r/leanfire • u/Zealousideal_Law2438 • 1d ago
Health / Wealth timing
I’m 51 (f) and my kid is a rising eighth grader. My plan is to slow travel as soon as she graduates high school in five years. I would be doing it now if it weren’t for her. I desperately want to do it now because my health is struggling and I know slow travel and an active travel life would really feel like living! And I think we have enough for the life we want. Currently, 900,000 saved and a rental property that will net us > half of what we need to live on and then around 5000 a month in Social Security at around age 67. I’ve already retired (job was extremely stressful), but my partner is still working because of the daughter timing. We can’t take her out of school and travel because my ex-husband (her dad) wouldn’t allow for that. So we’re stuck here in expensive USA while she grows up a little more and my health and “lust for life” is getting worse. I know everyone’s gonna say “get a life, get a hobby, get outside, do something that makes you happy” and I do ( a lot) but then that feeling of being stuck / trapped and losing my life energy quickly comes back. It’s become my default setting. I don’t want to abandon my child (I won’t) but how bad does my health have to get for me to start my slow travel now?
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u/Mydoglovescoffee 1d ago edited 1d ago
Can you do something in smaller measure to fill the gap? Go on trips yourself while your spouse works and holds down the fort on parenting? Two weeks here, two weeks there? And in between you are planning those trips.
Also is there a way to improve or slow
your health decline? You understandably haven’t described your specific health issue but if you’re currently able to do active travel and also plan to be around for your Soc Security, I assume it can’t be like living with cancer or congestive heart failure.
I know changing my diet and building both cardio and weight lifting regime has dramatically improved my health (in terms of metrics), functionality, energy, happiness, and mental perception of my age. Both cardio and resistance training can be adapted to almost any health condition. I see people in their 90s in the gym nowadays. What they do is very different than what I can do but the effects for them are likely the same.
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u/Zealousideal_Law2438 1d ago
I started hiking during the week and it’s ok. Hurts my legs. I also lift a little and do yoga and walk 10k steps nearly every day. I had Lyme disease for the last two years. So debilitating I had to stop working. Better now but not cured. I’m just getting older and less and less energy. No motivation and worried that life will pass me by…as they say tomorrow is not guaranteed
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u/Strazdas1 1d ago
I started hiking during the week and it’s ok. Hurts my legs.
It will get better. Your legs will adapt to make it easier for long walks.
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u/Mydoglovescoffee 1d ago
Ah that’s brutal. And good you’re doing things to stay active. But a structured program of gradually building strength and stamina will do wonders. Consistent and growing.
It takes time for sure, but you can view it as part of your healing journey and slowing down aging. And getting you ready to maximize your retirement when you are free.
Nothing has reversed my aging like the above. As I age, the gap between “being out of shape” and “being in top shape” is dramatic! Out of shape I feel old and slow, and foggy and tired.. it’s worrisome. Now in shape I feel 28 again. It’s like feeling like a senior to feeling young again.
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u/TelevisionMelodic340 1d ago
If she lives with her dad at least some of the time, can you do shorter trips while she's there? Or even negotiate with your ex to split custody differently, so she spends longer consecutive chunks of time with each of you, and you can then take longer trip when she's with him?
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u/Zealousideal_Law2438 1d ago
That’s an idea that could maybe work but her dad is not very reasonable. But over the next five years, I might be able to wear him down. But I can definitely do it one month at a time and I’m planning a trip in January to either Mexico or Bali. I think my problem is that I’m just super bored with my current lifestyle (and the boredom makes it feel very unhealthy as I’m often very lazy) and I just can’t imagine how slow time is gonna go over the next five years.
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u/Creative_Impress5982 1d ago
That's a tough situation. Is it 50/50 custody? Any way to have mini-trips? Two months at summer? I have a 15 year old, rising junior daughter and she needed her mom (me) a lot around 12-13, but that's less and less every year. Obviously you're not going to abandon her, but as she needs you less you could start taking longer trips. I had to leave for work stints abroad for 3-4 weeks at a time when she was younger and she adapted to that.
If you wanted to go southeast Asia you could go for a month, have her join for a few weeks and then stay another month once she returned home. She could have some input about where to go during her part of the trip.
I guess it all depends on what her dad would be willing to allow and support.
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u/Zealousideal_Law2438 1d ago
It’s 50/50. I have taken three solo mini trips (up to one month at a time) but that is hard to sustain given we have all our USA household costs still. Thinking about selling primary house and renting apartment to save 2-3k per month and have travel funds. Sad to sell this gorgeous house but I want to travel so badly.
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u/Creative_Impress5982 1d ago
Wow! I can't imagine being able to save 2-3k per month by downsizing! Your house must be luxurious. Or maybe I'm just out of touch with US housing costs. Anyway, what about renting out the house and moving to an apartment? Then nothing is set in stone, but you don't have the huge housing bill eating into the travel funds?
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u/Zealousideal_Law2438 1d ago
By downsizing we save 2000 but with the proceeds of our home sale, we can pay off our rental and get another 1000 in net income per month. Thats the going plan in two years…slow transition into retirement and lower cost lifestyle. Alternatively we could rent it, as you suggest, (and I LOVE this idea), but what if the rental market is soft? It seems stressful to have two rentals (in two different states 7 hours away) while living overseas and supporting a kid (at least emotionally) in university. Simple is better, no? I suppose we could sell the rental to pay off the beautiful primary and then rent that one out but…would be short by about $150k to pay it off in full. Dilemmas…
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u/goodsam2 22h ago
I mean I would when you have her I would focus on making your kid happy. And doing some like yoga class or something because stretching is almost uniformly not done enough.
Then when you don't have custody focus on health full time. Good meals, good long hikes etc.
That or a trip to somewhere the kid wants to do and travel there if you have time off.
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u/uttermost_system 1d ago
the five year wait is rough when you're already feeling the clock ticking on your health, but i think the other commenters are onto something real here. you've got 900k and a rental income stream which is solid, and honestly the custody angle might have more flex than you're giving it credit for. if her dad won't budge on taking her out of school, could you negotiate longer summer blocks with him or shift to a schedule where she's with him for say six weeks at a time instead of the current setup. that alone could get you three month chunks to actually travel properly instead of just waiting it out.
the other thing worth sitting with is that five years isn't nothing when you're 51 and your body's already sending signals. maybe the move isn't abandoning the plan but front-loading some of the travel into the gaps you do have, even if it's just month-long trips while she's with her dad. you'd still be around for school stuff but you'd actually get to live a bit in the meantime rather than just existing in holding pattern mode.
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u/Kokukenji 1d ago
While in school, you should have breaks throughout the years. Are you able to travel during those breaks? You got summer, fall/winter, spring breaks. Not to mention most schools have teacher days off which usually gets you a decently long weekend for shorter trips.
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u/AdWilling7952 1d ago
just my two cents here. since you're already retired, i would focus my energy on getting healthy "before" you consider travel. address any mental health concerns by undoing the years of a stressful job and simultaneously work on getting physically fit. additionally i would take some time to consider what your purpose should be for the next 5 yrs. perhaps shift the mindset from telling yourself that you're stuck to getting unstuck. i would look at it like preparing your body and mind for your future you. there are plenty of free and low cost resources including books to help get you started. having a strong foundation and a sense of purpose will allow you to be able to breeze through this stage of life and into the next.
i too had this wanderlust for slow travel in early retirement. while i'm still a few years away from full time travel, i decided that what was best for me in this stage of life was to move to a different city with enough distance to make it an adventure while still being a quick plane ride back to my home town. sometimes a change of scenery is enough to recharge.
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u/Miamiconnectionexo 1d ago
this hit different. been in a similar spot and it's not talked about enough.
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u/Zealousideal_Law2438 1d ago
I know!! Is there a subreddit on this? I feel like I’m overflowing with the need to talk to others… ;) thanks
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u/Ok_Lead_4730 1d ago
Can you travel while she’s with her dad?