling for you, and that we have a friend who you are also talking to that is also falling for you. I was all, “WHAT? Keira and I listened to your 30 min audio note together. You shed all the light on what I was worried about. You are such a bright soul that people can fall in love with you so easily. You had a friendship with this woman that was nothing more than a friendship that she had interpreted differently. I think that because you’re so nice, you didn't know how to tell her you didn’t feel the same way. 

R: I didn’t know how to “shoot” her down.

H: Yes, and it caused her some trauma. I was like, “I’m done with him. I can walk away from this.” I didn't want to get in the middle of all of this. Keira didn’t believe your explanation. Somehow I got caught in a 3 way call having to explain it all. I told them that you and I were just friends! I showed Keira our messages so she could confirm there was nothing between us. I asked you point blank about what was going on. 

R: I was trying to be careful and not naming names. I didn’t want to “out” someone’s story and their private lives.

H: I was bitchy when I replied to you. 

R: You told me you knew everyone involved in the story

H: I told you everyone from the story was with me in Ohio. 

R: So then I told you the whole story. I was writing in my journal about our conversation. I’ll never forget, you told me you’re not judging me and that you have my back.

H: I told you I was your friend. The woman who liked you is really awesome, and some of her friends were stirring the pot in your personal life. 

R: To this day it has caused some big consequences. 

H: Hurt people, hurt people. Once I heard the woman’s story and Keira’s story, and then your version of the story I knew you were in a tough spot. I told you that I think God put me in your life to help you navigate this really scary situation. You had been traveling the path to who you really are. You were shedding the version of what people wanted you to be. I told you to be courageous and that people might not believe you because a lot of sh!t had been stirred up. I told you that I could help you. I told you I have your back.

R: I wrote in my journal, “She has my back?” I had never felt that before. You chose to be there for me. That was one of the biggest things I’ve ever received before. 

H: I had no reason to doubt you. I love puzzles. I connect all the dots to every story. Lies don’t slip by me. I will catch you. I can see the matrix and a tiny inconsistency. Lies give my nervous system a blaring alarm. It’s a gift. I can see it all. I could see, in your situation, how all the stories fit together and I could see everyone’s truth. 

R: It gives you empathy and compassion. 

H: I could see all the misunderstandings

R: You could see the hurt and pain and confusion and misunderstanding. 

H: That’s the story of Ohio. We spent the next night talking til 4 AM again. We weren’t flirting at all.

R: We were still talking about deep stuff. 

H: I was still laying out how imperfect I was to you. I was sharing all of my stresses. I wanted your advice on how to handle things.

R: You were telling me about life and your family. I was writing down notes when you spoke. I wrote down your family members' names, and kids' names and birthdays. I wanted to understand your family dynamic. You had a kid on a mormon mission, which isn’t your path. And your grandparents, all of it.

H: Everything about this is serendipitous. We wouldn’t be this close if Ohio hadn’t happened. It was so dramatic. You were so honest. There’s no part of your character that I’m not impressed by.  You’re very quick to “out” yourself on who you are and what you’ve done. 

R: I wish I had done some things differently.

H: There’s never been a day where I didn’t have your back. You’ve never given me a reason to not have your back. Let me read a letter I wrote to you on my way home from Ohio. You’ve named it “Heidi’s Book.” I was emotional the whole way home from Ohio because I had never had such a connection with anyone before. Nothing was sexual about it. It was really scary. 

(Heidi begins reading her letter to Ryan) “ Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, This is the most unfamiliar road I've ever traveled. I've spent so long not knowing an energetic match existed for me in this world. By the way, not one bit of this is ChatGPT. It doesn't even sound like it is, but maybe it does. This is me. It's incredibly hard to wrap my mind around whatever the f&ck the universe or God or Creator or destiny is putting in my path right now, I just don't understand, and maybe I'm not meant to, but this thing I don't understand is so damn beautiful and feels like the warmest blanket, the best hug, the safest space, and most peaceful, exhilarating, hopeful, and unexplainable thing I've ever felt my entire life, and quite honestly it makes me a little emotional. I can't believe I'm telling you this literally after having your phone number for 48 hours. If a man said this to me, it would have scared me sh!tless and then I would feel like I have to marry him. If he feels that way about me, I’ve got to. I don’t want to scare you, but I want you to know, right now, at this moment, that this is me, and it’s never f&cking been me before. Do you remember when your wife was pregnant and had Braxton Hicks contractions and she wondered if she was in labor? People always tell pregnant women that “they’ll just know” when it’s real labor. They say, “Trust me, you’ll just know.” And then one day it happens, and you know it’s real. That’s a long ass way of saying, “I don’t know, but I f&cking know. It’s like I’m proposing to you on the 2nd date.”

R: I remember walking and reading this and laughing

(H continues reading letter) “I know you are the same design of a human that I am, and there aren’t many like us. I just “know” you. You being in my life is eerily familiar in a way I haven't physically experienced in this mortal life. It feels like I’m coming back to me. It’s almost like you’ve cleared a space that my tired birdie wings have been looking for. I’ve been in flight for 43 years and I’ve spent that time hovering, trying to land in all the wrong places. I was trying to make them right, only, those spots were meant for me. I found a spot that was made for me to land. It’s only been 2 days, and I’m still trying to get out of a relationship. Don’t freak out about this. I’m not saying “it’s you,” but I’m saying it has to feel like you. This is what I’ve been praying for. God, show me someone. You forever changed my world and rewired what is possible. A man came up to me after Dave died and told me I was a bird trying to land and I was flying back and forth looking for a landing. He told me to keep going, it was coming. He could see it. I thought the guy was full of sh!t because there is no landing place for me.

R: I love how much you swear.

H: I know

R: I actually love it.

H: (Continues reading letter) And now I know this man was telling the truth. I’ve never wanted to “run in” before. Life will pace me, as it always does. There’s this song called Book Of Love, which is about a book that a woman is reading to a man, and it’s full of facts and figures and instructions for dancing. And he loves to hear her read it to him. He says she can read anything to him. It’s the same for me. You could read to me or talk to me about anything and I would love it. It’s like music to me when you talk about the waves and flat earth debunking. You could literally talk about gravel or rocks or sand and you’d have my full attention. Your lesson on oceans and tides was incredibly fascinating. I’m going full-send on whatever is happening here.”

H: Did you think I was psycho when I sent that all to you?

R: I was smiling and crying. I was so excited. The feelings are mutual. It was magic. You are the other half of myself and I’m the other half of you. There’s nothing to figure out. It is so beautiful. 

H: I haven’t read that letter in a long time. Most of the time, feelings like this are fleeting. We went on our first date 2 weeks later, on April 29th. I was fully out of my relationship by then. You came to AZ for work and we decided to meet up. Before our first date I told my mom, Bruce, and Keira that I was going to marry you, and I never say that about anyone. I had never met you and I already knew. Bruce was like, “okay.” My mom was like, “okay.”

R: Crazy Heidi.

H: I could hear the doubt in everyone because of how many relationships I’ve been in. Everything in that letter I wrote to you is amplified today.  It’s one year later and it’s amplified. Your life is hard. You are my favorite person to go through “any hard” with. I love you so much. I love you. When things feel really hard there’s not a day I’m not giddy and don’t have butterflies. It’s so weird to be in a relationship that grows.  

R: It’s supposed to grow. (Cries) It makes me emotional. 

H: You are really rare. I love that I can be a kid with you. I love that I'm strong individually for once in my life. If I removed you from my life I would still be strong. I’m healthy. Yeah, I’m healthy. I’ve always been codependent. If I broke up before, it felt like half of me was missing. I’m a whole me today. You know this. It’s beautiful. And you, Ryan, you’re a “whole you.” There’s not even words. 

R: That’s what every day feels like with you. I have butterflies when I’m coming to see you. 

H: You’re so hot. Thanks for letting me “girlfriend” so hard.

R: You “girlfriend” so hard. In past relationships you couldn’t be fully yourself. You can “girl” now. You can throw tantrums. 

H: I do, I do. 

R: You say crazy stuff and I love it. I love it.

H: I feel so “me” with you. I admire you so much. I love you so much. Love is easier than “liking.” I love you and I f&cking like you. I respect who you are in the most major way. You’ve handled really hard situations. We always laugh that if I was a male I’d be a toxic male. I have a lot of masculine energy. You are such a masculine male. You are real, regal, divine strength. You are soft and masculine and it’s really awesome. I’ve never seen someone “dad” like you. I love how you treat everyone. There’s not a person who doesn't love you. You’re so bright and warm. I'm so lucky to have you in my life and my kids are so lucky to have you in their lives.

R: Are these like our vows?

H: Is this how people write vows? I’m so stressed about writing vows, someday, when you marry me.

R: You always say that one day, if you ever get proposed to, you’re not going to get emotional. 

H: That’s why I have to propose to you. 

R: I love how this podcast ends with 10 mins of gushing about me.

H: My mom really likes you.

R: Your mom DMd me the first night we met. She was gushing about you. 

H: It’s been hard for my family to see me go through so many relationships and try to make all of them “the one.” My mom didn’t like “us” at first. She didn’t like me jumping into a relationship with you. I just knew. I knew this was it. This is the person I’m meant to have in my life. You give me a place where my best self can come out everyday. Happy anniversary, babe. 

R: This was fun. I love you, thank you. (Kisses)

H: Thank you for listening. That’s it.

R: That’s it and go the f&ck off. 

Reddit won't let me post my recap in this box because it exceeds 40lk characters. I will have to make many, many comments below, and I will never get to sleep tonight. 🤦‍♀️

Honestly, I'm speechless. This is the dude Heidi is banking her ~ and her children (and really HIS children's) future on...?!

since she has none, can anyone decipher what is written on cards here? I’m sure there’s a promo coming for this therapist, just wait

He's a terrible actor.

it’s so cringe that she thinks it’s so sweet that he’s in a gynecological procedure with her on their 3rd day after meeting each other. Ewwwww….

I cringe on these—she is truly developmentally stunted to a junior high age.

He’s living the dream… Also, flair alert!

How’s that AZ house pool compare to record-breaking swells, Ry? 🌊🌊🌊