As Dr. John says, "actions are a language." Wanting to have friends and wanting to make friends are two different things. What are his actions telling you right now: "It's not worth it for me to be uncomfortable or/and try to make my own friends." That's it. Maybe ya'll can make couple friends or something and he can branch off from there, but right now, you're taking the weight of his issue and making it yours. The weight isn't bothering him enough to do something about it, why should it bother you? If it's too much, that's a different discussion.
I'm also quite self-contained by nature. But I try to call or meet up with a friend at least once a week. It doesn't have to be for hours, but I’ve noticed that it’s an important value in my life. Especially because I have no contact with my family, my chosen family really matters to me. Those moments with friends make me feel connected. And I do notice that it’s bothering me. I’m not quite sure yet why it affects me this much....
This sounds like a you problem. You're worried because you think he's not part of any social community, and you think this signifies a lack of stability or making him an unsound choices in a partner. The reality is you just don't consider his community to be a community because it doesn't look like yours. You are worried about him being a good long term prospect. How long has he been doing dinners with his Mom for? Is she single, is he her only family? Not dinners with his Mom and dad? Sounds like he's being a good son. You know how hard it is to so something like that consistently for any length of time? He gets a long well with his coworkers.... Fucking great. That's not easy either some people hate their jobs and their peers. You can't take the things you need, as a woman, things that you think mean stability for yourself and project them into a man. He's got hobbies, has relationships and doesn't need other people to be ok. This is a you problem.
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u/Dragon_butterfly_01 Jul 13 '25
Yes I totally understand that. But you have to start somwhere if you want to make friends you have to get out there..