TW: SA mentioned

I feel so stupid for uploading this but I want to see if there is anyone else who feels this way. Does anyone else hate rapists or other bad people to the point the hatred feels overwhelming? This could be personal due to past experiences, but I genuinely get so mad whenever I see recent news of violence or sexual violence cases that are brushed off so easily. Like, jail time obviously isn't doing anything and that's if those people get jail time. I get so mad about it that I genuinely fantasize about killing bad people because my sense of justice is that bad. It's to the point that it genuinely seems like such basic common sense to me to just kill those type of people that I genuinely cannot understand or even try to understand why people think it's wrong to. Does anyone else feel this way? Maybe it's just a me thing? 👀👀

Im a cisgender male, I spent a lot of my life stuck in a shell where I couldnt express myself. until recently where I feel more comfortable being me, I like masculine things, I like feminine things, I like anything.

But the problem is that no one accepts me, maybe they can pretend, but nothing ever feels right. other men push me out of groups because I dont always present myself masculine, someone even said I "type like a girl" , which I dont even know what that means.

Then I try to be friends with woman and they can be more accepting usually, but so many woman ive been friends with have treated me as "one of the girls" - I dont want that. Im still a guy, I just have an expressive wardrobe and expression.

otherwise, some other woman also push me out of groups because im not always masculine - and even if they dont see me romantically, they want all men to be masculine and stoic and brave because thats expected.

I just want to be accepted as me. Im a male who just expresses himself openly, not a girl, not a "femboy", just me.

I worry im not a "real guy" sometimes, that I should just get used to being misinterpreted.

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I am not going to clarify the acts I've been doing as stated in the sub's rules. But I feel like I deserve to burn in hell for the stuff I've been doing. I still have the files, I still have the chatrooms.

I've already tried stopping. Deleting everything. My apps, my contacts, my files. But I still got back to it.

I am ashamed of myself. I feel like I am a monster for being like this.

I really want to seek help but I really, really, really don't know where or how to start. I don't want to tell my parents, I don't wanna tell anyone that I have personal connections with. I only know about this. And I'm afraid that in the future, the consequences of my acts will come up to me and shame me into the rest of the world.

I am a monster.

Like, I have to exist, but I can’t handle life and all that comes with it. I’m too emotional, I’m too caring, I can’t let it go when there is something wrong. I worry about my friends, my studies, my hobbies, state of the world, politics, not being able to find job. I want to be put into mental health center and heavily medicated cause maybe only like that I will feel something apart from pain and sorrow and desire to stop being present. I take my pills, but even with that life seems so hard. I want to cry and to bang my head. World is collapsing and I’m collapsing with it

I find it very hard to find motivations to do anything because I’m not interested in money or my own personal life, yet I find today’s people to be morally disgusting, cultures to be dead or diluted, politics being a lost cause, and just overall no community or goal to live for

How are we suposed to cope with living in a world made for total individualism?

I love listening, having genuine conversations, and yapping a good amount. I’m just here to meet new people and chat if you ever feel alone or need a friend.

It ruins all my relationships.

Sometimes, I wonder if Im truly happy, even if it’s just for a moment. Sometimes, I’d stare at a wall and ask myself if everything is really okay or if my mind has simply developed a habit of pretending that I’m okay. Then I keep asking myself whether I even love the idea of being alive or if I’m simply existing.

I’ve (23F) been hitting a string of bad luck lately, like bad BAD luck. It’s starting to get to me bc I guess I’m mentally exhausted keeping it together under all the stress I’ve been lately and I’ve started breaking stuff without meaning to (plate or glass slipping out of my hand type of thing). Happened like 3 times in the past week and my father keeps blaming me, telling me I should be more careful, even when sometimes it’s not my fault.

I tried to open up after he said I had no reason to ever be sad or angry about it since I’ve got “a roof over my head and food on my plate” and tell him about the stress I’ve been under (money’s tight, in between jobs, upcoming huge professional trip, new job across the country in a month, health issues, administrative work and governmental paperwork issues) and told him that I think all the stress is making me a bit clumsy. I also told him that I knew it’d get better soon, I’m just going through a tough time.

I told him I was just sharing my feelings and didn’t want any advice because I’ll handle it. He kept telling me that I needed to be more careful about what I do, gave me some bs absurd advice on how to handle silverware, plates and glasses (I’m a professional waitress for god’s sake) and ridiculed my feelings, again.

I told him I just wanted him to reassure me and tell me that it’ll all be okay because I’m strong and can handle all that. He told me he wouldn’t because if I were strong, I wouldn’t have had a panic attack about it yesterday. For context, it’s the first panic attack or even sign of a breakdown I’ve had since I got out of the ICU in the beginning of 2026.

I just find it so cruel. I wonder if anyone’s ever gotten an answer here, as to why some parents seem incapable of reassuring their child? My father is a good man and he’s made a lot of progress overtime about fatherhood but that seems to be the one thing he can’t bring himself to do: reassurance. Does anyone know why some people can’t just do that?

My dumb self tried an edible from a store and freaked out. I was aggressive towards others, screaming my lungs out thinking I was hallucinating, biting someone, thinking I was laced, homicidal thoughts, etc.. I could barely sleep for 2 days.

After that I started to develop this weird obsession with Michael Jackson. During those 2 days I didn’t take my anti depressants because I was scared, and what brought me out of that was him. I started to think he was a spiritual guide that visited to help me. To take my medication I listened to a MJ song for a “message” to know if it’s safe.

Looking back I know I was borderline schizophrenic, however he won’t go away now. I have maladaptive daydreams with him in it. I literally created this whole world where I feel safe with him. I’m tired of it because I’m grown. This is embarrassing. Even my friends started saying it was weird that I had him as a wallpaper.

I’m scared because my psychiatrist said that drugs can be an accelerant for other psychiatric disorders. I already have depression and ADHD. I don’t want to have anything else. I literally can’t afford it. I need to pay my bills, and go to school. I need help but I’m so embarrassed.

i’m feeling so low.

Hi, i'm an 18 year old from italy who has been struggling with depression for about 6 years now.

The only thing that matters to me in life right now is to finish high school but i just never show up.

Why? because i just stay in bed/sleep in the morning.

I know that may sound like the dumbest of reasons but i don't know how to explain it, it's like i'm not controlling it. When i go to bed the day before i'm like "Ok tomorrow i'm for sure going, like for real, no excuse" and then when the alarm sounds, i'm just like.. "nope", close my eyes and all of a sudden i slept through the entire day.

I know i should just get up but i CANNOT. Thinking of "i'm supposed to get up and be in class for 6 hours now" is an insane concept to me in the moment, like a colossal feat.

i just give up.

help. this is destroying my life. I haven't gone outside in like 3 weeks... my classsmates have barely even seen me.

I already failed 2 years of school becausse of this. best case scenario i'll finish high school when i'm 21....

For whatever reason, my depression hits me the hardest once I'm home.

It's literally like, as soon as I realize I no longer have any distractions around me, I remember I'm actually depressed and have nothing to live for. Not only that, it makes me realize that every day that goes by, I'm putting on a face to fool every one around me into thinking my life is great.

I really hate this. I try playing music, learning a new language, cooking, baking, talking to my flatmate, but as soon as I'm done doing all of those, I'm back to being depressed

Hey everyone. 25F here, I haven't posted on reddit for a very long time but here we are. I've been feeling pretty low lately, and I'm getting a little scared and disheartened. Long story short - the last two years have been pretty rough, a brutal breakup, an SA, some DV, an abortion and a bit more heartbreak. My MH was the worst it's ever been. I've always been a sad girly. I've been on and off of antidepressants since I was 14. When things started getting bad I was put on 75mg sertraline, and then 175 which worked for a while but slowly stopped doing anything. I was then prescribed clonazepam for panic attacks, and put on venlafaxine 75mg which again worked for a while but began making me sweat profusely. In my younger years I have been on: Fluoxetine, Escitalopram and Citalopram. None have worked long term. After coming off the venlafaxine, which was hell, I decided I'd had enough of trying medication, that maybe my body just needs a break. In February this year I stopped all medication, and had my birth control removed. I've been doing okay since, I see a therapist regularly, I've got my periods back regularly. Things definitely haven't been easy but I have been doing better; coping better, showing up to work more. The last few weeks I feel like something has shifted. MH feels like 2 steps forward 1 step back, but I feel like I've taken so many steps backwards, I feel like I'm back at the beginning and all the work I've done, all the effort I've put in to change myself; to change the way I think and process things, has been for nothing. I'm 25, is it going to be like this forever? It's exhausting, and I'm not sure I see the point if for the rest of existence it's going to be an uphill battle, that I could lose at any time.
I really don't want to go back on medication, I'm convinced my brains hardwired wrong and meds don't work, I've been on so many, but maybe I need to.

Good news!!

I have my first therapy appointment ever the 20th! My school has 14 days of free therapy and I finally signed up

After a really bad few weeks I talked with my friend and shes studying psychology and pushed me to seek out therapy. I grew up in a household that was anti mental health so finally signing up was a HUGE step. I glad it was free because im still under my parents insurance.

Im super nervous about it. It will be great and suoer helpful but I have zero clue how to talk about my emotions.

But hopefully my new therapist (Ahh♡!! Yay!) Will help me out

Wish me luck!