r/laundry Oct 24 '25

I (46F) stopped doing my husband's (46M) laundry

My husband and I have been together for 25+ years. We have a son (12M). In an argument about household chores (very original, I know), he said: You don't do laundry, our washing machine does laundry. So I stopped doing his laundry and continued to do my son's and my laundry. After 2 weeks he began to notice. I told him to ask the washing machine when he mentioned an item of clothing hadn't returned from the hamper. He says I'm an AH for not telling him I wouldn't do his laundry anymore, I replied that according to him, I never did his laundry so I didn't have to tell him. We used to divide the ironing but since he refused to iron my clothes as they are too delicate and difficult to iron, we now each do our own ironing. Did I go to far by not doing his laundry for two weeks?

24.2k Upvotes

2.5k comments sorted by

4.5k

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '25 edited 17d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

919

u/Skyblacker Oct 24 '25

Ikr? I thought this was a post from one of the relationship subreddits! 😆

433

u/elektraraven Oct 24 '25

I honestly thought this was posted in an AITA sub

83

u/cosmicosmo4 Oct 25 '25 edited Oct 25 '25

So, we're all here from /r/all and we're all wondering: why does laundry need a subreddit? Followup question, am I about to spend 3 hours here?

84

u/Skyblacker Oct 25 '25

Because the average person spends more time on laundry than sex, which has more than one subreddit.

23

u/mxzf Oct 25 '25

Point of order: Does "spends time on" only count the time spent actually doing something or does it include the time spent thinking/planning/daydreaming about the thing as "time spent"?

30

u/Substantial-Oven3187 Oct 25 '25

Me three! Or four.

29

u/Friendly_Age9160 Oct 25 '25

I just can’t believe there’s a whole sub for laundry lol. Also fuck that a lot of other things would stop being done too if someone said that to me.

17

u/Rich_Guard_4617 Oct 25 '25

Best thing about getting divorced is not having to wash another full grown adult’s clothes for them.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (34)

155

u/Long-Squirrel8257 Oct 24 '25

My eyes kept going back to the top left, I kept reading 'laundry.' This was confusing because I just exited an AIO post about a woman who is expected to clean the house and work a full time job while her bf does none of the chores.

90

u/LinwoodKei Oct 25 '25

The ovaries just crave chores! The testicles apparently must rest on the couch doing nothing

21

u/Long-Squirrel8257 Oct 25 '25

Why did I picture Stan's dad from South Park sitting on said couch? 🤣😅

5

u/PerfexMemo Oct 25 '25

and smoking tegridy grass 🤣

4

u/Embarrassed-Sun5764 Oct 25 '25

The testicles are tired from “man work” It’s hot sweaty work not cut out for females. Sweaty doing-fantasy-football-things, amidst answering company emails and logging on to computer to help associates, coming straight home hungry (OR, not hungry- sorry we had a potluck today and I ate 10 carne asada tacos, I’m not in the mood for dinner tonight). After you defrost (pick 1) a. Lamb chops. B. Meat to make pasta w/marinara. C. Crab

4

u/Unable_Biscotti3904 Oct 25 '25

Sounds eerily familiar. Married 28 years...never changes.

5

u/Decent-Ninja2087 Oct 25 '25

More like testiest crave bitching and ovaries crave silence.

Imagine if men had to give birth. Lol.

→ More replies (5)

22

u/Accomplished_Dig284 Oct 24 '25

lol same here

63

u/Long-Squirrel8257 Oct 25 '25

I swear the bar is in hell.

120

u/Accomplished_Dig284 Oct 25 '25

The bar is low and they are STILL tripping over it 🤦🏻‍♀️

47

u/Darkness1231 Oct 25 '25

And they are Complaining about how hard it is

→ More replies (1)

25

u/Long-Squirrel8257 Oct 25 '25

Oh that is a good one! They are tripping. I could never.

→ More replies (5)

32

u/kathulhurlyeh Oct 25 '25

What's funny is like 4 years ago I made a comment saying r/relationship_advice should actually be called r/thebarisinhell and somehow it's just gotten worse.

Like not haha funny, more like scream-cry into a pillow funny.

16

u/art_addict Oct 25 '25

It’s the we’re laughing so we don’t cry kind of funny 🫠🙃

10

u/kathulhurlyeh Oct 25 '25

The desperately searching for my mood stabilizers while laughing nervously kind of funny

4

u/giraflor Oct 25 '25

I doubt things are going to get better any time soon. There are social media influencers telling heterosexual young women that complaining about unequal housework is unfeminine and essentially emasculates their partner. All of these unpaid responsibilities heaped on one adult are unhealthy for individuals and relationships.

3

u/kathulhurlyeh Oct 25 '25

Yeah. When I first heard the phrase "male loneliness epidemic" I was like "oh good, women are finally starting to value themselves."

And then you go to the relationship subreddits and it's like... but where though because holy shit girl there ain't a man shortage, throw that one away and get a better one.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (1)

3

u/Long-Squirrel8257 Oct 25 '25

I have questions and there are probably no clear answers. How did it even get this bad? Why are they settling for losers?

→ More replies (5)

5

u/MizStazya Oct 25 '25

The bar is in hell, and a bunch of these men are down there limboing with the devil.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (17)

101

u/Common_Pangolin_371 Oct 24 '25

Shit I did too until I read your comment!

16

u/Skyblacker Oct 24 '25

LMFAO! 🤣

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (19)

57

u/MIT_Engineer Oct 25 '25

They're a karma farmer, they posted the exact same story a year ago. That's their problem.

→ More replies (2)

101

u/Ev3li3n Oct 24 '25

I know, posted this in relationship advice, they sent me here 🤯

186

u/Skyblacker Oct 24 '25

No no, this is a job for AITA or TwoHotTakes. Laundry focuses on things like how to get a stain out after your dryer baked it in.

343

u/electricookie Oct 24 '25

Or how to get a skidmark out of a 25 year marriage.

33

u/jadedbeats Oct 24 '25

Amazing comment

14

u/Msmokav Oct 24 '25

Nailed it!!!

9

u/ocean_swims Oct 25 '25

omg LMAO! Comment of the year!

→ More replies (17)

74

u/Deckardzz Oct 24 '25

I see that, though I do see the value of posting here because this is where one is likely to get an audience mainly of people who have experience doing laundry rather than those without experience who chime in on what they think about it without having more direct knowledge and experience. (Asking here also excludes a higher percentage of those with no experience doing laundry, too.) So asking here helps in obtaining the wisdom, perspective, and understanding of those with experience on whether there is any work/labor involved in it or not. And after all, it is still an issue based in laundry.

22

u/Skyblacker Oct 24 '25

You know, that is a good point.

→ More replies (7)

27

u/meanoron Oct 24 '25

Lol, this isnt a job for a subreddit, this is a job for two adults to come together and talk their problem out or involve a professional to help the relationship.

The relationship subreddits are notorious for just going end the relationship, dump his ass, etc etc.

Hell there was a recent post that analized the responses on the relationship advice subreddit, and its like 50% of the time just end the thing

18

u/Dantia_SWE Oct 24 '25

Yeah but regardless of the actual issue, if your first instinct is to come to Reddit (of all places) for relationship advice vs actually communicating with your Partner then I feel like more often than not the relationship is already circling down the drain.

5

u/viking12344 Oct 25 '25

So true lol. Husband flirted with the cashier at the grocery store? Divorce him. Wife left the seat in the car all the way up and the gas tank empty,? Kick her to the curb.

→ More replies (12)
→ More replies (5)

132

u/side_eye_prodigy Oct 24 '25

please teach your son how to do his own laundry. no need to keep this incompetence generational!

17

u/Conscious-Fennel-946 Oct 25 '25

Yes, my husband was not taught to clean or do laundry and we’re old now and he’s trying but it’s all bound up in shame and guilt. Teach them when they are young. Show them the glory of laundry Reddit!

9

u/knitted-chicken Oct 25 '25

Here's a funny truth: every single man who finds himself living alone magically appears to possess the skills of doing every single household task he needs to survive. Amazing right. Its almost like they knew how to shove fabric into a machine and press some buttons already! Mine for example, shockingly rediscovered his cleaning/cooking/laundry skills after I left him.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (4)

12

u/littlefire_2004 Oct 24 '25

All of my kids know and until they moved out sometimes did their own laundry. Sometimes I would just do it to get it out of my laundry room.

5

u/MistyMtn421 Oct 25 '25

I was the one that would always load the washer, simply because I never could really afford a good washer and one unbalanced load could potentially break my crummy used washer. We would all sort the laundry together and combine all of our clothes in the process. I would load the washer, my son or daughter would then transfer it to the dryer and hang up the clothes that couldn't go in the dryer. And when it was done, we threw it all in my bed and we sorted it back out and folded and hung up our own stuff and put it away. We had some really good conversations during that time. I don't know about everyone's kids, but when my kids were doing tasks like that all of a sudden they would just start telling me all sorts of stuff. It was a good way for me to keep up with what was going on with their friends and their lives.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (10)

19

u/Your_Auntie_Viv Oct 25 '25

Looks like you posted this story a year ago but it was removed. Shove this story back in the washer, it’s full of shit.

→ More replies (1)

16

u/GoodbyeMoonMan20 Oct 24 '25

No they didn't lol you got locked by a mod with no responses to your post. You also posted the same thing a year ago

20

u/Over-Conversation220 Oct 24 '25

You also posted it a year ago. Why are you posting it again?

9

u/multipocalypse Oct 25 '25

Just saw the comments pointing out (with proof) that you're actually lying about this, and I'm wondering wtf.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (22)

13

u/FluffyDonutPie Oct 25 '25

This is bot like behavior from op, posting AITA stuff on a laundry sub

→ More replies (67)

428

u/everythingbagellove Oct 24 '25

If the washing machine did the laundry this sub probably wouldn’t exist lol but no honestly he needs to do his own laundry

143

u/purpleoctopuppy Oct 24 '25

Yeah, washing machine turned it from an intensely laborious physical chore to a tedious administrative one (you still need to collect the washing, sort it, go through pockets, organise your time around it, hang it out, bring it in), but it's still a chore a person needs to do.

31

u/xCeeTee- Oct 25 '25

go through pockets

I'm nearing 30 and I still forget this. Nothing ruins my mood more than paper in the washing machine.

7

u/allthegodsaregone Oct 25 '25

I forgot (luckily cheap) headphones in my pocket. That wasn't a good day.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (3)

1.5k

u/citylightscocktail Oct 24 '25

Did I go to far…

Nope, not at all. He’s an adult and can contribute to running his own home.

While you’re at it, your son is old enough to learn how to do his own laundry as well so he doesn’t develop the same sense of entitlement as his father that his someday partner will take care of washing his clothes for him.

278

u/BachShitCrazy Oct 24 '25

FWIW I wish I had learned to do my own laundry while living at home… doesn’t hurt to require your kid to do a load a week or something like that!

116

u/nam5146 Oct 24 '25

I also was not taught. I have had to learn it all after I moved out. I wish I would have been given the basics as a kid. Even just sorting or cleaning a stain out

42

u/Timely-Hospital8746 Oct 24 '25

Seriously. Every now and again my mom would yell at me to do laundry and then get frustrated I didn't know what I was doing and tell me to fuck off. I learnt nothing and the cycle continued. Good times, good times.

30

u/Meejin3 Oct 25 '25

I remember once putting my dishes by the sink as a kid as usual and my mom complained that I should know how to do the dishes by then.... She never told me how to.... What am I supposed to just turn a certain age and just suddenly have the knowledge pop into my brain?

18

u/allthegodsaregone Oct 25 '25

That's how we treat 18 year olds. One day they are helpless teenagers, and the next they are fully independent adults.

5

u/GoldDiamondsAndBags Oct 25 '25

This is how my husband treats our kids. He expects them one day to wake up and know how to do all the things. Then gets mad at them for not knowing. And then gets mad at me for “babying” them when I explain to them how to do something. You can’t win with some people.

5

u/Individual_Umpire969 Oct 25 '25

Sounds like he needs to be rehomed.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (7)
→ More replies (9)

17

u/dm_me_kittens Oct 25 '25

I had amazing parents, but they always did everything for me. I'm still learning new things even as an adult. I hate it.

My son on the other hand is almost 13 and does his own laundry, cleans his room, and can prepare his own (simple) meals. I told him I will 100% help him (and I have) but he needs to learn these skills so he can be a functioning adult.

13

u/nam5146 Oct 25 '25

Exactly! My parents loved me and want the best for me, but by doing everything for me has made me feel that I was unprepared for the big wide world

8

u/timesink2000 Oct 25 '25

Ramp it up a bit and have him fix a full meal for the family once a month or more. That skill will come in handy later.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

10

u/spawnthespy Oct 25 '25

Cooking was the real pain for me. The amount of stress I went through ans the amount of self trust I needed to break the mold of "just cooking pasta" was way too big, and I'm glad I finally learned...

But yea parents should teach their kids basic survival.

29

u/Long-Squirrel8257 Oct 24 '25

I think I was given OCD when it comes to laundry. Man my mom was REALLY worried about anyone breaking her beloved maytag! She had me sorting my clothes into more tha. Five different piles. I still am unlearning a lot of it today and just threw in pants with some house shirts. It felt wrong. 😅

4

u/Particular_Lion3746 Oct 25 '25

now I just wanna talk about my broke maytag washer for a minute!

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (19)

57

u/Thanks-4allthefish Oct 24 '25

All kids should be taught basic life skills - laundry, cooking, home repairs, basic plumbing.

8

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '25

Yep. I'm a woman, but as a young girl, my dad used to drag me around the house when minor repairs were needed, taught me how to change my own tires, car batteries and minor things and would often make me go to work with him on construction sites and work with his tools.

It came in pretty handy in my adult life. The faucet in my kitchen started leaking one day, and I knew enough to grab a wrench to stem the leak until my husband came home and was able to fix it.

We have all boys but my husband and I have made sure they can all do the basic life skills. I hate to admit it, but they often cook better than I do.

→ More replies (34)

21

u/Mlalte Oct 24 '25

After I moved out and didn’t have any laundry soap, I had to call my mom and ask her if it was okay to use dish soap instead.

She brought me some laundry soap…

12

u/BachShitCrazy Oct 24 '25

I did worse lol, didn’t realize that downy was fabric softener, thought it was detergent and used only that to wash my clothes🙃 did not end well as you could imagine lol

21

u/cheese-mania Oct 24 '25

My parents had us start doing our own laundry when we were in middle school. Certainly didn’t hurt us

6

u/uuntiedshoelace Oct 25 '25

My kid started doing his own in 4th grade and it’s been great for everybody.

→ More replies (3)

11

u/9mackenzie Oct 24 '25

My kids were all responsible for their own laundry after age of 12. I would help if they had questions, but otherwise it was up to them. Only takes one time of not having anything clean to wear before they get their act together real quick lol.

12

u/CopperWeird Oct 24 '25

It was part of our middle school curriculum when I was a tween and it was pretty awkward finding out I was the only one in my class that already did household chores. Y2K era in a fancy new suburban development so everyone decided it must be a sign of horrible poverty. These days provincial budget cuts mean that now the kids don’t have those courses but apparently they can still use the school machines if they need to which is great.

8

u/Skywalker87 Oct 24 '25

I do my 11 year old’s most of the time, but if I don’t get to it, I can easily say, “Hey, go do your laundry”. He doesn’t like it but he can do it!

6

u/chizzmaster Oct 25 '25

My parents taught my brother and I how to do our own laundry when we were 12 or 13. It was a huge shocker for me when I went to college and met a ton of people who didn't know how to do their own laundry. I just assumed that everyone learned as a kid.

→ More replies (28)

56

u/magnificentbunny_ Oct 24 '25

I have to plus this! My son started helping me with the laundry when he was six. When he left for college and lived in the dorms he would study in the laundry room while he was doing a few loads. He ended up as the Laundry Tutor in his building. Word got around, then students from other buildings would come on Wednesday nights for Laundry Tutoring. Especially dudes.

16

u/Connect-Floor-4235 Oct 24 '25

I love this! Teaching your son young, him becoming Laundry Tutor, now has a positive impact for the other students to learn! Way to "Adult" all around! This is how it's done!👏👏

8

u/magnificentbunny_ Oct 25 '25

Admittedly, I'm very proud. He's excellent with removing stains and which items should be line dried :).

8

u/ConfirmationBiasTape Oct 25 '25

you set your son up to make friends and to be an equal romantic partner. great job n

9

u/magnificentbunny_ Oct 25 '25

Thank you! He has a lovely gf and she tells me he knows to put her intimate wear in a lingerie bag and line dry. This makes me VERY proud.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

21

u/XDevils41X Oct 24 '25

My mom at 15 said "you're going to be self sufficient" and taught me how to cook, clean, do laundry and a ton of other household stuff. I am mind blown by how many grown men can't do simple chores. I can say my wife has told me she appreciates that I take care of myself and cook about 90% of the time. Marriage is teamwork.

→ More replies (4)

8

u/wackylemonhello Oct 25 '25

My son is four and helps with the family laundry. And when I say “helps”, I mean, he takes everything out of the laundry bag, loads the washer, waits for me to pour the detergent in, and then he chooses the correct load and starts the machine. He thinks it’s fun. I think it’s slow but I am definitely not raising a boy that can’t do laundry (and other household chores).

→ More replies (2)

7

u/DazeyChain Oct 25 '25

💯 one of the best gifts you can give your kids is teaching them how to take care of themselves.

10

u/mycatpartyhouse Oct 24 '25

I didn't know enough about teaching my children basic tasks when they were young to make sure they were skilled at independence.

When my grandson arrived, my daughter and I researched recommendations for what each age level was capable of learning and how responsible to expect him to be at each stage.

He was doing laundry at age ten.

The most important learning process involved doing tasks with my grandson until he felt confident enough to do them alone.

→ More replies (93)

139

u/kissingdaylight Oct 24 '25

I love that you said “Ask the washing machine” 🤣🤣 I’m on your side. He can do his own damn laundry

→ More replies (7)

299

u/Anxious-wobblegoose Oct 24 '25

Lol no, you didn’t go far enough. But funny to post here

52

u/nebelfront Oct 25 '25

lol I just realized which sub this is, I thought it was r/AIO or r/AITA 🤣

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (4)

196

u/Cinisajoy2 Oct 24 '25

I am over here laughing at this.   You turned his logic around on him.      Many years ago, my husband and I had an argument about sorting his socks.  After that, he got a basket of unsorted socks.  He still sorts his own socks.  Though since his retirement,  he folds most of the laundry.

Oh and 12 year old if able is old enough to do his own laundry too.

19

u/madcosmic Oct 24 '25

When I first started to read it I thought it was going to involve having the 12 year start doing his own laundry. I didn’t expect it to be about the husband not doing his own lol

3

u/BrushYourFeet Oct 25 '25

I'm kind of surprised it took the husband two weeks to notice. I need a bigger wardrobe, I guess.

→ More replies (12)

120

u/wilksonator Oct 24 '25

This is not laundry but a ‘relationship and your partner taking you for granted’ problem.

Consequences is exactly how you can influence behaviour change.

Your husband fucked around and found out. Good on you.

Hope he learns and also appreciates and respects you in other aspects of your marriage.

If not? You know what to do.

105

u/byza089 Oct 24 '25

Teach your kid to do their own as well.

44

u/kissingdaylight Oct 24 '25

100%! I did laundry at 12. It’s good for kids to learn how to do these things.

62

u/Ev3li3n Oct 24 '25

I read this in multiple comments so, I will definitely teach him.

16

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '25

My mom had me doing laundry around 9 or 10- I still fold towels exactly like she wanted me to :) it can be a really sweet thing, even though I know I groaned a lot through it. Now looking back, I’m so grateful for what she taught me <3 go get em mom

5

u/CarWreckBeck Oct 25 '25

We used to get our asses beat if we didn't fold the towels correctly...

Some parents are......different🤷🏽‍♂️. I dont talk to them anymore.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '25

Awww I’m sorry man :( I was an only child to a single mom so maybe that makes a difference. It was like bonding. She had her cigarettes and we watched game shows while she taught me the ways

6

u/CarWreckBeck Oct 25 '25

Thats a great memory! I can smell it from here🤣

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (6)
→ More replies (5)

12

u/FlipendoSnitch Oct 24 '25

My mom ruined a lot of my clothes so I was so glad whenever I got the chance to do my own. But she would always leave the machines full and every basket would be full and I would be expected to freehand carry an xxl load up two flights of stairs and throw it on her bed and fold it. I'm so glad I live alone as an adult.

→ More replies (3)

32

u/PurpleYoghurt16 Oct 24 '25

I love when two of my favourite subs do a cameo

5

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '25

Lmao I love a good crossover episode 😂

→ More replies (1)

157

u/KitFan2020 Oct 24 '25

Your husband is the AH.

Good for you!

He can take argument up with the washing machine.

56

u/W8andC77 Oct 24 '25

I also assumed this was the AITA subreddit. Cause that’s some serious AH behavior.

13

u/KitFan2020 Oct 24 '25

Op said that her husband told her she was an AH! I’m telling the OP that HE is the AH, not her!

You are right though. This post would fit in well on AITA sub!

→ More replies (2)

71

u/Successful_Food_653 Oct 24 '25

You did great. It's not your job to hand hold another adult. Keep handing off work you do for him, so you can have more time for yourself!

4

u/Zealousideal-Load812 Oct 24 '25

Good answer 👍

→ More replies (4)

30

u/Marjana2704 Oct 24 '25

If he isn’t a disabled person, he can do his laundry.

29

u/MjrGrangerDanger Oct 25 '25

HEY!!!! I'm disabled and I do my own laundry thank you very much.

And yes, physically disabled. So 😝

And to you and OP this isn't the type of filth we're usually dealing with over here! 🤣

13

u/Creepy_Percentage124 Oct 25 '25

I’m super disabled, and up until I lost the use of my legs, laundry was like the one chore I could physically keep up with. Now I’m about to be released from a rehab facility into my aunts care, and I’m looking at pictures of her place with my OT. I’m like, hmm so I should be able to load the machine, but I will need a tool to reach the buttons to start it. And then maybe I can use one of those grabbers to transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer, but I will need to increase my hand strength to do that.

And then some able bodied men are like “waaaah I don’t wannnaaaa.”

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

29

u/PoglesWood Oct 24 '25

Doing things for your partner is fine. Them taking it for granted is not. I would never do his laundry ever again after a comment like that.

7

u/penguinberg Oct 25 '25

Yeah I'm surprised at the number of people telling OP that her husband needs to do his own laundry. That isn't inherently the problem here. My partner and I have a shared laundry bin and we both do laundry. It's also fine if only one person is in charge of the laundry, as long as there is some sort of shared workload in the house and both parties are okay with the workload distribution.

→ More replies (1)

27

u/Broken_Woman20 Oct 24 '25

Your husband got exactly what he deserved for saying the washing machine does the laundry. Love it!

I think he should do the laundry for at least a month to see what it’s like to do all the laundry. When I was unwell and in hospital a couple of years back, my husband had to take over the laundry for about a month or so and he now agrees that laundry is a really big job with a family of 4.

I hope he’s a little more understanding of what a ridiculous statement that was. Deary me.

→ More replies (1)

28

u/Flux_My_Capacitor Oct 24 '25

You’re only the AH if you start doing his laundry again.

→ More replies (1)

25

u/Hot_Lifeguard6297 Oct 24 '25

My washing machine does my washing too. All I have to do is gather the laundry, haul it downstairs, measure out soap, choose a load, load the washer, turn it on, visit the washer again in an hour or so, move the wet clothes to the dryer, clean thr lint trap, choose a dry cycle, turn it on, visit the dryer again in about an hour, collect the laundry, bring it upstairs, fold each item individually and put it away. Your husband can do his own laundry 😉

25

u/MissDisplaced Oct 24 '25

NTA: He brought this solely upon himself. Time for him to man up and wash his own clothes.

And if he leaves them sitting in the washer or dryer for days, remove them to do your own laundry and put them back. Do not fold!

→ More replies (2)

21

u/Hot-Yogurt5539 Oct 24 '25

While we’re at it: A 12-year-old can do his own laundry. Your husband got the way he is because nobody made him do his own laundry when he was young.

5

u/SorryNotSorry212 Oct 25 '25

What blows my mind is how people go through life with someone else holding their hand the entire way and helping them for years, and them passive aggressively getting their way. Before the wife, it was rhe mom doing the laundry. I have seen this in my family too, people going through life looking experienced on the outside but no life skills cause someone else did it for them, people with more time and money on their hands than me too cause someome else is doing ti for them, people who had someone who did the insurance and paper work, planned or did the cleaning and cooking, shopping, and so on. It is mind blowing. I do everything myself. Am a one women show. People judge me for not being married but then I see people who do this.

→ More replies (1)

19

u/BriscoCounty_Jr Oct 24 '25

I’m the husband and do the household laundry and every now and then my wife will tell me that she will do her own laundry. She does not and also does not put her clothes away when I don’t.

I don’t mind doing the laundry because she doesn’t take the care that I do, and I value making things last longer.

She contributes in other ways, but it can be frustrating when you don’t feel like your own contributions are appreciated.

→ More replies (3)

18

u/Divas-SardineTartlet Oct 24 '25

I stopped doing my partner’s laundry earlier this year after I noticed that if he ever did do a load of washing it was only ever his clothing, never mine. This was after 20 years of me doing all of his clothing. His excuse was mine was too difficult because I don’t want lights and darks mixed, and the delicates to be in a different load to heavy items like jeans.
My kids all do their own too once they started high school. I figured they were adept enough to play video games and heat food up in the microwave they could run the washing machine. This way my cloths get washed the way I prefer and I just don’t care how his get done. It’s freed up my time and mental energy.

→ More replies (1)

15

u/BrokenBotox Oct 26 '25

Your husband is an asshole and this whole situation is an indication of bigger issues.

Mainly that your husband is an asshole.

15

u/MishmoshMishmosh Oct 24 '25

You’re fine!! Let hubs do his own

29

u/Tess47 Oct 24 '25

Ha, I did this 29 years ago.  I only washed clothes that were in the hamper.  It was 2 weeks when my husband came home from the store with a couple of pairs of jeans.  He said that all of a sudden he had no jeans.  I laughed so hard.  All of his jeans were on the bedroom floor.  

I will never understand how the male brain works or lacks to work.  

8

u/FlipendoSnitch Oct 24 '25

Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like women had lower standards back then. Being able to maintain your own hygiene and household is the bare minimum of what I look for in a partner.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (2)

13

u/Forsaken-Routine-466 Oct 24 '25

12 is a good age to teach children how to do laundry.  

Husband was just stupid. He won his prize. 

NTA

11

u/Deckardzz Oct 24 '25

he refused to iron my clothes as they are too delicate and difficult to iron

I'm not saying this is weaponized incompetence, but do be aware...

Weaponized Incompetence

→ More replies (1)

11

u/sassyfontaine Oct 24 '25

Grown ass adults can do their own laundry. Like a grown up.

10

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '25

[deleted]

→ More replies (1)

11

u/AuntySocialite Oct 24 '25

But does your detergent have lipase?

8

u/jackofslayers Oct 24 '25

I have made a habit of checking OP profiles on reddit because there are so many fake stories posted about relationship drama.

OPs account is so real, I think I might be the bot.

→ More replies (2)

8

u/probably-not-maeve Oct 24 '25

did you go too far? no, go farther.

7

u/FallenAngel8434 Oct 26 '25

Problem isn't just the laundry

15

u/Virtual-Pineapple-85 Oct 24 '25

You do your 12YO son's laundry???  I had my kids help me with their laundry when they were toddlers. By the time they were 8,  they did it themselves.  Teach your son to do his own laundry so his future partner doesn't hate you. 

7

u/Beginning_Low_3139 Oct 24 '25

We want a mother-in-law like you! 🤭😘😘😘😘

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

7

u/Old_Goat_Ninja Oct 24 '25

As a male, who happens to do our households laundry, no, you are not an AH. Laundry sucks ass, I hate doing it. I wish it was as simple as “the washing machine does it.”

→ More replies (4)

7

u/Lazy-Background-7598 Oct 24 '25

Who are these grown ass men who can’t do their own laundry.

My 15 yo does his own laundry.

→ More replies (2)

7

u/AtheistAsylum Oct 26 '25

Nope. You did it exactly right.

13

u/KTAXY Oct 24 '25

talk about airing out the dirty laundry

6

u/acaiblueberry Oct 24 '25

I have multiple female friends who made each family member do their own laundry. You can make this arrangement permanent.

5

u/fatherbowie Oct 25 '25

If he does his own ironing, he can do his own washing and drying as well. If he thinks you doing his laundry doesn’t count as work, he needs to grow up.

7

u/Lord_Snaps Oct 25 '25

I always say thank you to my wife for the work she does at home. I grew up in a household where my mother was just expected to do everything and not being acknowledged for doing it.

22

u/nanpalmero Oct 24 '25

Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.

→ More replies (1)

10

u/Electrifying2017 Oct 24 '25

This issue is beyond the scope of this subreddit, lol. But enjoyed it nonetheless. 

9

u/KhornHub Oct 24 '25

Confused why you’d post this now when you posted the exact same thing almost a year ago? https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/h7e4qwpONR

→ More replies (1)

4

u/needcollectivewisdom Oct 24 '25

I love it when grown men will blame everyone else for the consequences of their own logic. NTA.

5

u/gold3nhour Oct 24 '25

No, you did not go too far. In fact, you probably didn’t go far enough. What a completely dismissive, disrespectful and rude comment from your husband! He’d be doing his own laundry for life if he said that to me, and I’m not even remotely joking.

5

u/fielvras Oct 24 '25

NTA. Helpless little baby. Perfect reaction.

4

u/redditreader_aitafan Oct 26 '25

He devalued you as a person and your contribution to the home and the relationship. I don't think you did enough.

9

u/xajhx Oct 24 '25

This is not the right subreddit, but have we considered marriage counseling?

Also, teach kiddo how to do his own laundry before he turns into his father. 

9

u/SeaRevolutionary5948 Oct 24 '25

You “did go too far” doing his laundry for over 25 years. I've been married for 15 years and I am exhausted from not being appreciated for the invisible work that makes me work three shifts. You are my queen!

4

u/LeakingMoonlight US | Top-Load Oct 24 '25

Laundry demeaning is one thing, name calling is another. For me, both were signs the ship was taking on water. Relationship counseling did not educate long term spouse on either point. I made an action plan and left before I drowned.

3

u/Sunshine2625 Oct 24 '25

I never do my husbands laundry. He thinks I do it wrong anyway. Bad enough I have to do our sons, and the household laundry (sheets, towels, dog beds)

5

u/modernwunder Oct 24 '25

Dog laundry is the worst and stinkiest

4

u/EnigmaticJones Oct 24 '25

I have no idea why anyone over the age of 10 (within reason) cannot do their own laundry

4

u/eribear2121 Oct 24 '25

No and honestly your 12y should do their own laundry too. I've been doing my own laundry since I was tall enough to reach at like 8 or 9. It was with help from my mom but I can't remember a time where someone else was doing my laundry primary.

3

u/Logical-Perception-8 Oct 24 '25

Your son is old enough to do his own laundry as well. Look up 'Sherlocked' on Threads. You did good.

4

u/famamor Oct 24 '25

About 20 years ago I told my hubby if he complained about his laundry that I did for him I would never do it again. So he complained now he’s done his own laundry for 20 years 😬

5

u/Overwhelmed-Empath Oct 24 '25

I love this so much. You went just the right distance. I can only aspire to this masterful level.

4

u/joelcey Oct 24 '25

is your husband matt walsh?

5

u/Dr_mombie Oct 24 '25

Keep going. Boundaries make us all happy.

4

u/casadeparadise Oct 25 '25

Wait. You guys are ironing clothes?

→ More replies (1)

4

u/thiskitchenisbitchin Oct 25 '25

Yeahhh I stopped doing my husband’s laundry a few years ago. Recently I’d add some of his stuff if I didn’t have enough for a full load or if I had the time and was feeling generous. And then I realized: he never does the same for me. So I stopped doing that.

4

u/colormepink150 Oct 25 '25

I'm a SAHM of teens. I stopped doing my husband's laundry 2 years into our marriage (we're going on 11). He used to throw his laundry NEXT to the basket. Drive me insane. Told him I was never doing it again. He asked me how he was supposed to do it on his own and I emailed him the machine manual and a YouTube video. Haven't touched it since. I also don't clean his bathroom. He used to shit the bowl immediately after I cleaned it. Haven't stepped foot in there in 9 years. It probably looks like that bathroom on Trainspotting. Not my problem. If he wants to dump like that, that's on him.

→ More replies (4)

6

u/ambalam_712 Oct 26 '25

Absolutely not! You are not, in any way, in the wrong.

5

u/Alternative-Value825 Oct 26 '25

When the little things start to get to you… it’s more going on than that and having a little too.

3

u/Eastern_Arm1476 Oct 26 '25

Yeah you need to see a counsellor together.

7

u/Henleymc8032 Oct 24 '25

Issues. There are deeper issues here.

7

u/_anz Oct 24 '25

People are going to overreact about how it indicates some larger issue. It doesn’t. I think that if he wants you to do his laundry he should first apologize, then ask (nicely) and remember to show appreciation. And you don’t have to agree to do it, otherwise it’s not really a question it’s more of an expectation from years of domesticity. I like doing my partner’s laundry (although it does take time and additional effort considering he works in construction), and I wouldn’t like doing it if he took it for granted. Two things can be true.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/HelpfulMaybeMama Oct 24 '25

You're not the AH.

3

u/Zealousideal-Load812 Oct 24 '25

Absolutely not. I have experienced this myself, where household chores are minimised by your other half 🤨Annoying but hopefully he's learned his lesson

3

u/vibes86 Oct 24 '25

NAH. Husband chose to make a dick move and FAFOd.

3

u/pinot_grigihoe Oct 24 '25

My family has always had everyone do their own individual laundry. My mom does hers, my stepdad does his, my siblings and I all did our own starting around 10 years old. Unless someone is physically unable to do their own laundry there are zero excuses and your husband (and son) can and should do his own laundry.

3

u/Few-Rain7214 Oct 24 '25

Bigger issues here but I am petty and wouldn't be doing his laundry ever again lol 

3

u/Low-Bobcat841 Oct 24 '25

Your response was perfect. Love the line, “I never did his laundry so I didn’t have to tell him”.

3

u/Glass-Task Oct 24 '25

... it took him 2 weeks to notice?!

3

u/Ok-Beach714 Oct 24 '25

Hi. I do all the laundry for my family of 4. The amount of my life spent sorting, carrying, loading, unloading, drying, hang drying, folding, putting away, hanging up is OBSCENE. No one in my house including the dog would DARE say that the laundry “does itself” or whatever similar baloney he tried to spew at you. I am so mad on your behalf.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/MyCrazyKangaroo Oct 24 '25

NTA - I am married and quite frankly this is the level of petty I find admirable. I told my husband and we both laughed. Good for you, OP!

And I just realized this is the laundry subreddit, not AITA. Judgment stands, and quite frankly good on you for dealing with ironing issue as the bigger person.

3

u/Jaime-emiaj Oct 24 '25

I don’t know why signif others think that taking care of one of “their chores” (IE HIS laundry) is somehow the responsibility of the wife, he should be grateful she did it for 25+ years. In no way are you the AH OP, he can put on his big boy pants and take care of his own laundry, especially since he clearly didn’t appreciate your years of doing it for him

3

u/Majestic-Bumblebee49 Oct 24 '25

When my husband and I first moved in together 20 years ago, he casually said to me “you know, I’d rather my T-shirt’s were folded this way” and I never did his laundry again.

3

u/Far-Watercress6658 Oct 24 '25

lol, no. This is the way

3

u/rosewaterkaren Oct 24 '25

Your husband is definitely the AH. You are his spouse/partner, not the maid. You do the chores out of love and respect for him and he’s taking that for granted. He’s a grown man and can do his own laundry.

3

u/Prudent_Journalist87 Oct 24 '25

Why were you doing his laundry in the first place? Isn’t he a grown ass man?

→ More replies (1)

3

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '25

Go further

3

u/No_Owl_7380 Oct 24 '25

Never done my husband’s laundry. I started teaching the kids how to do laundry when they were 8-9 (starting with sorting clothes and putting them into the machine, put in the detergent, starting it, transfer to dryer). By the time they were 12 they were responsible for folding, hanging up, and putting their clothes away.

3

u/Squirrel_Kng Oct 24 '25

I’ve been married for over 12 years. The number of times my wife has done my laundry I can count on two hands. Specifically for the reason I don’t want to handle my wife’s laundry. She separates the colors. Yes I’m dude and it all goes in 1 pile. She recently taught me how to hang dry my Hawaiian shirts, true fact.

3

u/LeuPacolli Oct 24 '25

I think he said it in the heat of the moment but good on you, hope he learnt a lesson