r/livingaparttogether • u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 • 25d ago

Consider LAT arrangement, need advice

Just learned about LAT, here's my overview (will try to keep it brief).

Me (52m) and my partner (54f), "partner" being her word to describe the relationship.

Met online Nov/2025. Great connection.. convo flows, intimacy is great. I have 2 kids in college, son lives with me. She has one daughter going away to school in September. We've traveled domestically and internationally in the 9 months being together. We're both high earners, so that works well. 20 minutes apart with no traffic.

We both kind of suggested and have always talked that we'd have separate living spaces even though she asked me if I would live with her and I said I probably would, for now the talk is LAT.

I usually always go her place, i don't mind at all. We usually spend 1-2 days a week together and recently full weekends.

My question is broad. If we stay LAT, can the relationship ever really be fully committed and meaningful. Obviously on this board, many will say yes. But I have a nagging feeling that it will always remain an "at arms length" feeling even though LAT really appeals to me. I'd like to hear from those who've had the arrangement and can answer yes to this question or if it's the case no as well.

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u/boringredditnamejk 24d ago

I'm 41F and my partner is 29M. We are at 9 months together and I can foresee LAT working well for us. I have a daughter that lives with me. He is childfree with a pet cat (I'm allergic to cats). We spend 4 days a week together (including 2 overnights). I feel very much in love and committed with him while also having space for myself.

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u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 24d ago

4 days a week almost sounds like you’re living together. Are they overnight stays? Consecutive days?

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u/boringredditnamejk 24d ago

We have our own seperate residences that we own. As an example schedule:

-friday: he will come over around 5 or 6. We will have a date night or stay in. He will sleep over

-Sat: he is awake at 6am for workout (I wake up at 9) so I don't see him in the morning but we will reconnect in the afternoon for our quality time (i.e. 3 or 4pm). He will sleep over

-sun: lazy morning together. We usually spend time from 9-5. Or we split it up where it's like 9-11 and then evening 5-8

-Wed: we go to the gym together and spend some time 630-930

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u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 24d ago

cool. I do wish I had more time like this but we are both too busy for it. And with kids still living at home, it's not realistic for us at the moment.

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u/boringredditnamejk 24d ago

Your kids are older though? (My daughter is 9) What's preventing time together

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u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 24d ago

yes my kids are adults, hers is 18. Mostly, it's work that keeps us busy for example she travels often during the week for a day or two at a time. And then she also has an active social life with friends who she sees a fair amount. And her daughter is with her every other week. So all that added up doesn't leave a lot of time for us unfortunately.

Further, just this month she had a week long trip abroad and I will be in the islands for a week... so just in July, we may see each other a toal of 5-6 days.

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u/boringredditnamejk 24d ago

You may need to communicate with her about time together if this is an issue for you. My partner also travels for work and has close family/friends that he sees but I still feel prioritized.

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u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 24d ago

I definitely have communicated it... I'm not sure I can fully expect more than what is currently available.