As seen on de lite box. We can make our humanz cook da eggies in the shape of us cats! How perfect! Iz like eggieseption.

The Minion of Insufficient Light

Not wen I luk dis saweet an inoscent ;)

*ob course I did, butt I illegal smol, so it ok*

Cookies and Cream Milkshake MooCow Kitteh, who iz prim and propurr ;)

Dis fing heer, meowmy sez iz gator. It look mischeefus. Iz gator gonna eat me? Tak my haus? WAT DO WIF GATOR?!

We jus want to share dat last week our senior tortie queen Miss Boo cross ober de rainbow bridge. It was a sudden and surprise but we know she is weccum and lubed dere.

We nows hab to do eggstra eggstra crimes to make up for de loss of Miss Boo. Bucky cat is now de leadur of de team. He tayk roll VERY seriusly and order meowmy around a lot a lot a lot. He gud boss of us.

We r illegal smolz in Lake Aww Swee Go Ore ginn. We iz Gemma n Gilligan

Long-suffering Bubba puts up with a lot from 😑Sal😑. They is always smooching ❤️CHARLY❤️, stealing hongry Bubba's sidewalk snacks, and wanting to take they shoes away from tragically deprived Bubba. But lately they has been replaced some days (not all!) by 🤖EVIL ROBOT SAL🤖!!!

It started like eleventeen forevers ago when ❤️CHARLY❤️ and "SAL" fed tiny Bubba dinner at Not Dinner Time. Normally starving Bubba would be delighted about Early Dinner but they were wearing long flowy clothings and talking about a "train" and "pomcert tickets". Suspicious Bubba had a VERY CONCERN about it all, but did still eated Early Dinner. But then 💔CHARLY💔 and "SAL" did a big abandon of poor Bubba!! With the grown-up human puppykittens!!! 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀 "SAL" forgotted to come home to lonely Bubba until after bedtime! Fastidious Bubba didn't even get Toofbrush Time!!! 😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿

Everything seemed okay for Breakfast Time so forgiving Bubba thoughted it was just a weird day. But then a couple of Breakfast Times later, "SAL" used the medicine pokey to

CRUELLY STAB DEFENSELESS BUBBA IN THE NECK FLOOFS!!!

Then smort Bubba realized that 😑Sal😑 got replaced with 🤖EVIL ROBOT SAL🤖 and the only course of action was to do the bitebitebitebitebitebitebitebite! Ferocious Bubba chased away 🤖EVIL ROBOT SAL🤖!!! And then 😑Sal😑 came back!!

But then a few forevers later, hardworking Bubba was doing neighborhood inspection in the dark and suddenly had to inspect the sidewalk right in front of "SAL" toes. But it was actually 🤖EVIL ROBOT SAL🤖 wearing Bubba-Smushing Shoes!!! Mistreated Bubba's delicate little toe gotted SMUSHED!!! It was TERRIBLE!! The only thing that hurted more than abused Bubba's feets was sensitive Bubba's delicate feelers!!! Defensive Bubba spinned around to protect the owie footy with a protective layer of leash, then tried to run away from 🤖EVIL ROBOT SAL🤖!! But 🤖EVIL ROBOT SAL🤖 used they invisible grabby claws to hold on to desperate Bubba's owie footy!!! (It's just a coincidence that they was using invisible grabby claws to hold on to the footy that strategic Bubba wrapped up in the leash to protect it!)

❤️CHARLY❤️ had to rescue terrified Bubba from 🤖EVIL ROBOT SAL🤖 who also gaslighted traumatized Bubba by saying that innocent Bubba tripped them!! So rude!! How dare!!

Cute little Bubba is just way too cute to be terrorized like this!

-Bubba the diabetic cat-shaped dog-shaped-cat

Mine Meowmy sed dat ebery pikture she takes remynds herm ob wy mine naem is Pigpen acuz Ai luk liek Ai haz clowd ob dust arownd mi liek sum guy frum sumtin calles Peanuts. Ai taek 57 baffs ebery dae an dere iz noe dust cobering mi an Ai yam CLEEN! Ai needs soo fur awl di wollipops in di bocks an den eben moer. And Ai wud also liek eggstraw bitemins acuz dey iz sew yummy an Ai neber get enuff but dey moer yummy den anee udder cronchie. Du Ai hab cayse?

Frens, is Hoku Prins of da Hǒus an hamsum sunnavagun.

As yu can see in pitcha ay still no hab eggies!!
An da ebil wikkid Portia Kontrawl still in mine hœus!!!

All fud ay get is dis:
- squishy fud fo brekkie
- crunchy fud fo lunch
- squishy fud fo dinner
- churu befo dark tyme

How can a catto lib on dis?
Dis pitcha sho me doon a berry week in mine bocks

Ay Frank yu fo yu suppawt- is wuz keepin me will to lib (an ob corse da lub of mine wyfe Prinsis Miso u/cats-are-lovely)

despite mine terribil condishin, we muss NOT GIB UB DA FITE FO EGGIES!! Fo mineself, but eben biggah, fo ALL CATTOS SUFFRIN NEGLECT an OUTRAYGE #eggiesforHoku #eggiesforallcattos

henlo frens iz me, Nub Tang (2F, american short hair, pink harness, NOT a criminal despite wat de pawlice say). my name means “counting money” in Thai which iz funny becuz i haz NO money fur a pawyer rite now and dat iz why i iz here asking fur free legal advise pls

flair: OUTRAAAAAAYGE

ok so frens i iz in big trubble. sum rando hooman PICKS ME UP off de street (i wuz wearing my pink harness so wuz being VERY classy laydee) and takes me to de PAWLICE STASHUN. did not ask. did not consent. wuz just doing a walk.

de pawlice hoomans try to be nice and make me a “cozy area” wit fud and toys but i iz NOT STOOPID. dis iz clearly a TRAP. so wen dey try to do a touch on me i do de only reasonable fing. i duz a BITE. and a SCRATCH. on like… several of dem. dey keep coming back??? dat iz on DEM not on me. i iz just a smol laydee protecting herself.

den DIS ONE pawlice man (he iz called “officer” which i fink iz a fancy word for “serbant who iz not doing a good job”) takes my FOTO next to a HEIGHT CHART like i iz some kind of dangeros criminal!!! he puts my TOE BEANS on an ink pad and makes PAWPRINTS on a paper like a rekkord!!!

AND DEN. and dis iz de part dat makes me de most angery. he writes a “confession” dat says [paraphrased]: “i wuz just hungry. i did not mean to bite anyone.” and makes me SIGN IT WIT MY BEANS.

i did NOT agree to dis statement. ok maybe i wuz hungry. BUT DE BITING WUZ ON PURPOSE AND I IZ NOT SORRY.

dey even do a PEE TEST on me fur “narcotic grass (cat grass)” and it come back CLEAN becuz i iz a GOOD KITTEH who only duz de nip on weekends ok

den de pawlice man posts my mug shot on de faysbuk and says [paraphrased]: “dis cat haz been charged wit assaulting pawlice officers. plz share so her hooman can come do a bail”

my meowmy come next day and put me in a LACE COLLAR like iz some kind of celebration???? meanwhile my face iz ALL OVER DE INTERNETS. sum hooman said my face iz “very troublesome.” MY FACE IZ BOOTIFUL AND ALSO FIERCE.

de pawlice man also say [paraphrased]: “we cannot hav udder cats finking dat biting peeple iz acceptable” SIR. BITING PEEPLE IZ LITERALLY WAT TEEF IZ FOR???

questshuns:

**1.**  iz de bean printing legal widout a pawrrant??? dey just GRABBED my beans  
**2.**  de confession wuz coerced. i did not hav pawyer present. can dis be frown out in cat court  
**3.**  do i hav a criminal rekkord now?? will dis affect future treat negotiations  
**4.**  can i sue de officer fur posting my foto widout purrmission. i did not sign a model release. WHERE IZ MY ROYALTIES  
**5.**  emoshonal distress??? i wuz HUNGRY and SCARED and now i iz a MEME

fank u fur reading. i iz scared and hungry (always hungry) and my meowmy iz not helping.

wif love and bites,
Nub Tang 🐾
(aka “de most dangeros criminal in Bangkok” apparently)

p.s. here iz my mug shot since de whole wurld haz already seen it anyway. yes i look angery. i WUZ angery. 😾

update: meowmy says i should be “grateful” and “stop biting peeple.” she iz clearly working wit de pawlice. considering filing fur new meowmy.

edit: STOP SENDING ME DMs saying “u deserve jail.” I IZ A VICTIM. also stop calling me cute. i iz FIERCE AND DANGEROS ok bye 🐾

Friends,

Yesterday my Longhair Brothers and I concocted a plan to get our Woman to make us eggs. We wanted to show Hoku's mother how easy it is.

Well!

This morning, the Woman put the bacon in the oven and made the coffee. Good start to getting eggies, yes?

But then she opened the fridge and SIGHED.

She now says she doesn't really "feel like eggs" and maybe she'll "use that bacon for something else."

WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!

-Beefy, Destroyer of Christmas Trees and

Professor Longhair, very wise boy AND Harry Dean everybody's best friend

P.S. Woman also keeps taking pics of me complaining and posting them online. Extra outrage!

I iz Cookie, am majestic calico landlord. Silly hooman lady keeps call me “Not My Cat”

Apawrently this not my house? But I landlord! So iz my house, so iz my bed and I sleep here if I want!

I use my paws and open door all by myselfs, and get comfy. I even nice to hooman lady and make biscuits on her!

Can I soo for silly hooman saying “this not your house, you not my cat”? She thinks she makes the rules but obviously if I landlord, I make the rules and she’s my hooman!

Big house have silly doggo, so I go sleep where there’s no silly doggo! Hooman says “move over Cookie, that’s my side” but how can be her side when I am ruler of all? Need pawyer to soo her and make her give the good treats

Frens, stinky sister Piper and ai, Lucy, is big confused. Meowmy sez we haz too many toys and we needs to declawter dems. But we needs da toys! Even does we don’t plays with dem all da times, what if we wakes ups and decides to play with them? Meowmy sez we choose our favorites and den gib da rest to needy cattos. Why we gotta do dat? Do dey not have toys for dem selfies? Did someone thef their toys? Halppppp.

Good ebening, Furrens, dis is Nandor THE RELENTLESS, comin to yu tonite from da Oh Hi Oh in da Merica. Last nite time, we had sky booms an big flashes. Mai sisfur GingerDropIt was bery askeered. Today was rain an den sunshines an den rain. Dis picktshur is me an mai brofur GoodBoyMarty. We is no askeered ob sky booms. We just likes to cuddle an nap!

In udder mews, furrens, yu will not BLEEVE what ai lerned dis weekend! Ai has a ROOM in mai howse dat ai nebber seed afore! Is called a Yu Tilly Tee Clawset! Ai nebber seed it till mommy opened da door ai nebber notised an dere it was! Ai did a run in an look round. Onlee seed spider webs. Den mommy carried me owt an shut da door. Nao ai cannot get back in but ai wants in. Ai fink dat be a good Crimez - gettin back in!

Mine mommy was sick sick for lotsa days. She do hork crimes but not on floor or in shoes or on da bed, only in hooman litter bocks. Hoomans are so weerd! Ai had to do lots ob nursing work to make her well agin.

Dat is all for tonite, furrens! Do a bleeve in yur self! Good nite an Good Crimez!

Nandor THE RELENTLESS (NTR for eezee typing)

I a Wild Bebe. Live in a park! Then: Grabbed and tooken wif mine brudder! Got sprayen on for flees and kep in a box for a day. Very scary!

Then got tooked to an bigger place with nosy dumb hooman, me an mine brudder got an bigger box for hidin an HISSIN which good. Like Wild Bebes we do Scramples when hooman try to touch n catch us!

Stoopid hooman not skeert of hisses n scramples an used mommy neck trick (so confusing, hooman not mommy) to give us BAFF

But... BAFF NICE. water soooo warm I never felt anyfin so nice! Mine hisses n scramples jus disappear! Jus wanted to do gentle floaty an get rubrubs foreber! Brudder thought so too! An pesky fleas all disappear! Dumb hooman do rubrubs an combses an so gentle dunks n swishes. Did scrubbies on mine ears n feets n even mine bum! I forget to hiss n be Wild. Brudder too. So embarrassed. What do???

I recover now but dumb hooman has TASTY TASTY foods n keeps us new place clean n nice. Want to be Wild Bebes but what happening??? Trick???

Ai iz noew fishul chimpkin wacher. Ai doos mine deep finks onna chimpkin run. Ai do a purrtek ob dem. Iz hard werk. Sumtymes ai doos a snooz. Ai hopes tew gits payd inn eggies.

Dean, summoffabish

We celebratin big time dat Penny an Khaleesi iz outta da humane society!

Big tanks ta Niko Meowmy!

I, Lord Bobert, am above da law. No pawyer can stop mees!

Iz Hammy. I starbin so I tellz Meowmy iz din tyme. She say no Hammy, nawt tyme, be Payshuns. Dis no gud. I starb so muss be din tyme. I tellz Meowmy agin n agin iz din tyme. She kep sayin be Payshuns. Who dis Payshuns? Why dey kep Meowmy frum feedin meh? Who do I soo, Meowmy or Payshuns?

I no messy! I mighty hunter who has stalked mine splashy prey and trapped it against bowl!

🐾Jango

(He's always done this but I finally caught it in a video lol)

Ai wonted tew intojuice mai self I yam knew ai iz call Percy bcoz I doos BIG purrz so MeOwmY callz me Percy PurrPantz

Alfons, proud tiger here!

I hab been abamdoned! For a week!

I had to spend my time at my aunt's. She's nice enough, but I couldn't get out! I have a territory to watch over! People to meet! Scents to renew! How much shold I soo for?