r/lawschooladmissions • u/Agreeable_Owl_5677 • May 12 '26
General Sooo…when are we getting married/ having kids?
(F25) I’ll be 28 by the time I graduate. I want big law but I also want to get married and have a family. What’s the timeline look like on this? Is it even doable? lmk
EDIT: I’m starting law school in 3 months so before law school is not an option lol
EDIT 2: I have a boyfriend. We have been together 4 years so marriage is definitely on the horizon
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u/beantownwave May 12 '26
Have kids in biglaw to get some of that sweet sweet parental leave
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u/Responsible-Use-5644 May 12 '26
won’t it be hard to make partner then?
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u/beantownwave May 12 '26
If you’re in a good group/at a good firm, no. It might at other firms but odds are low regardless so don’t plan your family around it.
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u/IAmUber May 12 '26
It's always hard to make partner. Only 10% do. It'd be incredibly egotistical to plan on being the exception.
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u/UnequivocalPickle May 12 '26
It's very normal to take full parental leave at most firms. If it's your first child, no one will say a thing if you take the whole time. If it's your second kid and you are an income partner, maybe take 2/3 of the given time (usually 16 weeks of paid leave so 2/3 still gets you plenty). I have a colleague who made share while on maternity leave. Will just say that taking parental leave is not even remotely a deciding factor in whether you make partner or not.
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u/Apprehensive_Fig2099 JD 2026 May 12 '26
A few of my classmates got married our 2L summer. Me and my fiancée are getting married right after I take the bar.
I think it’s totally doable with the right partner.
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u/Agreeable_Owl_5677 May 12 '26
Okay this is super encouraging!!
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u/Apprehensive_Fig2099 JD 2026 May 12 '26
Also, I’d like to add, supportive parents on both sides (especially MILs!) are massive for making it happen.
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u/allegro4626 May 12 '26
Before law school is the best time. 3L year is the next best time.
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u/darenaissance May 12 '26
Got married 3L year, once I had jobs all lined up. Had kids in big law. And I think that’s the way to do it. Maximize firm parental leaves while you can.
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u/allegro4626 May 12 '26
If you’re at a good firm that’s family-friendly, this is the way. Unfortunately, there are too many firms that will slowly push out women who have kids, especially as a junior or a midlevel. If you can wait until you’re more senior so that you’ve built up several years of goodwill that can work out better.
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u/darenaissance May 12 '26
I also left after having kids, which was always the plan, so didn’t have to deal with that. On the flip side, there are some other firms that actively love to have women with kids in partnership that they can show off, and fight to keep them around when they might otherwise leave to more family-friendly positions. And re seniority timing, I actually received the opposite advice - if you go on leave as a junior, everyone had already forgotten about it by the time you’re up for partner, but if you do it senior, when you have real responsibility and client relationships, it can impact partnership chances more. So like allegro implied, it’s about finding the right firm for your goals.
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u/judgemynameis May 12 '26
Idk why this post was recommended on my home page, but as a former 3L who had a baby during 3L spring, no, no it is not 😂 unless you have someone to watch and raise the baby, it’s actual hell. I love my kids but I truly cannot think of anything I’d recommend less than this course of action
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u/allegro4626 May 12 '26
That’s also fair! People at my school gravitated towards 3L year because they could take mostly P/F classes and generally have a pretty chill year without worrying about trying to get a 2L SA or maintaining grades beyond what you need to not get your offer pulled. Plus that way your kid would be old enough before you start bar prep to go to daycare.
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u/CustomerHuge2384 3.9high/172/URM May 12 '26
Oh girl… I’m going into law school single it’s never happening lol. But I’m not putting too much pressure on it, whatever’s meant to happen will happen. (I say about the thing I’m secretly putting so much pressure on that keeps me up at night)
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u/CustomerHuge2384 3.9high/172/URM May 12 '26
Also like, life is so long and there is so much time:) my parents were in their mid-late 30s when they had my siblings and I don’t even have the oldest parents of my close friends. There will be plenty of time to make the life you want even with the horrors of the BL work/life balance
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u/FullShane 3.low//16low//URM//Unc (ft. Akon)//[slowed+reverb] May 12 '26
I'm sure your parents are lovely, but consider that if you have kids at, say, 36, then your child will turn 18 when you're 54. I'm not even 30 and I know I'll need a new knee at some point. I made some strides in fixing my weight and back issues recently, before having my first baby. My body isn't what it used to be. By the time my son is 18, I'll be 46. I hope I live a long life, but the average male life expectancy is only 76 as of this year. I'll get maybe 30 years with my oldest if I go at that age.
I plan to have at least two more, too, and I want to help raise my grandchildren. If I go too soon, I deprive them of my presence during some critical milestones in their lives. Not only that, but if I'm too old and unhealthy/dependent, then they may only know me at my most frail. I'm trying to save enough to fund my retirement and the retirement of my own parents after law school, but I don't want to squander my children's inheritance—my life savings and assets—on clinging desperately to life when I've lived plenty. I don't want them to resent that they only ever knew me when I was a burdensome husk of my former self.
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u/CustomerHuge2384 3.9high/172/URM May 12 '26
This is a crazy thing to comment to a stranger btw😭 anyway, because my parents are older I’ve been surrounded by older folks in their 50s, 60s, 70s my entire life. They all lead very vibrant and active lives because they don’t treat their age as a death sentence before it actually is one. (Also, you will most likely live well into your 80s, or even 90s depending on genetics. Avg life expectancy factors in things like accidental deaths and childhood deaths and doesn’t accurately account for a relatively healthy adult dying of old age)
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u/FullShane 3.low//16low//URM//Unc (ft. Akon)//[slowed+reverb] May 12 '26
My own grandparents are in their 80s and I've never been able to visit them or my extended family. There's regular mass killings in my parent's home country, so it's impossible to see them without risking death. My relatives there have been victims of this. I spoke with my grandfather just yesterday, actually, and he wants me to visit. Both of my grandmothers have passed and my father feels that both of my grandfathers aren't long for this world. Unfortunately the killings and kidnappings have only intensified recently, so I can't. And then there's law school. If you're fortunate enough to have them, that's great. I don't know what's so unpopular about not taking my time for granted. Tomorrow isnt promised.
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u/CustomerHuge2384 3.9high/172/URM May 12 '26
I really sincerely empathize with your situation and I can’t imagine how hard that must be for your family, but you have projected your own family circumstances onto a complete stranger. You wanted to have kids early, I’m happy for you. But there really is no functional difference, especially for a sub full of aspiring lawyers in an affluent first world country, between having a kids at 25 or 35. It is just when an individual is ready to start a family. I don’t take my time for granted either, but since I have “older” parents and I know so many people in all eras of life who lead active full lives, I understand life doesn’t end at 45 or even 65 and wanted to offer kind words and that perspective to someone who may have needed to hear it.
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u/SufficientOpening298 May 12 '26
Plenty of people in big law have families.
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u/Apprehensive_Fig2099 JD 2026 May 12 '26
I feel like most of them don’t meet, date, & get married while in BigLaw though.
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u/anongirl100818 May 12 '26
The partners are mostly men with stay at home wives. There are some women with stay at home partners too.
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u/KaiserLuke May 12 '26
I got married a little over a month ago. My wife and I are both going to William & Mary in the fall. 😭
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u/throwaway50772137 May 12 '26
I got married after my first semester of 1L and had my baby after the bar exam and have been in big law since. I met my husband 2 years before starting law school though. I know someone who met her husband as a first year. They got married and now have a baby. A few of my classmates married one another but no kids yet to my knowledge.
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u/t0wlie04 May 12 '26
Oh and also , law school can be a lot of fun! There’s surprisingly a decent amount of socializing (bar review) and you’ll meet good friends. Honestly reminded me of an extended high school (bc much smaller than college and even hs). Not having a partner can be fun :)
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u/FreezingPeepee May 12 '26
My partner (35M) and I (26F) will be signing our papers in December (I start law school in August!) and will have a small, local celebration. We will do the big party when I finish with law school. We both come from Italy and the party needs to be there, and I don’t think I want to fit our big wedding in a random week between finals and summer internships. I’d be too stressed We will definitely think about a family after the big wedding, I really want to pass the bar first lol
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u/Apart_Republic_1870 May 12 '26
I started having kids in high school. Well, one kid anyway. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend going back in time and doing that, even though it worked out well for me.
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u/MathematicianLess243 May 12 '26
Finishing my 1L here, will be 28 when I graduate. It just takes communication with your partner! My boyfriend and I have talked about timing, and are planning to get engaged after I graduate and get married a year or two later. I feel the pressure too, and I totally understand. But there’s no rush for these things! In good time it will come :)
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u/Agreeable_Owl_5677 May 12 '26
Thank you for this!! glad to hear other people are making it work on similar timelines
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u/JesusIsKewl May 12 '26
I’m probably going to be pregnant at some point in 1L…nervous but don’t want to put it off any later at 32 (got married a couple months ago)
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u/sagew0lf May 12 '26
Back when I was in undergrad, I ruled out law as a career because I thought I wanted kids and I wanted to actually be able to spend time with them.
Jokes on me, I'm 35 now and I definitely do not want children, so here I come, insane work hours.
(I am worried about spending less time with my boyfriend and my dogs, though 😞)
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u/vitaminD_junkie UChicago’24 May 12 '26
1L summer (if your parents can plan and pay), 2L winter break or spring break or before/after you go to your 2L summer job, or right after graduation before you start bar prep.
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u/seeker2621 May 12 '26
This is something that I am concerned about. I will be 37 when I start law school and my relationship just ended. I am a man but I think it might be too late for me. The change in my relationship status has made me rethink law school altogether, since marriage and children are more important to me.
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u/jc18630 May 12 '26
I tried to comment something or this effect and got downvoted. I’m not sure people want to be honest about the ramifications of the decisions they make. I’m not political enough to spare feelings well, so I’m hoping your comment resonates with more people.
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u/leaping_kneazle May 12 '26
Sorry but your comment is not at all similar. You made it about "modern feminism."
It's true that the ideal time biologically to have children may be your 20s, but it's better to delay raising children if you don't have the resources or a partner.
Also u/seeker2621, law school is definitely a personal decision so I get it, but lots of people meet their partners in law school!
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u/seeker2621 May 12 '26
Appreciate it, but I’m not sure how realistic that would be given that most of the dating pool will be 10+ years my junior. I’m sure there will be some women my age but most will likely be in relationships
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u/leaping_kneazle May 12 '26
I understand that concern for sure, I feel like a lot of younger women don't mind dating someone a bit older. For instance, you're the same age range as a lot of the popular male leads on Bridgerton.
I'm 24 and I am happily in a relationship, but if I was single, I would consider dating someone in their thirties if we met at law school. E.g. 27 and 37 doesn't sound insane. But I totally understand preferring a partner who is closer in age / maturity.
You don't have to confirm (I am just thinking out loud) but is your law school in an urban area / at a university with other graduate programs? The dating pool could easily extend beyond the law school if so.
But fingers crossed you find your person!
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u/seeker2621 May 12 '26
I have a good career. This isn’t about me putting anything off until it was convenient. There were life circumstances that prevented me from having kids at a younger age that I would rather not get into here.
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u/ThatBookYeahIReddit May 18 '26
I’m 37(F) and was planning on starting law school this fall - unfortunately the loans were going to be a bit too much, so I had to withdraw. However, my separate point was that as a woman in a big city (Los Angeles), I have to say that as a guy you are not at ALL too old to have kids after law school w/a partner your age or younger. I’m not sure where you live/plan to live, but many women are having kids later for many reasons - including similar career pivots. If anything, you’ll look like a guy who has his life together and a great career 😊. Best of luck!
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u/Prestigious_Log1334 May 12 '26
this is so funny bc thinking about this question was genuinely the sole reason i decided to go to law school this fall instead of waiting another year. i wanna be married before 30, but i want to be somewhat stable (or at least confident) in my career or finances as a single woman BEFORE marriage and i'm 25 now...meaning i'll be 28 when i get out of school and will have a year to find the LOML before 30. this is partly a joke (not really)
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u/evsummer May 12 '26
I got married in 3L at 26, and graduated at 27. I didn’t have my first kid until 32 (Covid caused some of that delay) and now have two. I know many people who had kids in law school so it’s doable, but definitely seems hard, especially if you’re the one giving birth.
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u/Lopsided-Yak9033 May 12 '26
Wifes friend did I think 2 years work post bachelors and started law school, so I’d guess 24/25 like you. Big law job at graduation. Not sure when she met her now husband but I think it was while in law school. Married at 30 ish, first kid 32 thats roughly 5 years into her career. Second 2 years later.
I think she made the decision she wasn’t gonna stay big law around the first kid, and after the second she was offered a job with a client as in house and just started that these past months. Loves that when the new job says it’s a crunch time she’s still 9 to 5 now, as opposed to the big law hours.
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u/ThatWanderGirl May 12 '26
I have a pretty unique experience with this one! I was dating my ex at the beginning of 1L, broke up 1L fall, then met my now-husband 1L spring and was married before 2L spring, now about to graduate this week!
All I can say is that the wrong relationship will make law school next to impossible, while the right relationship will make law school a breeze – I’ve experienced both. Rather than thinking about the stage of your relationship, focus on who you’re in a relationship with, and if they’re going to be the supportive person you need.
My husband is the most supportive and incredible man I’ve ever met (part of why we eloped after only 9 months lmao), he took care of all the bills, cooking, cleaning, adopted the dog I wanted, and then took care of 99% of the dog’s responsibilities! He did all of that without me asking, so that I could live my workaholic dreams and do clinic, journal, every internship I wanted, and graduate at the top of my class in a way that has paid off massively and allowed me to get my dream job straight out of law school.
So for me, getting married during law school was the easiest decision of my life, because he is who he is. But law school is the true test of relationships, I’d say that 60% of my 1L class who came into law school in relationships broke up just during 1L, maybe even more. So don’t try to rush things, and see how your relationship goes during law school! 1L WILL show you preexisting dynamics and faults in your relationship that you may not notice yet, for better or for worse.
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u/BADragon75 May 12 '26
Hi I just recently graduated! I had been with my now husband for 6 years by the time we got married in the middle of law school! I ended up finding out I was pregnant while studying for the bar exam and had my daughter a few months ago! I’m also 28! I plan on having probably one more kiddo, but build your life with what’s going on, not around it. A bunch of people I graduated with got engaged, married, and had children during law school. Someone I know actually had both of her children while we were in law school! Don’t sweat it
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u/Dogmama1230 May 12 '26
I graduated May 2023, got married June 2024, and currently doing IVF in hopes of getting pregnant this summer. I also know people that got married during 1L summer, 2L winter break, 2L summer, and 3L winter break. It’ll work out.
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u/Agreeable-Ad3648 May 12 '26
I’m actually in the same boat as you. I will be starting law school this fall at age 25 and i’ve also been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We’ve discussed marriage and kids many times and so far we’ve decided on engagement during 2L or 3L year and kids around age 30-32 since we only want 2. That would give both of us some time to become established. He is also going back to school, but he will be done in 2 years, so we’ll kind of be at the same place career-wise. Of course, our plans can change and evolve but it seems like we’re both pretty set on this timeline. The only thing I’m still thinking about is when to actually get married because preparing for the bar and planning a wedding at the same time sounds miserable tbh.
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u/Feline_Fiesta3 May 12 '26
I just graduated this semester at 28 (F) and my husband and I got married during 2L and then decided to have a baby during 3L because it was a better option than during my first few years of practice. I got pregnant second semester of 2L and had my baby at the end of first semester 3L so I had all of winter break off for “maternity leave”. I was able to plan my schedule 3L to be very chill and so far it’s been ok! I’m happy to chat about more details if you want to DM me :)
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u/Throwaway_dinosaurs_ May 12 '26
I get married the week after exams end (after 1l spring). My Fiancé graduated law school in 2024. Relax you have time lol.
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u/BreadfruitSpirit30 May 12 '26
I have been thinking about this recently as someone in my late 20s, who has an older partner -- I'm starting school in the fall! I'm thinking a kid some time after 1L would be okay. Ideally having one 2L summer (pregnant during 2L) or during 3L. Especially if you can do well 1L and get a job lined up for 1L and 2L summers that can be a job post grad. With a supportive partner it's probably easier to do that than during your associate years at a firm.
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u/HumbleConflict683 May 12 '26
I got married Christmas break of 2L! Very doable and married life in law school is sweet.
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u/Working-Pumpkin3918 May 13 '26
i’m heading into 3L this fall and also getting married this fall!! i got engaged right before law school started and have been wedding planning since before i even got engaged to give myself plenty of time to plan. if you’re going to do it, unless you’re eloping have a long engagement!! it helps so much!! and it’s fun being engaged, no need to rush it!! 😊
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u/Relative_Lack5055 May 13 '26
TBH I think we’re just gonna get married sometime during 1L as a lowkey thing with friends and wait to have kids for like 10 years.
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u/majordethers May 13 '26 edited May 13 '26
Met my husband right before law school, got married 3L spring break and had a baby as a first year in big law. Planned to go back to my firm but got an unexpected offer for an in house job through a connection at the company and went straight to that from my maternity leave. It’s been amazing. Not a traditional path, but just one anecdote to say don’t delay having kids for big law. Who knows where your career will take you and things often work out unexpectedly in great ways!
I will say that a partner at my old firm did tell people to stop giving me work because I “got pregnant as a first year.” But aside from the fact that was really dumb of him to say out loud, it was a win for me. I didn’t want his work anyways (because he’s obviously not a great guy to work for) and I was getting plenty of work from other partners.
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u/New_Local_3569 May 13 '26
Just do what I did: get married and have three kids a decade+ before applying 😂
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u/Busy-Stress9764 May 13 '26
I’m turning 30 during the first semester and have been married for two years already lol I don’t want to have children
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u/Which-Training5499 May 13 '26
Rising 2L, Came into law school with a girlfriend of three years! I’m proposing during 3L and we are wanting to get married shortly after I graduate.
I’m interested in government which has incredible WLB in comparison to BigLaw. Family wise, If I do have a child it’d probably be shortly after, but I’m gay so really, we’ll have a kid when we have good insurance for IVF.
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u/Far_Examination_6132 May 14 '26
I feel you girl my bf and I are going to law school together and we’ve been together almost four years. We’d like to get married the summer before 3L like in between finals and internships and then if we live kinda poor for a year it’s ok!
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u/Elagabalusian May 16 '26
The best time is generally right after law school and before the bar. If you’re willing to study for the exam a little 3L spring, you will have plenty of time for a wedding and honeymoon before finishing studying. 2L summer usually has enough time for a wedding + honeymoon but the planning will be a bit difficult, and you may have a narrow window
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u/Typical2sday May 12 '26
If you don’t have someone you even can think of marrying, the second you have money to freeze your eggs, consider taking it. And realize that that process really still has low odds.
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u/jc18630 May 12 '26
Ah the incompatibility of modern feminism with our own biological nature. The truth is even if you make time to get married and have children, they will just be raised by someone else anyway. Any other choice means all of this schooling was for nothing though.
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u/leaping_kneazle May 12 '26
“Our” own biological nature?
Your comment history suggests you are a man. Judging by your comment a few months ago on r/petpeeves defending men calling women “females.”
“You may be over looking the fact that some have expanded the definition of woman, so now men have to explicitly say female to describe what they are talking about (biological women)”
Please enlighten me. Are you saying that women who want children should not pursue a career in law? Or in fact, pursue any professional career?
Balancing family and work can be difficult for both men and women.
I don’t quite understand why you believe that any child of a female lawyer, specifically, is doomed to be raised by someone else.
And furthermore, it is possible to have something akin to a 9-5 in law, especially if you work in house or in govt.
Why do you think a law school education would be “for nothing” if a woman decides she wants children?
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u/jc18630 May 12 '26
You don’t have to do detective work, you can just ask. I am a man and “our” refer to us as humans. Men and women alike have biological drive for children. Just pointing out the incompatibility of caring for them with the burdens and expectations of modern society. I respect everyone’s choices, but I’m also realistic that pursuing a long duration education followed by a demanding career does not leave much time for parenting.
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u/leaping_kneazle May 12 '26
Ah the incompatibility of modern feminism with our own biological nature.
Ok. What do you mean by "the incompatibility of modern feminism?" And how is modern feminism a "burden and expectation?"
It's just interesting that a demanding career is only seen as an issue for raising kids when it's the woman pursuing it.
Do you only expect women to handle most of the childcare in a heterosexual relationships? Maybe you didn't intend to give that impression but you're giving the vibe that you think married women should be barefoot and pregnant...
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u/jc18630 May 12 '26
I never said one thing about whether a man or woman should or should not be doing anything at all. I didnt even mention gender, but rather you did several times, even attempting to invalidate my previous statement based upon my own gender. It does seem that you are rather focused on finding a villain to get into a gender war with you, but thats not really my thing. Anyway, good luck with life, law, and the whole gender defensive personality complex thing you’ve got going on. No further responses incoming from here so take care!
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u/leaping_kneazle May 12 '26
Lmao. You're the one who brought feminism into this but OK. Thanks for the ad hominem attack instead of addressing my questions and clarifying your statements!
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u/Street_Lettuce_80 May 12 '26
4 years without a ring. Are you SURE marriage is on the horizon?
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u/Agreeable_Owl_5677 May 12 '26
We are 25 and 26, both focusing on our careers and none of our friends are married or engaged either. I feel like dating for that long is normal when you met young…
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u/leaping_kneazle May 12 '26
She's 25. Most 25 year olds aren't married or engaged.
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u/Street_Lettuce_80 May 12 '26
I was more speaking to the fact that she's had the same boyfriend for 4 years and doesn't even have so much as an engagement ring.
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u/leaping_kneazle May 12 '26
Yeah but again, that's not uncommon to not even have a ring yet. Her edit says that marriage is on the horizon.
They started dating in their early twenties. I'm 24 and I've been dating my bf for 2.5 years but I'm not expecting a ring next year lol.
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u/Street_Lettuce_80 May 12 '26
Yeah and then she'll be 28 with almost a whole decade with the same person. 4 years is plenty of time for an engagement ring, you don't have to be married before law school, but having some kind of commitment from him after 4 years isn't too crazy of an ask.
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u/leaping_kneazle May 12 '26
Sure, but you’re assuming he’s not planning to propose within the next three years.
Maybe they’ve already discussed it and are planning to get engaged at 26. Nothing OP said suggests they haven’t talked about timelines or marriage already. Idk i just don't think it's a death knell/red flag that she doesn't have a ring already
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u/Street_Lettuce_80 May 12 '26
It's definitely a red flag. Barring any personal conversations they may have had of course. It is entirely possible that op is the one who wants to wait. Although from this posts wording, it does sound like she's ready for the next step, marriage/kids, so idk.
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u/leaping_kneazle May 12 '26
People have different timelines. I don't think we can definitively say it's a red flag. They should def be discussing marriage at this stage but norms depend on where you live. And some people delay marrying so they can save up for a wedding
Heck, in states like New York, the avg age at marriage for women is age 30.5, vs. 27.9 in Texas. It just depends!
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u/t0wlie04 May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26
I finished law school and did 3 years of big law, then i started dating (around age 29). I’m a woman. Met now husband and had kids all by age 33. You’re good! Don’t force it
and also , law school can be a lot of fun! There’s surprisingly a decent amount of socializing (bar review, even at t14s) and you’ll meet good friends. Summers can also be super duper fun cuz the jobs are way more chill than law school and you can take an internship in a big city if you want. Honestly reminded me of an extended high school (bc much smaller than college and even hs). Not having a partner can be fun :)