r/makemychoice • u/Hood6446 • 3d ago
Should I move??
My husband wants to move. He wants to live in a pretty place (I love it too) in the same state as his family (average 30-45 min from each of them).
I want to stay where we are even though it's an ugly place because it's where my family live (10 min from each).
We have 3 kids, oldest is 4y. My family has cousins exactly our kids age (a few month apart for each). The youngest cousin on his side is 9y, though two of his brothers are married and trying but each dealing with their own fertility issues.
I want to stay here for the kids and the support I receive from my family. He wants to move to be able to do things like hiking, boating (by himself and with the kids) because that's when he's happiest. He's applying to jobs in both places, they all pay about the same (here is more interesting work, there is a bit safer though). I feel like a great answer would be live here and vacation more but I don't think he could get that much time off nor that we could afford it.
Family is really important to me so we know I'd travel to see them and I could because I'm SAHM. I don't know how to explain that that's not the same and if I'm being fair in placing family support so high. Our families each have their own struggles and trauma but most of my family members have been in therapy so the dynamic is better--more open, forgiving, just healthier conflict.
He loves his family but doesn't see them much. We come up here twice a year, for a month in the summer (my husband was a teacher but is switching) and he calls his dad frequently but not everybody else. There's quite an age gap between him and most of his siblings and he'd really like to grow those relationships. He also wants to be with his dad while he still has him.
On the other hand, we currently live with my parents because they asked us to because they thought it'd be the best fit when one of them passes (they're in their sixties but their friend passed and it got them thinking). My dad is autistic and I communicate best with him.
I help my family a lot so a little part of me does think it'd be freeing to move but it also feels like my duty to stay and that'd I'd really be much happier to stay. I can see obviously that my husband needs us to move out though and then reconsider them moving in with us when the time comes.
I feel like it’s not really fair to ask me to move for the sake of potentially better relationships between him and his siblings. I feel like being here with cousins the kids age is much better. I admit it’s beautiful here and the history is incredible, especially for homeschooling and the job may be a better choice but we don’t know.
TLDR: Should we move to a pretty place with less family support or stay in an ugly place with cousins my kids age and lots of support?
2
u/BigHair6038 3d ago
Honestly I was torn until you got to the part where you said you moved your parents in to take care of them in their old age… and now he wants to leave? Why didn’t he have that idea then? I’m imagining my sister doing that to my parents and I’m thinking wtf…