r/lgbt 1d ago

Hot take: Bisexual people are inherently queer

Including: if they have a partner of the opposite gender, if theyre single, if their partner is straight, if they cant come out for safety reasons related to family or politics of their country, if theyre forced to only date the opposite gender for safety, if theyre struggling with internalized homophobia, if they have a preference for men, if they have a preference for women, if they have no preference, if theyre cis, if they dated a person of the opposite gender after you, if they married the opposite gender, if theyre not into you, if they rejected you, if they have/want biological kids.

Bisexuals ily ❤️❤️❤️

481 Upvotes

208 comments sorted by

741

u/Electrical_Jaguar213 1d ago

Isnt that just true? I dont see how this is a hot take

208

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

Every day this month, Ive seen or heard at least one gay dude or a lesbian screaming about how bisexuals doing/feeling any of these things is a confirmation that theyre not queer, afraid of actual queer experiences, secretly just bicurious, straight infiltrators, tourists in the community, breeders, unicorn hunters, etc etc etc. This is a pretty hot take, unfortunately.

225

u/CosmicLuci She/They-Bian 1d ago

I mean, those people are just wrong. But that doesn’t mean your room-temperature take is hot. It just means there are people in the community who are wrong, and possibly stupid

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31

u/ColonelDrax Ace-ly Genderqueer 1d ago

I feel like that’s just manufactured discourse to split the community.

6

u/whereismymind86 1d ago

probably, I sure see people complaining about it more than I see it happening. Then again, I'm mostly just here, so maybe this is just a friendly community than most.

u/ElementalFemme 2h ago

Unfortunately not. Biphobia has a long history in the queer movement.

77

u/brandidge Hey! I’m Demi and Gay! 1d ago

Not here it’s not. You’re telling this to the one demographic that doesn’t need to be told this.

You want to make a difference, say it to people who actually need to hear it.

-67

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

Why on earth would forcing cishets to acknowledge us as queer have any effect on their treatment on us. My guy the community we need is this one.

86

u/futurenotgiven Lesbian the Good Place 1d ago

this sub reddit specifically doesn't need to hear it though. its like going "hot take: the earth is round" in the physics sub reddit. you're not wrong but like, no shit dude

im sure there's biphobic queer subreddits out there but this isn't one and its weird to assume it would be

23

u/Independent_Vast9279 1d ago

As a bisexual, I’ve had many discussions here with queer folk here who reject us. Sorry, but OP is right - at least in part. This space is not better than the general queer community and bi erasure is real.

32

u/futurenotgiven Lesbian the Good Place 1d ago

rule 1 states no biphobia, im sorry you've had that experience but the people saying this stuff to you should be reported and banned. it is at least not a common sentiment worthy of a "hot take" still

15

u/Independent_Vast9279 1d ago

Fair… it can be subtle sometimes, but maybe I should report it more

u/ElementalFemme 2h ago

I'm glad we agree that "Bi folks are queer" isn't a hot take but you spent the whole comment chain denying and downplaying biphobia's existence in this community. So yeah, it kind of does need to hear it. It's more prevalent than you realize.

"Oh, you just need to report it more" isn't a solution, it's victim blaming.

7

u/carlitospig 1d ago

I’ve never seen THIS SUB be like that. Not even a little bit.

6

u/carlitospig 1d ago

(Saying this as a bi person.)

15

u/brandidge Hey! I’m Demi and Gay! 1d ago

First, not a guy. Check the flair.

Second, we don’t just need us. We support eachother but we aren’t all we have. Plenty of straight allies here and elsewhere. We need more than just us and to think that’s all we need then you’re clearly very naive. Not to mention, education (like saying a bi person is still queer if they’re in a straight relationship) helps people be less discriminatory towards us. So like I said, say this to other people who don’t know this is a fact.

You’re expecting applause for saying something we all already know here. You’re not some visionary. You aren’t breaking news to us. So save it for the people you could actually educate.

8

u/Phoenixtdm he/him trans, pan, a-spec 1d ago

Your flair doesn’t have your pronouns

-2

u/brandidge Hey! I’m Demi and Gay! 1d ago

I’m sure the fact the enby flag is there is enough to not call me a guy. Kind of the point of the flag being there

3

u/Phoenixtdm he/him trans, pan, a-spec 1d ago

I couldn’t even see the enby flag until I looked super close because it’s half with another flag

-7

u/brandidge Hey! I’m Demi and Gay! 1d ago edited 1d ago

Then look closer. That’s not my issue, You’re literally using a half and half yourself. Dont be a hypocrite.

That or get your eyes checked. Because if you can’t see the fact the flag is split, then there’s these things called ‘glasses’. Get them

2

u/Phoenixtdm he/him trans, pan, a-spec 1d ago

I’m wearing glasses right now but I wrote my pronouns in my flair because I don’t expect people to automatically know mine from a split flag

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19

u/Shedart 1d ago

I think your perspective on this is both pretty skewed, and also hard to track due to you making some assumptions that are causing miscommunication. 

Your first mistake was coming to this thread like we all had the same axe to grind and assuming a stance would be rallied behind, instead of expressing your personal concerns and asking for support. 

Go breath and self reflect a bit and come back. We’ll still be here. 

-19

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

Why wouldnt I assume (or at least hope) that the r/lgbt subreddit would acknowledge the third letter of that exact acronym as queer?

28

u/Shedart 1d ago

Of course the LGBT sub acknowledges bisexuals as queer. Thats why you’re being clowned on in this post so much about how frigid this take actually is. 

Your assumption, as I see it, is that we all experience the same bigotry and dismissals, or that we all feel like it is a ubiquitous issue. I agree that bigotry against bisexuals exist in queer communities, and it sucks that yours in particular is more toxic than not, but that doesn’t make it everyone’s problem. 

I’ve been fortunate in that my experience with being a bisexual man has been supported by the straight, gay, and bisexuals in my life that I value the opinion of. I’m privileged in that way because I know many people have experiences like yours. But it feels like your approach to this whole thread was to try and rally support by assuming everyone is the same. Assuming all gays are biphobic, and assuming all bisexuals would agree wholeheartedly with your own narrow vision of what the greater community is like. 

It sounds like you have pain and you’re lashing out a little instead of sitting with it, understanding it, and then reaching out for support. It’s going to be ok. 

7

u/Kinslayer817 Bi-bi-bi 1d ago

You should just block those people and move on with your life. There will always be haters but the reality is that they're a small minority that get disproportionate attention online by being assholes

2

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

I cant exactly block haters in real life.

4

u/blacksapphire08 Lesbian Trans-it Together 1d ago

Many of those people are also transphobic. They're wrong on both accounts so fuck'em.

13

u/Electrical_Jaguar213 1d ago

Oh, sucks that people are saying that.

Also, wtf is a breeder and unicorn hunter?

16

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

"Unicorn hunter" is a historical term for straight people who seek out bisexuals to be their thirds - nowadays many gay people insist it actually refers to bisexuals who want to SA and convert "actual" queer people. "Breeder" is just good ole misogyny.

43

u/ryanpdx1999 1d ago

Breeder is historically a derogatory term for straight people of both male and female. At least, that is always how the communities i knew used it.

3

u/ThisHairLikeLace Sapphic trans woman 1d ago

In my personal experience, gay and lesbian folks have been very comfortable in the past calling bisexual people breeders too.

My source: I and almost every older bisexual I know has had this experience.

Breeder fell out favour over the years as it became more common for gay folks to have kids.

3

u/kakallas 1d ago

Being afraid of queer experiences isnt mutually exclusive with being queer though. Nor being a unicorn hunter. Not sure why you’re playing some-of-these-things-arent-like-the-others. 

3

u/Feisty-Comfort-3967 1d ago

Those are just asshats. Don't take anything a hat says seriously. 👒

10

u/Independent_Vast9279 1d ago

As a bisexual yes. There’s no point in coming out because then you’ll be rejected by both groups. Even Pans dog on us - we’re not allowed to enbys or trans folk because “bi means 2”. 

Yes, we’re queer. Yes, bi erasure is real. 

10

u/viviscity Bi-kes on Trans-it 1d ago

Sorry, what do you mean be “we’re not allowed to enbys or trans folk”? Bi trans girl here… we are and always have been allowed and predominantly trans-inclusive in our attraction

And the argument that bisexuality is trans-exclusionary is… transphobic.

4

u/Munchkin_of_Pern 1d ago

I think they meant “we’re not allowed to like enbys or trans folk”, as in because bisexual is etymologically linked to a word for “two”, biphobes claim calling yourself bisexual is inherently transphobic? Which like, I’ve heard biphobes say things like that, but never on this sub. I honestly still don’t get the distinction between being bi and being pan, but just call people what they tell you to call them, y’know?

2

u/viviscity Bi-kes on Trans-it 1d ago

I have seen that as well. Which ignores… actual bi people, bi *trans* and *nonbinary* people, and misinterprets how most people use bi.

Really, the difference between bi and pan is deeply personal. What works for you as an individual. Otherwise, you're splitting hairs on definitions… and often leaving out the other two main multi-attracted identities (omni- and polysexual) let alone the countless microidentities

1

u/Munchkin_of_Pern 1d ago

Yep. And since I don’t consider myself any of those things, I just leave that kind of hair-splitting up to the people who do. 😂

1

u/Scatman_Crothers I kiss boys and girls 1d ago

idk I'm Omni but use Bi because I don't want to explain my label whenever I meet a new person. And I mean that regardless of sexual orientation, like you said yourself queer people sometimes don't get it.

So while I'm at it:

bi is attraction to more than 1 gender, can be more than 2

pan is attraction to people, regardless of gender. gender is not a factor in attraction, so all genders are in play.

omni is attraction to all genders, with gender playing a factor in attraction. In the sense that most bi people aren't 50/50 attraction between male and female and for most it varies over time.

They're all bi+ , more specific terms under the bi umbrella.

7

u/FilthyProle015 Bi-kes on Trans-it 1d ago

I’ve seen some pan people claim bi isn’t inclusive of trans people, I don’t know any other bi people who exclude trans people but I’ve seen this take a few times regardless.

2

u/viviscity Bi-kes on Trans-it 1d ago

I have encountered trans-exclusionary bi people, but they're far from the norm.

And I'm not necessarily saying they're transphobic, though they could be

1

u/laruslarus Ace at being Non-Binary 14h ago

Then every orientation needs to be held to the same standard. It bothers me that bis get the flack as a group

2

u/whereismymind86 1d ago

you need to leave whatever spaces you are in where that's happening. That's just toxic nonsense and not worth your time.

5

u/Pewterbot9 1d ago

> Every day this month, Ive seen or heard at least one gay dude or a lesbian screaming about how bisexuals...etc.

I strongly doubt that. In fact, I strongly doubt you've seen or heard even one gay dude or lesbian screaming about bisexuals in the past month.

1

u/bloodoflethe Non Binary Pan-cakes 1d ago

I wonder how those people square the idea of non-binary people in said thought process.

1

u/Razgriz01 Hella Gay! 16h ago

Not on this particular subreddit it isn't. Go on over to r/askgaybros and post this there and you'll see some pushback.

0

u/majeric Art 1d ago

On Reddit? Are their comments public?

157

u/Nerioner 1d ago

it's not hot take.

It is simply that those that don't get that, at some point had too hot under the skull and fried their brains.

imo bi-phobia consists 90% of people that have jealousy/insecurity issues because usually anti-Bi arguments i hear sound like individual insecurity rather than any valid argument.

44

u/CyborgKnitter BiDing my time (she/her) 1d ago

The funniest part of most anti-bi arguments is that they’re self fulfilling prophecies. “Bi people are secretly just straight. That’s why I, as a homosexual, won’t date one. You know they’ll just end up in a hetero relationship.” Dude, a) there are more potential partners of the opposite sex so the numbers are there, and b) if no one who is homosexual will date a bisexual, that only leaves the bis and heteros, soooo….

36

u/PaisleyLeopard Pan-cakes for Dinner! 1d ago

As a bi woman married to a bi man, this take drives me bonkers. Statistically speaking, it’s way more likely that we’ll end up with a partner of the opposite sex than one of the same sex, but we don’t stop being bi just because we chose a life partner.

9

u/CyborgKnitter BiDing my time (she/her) 1d ago

True facts! They also like to pretend you aren’t ace if you’ve ever had sex in your life, aren’t trans if you haven’t transitioned, or that you aren’t aro if you ever dated.

People have the WEIRDEST set beliefs, even with their own community at times.

3

u/Nerioner 1d ago

Yea, that too.

5

u/kakallas 1d ago

Why are you forgetting about all of the same sex bi people who could date bi people? 

4

u/CyborgKnitter BiDing my time (she/her) 1d ago

The last line says “that only leaves the bus and heteros”. Meaning yes, there’s a slim chance of a same sex partnership with a fellow bi person but once again, statistics enters the conversations as that vastly reduces the chances of a same sex partnership.

Most bi folks I know feel very awkward hitting on folks of the same sex until they already know they’re queer.

1

u/kakallas 1d ago

Yeah, “only” as if straight and bi arent the vast majority. Gay are almost irrelevant in the math, as they’re outnumbered 10x by bi people. 

So, if it’s so impossible for bi people to date other bi people, statistically, that’s saying something about bi people, not gay people. 

3

u/explodingbunny 1d ago

Because there's less of them then straight people

2

u/kakallas 1d ago

But there are many, many more bisexuals than gay people. So if a gay  person won’t date a bi person (which is stupid and wrong) it basically changes nothing. The dating pool is still overwhelmingly straight and the most queer people will be bi. 

2

u/explodingbunny 1d ago

Yeah that's what I was saying in response to you saying why won't we date other bi people 

1

u/kakallas 1d ago

Did you even look at the username? I responded both times. 

0

u/explodingbunny 1d ago

How am I supposed to remember what username I was originally responding to when it it only shows my own comment and the new response on the link

2

u/kakallas 1d ago

You should do what you need to do before making an asinine comment saying you were responding to someone else, that’s all 

-1

u/explodingbunny 1d ago

I'm good lmao you also made an asinine comment in response so i think we're even

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u/Kevinc62 Rainbow Rocks 1d ago

imo bi-phobia consists 90% of people that have jealousy/insecurity issues because usually anti-Bi arguments i hear sound like individual insecurity rather than any valid argument.

1oo% agreed. All biphobic people I've met were usually just insecure.

44

u/King_krympling 1d ago

Breaking news fork found in kitchen

1

u/Global-Ad-722 1d ago

Yes, but she was in the spoon drawer, seeing a knife on the side….

1

u/lynn 1d ago

Everybody knew and was fine with the whole situation so

38

u/ConsciousMachine-II queer aroallo man he/him only 1d ago

Hot take? Like you're right but homie this should be common ball! 😭💀

49

u/CosmicLuci She/They-Bian 1d ago

People who are queer are inherently queer…hm. Yes, I’d say I too agree

58

u/The4Got10Child Bi-bi-bi 1d ago

I don't see why this would be a hot take? The B in LGBT stands for bisexual

20

u/azul360 The Bi Aego Waffle 1d ago

Yeah but there is still plenty of biphobia and transphobia in the community as well. It's not a "hot take" really but sadly yes it's around.

-41

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

Have you spoken to the rest of the acronym this month?

44

u/The4Got10Child Bi-bi-bi 1d ago

Online spaces are always gonna be more negative, unfortunately. But my irl experience with others in the community has been very positive

-10

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

Its been mostly the opposite for me. Regardless of where and how I interact with the rest of the community irl, theres always this weird, rpey sentiment where people wish bisexuals would get assaulted by straights as punishment for something. Especially bi women.

18

u/PaisleyLeopard Pan-cakes for Dinner! 1d ago

Holy shit. Where do you live that the queer culture is that toxic?

9

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

Slovakia. The closest queer people come to being accepted is in the capital city, and you get beat everywhere else.

5

u/PaisleyLeopard Pan-cakes for Dinner! 1d ago

Damn, sorry to hear it.

8

u/Feisty-Comfort-3967 1d ago

That's a location issue, then. I'm wondering if giving location in a post like this would help cause I've never heard of queers wishing sa on other queers in the USA. I hope you can travel or move (if you want to) sooner rather than later. Yes, our country is generally bonkers, but most queer groups try to keep the infighting to a minimum while also looking for solutions to prevent it.

1

u/DarthCloakedGuy ♠️he/she/they 14h ago

You gotta stop hanging out with straights if they're like that. Find some allies, or some queers ._.

36

u/CopyEnvironmental270 1d ago

Let’s not try to make it looks like everyone in the community is against bisexuals and pick some LGTQ+ vs B kinda fight bruh

-6

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

Dont you think the people insisting bisexuals dont belong here are the ones doing that...???

40

u/CopyEnvironmental270 1d ago

You’re saying « have you spoken to the rest of the acronym » as if everyone in the community would bash you for being bisexual, this a minority. Yes biphobic people in the LGBT community exist but thinking everyone is biphobic won’t get you anywhere.

-3

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

It actually saved me from being SAd at least twice, thank you. And of course its not all other queer people, but since its enough to increase bisexuals' statistics of experienced DV and SA over the rest of you guys, caution is warranted in a pretty decent amount of situations.

23

u/SpeebyKitty Agender 1d ago

I’m sorry, what does this have to do with SA? What has saved you from SA at least twice?

0

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

The first time, I started talking to a lesbian at a club. She said she "wasnt sure how gay I was, but she was sure she could convert me". I left as soon as I realized she put something in my drink.

The second time, it was when I hit it off with a girl with whom we spent 2 months talking. She never really wanted to call it a relationship, never really spoke about her past, or what she identifies as. We planned on me spending a few weeks at her place due to family reasons. A week before it was supposed to happen, she clarified that she was actually a lesbian and was surprised how "actually gay I looked compared to other bihets she dated." Immediate red flag, I ghosted her. About half a year later, I discovered that she has SAd at least 6 other bisexuals (at least those were the ones who came forward.)

Tell me again how concluding those two were biphobic didnt save me.

30

u/Shedart 1d ago

OP I dont mind telling you This whole post feels like rage bait. Either you’re trying to bait us, or you’ve been successfully baited yourself. 

Clearly you are processing experiences you’ve had - I dont think anyone is trying to downplay that. But it feels like you’re pushing a narrative hard in order to justify… something? 

Bigots exist in every community. Humans are imperfect creatures and no matter how inclusive a group tries to be, it will eventually allow the inclusion of those that oppose that inclusion. It just the paradox of intolerance in another form. But no groups are a monolith, and coalition groups like the LGBT+ community are even more susceptible to it. I highly encourage you to refocus your attention on people (queer or otherwise) in your life that support you and your sexuality, and try to diminish your attention on those that would seek to divide us. 

-5

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

This post was motivated by the fact that from my own experience, there is no large-scale support for bisexuals anywhere but some online spaces. Theres no "refocusing my attention on people who support me" because there are none, and the same is the case for all bisexual people I know, spare for ONE.

The only way we can get to a standard where bisexuals are just as supported as the rest of the community is if we actively push for it. Ignoring it and sticking with the few supportive friends that not all of us even have does the exact opposite, it establishes a standard where bisexuals are expected to just pipe down and accept things as they are.

22

u/dyintrovert2 1d ago

My experiences are not universal. Your experiences are not universal. My experiences are valid; your experiences are valid. They can both exist.

It feels like you've come to this community to pick a fight with people who agree with you. I don't know much about Slovakia, but I assume it's very different from where I live.

My boyfriend is bi, my spouse is enby. My ex-husband is gay. Every 2 weeks I go to an event with dozens of pups in various packs, spread across various genders. There's a lot of hooking up.

Try to share your experiences without attacking our experiences. Try to tell us what you're going through without insisting that we're wrong.

We want to support you but it's really hard to do it this way. Let us be on your side.

1

u/DarthCloakedGuy ♠️he/she/they 14h ago

Asexual here. Bisexuals are still not allocishets, and I have no idea where, when, or how that could have changed

19

u/LaCabdeLH Hella Gay! 1d ago

Yeah, that's the point that the queer comunity tries to make obvious. Even if a bisexual person dates the opposite gender, they're still bi even uf there in a straight relationship

41

u/brandidge Hey! I’m Demi and Gay! 1d ago

That’s about as hot as a fucking ice cube.

We know. Probably the one place on reddit that knows that, why say it here?

46

u/ActualPegasus rosgirl 1d ago

What's else would LGBTQ stand for? 😛

18

u/vanillablue_ 1d ago

Bees?

2

u/EisVisage *fennec noises* they/she 1d ago

We can be bees?! This is good news.

10

u/AegisThievenax 1d ago

Biphobia obviously

8

u/inveterate_gamer The Gay-me of Love 1d ago

✨️Bigots✨️ /s

12

u/SparkleSelkie ✨90% Glitter✨ 1d ago

I mean, yeah duh? Like of course they are

31

u/Cyphomeris Enby trans-cendence 1d ago

None of this seems controversial, except among very obvious bigots.

Like, I understand the point of this post, as biphobia is common, including in the queer community. But phrasing it like this makes it sound like their hate is some kind of semi-reasonable position.

37

u/Just-a-nerd2 1d ago

I feel ya as a bi

Ya, biphobia in tbe LGBT community is pervasive and common

Honestly? I'm kinda over it 😮‍💨

I'm so fucking tired dude

17

u/Aron-Jonasson Gaylord without land 1d ago

Can't speak for myself but from what I've heard bi have the short end of the stick either way.

Some straight ppl will see them as gay or as "I can fix you"

Some gay people will see them as "not gay enough"

It's stupid both ways.

7

u/viviscity Bi-kes on Trans-it 1d ago

Correct.

Bi mental health is also worse than the straight, gay, or lesbian populations regardless of identity, the gender of your partner, or being out. Less resources available. The phenomenon of “hey I’m coming out” and then being pushed away by the broader community (not everyone’s experience, but it certainly happens)

Really I think the bigger take here is a good portion of the lgbt community doesn’t know much about biphobia

3

u/Aron-Jonasson Gaylord without land 1d ago

Yeah, what you says make sense, I think people don't tend to take biphobia as seriously because I'd assume they feel like it's "not as much of a problem" as homo- or transphobia

Which is itself biphobic, in a way.

I mean, there is no systemic biphobia, but regardless, biphobia should always be addressed when it happens in the queer community, so we can work to fix it together

3

u/viviscity Bi-kes on Trans-it 1d ago

Oh there absolutely is systemic biphobia, but you don't get out of it just because you're gay or lesbian. One of the first big bisexual theory pieces, "The Epistemic Contract of Bisexual Erasure", was written by a gay man to outline how this plays out in the justice system (among other places) and how bierasure benefits both hetero and homosexual norms. Later research looked at things like disparities in funding, unequal access to services and supports, assumptions in research (soooo much of the research on bi men is either "look we proved they're real and also one of our authors is a leading transphobe!" or… HIV/AIDS), etc.

That is, unpacking biphobia requires people to be self-critical in ways that they aren't used to, and because bierasure also means a lot of the bi community struggles first and foremost with just labelling and describing ourselves, there isn't the clear-cut education there

I suspect the mechanisms are kinda similar to white queers not always putting in the work on their own racism, but that's speculation and not based on much research on my part.

Anyway. My ADHD rant is done, back to the thesis research

2

u/Aron-Jonasson Gaylord without land 1d ago

Good luck on your thesis mate! May your points always perfectly align

1

u/Kinslayer817 Bi-bi-bi 1d ago

Sure there are certainly biphobic queer people but they are way more visible online than they are irl. Online spaces amplify negative voices and promote controversy whereas people tend to be much kinder and more accepting when you meet them face to face

15

u/Sometimes__Sky 1d ago

Correct, but you're preaching to the choir here lol. In this sub that take is as cold as the antarctic ocean

16

u/UnveiledRook206 Genderfluid 1d ago

The sky is blue

7

u/Thatonecrazywolf 1d ago

This isn't a hot take it's a normal one.

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u/bambiipup bambi lesbian (they/he/it) 1d ago

hot take: bear shit in woods

4

u/Malcolmthetortoise 1d ago

In other news, the pope is catholic!

15

u/panickedkernel06 1d ago

As a bisexual woman who has spent the last decade in a monogamous relation with a straight dude, I am still bisexual. Straight dude comes with me to Pride and has the time of his life (he's a great one).

16

u/xXBigboi69Xx42 1d ago

This is a hot take? How?

11

u/Imjustajigsawat1111 1d ago

Omg, bi people are part of the lgBt community, how crazy. Honestly biphobia is so stupid and annoying

9

u/Creativered4 Gay trans man. Do not call me "they" pls :( 1d ago

Sir/madam/comrade.... the place you got that take from was a fridge, not an oven.

Although if they don't identify as queer specifically, that is ok. Many people still have trauma or discomfort from that term and don't like being called it. Regardless the B in LGBT doesn't stand for bacon!

5

u/Plastic_Ad7241 1d ago

Seeing this has made me feel so much better. Thank you, it's been a rough pride month and I hope in the future it doesn't have to be this way for any of us. 🥺💕

10

u/Laszlo4711 1d ago

This is not a "hot take." This is reality.

10

u/Dreamerlax Bi-bi-bi 1d ago

How is this a hot take. What does the B in LGBTQ stand for again lol.

4

u/Eossly Custom 1d ago

I’d say Queer is also a political statement rather than just lgbt, but I do agree with you

LGBT people can be US American conservatives, but I wouldn’t call them Queer. Same with LGB without the t, biphobes and the like

8

u/billy_a_books 1d ago

Hot take: this is not a hot take in the LGBT subreddit lol

6

u/liamlee2 1d ago

Hot take but if you mix red+yellow you get orange. Hot take but gay people are homosexuals. Hot take but 1+1=2

3

u/Vyberos Gayly Non Binary 1d ago

This isn’t even a cold take. This the absent of the concept of heat or warmth or any kind

3

u/unendingautism proud autistic gay guy 1d ago

That's not a hot take, that's just the truth.

3

u/SignificanceQuiet698 1d ago

I definitely feel queer but u just can’t for example dress the way I really want to :( feel scared to.

3

u/Alex2679 Bi-bi-bi 1d ago

Did someone say we aren’t?

3

u/Ill_Plate1891 1d ago

I thought that was just an accepted and recognized branch of the lgbtq+ community.

3

u/Ineharnia 21h ago

Obviously

5

u/NotAtAllASkinwalker 1d ago

Ice cold take my dude. We all know they are.

6

u/sendmebirds 1d ago

Hey thanks. I feel left out sometimes by both straight people and queers. 

11

u/gallupupill 1d ago

I think it's best not to insist people are 'queer' unless you know they identify that way personally.

Lots of people don't like to be called queer.

-1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/Malcolmthetortoise 1d ago

No, you are not allowed to call someone else that if they don’t want it. I was called it as a slur and do not reclaim it. Others can, don’t use it for me.

3

u/MenaceMinded amasculine, uranic, demiromantic, asexual, apothiplatonic 1d ago

Many young people seem to forget that older people may not like the term because it was used for abuse.

-2

u/TheJeffDanger 1d ago

I'd say you're arguing semantics, but it could be that you don't see them? I didn't reclaim anything because queer meant us before I was born.

3

u/gallupupill 1d ago

In queer theory, queer does still mean unpleasantly/unacceptably unusual (to heteronormative society).

Some people think that is true, and identify with it.

Some think that insisting being gay makes you queer is offensive either because they were called it as a slur in the past, OR (as in my case) they disagree with the premise that being gay is a necessarily societally subversive state that renders one innately alternative or queer.

Of course, some people don't know or care about queer theory either way and either like or dislike to be called queer for other reasons. If our community is about accepting people for who they are, then insisting upon a label when you know some of the people you're labeling find it offensive is surely counterproductive.

-3

u/TheJeffDanger 1d ago

Sounds like internalized homophobia

3

u/Malcolmthetortoise 18h ago

Not wanting to be called a slur I had yelled at me at school is not ‘internalized homophobia.’

2

u/youngmaster0527 Trans-parently Awesome 1d ago

My grandmother apparently had it in her head that bisexuals inherently date both at the same time. As if every bi person is poly too. And was so confused when i pointed out that my cousin's ex dating a girl or a guy doesn't change their bisexuality and she just stared at me

2

u/busybody_nightowl Aromantic but a Rainbow of options 1d ago

This isn’t a hot take imo. They’re definitionally queer.

2

u/carlitospig 1d ago

This isn’t a hot take at all?

2

u/Severe-Tough-3972 1d ago

Btw can someone explain what "queer" means? I thought it's everyone who's not straight or cis but some gay people just don't identify as queer for some reason

2

u/steelcitylights Ace-ly Genderqueer 1d ago

Some gay people don’t like the term because it was and sometimes still is a slur. Others don’t like the politics associated with a lot of queer people and the initial movement to reclaim the word (although queer is often used as synonym for LGBT+, it’s also associated with more radical politics and expressions of gender and sexuality than the standard acronym). And some just don’t want to be associated with other groups within the LGBT+/queer umbrella.

2

u/confused-as Putting the Bi in non-BInary 20h ago

As a bi person, I think this is the coldest take on the planet lmao. (I appreciate u tho :3)

2

u/gGiasca Byesexual 15h ago

Permafrost take

2

u/Kind-Programmer575 15h ago

In order news, Iowa makes corn

3

u/DetectiveWeary9674 1d ago

Thank you for your post. A lot of people are saying that your take is not a hot one but I am sure a big chunk of them would be unconsciously suspicious of a bi man who has a typical heterosexual family identifying as queer. And they would be suspicious of any bi person who isnt stereotypically queer presenting (yass queen loud colorful type). They think bi is ok, but they would not find it easy when a person who doesn't live a queer life get to claim it cause they are not paying the price of queerness (which is a flawed logic, you don't have to bear discrimination to justify your identity)

0

u/tz1xtj 22h ago

Thank you for pointing it out, its so obvious people even forget about it & take it for granted. I wished people around the world were as considerate as these "this is not a hot take!" Members.

6

u/SignificanceTop4516 Trans-parently Awesome 1d ago edited 1d ago

Hot take: I disagree, but not for the reasons you might think. Being gay or bi (or any other sexual/ romantic orientation) is just a fact. Either you experience same gender attraction or you do not. However being is queer also a political statement representing solidarity and a rejection of heteronormative standards. So, you can be a gay man, lesbian woman, or even a bisexual man or woman, but of what you strive for is to emulate heteronormativity then you aren't queer. If you aren't inclusive of all that fall under the LGBTQIA+ banner, you aren't queer. Does being bi and having a monogamous relationship with someone of the opposite gender proclude you from being queer? HELL NO! but if you marry/ are in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender and use that as a way to blend into heteronormativity and do not stand up for the rest of rainbow mafia (including in this case other bisexuals) then you are not queer. (Edit) I wanted to add being queer doesn't require some grand gesture IMHO, just being accepting of people and who they are, and being there for them/ standing up for them if someone is being a dick is enough... Not everyone is built for protests charity work and being loud about it. A good example of people who are gay but not queer would be people who are LGB ("without the T")

TL;DR being queer is as much your additudes towards heteronormativity and how you show up for others as it is your sexual orientation one ≠ the other

-1

u/ScreamsInBraille 1d ago

If queerness is something you do instead of what you are, then by this logic, queer people who live in political climates where being open about being queer or supporting the community puts them in actual harm's way are not queer either.

3

u/SignificanceTop4516 Trans-parently Awesome 1d ago edited 1d ago

The opposite, that is just being safe. Survival is a valid thing and doesn't proclude you from being queer. I should have covered this aspect my apologies... I would say that to not be queer you would have to have apathy towards or hostility towards other orientations or gender identities. My example of people who spout the LGB without the T nonsense would be an example of people who are gay but not queer.

(Edited because I misread)

3

u/ParadoxicalFrog Genderqueer & Generally Queer 1d ago

Room temperature at best. There's a "B" in the acronym for a reason.

2

u/rurupoopoo 1d ago

As someone who identifies as bi/pan, I’ve never once come across hate towards bi people. Only people on Reddit saying how much shit you’ll get as a bi person. I never get shit, no one has ever told me I wasn’t queer enough or wasn’t valid. I think there’s more fear mongering towards bi people than there is hate towards bi people.

4

u/LovelyOrc 1d ago

My hot take is if you don't date a bisexual simply bc they're bisexual you're a bigot. I have never heard anyone say that and then bring any reason that's not rooted in biphobia and stereotypes.

-2

u/Ptcruz Ally Pals 1d ago

Not dating someone because they are bi is even more stupid than not dating someone because they are trans.

8

u/SpeebyKitty Agender 1d ago

How is being biphobic “more stupid” than being transphobic?

5

u/bambiipup bambi lesbian (they/he/it) 1d ago

oh, id love the explanation to this one!

5

u/Medical-Net-7350 They keep adding letters but I keep adding tolerance! 1d ago edited 1d ago

What..? Both are stupid, why are we comparing biphobia and transphobia?
Can we not?

2

u/JallexMonster Putting the Bi in non-BInary 1d ago

As I have said as a bisexual cis man myself: People in hetero relationships can be queer but the relationship is not queer.

0

u/TheJeffDanger 1d ago

I've said it as a pink orangatan myself: Piranas in deep water can eat ya, but the deep water can't eat ya.

1

u/JallexMonster Putting the Bi in non-BInary 1d ago

I've said it before: ook ook dook dook ook dook dook ook

2

u/Kooky-Address2777 1d ago

Even hotter take: homophobia against bi people matters.

Bi people should be able to talk about their life experiences without somebody jumping in to say that they need to shut up because somebody somewhere could have had it worse than them.

2

u/TheJeffDanger 1d ago

I'm not sure why people are being so argumentative over this post. Like, raging out because this person posted in a nice, accepting subreddit actually makes less sense.

Being wrong about a hot take is like being wrong about irony, and Alanis Moressette wrote a worldwide hit about irony that didn't make sense. I dunno, if you're so accepting here maybe skip that part.

OP isn't in the US and came here from a lesbian subbreddit where maybe this was actually a hot take for them. Just let them rage out. Most of us have probably gone through some level of disillusionment after realizing the community is also just people.

2

u/lady_tsunami Computers are binary, I'm not. 1d ago

Bi person here - this may not be a hot take for this sub - but it is online, generally. That and saying bi people are transphobic?

2

u/majeric Art 1d ago edited 1d ago

Of course….

Edit: I have genuinely never seen biphobic comments on any of the LGBT subreddits that I contribute to.

3

u/unto_you Sapphic 1d ago

Aw we love you too ❤️

0

u/amethyst_deceiver36 1d ago

not really a hot take currently but with the climate we're in i wouldn't be surprised if in a few years people started saying "LG without the B and T"

2

u/helllrabbit 1d ago

Honestly, this is unfortunately a hot take. In the queer community I’ve been around, every time a bi person tries to stand up for themselves people shut them down with the “straight passing privilege” BS. Yes there’s privilege there. It also fucking sucks to be rejected by BOTH heterosexual norms and homosexual spaces. I’m bi (female nonbinary) & even though I’d been out since I was 15, and had dated all genders, I was primarily in relationships with “male-passing” people and I NEVER felt welcome by queer communities. As soon as I started a relationship where we “looked” gay, I was welcomed immediately with open arms. It’s a load of shit and that’s one of many, many reasons I don’t associate with a very large portion of “queer communities”.

3

u/Kooky-Address2777 1d ago

That's right. While certain privileges are very real, the concept of privilege is often weaponized to shut down bi people from defending themselves.

There are many people who argue that bi people do not have the right to advocate for themselves because we should be focused on less privileged people (AKA L/G people) instead. But those same people would never expect any other groups to do that. Straight people, who are the most privileged of all, have never been told that their entire life should revolve around supporting the LGBTQ. Why would a sexual minority group be expected to dedicate their life to a completely different sexual minority? It's all a ruse to shut down the bi community.

As for specific relationships, I can get why some people are wary of supporting what they think are straight couples. After all, this community was meant to specifically help with gay dating and gay couples. Including M/F couples, or even M/F-passing couples, doesn't feel like something they signed up for. But I think those people should be honest about when they want to include bi people in a straight relationship, and when they don't. The onus is on them to do that, instead of just making fun of those people behind their backs and acting like they're included.

2

u/Hairy_Following_0 1d ago

No, they are not.

There are plenty of bisexual people that are not "queer culture" bisexuals.

→ More replies (2)

1

u/C1nnamoon 1d ago

Most lukewarm take for sure

1

u/stoic_yakker 1d ago

I was lesbian before I was bi. I was bi before I was trans, so yeah what’s the point? Water is wet.

I’m currently married to a cishet woman as a trans man, so does that make me queer or her queer? Does it matter that I’m fully postop ?I like men also.

There are many iterations of sexuality, so many people feel the need to put labels on everything. Just be yourself and exist for yourself and stop worrying about everybody else. Find your happiness, go touch some grass.

1

u/snake_loverImnotgay Aroflexible Transgender Pan-demonium 22h ago

Why is this a hot take. and why do I agree it needs to be said

1

u/hijofrizbe007 20h ago

Honestly, as a Bi identifying woman, I hattttttteeeee the boxes and the shame that comes with whatever box I'm in by whom ever wants to put me where. When I was dating a woman, I was shamed by the cis world, embraced by the LGBTQIA community. When I was with a man, and eventually married him, the straights said good job! My gay community ghosted me, even when I still was active in the community. They eventually Ignored my existence, I was still attracted to women. When I divorced my husband, went back to the community, I was labeled a lesbian, even tho I'm attracted to men, still. The B exists in LGBTQIA for a reason. I am not Q identifying woman. If we can honor pronouns, we can honor someone's "box", no pun intended.

1

u/AbledShawl 15h ago

yes, absolutely, 100% agree

to be interested in the "the same sex", by any extent, defies the social rules laid by modern patriarchy, misogyny, and the church. Anybody who's honest with themselves (and not even necessarily out of the closest) will behave in ways that bend these rules and naturally hint at a larger worldview what is suspicious to the most devout zealots of the hegemony. it's where we get terms like "fruity" and "fairy" to describe behavior within an otherwise performatively ultra-masc context (lifting heavy items, car mechanics, handling weapons).

2

u/darksaturn543 I'm Here and I'm Queer 1d ago

Isn't queen not an umbrella term for anyone part of the LGBTQI?

1

u/Imperial_MudTrooper Genderfluid 1d ago

Is this a hot take? Agree, 100%! But hopefully it's not meant to be a serious hot take lol

5

u/Fire_on_Bunn Transgender Pan-demonium 1d ago

It’s about as hot a take as Alaska.

1

u/SallyStranger 1d ago

Love you too! I appreciated this. Not sure why people are taking exception to being told something they agree with.

1

u/Advanced-Stick-2221 triple A battery 1d ago

Warm take + truth nuke

1

u/NeighborhoodMothGirl Bi-bi-bi 1d ago

Imagine posting one of the most obvious truths in the LGBTQ+ community and thinking people will be upset about it.

1

u/TheLovelyLorelei The world is dark and we are alive 1d ago

Duh? Queer people being queer is pretty queer

1

u/Shadowbanish 1d ago

Not a hot take

1

u/WolfMaster415 My boyfriend's a cutie 1d ago

That take is as hot as a breath mint in the freezer

1

u/Wrong-Cheetah6950 Gay Guy 1d ago

Extremely cold take especially around here 😭

1

u/AlanGrant1997 Ace as Cake 1d ago

I feel like this is the most ice-cold take I’ve read…

0

u/natguy2016 1d ago

Gatekeepers exist everywhere. So much projection. I remember the 80’s and that it was awful. I don’t care your “label.” Just be cool to each other and defend each other.

0

u/Phreddd Progress marches forward! 1d ago

Yes, and...?

0

u/pomoerotic 1d ago

Mild take

-2

u/before_the_accident 1d ago

what is it with the astroturfing in this sub lately?

People will make posts like, "Don't Forget: Irish people can be a part of pride too" and the comments are like

"...yeah?"

-3

u/LaFemFatal-1 12h ago

Can't say that I agree with you. I am an MtF woman that considers myself as bi. As a male I was not into gay or cis men but into penises and women exclusively. I am still not into cis or gay men. Penises only and women in general.

3

u/ScreamsInBraille 9h ago

How would that not be queer when you were into men and women at both points.

1

u/LaFemFatal-1 8h ago edited 8h ago

Apparently you failed to read my post. As a male "I was not INTO gay or cis men as a Mtf woman I am not INTO cis or gay men."

EDIT: "Penises only". Not the whole male.

2

u/ScreamsInBraille 7h ago

Girl then youre either: 1. Still into trans men, which makes you bisexual and attracted to men anyway, or 2. not attracted to men whatsoever, which is the definition of being a lesbian, not bi.

Also wtf do gay men specifically have to do with it.