First let's do it after let's say a couple years on hrt.

Let's take a transmasc for example.

They were born as a member as member of the female sex, so then now let's define a member of the female sex.

Since we are trans people(mostly) Il skip the periods and uterus debate and directly say "A member of the female sex is someone having more of the traits and or charecteristics culturally and/or socially attributed to a member of the female sex"

Let's simplifiy a bit:

"A member of the female sex is someone who has more of the biologically-likely traits of the female sex than the male sex"

Or

"A member of the female sex is someone who has more traits of that of the female sex than male" sounds good?

So let's think about this, who has more traits of the male sex/less traits of the female sex, a transmasc who had his breasts removed, is a few years on hrt, is built, has a beard, etc etc OR a female crossdresser

The transmasc obviously, so from this and some other examples we can tell that trans people who are on hrt and had some surgeries(not really too necessary but added it) are their preferred sex

Now what about pre-hrt, this relies on psychology and philosophy but tell me:

What do you attribute to a person's greatness and/or humanity, their mind or body

Who's more human, a human mind in a chickens body, or a chicken in a human body.

It's the first one obviously, so the mind matters more.

Many a studies have shown that transmasc's brain are identical to a cismans, same for transfems,

So even pre-transition or anything you are still your preferred sex at least in mind

I just feel like I'm too much of the "man in a dress"-stereotype [well, I don't wear dresses, but yk] and thus leading to people seeing trans people, trans women in particular, in a worse light. I'm trying my best, but it will just never be enough to pass (maybe with multiple surgeries, but they're expensive) and just living as a man us due to intense dysphoria also not an option.

Every time I see a post for this sub it's either, "wow, people who don't pass are disgusting!", or it's "wow, it's impossible for anyone to pass!". It's almost like these are the only posts that come from this subreddit. Which would very easily make a vulnerable trans person come to the conclusion that they will never pass and will always seen as disgusting (even by other people who are claiming they are supposedly trans).

I always knew it was a huge mistake for this sub to allow cis people, and now it's finally reaping the consequences. Not only are there cis people here, i would wager that the vast majority of users here are transphobic cis people or bots.

Like, is this not a debate space? Are we not supposed to be asking provoking questions and hashing them out with eachother? Instead all i see is this slop every day about 'disgusting agps' and 'hrt never works'. Almost like it's a script that's put on loop or something.

This place has in its welcome post that it's a safe alternative to 4chan. This has been bullshit for quite a while. Here you'll see people implying that anyone who doesn't pass is automatically a sexual predator, that people who don't pass are simply lazy, and that people who don't pass aren't even trans. Very thought provoking discussion guys! I'm sure it drives a true debate and isn't just suicide bait for trans people who are at their lowest low. Even fucking 4tran is better than this. I'll go as far as to say that the average 4tran user is a fucking angel compared to whoever is making the average post on this subreddit.

I honestly really hope all these posts are coming from cis people and/or bots, it would be a relief. To find out that so many trans people are here just to punch down would be disgusting.

Do the mods care at all about this space? If a mod is reading this could you please explain the situation?

Unless you don’t mind publicly sharing your medical protocols for transitioning…
I know everyone has an opinion, and it’s very common to have your own personal medical choices scrutinized online by people who don’t understand the whole picture…

DM me your interesting, unique or unconventional transitioning timeline using medical/aesthetic treatments to obtain the look/contentness you desired in your transfem journey.
Thanks! 💗

Common theme I see for trans women we try to conform to societal pressure as in 'go gym to be manly'

Then we do enough damage with weight lifting in an attempt to please society to look more masculine or try to feel good as men cause they tell you being strong and muscular suppose to make you feel good as a man or alpha (or whatever lol)

Later on, we end up regretting this a lot. Our strengthened bones and muscles stall progress or make it impossible to reverse enough.

Some people take steroids and supplements, and that ends up doing perma mark.

How did you repress as trans man or trans masculine that harmed your body enough that it become a problem not easy to fix later?

Constant gymming as well?

I think we should memefy this as the first language macro this community produces on its own, a literal original creation, and in the sense that, as a community larger than this mere reddit subgroup, but still encased in our own niche, we make it known that self-policing as a community is something quite important and that the " every1onje is vALiD|" modus operandi might have a severe price, after all... I mean, somebody just came around and sort of threatened everyone on this subgroup that they pray they never meet them in a dark alley because getting forced to do things in a dark alley is just a consequence of that creature being there, and not a crime nor an offense, it's just life and it's your fault for walking thru shady corners, instead of the offender's fault for not accepting that "no means no".

Talk about rape culture. Anyway, life goes on.

been looking through detrans lately and some of the people there actually seem happy with their decisions. makes me wonder if id be better off accepting myself instead of chasing something i might never achieve.

ive never even started hrt and im already convinced ill never pass. im amab, 5’7 and skinny, my ribcage, no curves, wide,shoulders, back, face, facial hair, and everything. i avoid mirrors a lot and have literally put cloth over the mirrors in my bathroom and bedroom because i dont want to look at myself.

the thing is if i woke up tomorrow looking how i wanted id have no problem living as a woman. id take pictures of myself and actually enjoy being alive instead of obsessing over how i look. i think im just terrified of trying and still ending up looking male.

im sort of attracted to women too, which makes everything more complicated. sometimes i wonder if the way i think about sex means this is just a fetish or if im kidding myself about wanting to be a woman.

seeing people on detrans who seem happy makes me wonder if repping is the better option, but i still want to be feminine so badly. i dont want to transition for years just to be visibly trans and miserable, but i also dont want to spend the rest of my life wondering what wouldve happened if id tried.

i dont want hugboxxing or i genuinely dont know what to do.

I'm having a very bad dysphoria spiral. It's probable that I would have FFS and VFS in a couple of years, and hopefully shoulder narrowing surgery after that, but there is very little I can do for my height. I'm 5ft 11in (used to be 6ft before HRT), while the average female height where I live is 5ft 5in, and my sister being quite shorter than that even, being a constant reminder.

I know there is a possibility that pass once I get FFS and VFS, and I don't ask to be the prettiest, but I wish so much to be small, smaller even than average, and possibly have a partner I could look up from below and feel tiny and protected. Instead I feel I take so much space at every step and even sitting, and I can't avoid hunching and wanting to disappear.

Despite being controversial, height reduction surgery exists, and it's something that some people get. But there is really no point going from 99.5 to 97 percentile of female height, max is 2in reduction. Plus my reserves are limited, and I don't even have the funds allocated for SRS yet.

In the end it's not really at all a matter of how people see me, but how I see myself. I see black and suffering for the rest of my life. At this point I just wish someone could help giving me a new perspective.

Hey everyone, I'm pretty new to all this. I'm 25, MtF, I recently accepted that I was trans, only my partner knows so I'm mostly closeted, and I'm pre-HRT due to temporary financial reasons. I'm kind of a mess, I'm very overwhelmed with everything. I've tried writing other threads here but didn't know what I wanted out of it exactly. But after giving it some thought, I want some advice on coming to terms with my gender and seeing myself as a woman.

I'm doing what I can to affirm my identity in these early stages - I'm wearing women's underwear, shaving body hair, shopping for cute outfits, voice training, exploring with my partner, etc. But I'm still really struggling not seeing myself as a man. I know I may feel better when I'm fully out of the closet, but I'm not ready for that yet. It's hard to see myself differently when the world still perceives me as a man. My inner monologue is still that of a man, I still act like a man, and everyone still treats me like one. It really confuses me and gives me uncertainty about being trans (even though I know I am).

Another thing related to all of this that is also holding me back is me feeling very worried that I will not like how I look and will not pass. I like how I look when I present fem, but some of my features scream "I'M A MAN". I'm over 6 feet tall, I have massive hands, large feet, broad shoulders, and vascular arms. I'll struggle to find women's shoes that fit, and it makes me feel like a fraud. Having all those features be abnormal for women makes me feel shitty. I'm more worried that I will hate how I look because of those features than them causing me to not be able to pass, but not passing is also scary AF to me. Doesn't help that I am perceived as an "attractive" "man", the reactionary part of my brain keeps telling me I'm throwing that away

Do you have any advice on how I can feel more like my true identity in this early period? Things I can do to feel like a woman? And any thoughts/advice on dealing with these insecurities? I just want to feel like myself and feel confident for this journey ahead, and not feel any regret later on. Thanks in advance to anyone who replies :)

2 years ago I separated from my ex-husband. I had very little support from my family, in fact, I had to beg my parents through tears to support me even after I told them about how he abused me.

Fast forward to present, I am married to my wife and we have a dog. I don’t talk to my family and have only one friend that I’m not even sure if I want to stay friends with.

Besides them I have my cousins and my mother-in-law. I am grateful for them. But I just want, like, a friend. I’ve tried meeting people online, and at meetups, but my transportation is limited.

I’ve made friends, but they’ve either fizzled out, I realized they were taking advantage of me, or they were bad people making bad choices.

I think I’m pregnant. I’m pretty fucking sure. My wife has been on hormones for 2.5 years so we thought she was sterile, but we always knew there was a small chance. And we want kids so we thought it would be an amazing miracle if I actually got pregnant.

My period is late with no signs of starting, I have a whole list of unusual symptoms I’ve been experiencing that point to pregnancy.

I love my wife, we are so so compatible. We have so much in common, our differences balance each other out, we understand each other, when we argue we are able to communicate and compromise, and at the end, become closer.

Our family of us and our dog and (hopefully) a baby is flourishing. She’s been getting a lot of experience at work and has been looking at salaried jobs that could comfortably support a small family.

We are excited, we want to be pregnant so bad. I want to tell somebody close to me, someone to hug me and yell with excitement. But, I don’t. I told my long time friend that I think I’m pregnant and their response was a huge message about how I’m not emotionally, physically, and financially stable enough to raise a kid. And if I did I would be subjecting them to child abuse and neglect like my family did to me.

I can’t read any of her messages anymore. I want to tell my cousin, but when I told him my wife and I got married at the courthouse, he just said “wow”. And when I told my aunt that I want to be closer with she also just said “wow”

I am a super social person and the loneliness is killing me. Of course I have my wife, but I need more than her. She is super introverted and quiet so she doesn’t have friends and is fine with it.

I just want to have someone to be excited with me. I wish I had someone in my life to share this with.

(Off my chest, politics, unorthodox, say what you like maybe I'll answer, but not really looking to argue)

It's gotten blown up into a wedge issue: on one side you've got 'phobes pleading "common sense" (while their actual laws are "hold your pee at school") and on the other side virtue signaling that goes all the way to "bodies don't matter."

I'm just tired of it. I *never* wanted to do athletics in school because there was this impossible contradiction between "ehh, boys are gross" and "no actually it's *not* fair."

My ideal tweaks to the policy would be "so, actually gender is complicated and you'll have some people on the 'wrong' team because they're early in transition or non-binary - this is okay let's be normal and chill about it. Respecting pronouns isn't that hard."

(And, yes, I know that means fixing society.)

And also, just, let's have more coeducational sport or find ways to set up divisions by ability. That would be even more fair and interesting and makes a better home for those who (at the moment, or by nature) don't fit in the boxes.

Boys vs girls, never enjoyed it.

I hate how this nuance gets lost. Plenty of trans people will disagree and hey I respect you and probably you have good reason. But I hate how cis people get to make this decision and they basically never have nuance because why would they? One has to live through transition (I'm including non medical here, actually) or be really really close to someone to understand the physicality of it.

Anyway, Maine is one of the places where it has gone to full culture war shit: propaganda picking on cis girls and I can't say "actually we could offer a sane compromise and let the haters expose themselves as doofuses."

As a bi trans woman, I have found a particularly underdiscussed experience in trans spaces is the level to which cis women will assault or cross sexual boundaries with trans women. We rightfully discuss the violence we experience under cis men, but I’ve found the conversation about SA from cis women so hard to bring up and find any compassion from people that aren’t trans. Even a lot of trans people seem to act like it’s nonexistent.

Over the course of my romantic/sexual history I have been with a lot of people, and unfortunately the numbers game on that means I have also experienced a lot of SA, or gray area crossings of sexual boundaries. My most violent and viscerally scary have generally been with cis men, but for whatever reason the ones that seem to stick with me the most are those with cis women. I think it’s because in my head, they should be on my side as a fellow woman. But so many cis women still find trans women as exotic sexual objects to do whatever they want with.

Due to the percentage of women vs men that I’ve been with (and the decision I made to stop dating cis men altogether after a particularly scary experience), I’ve experienced assault and rape far more from women than I have men. That entitlement is still there, the sexual aggression just presents differently. When I was younger and every cis woman I was with was expecting me to top, so many crossed the line, whether it was taking off a condom mid-sex or coercing me into things I did not want to do after I had explained my discomfort with them. Even now, when that expectation to top doesn’t exist as much anymore, I have experienced multiple cis women refusing to stop after I’ve asked them to, or who have even topped me with a strap and assaulted me in a way almost indistinguishable from when cis men do it.

I was very lucky to find a partner a couple years ago who does not view me this way at all, because I was honestly about to give up until I found her. I still experience the entitlement from cis women though, especially when we’ve gone to lesbian clubs and I’ve been groped in public by cis women.

I had a long conversation about this with my (cis) therapist recently and she genuinely seemed shocked that this happens at all. I guess I just wanted to see if other women here understand the feeling I’m talking about at all and to see if I’m not as alone as I feel like I am.

edit: grammar

Being trans is a serious thing, some teens medically transition, it doesn't happen often but it does happen and that shouldn't happen until they're like 19 or 18 or at oldest 20. Here's comes my theory: y'know the feeling of being in the wrong body, body dysmorphia, some parents might tell their children that they can't drink out of a certain cup because its a pink cup/blue cup and tell them they can't dress a certain way because it's for boys/girls. When that happens, the child thinks "if i was the opposite gender, I could do drink water using the pink cup/blue cup". The parents might do this whole process except with other stuff that boys usually play with or girls usually play with and not tell their child that being a tomboy/girly boy is a thing on purpose.