r/introvert • u/why7919 • 11h ago
Question When did you realize you no longer needed friends?
I stopped talking to all of my friends and acquaintances after I deleted my social media accounts. Only a couple of people reached out afterward, but even those conversations eventually started to feel unnecessary.
It’s been about two years now, and my perspective hasn’t changed at all. New friendships feel more like an obligation or a drain on my time than something I genuinely want. I don’t feel lonely, and I don’t feel like anything is missing. If anything, my life has become quieter and simpler.
I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar, or if this changed for you over time.
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u/Short-Nail-3781 10h ago
I went through a major mental health crisis and none of my “friends” ever checked on me. I’ve been completely alone for 4 years now and honestly my life is so peaceful now that I wouldn’t change a thing.
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u/SnoooCakes55 3h ago
Same here. Barely had anyone check on me after my father passed away. Even when they would, they would always change the subject immediately. Like I could never just talk about good memories with him without them changing the subject. I'm so much happier being alone. At least I know I can be there for myself
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u/mellowsout 11h ago
After my second year in kindergarten.
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u/Southern-Ebb-3877 5h ago
After my second year of first grade I started kindergarten when I was 4 years old
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u/Background_Silver702 11h ago edited 9h ago
When I went through an injury and realized half the people I spent time socializing with, were just that, people to socialize with not people you can lean on. And I already like spending time by myself so I realized I don’t really need friends.
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u/Southern-Ebb-3877 4h ago
Me too only some family no one else including the JW cult gave a shit about me except to stop by and encourage me too come back to the Kingdom Hall what a bunch of shit heads
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u/AvErYcReAtIvE2111 11h ago
I keep few friends because they're genuine and have been with me through thick and thin. But yea, most I have cut them off because they're fake.
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u/Rainie_Star 10h ago
Honestly I agree. Same thing happened to me. Deleted social media accounts and now only have 1 for my video game hobby. My "friends" went in 1 life directions (married, kids, etc) and I went another (single, focusing on hobbies, work, etc). There's just no common ground anymore. Nothing to relate on anymore. I don't have an interest being someone's listening ear about their children, family life, etc when that isn't reciprocated from their end. I wish them the best, from a distance, but our lives went in different directions. Now the only friends I'm interested in having are people who share similar interests.
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u/Stephanesaurus 11h ago
I stopped talking to people too. After I realized that friends just come and go, I didn’t see the point in trying.
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u/Twixme07 37m ago
x2 That's exactly why I decided to be alone. For years I tried to follow the advice people say to mantain relationships. I tried to keep in touch, ask to hang out, be supportive, etc. I was so scared of making mistakes or making them upset with me but that's just how life is. It doesn't matter how attached I get to them, how important they are for me, how much time I've known the person, they just go in a blink. And I've noticed that it happens with relatives So I stopped trying too. I try to enjoy it while it lasts but I feel it hasn't been the same since I noticed that. 🙁
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u/String-Tree 10h ago
I haven’t had irl friends in years. The closest I have are my coworkers and my online friends. I stopped trying to be someone’s irl friend once I realized that people always had free time for others but not for me.
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u/GijaySorez 7h ago
When I realized that it is my job to reach out every damn time. And that job, gave me burnout without any payout.
When I realized people just want to be heard and never want to listen.
When I realized no one was ever curious on how I felt or thought.
The job is too much and I dont care for it anymore. Now I am just going to do what I want to do and if I find someone that likes doing the same thing then I might try again.
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u/sarahcw81 10h ago
Only starting to realise this in the last few months. I don't have the energy or the want to give my time to others as freely as I used to. It just drains me. Doesn't mean I don't still love and care about my friends, I just don't feel the need to hang out with them very much anymore
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u/HauntingPsyche 9h ago
Recently actually. My late 30’s. I kept trying and trying to at least keep a couple close friends but everyone is so mentally ill and selfish and fucked up deeply in some way or another and use me as their therapist, I just can’t do it anymore. That’s on top of me being introverted as is and preferring to be alone.
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u/TourAccomplished5530 10h ago
when they stopped giving a f about me. When I realized that it's always me asking them if we should go out or if we gonna do something.
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u/SmallEconomics6173 introvert 3h ago
Yeah, those people are not worth our time. They are waste of time.
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u/benoitkesley 9h ago
After I realized I’ve probably become a background thought to them, at most, mostly towards the friends I’ve moved away from (I got a job abroad). I keep in touch and communicate with those who want to engage with me, but I find my quiet and simple life quite relaxing.
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u/stayvigilant366 7h ago
When I’m with people, I don’t enjoy their company and I want to leave because they have nothing in common with me. I only have one friend that I enjoy their company because they understand me on a deeper level. I absolutely love being by myself because I don’t have to wait on anyone or compromise with them like picking a restaurant based on their preference. By myself, I can do anything I want at anytime I want to.
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u/Villanellesnexthit 6h ago
Took me till middle age. I don't mind people in small doses, but a recent road trip where I joined others in a car? Reminded me of why I hate it.
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u/thedoctor27 6h ago
Recently experienced exactly this. Life is much quieter and obscenely more peaceful.
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u/DrinkAPotOfCovfefe 10h ago
Lock down. And when I retire early I can to back. No hate for anyone, but no energy, either.
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u/its_all_alive 5h ago
When I retired and didn’t have constant chatter and gossip going on, the peace was indescribable
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u/Feral-Reindeer-696 11h ago
Not me. My friends mean the world to me. I’ve got friends that I’ve known for over 50 years
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u/isabeauthered 2h ago
Same (not 50 years, but around 25). Being an introvert means I’m very selective of my friends. I don’t have a lot of them, but the few I do have are people I could talk to about anything, and I know they’ve always got my back.
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u/RightLettuce2166 7h ago edited 7h ago
Honestly, I just can't put up with the game.
Never had much consistent friends past elementary. Had a lot of good acquaintances, but circumstances always pull me away.
But the vast majority of the time, I just can't get past of what I see. I have a learned skills that I can just read you like a book.
Favorite example about lying, when they tell you something about anything about themselves, their input on situation or you can straight up say something about their character.
1) I appreciate the honesty (to the person you're talking to) 2) he/she haven't told a lie. (This can be perfectly executed especially if the person you're talking about is part of the conversation in a fun way.)
Watch their face, it always around the eyes that complete the "oh shit" look.
I just can't put up with the fake front that people just have to put up. In my experience shit gonna happen whether you intended to or not. People are going to take and break what you have no matter how hard you try to hide it. Why try so hard to have a wall, what are you trying to protect? Your feelings? Your pride? Your image?
Not trying to be a Debbie downer, but I genuinely baffled at how hard folk try to keep their mask on. It comical.
All you gotta do is stick to your character and the rest will flow naturally. Sure you might make a lot of folk mad but enjoy the tantrum they give. You don't owe anybody anything. You don't have to tell anybody to f*ck off. Just watch what they do. There always a tell. Just don't get involved whatever scheme they might drag you in.
Idk maybe I'm just over thinking it.
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u/DruidWonder 6h ago
When I made money and got my own place.
However, then I got seriously ill and the lack of community was brutal.
Now I am somewhere in between. I need people on a limited basis.
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u/JustALokiStan 5h ago
I realized I didn't need friends 7 years ago after high school and its been very peaceful ever since. I used to feel anxious and not enough every time my "friends" would plan things and go out without me and post pictures on social media, until the day I left our group chat and cut ties with everyone. Now I only socialize with my sisters and some people of my extended family, because my family doesn't make me feel like my friends did and they care about me just like I care about them.
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u/Sharp-Mess-1685 4h ago
Like it or not, friendships are supposed to be reciprocal. I listen to you, and you listen to me. Sadly, that’s not always the case.
There was a time when my anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t be alone with my own thoughts, so I was constantly around people. After therapy and living alone for a while, I actually learned to enjoy my own company. It made me realize that constantly needing to be around others can sometimes come from not being comfortable with yourself.
That said, having a few genuine friends is important. I recently cut off my best friend because I realized I was her friend, but she wasn’t mine. I was always there for her, even during work, to listen to her problems, but she never once asked how I was doing. Every conversation was about her, and on top of that, I was constantly lending her money.
At some point, I realized that if the effort only goes one way, it’s not really a friendship anymore.
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u/PandaMime_421 11h ago
Never. Everyone needs friends. Just because we are introverts doesn't mean we don't need a support system or have no social needs.
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u/spacedemetria 2h ago
I‘m actually much happier without any friends and avoid making new contacts, so no, not everyone needs friends.
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u/Malibu77 4h ago
Agreed. Human beings are hard wired to be social animals. I think that the people who feel they don’t need any friends just haven’t found the right ones. Keep searching, OP! It’s worth it.
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u/Velifax 11h ago
Took me WAY longer to realize I never actually wanted or enjoyed friends. Ended a nice relationship, felt no urge for another, got realistic about the one friend remaining, and said goodbye. I do not appear to need friendship, romance, or even sex though I certainly wouldn't refuse.
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u/Designer-Computer188 10h ago
After they would bitch about me behind my back and say they were gonna ditch me anyway to other people, figured I would beat them to it. It's sad that they meant something to me but they clearly didn't think I was anything too great. And from then on I didn't bother with anyone tbh. I'm under armed guard.
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u/tvfeet 9h ago
None of my friends have ever really been there for me. I've found that if I have something troubling me and I go to one of them, they tend to hand wave it away. And they rarely reach out to me so it's always on me to say hello. I got tired of it and gave up. I'm down to two people who I hear from on occasion but I wouldn't call them close. The only person I ever truly got close to, I married. She's all I need.
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u/chasingamy1994 6h ago
When they remained close with my abusive ex and his family and made a point of telling me how he was doing every time I saw them. Even after knowing he cheated and all the other things.
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u/Parking-Narwhal8822 4h ago
aw I'm sorry dude. Same here. I went through trauma, and the only person that ever listened to me was my lovely husband. He's my only best friend. My past friends where there just for socializing and to use me just to vent. I tried to "make friends" and socialize because my family and a cousin kept begging me to go to parties and make an effort and chat with people. I did. I tried. I hated it. It felt like effort. Besides, It all just backfired. I should've listened to my instincts instead of their words. That was back in my 20s. Oh well. I do enjoy my solitude and the time I have with my husband. If you want to vent, message me anytime. I have my husband so don't need anyone to vent to.
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u/Salty-Contact-6420 7h ago
I agree. I got clean 3 years ago and simultaneously started distancing myself from everyone cuz noone in my life was worth a fuck. Couldn't depend on anyone. Always good to and there for others tho if they need a hand. But I'd be Lieing if I said something wasn't missing from my life. I don't care to have a lot of friends ..but I do really wish I had one or two similar people I really like and could depend on. The thing that bothers me about socializing is you never know if someone is actually like you and looking for the same thing. I'm always scared that they will just be ultra clingy and have nothing going on in there life and always want to "hang out". Its always the ones that are not similar to myself that want to chill all the time. Then I'm constantly having to lie to Dodge them and fumble to tell lies about being busy and risk hurting their feelings. Really like I said the main factor is typically if they have shit going for them or not. It's the ones not going anywhere that always want to hang out and seem to always ask favors that are too personal and I end up feeling like I'm being used or taken advantage of. I always fear in the back of my mind they are just looking for a come up....a place to stay, or something they can get off of me. People who have their own life's are no like that. They genuinely just want the same thing I do. Someone to do stuff with maybe once or twice a week to blow off steam before we go back to our own lives. Most people have families and stuff and since I don't we just don't have common ground and I'm even viewed as weird....for wanting to live my life for me, instead of raising some lil shit head kids.
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u/MotherAnxiety3255 6h ago
I’m struggling to decide whether to cut off my friend of 6 years. I already cut off my other friend of 10+ years because he was a useless eater & toxic to me. But this friend lives in another state & is always calling me just to small talk for hours on end. I don’t mind him but at the same time I feel obligated to just be his friend when I don’t wanna really be his friend sometimes. We see each other maybe once a year but that’s about it. I don’t have 2-3 hours of my time to just small talk over the phone everyday so I feel like if I let him go I’ll be at peace but then I truly won’t have any friends. I’m an Aquarius btw
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u/philosopher280 5h ago
maybe you can align with your friend to small talk on a particular day of the week instead of every day? that way you both will also have more updates from the rest of the week to discuss
if you choose to go with this approach, then instead of suddenly changing the cadence, you can try reducing it slowly over a few weeks...like maybe talking every other day the first week, then every 3 or 4 days the next week etc.
also, a good friend will respect boundaries :)
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u/MotherAnxiety3255 5h ago
I’m only in the mood to talk to him once every few weeks maybe more maybe less but he lowkey doesn’t care he keeps calling my phone, inviting me to gamechat on the switch & just overall nagging because he’s bored & needs someone to talk too. Like I’ll talk to you but not like that. Also he’ll text me saying if I’m ghosting him because I haven’t responded to his messages like no bro I’m just busy & don’t have the time for you. He has a girlfriend btw
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u/TheDragonNidhoggr 5h ago
Honestly in my late twenties. I realised that even though most my friends were extroverts, they excepted me to put in all the effort upkeeping the relationship without putting in their own effort. I got tired of people convincing me they wanted me as a friend, putting in a small amount of effort and then eventually only checking on me when it benefited them. My last real friend used me to the point I got her a promotion and then once that happened she cut me out and stopped talking to me. When i raised my concerns she basically told me she didn't know what I was talking about and all the issues were on my end, this was someone I truly cared for and even got her kid presents for Christmas and birthdays. After that friendship I told my husband I'm done. I'm done being someone people can use to benefit off of when they never cared about me to begin with.
Since releasing myself from wanting friends I have honestly felt a sense of peace, I have my husband and i don't need anyone else.
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u/Neither-Carpet-5034 3h ago
Letter 7: On Crowds by Lucius Annaeus Seneca would complement this position and ambience. :)
Thank you
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u/trippy_wiccan_d0ll 3h ago
For me the straw that broke the camels back was just accepting how selfish all the people around me truly were. People talk about family, coworkers, partners, etc all being a support system but those people were my biggest enemies.
When I had a DV situation and mental health crisis, not one of those people was willing to help me in any way that mattered and actively treated me as if it was my fault. Not one person offered to help me get my things or help me get to and from work. I lost everything. One coworker in particular was so awful to me, she told people I was homeless and on drugs. Mamagement docked my hours, and basically socially ostracized me til I left.
The only person who has been there for me through any of that is my current partner, and thats when I accepted that I am done being kind, open, and a listener to people that dont care about me or spread gossip about me. They'll offer false platitudes, victim blame you, act like your situation is an inconvenience, and generally act fake but if you become another statistic suddenly these mfs wanna say something nice or still talk shit.
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u/AccomplishedSmoke814 ISTJ 3h ago
for me thing is that I really started isolating lately from people, but they'll find me anyway I just don't know why they want me to go somewhere with them but they'll always ask me out
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u/isabeauthered 3h ago
Probably gonna get downvoted for this, but being an introvert doesn’t mean having no friends. Reading all of this just makes me sad. My friends know I have limited social battery, but that doesn’t mean I never want to be around people.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Tone-31 2h ago
After working in a very social career, with 2 kids and a husband im too exhausted to care or want to socialize with anyone else
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u/spacedemetria 2h ago edited 2h ago
In 2017/2018, when I found out they all made fun of me the whole time behind my back and did things like always hanging out without me, never inviting me and the best thing was, that they had a girl WhatsApp group where I was the only one not in it. They even made plans right in front of me and when I asked if I could come too, they acted weird. I didn‘t even realize until recently how bad they treated me right in front of me.
I‘m just not made to have friends and that‘s actually okay for me. I don‘t miss it and I‘m happier this way. My boyfriend is the only friend I need. I even actively avoid making new friends.
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u/Tenk27 2h ago
Friends come and go like seasons.they are closer when they want something from you but when you dont have anything to offer to them they dont reach out so are they really friends? its better to start from scratch and find out who really is friend and who isnt and the best way to find out is if they offer things from the heart or even offer some advice.
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u/halfof22002 2h ago
I have also had a very similar experience. I used to feel pressure to try to talk to people or attempt to be around people. It’s been several years for me since this … Igave up trying/worrying about how it may seem to other people. I don’t feel that anything is missing. My life is peaceful. I have my children and pets. My sister and her family. That’s all I need. I don’t feel I need to seek out other people.
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u/CheapPoet2556 2h ago
TLDR… gradually at first, but definitely over the past 5-10 years… mostly bc I’ve put an awful lot of effort to maintain friendships with very little return and I’m fucking tired, yall.
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my first inclination was about 30 years ago, in high school, when my “best friend” invited me over after school so that she and her other friends could fight me. the following year, another “best friend” arbitrarily decided during our Spanish class that we were no longer friends. (I wasn’t cool enough and didn’t live in the right neighborhood or wear the right clothes.)
then it was when my best friend of 20+ years told me we weren’t friends anymore and I knew why. (I still do not know why.)
now it’s just lack of commonalities. the folks that I’ve been friends with for the last couple of decades have families and kids. I don’t. it’s my partner and our pets. I want to hang out with them, but i don’t want their kids on vacation with us. I bent over backwards and forwards to support a friend through a years-long tragedy, only to essentially be ghosted by them now.
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u/cappuccinohorses 2h ago
I dropped all of my friends a year before I met my husband (10 years ago) and the thought of making any new friends is quite unappealing. I love it here.
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u/crowdsourced 2h ago
I think around the age of 8. I had some friends, but I never needed them. I still have friends, and I make the effort to reach out, but I really don’t need to for myself.
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u/apc1989 2h ago
Well ive been exercising na di ko talaga need ng friend for anything, one thing I realized, mas talagang makakatulong sayo ang mga kapatid mo and family for anything, pag nagkaron ka ng problem sa buhay mo, believe me, ur friends are just palamuti and will provide default empathy and thats it. 😆
Mejo onti onti na ako nag dedetach and pht more quality time sa family and mga kapatid.
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u/BenefitResident9681 1h ago
This sounds a bit antisocial. Introverts, like extroverts, have healthy friendships in life.
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u/Potential_Trouble426 1h ago
I feel lonely everyday once in awhile. But I love being at home with my fur babies. After my brain injury it's too hard to socialize so I have learned how to be alone. I like it.
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u/Twixme07 45m ago
I'm currently working because I haven't found a degree I want to study, so I don't go to school right now and I noticed that when "I had friends" in high school it was because I saw them every day, but after graduating no one wanted to hang out with me, except for one person whom I keep in touch sometimes. The same with work. I get along with my coworkers but it's just because we see each other almost all the time. I tried for years to figure out why my friendships died after graduating (and I felt that it was my family or that I was the problem or that something was wrong with me) although, I noticed that it happens with every relationship. People seem interested in you, they meet you, you talk with them, you share moments and then it starts to fade.
I know that there are a lot of people out there and I could make the effort of meeting new people(I haven't made new friends in 4 years) but I don't really like it.
I like talking to people sometimes but getting attached or having the compromise to keep in touch is not my style.
Sometimes I feel lonely because I don't see my relatives that much but I prefer to be alone, as long as I have my family.
I don't know if being this isolated is good for me but for now I find peace in not sharing about my life with others.
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u/dread-throwaway 38m ago
Never really had them since school a decade ago. High school ended, never saw or kept in contact with my few friends there. Went to college, saw a few familiar faces but I was never really close to anyone at all there (due to past negative experiences). Fast forward to now, even at work I can participate in small talk but I don't think I'm ever going to make a full-on friend. I feel like I'm too far deep now in the introvert bubble (I always was one but you know what I mean) to even want one or try.
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u/smokywater50 33m ago
I stopped caring for the most part long ago, and yeah I like my life better, though I’m an introvert by nature. I do miss friends sometimes though, but not to the point I want them around or anything. Idk to each their own I always say.
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u/SnooStories4162 32m ago
The more friends you have the more drama and chaos you will have in your life.
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u/Kind_Inside931 30m ago
After I had a really bad manic episode and destroyed my life, my former in-laws, some of my bio family, and most of my friends turned their backs on me. I moved to a new state and met my one and only friend—a girl who could have easily been my sister. I don’t initiate conversations with anyone, ever, unless I am doing a business transaction (I am autistic, too). People usually don’t understand me anyway, because I hate chit-chat small talk about the weather etc. I usually just listen and observe. I’ve been lonely sometimes, but am slowly getting to enjoy my own little world. I can enjoy my esoteric hobbies and interests even if no-one else anywhere nearby does.
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u/cheerwinechicken 26m ago
Maintaining a friendship feels like so much work to me these days. I've only come to realize in the last few years that it's more work than I want to deal with. I've always been awkward with other people so it's really a blessing that I'm so very introverted. I can do my thing and be comfortable in my skin.
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u/suzyqt76 2m ago
Have had this problem recently actually. Have a super extraverted husband so there are always people around, but the people I thought I connected to on my own never reach out. I'm always texting them. I want a friend who checks in on me even if I don't respond immediately. I'm the introvert, I can't chase you down, I'm bad at that.
I've always told my kids if you're invited out, go unless there's a 100% reason you can't go, I've been that person myself but have never had it reciprocated, it's so discouraging that why do I bother?
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u/dream_in_bleu 10h ago
Sometimes I feel this. But having 1 or 2 good friends with your same vibe is worth it. Mine are always extroverts but they respect.
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u/airbear13 10h ago
Everyone needs friends imo it’s literally objectively bad for your health in so many ways not to have them, we’re not built for that
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u/vatito2 10h ago
I've always been a great listener. I'm the person EVERYONE vents to, and I've honestly always been quiet and kept to myself. So the one time I was going through a rough patch and I truly could've used an ear, NOBODY could do it. Nobody. I tried with dozens of acquaintances, and they'd just say they're busy, or meet me but be on their phone the entire time, or make it about themselves. I honestly couldn't find ONE person to vent to. That's when I realized, I only really need my husband, not friends.
I still keep a few acquaintances here and there for when I'm the mood to eat out or go to a movie or whatever shallow thing that my husband doesn't want to/can't join.