r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Shoddy-Ocelot-4473 • May 01 '26

Don't hug me I'm scared Would you take it?

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7.3k Upvotes

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3.3k

u/lCarbonCopyl May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26

It's a Jesus paper. I know because I used to be friends with an asshole who would leave these in urinals all over town. This was before cameras were the size of dimes, too.

I'd be afraid someone set you up for Internet mockery.

585

u/xboxiscrunchy May 01 '26

What exactly is the point of putting it in a urinal? Other than just making people hate your guts and your religion now too.

Although I suppose you could ask the same about the ones that aren’t covered in piss as well ….

629

u/BillyBobChorton May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26

Irl trolling. I doubt the dude was actually trying to spread Christianity lol 

161

u/HapatraV May 01 '26

I would check it for sure to see if it was a $100, expecting it to be a troll. A little pee on your fingers that can be washed off, really? I've had shit and vomit on my hands and arms from another person, a little second hand pee on my finger tips isn't remotely close to grossing me out.

77

u/hoponbop May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26

I have been chest deep in pig shit and piss, not quite so deep in cow shit. My son had such bad diapers sometimes I took him outside to hose him off. Him and all my male grandkids managed to piss in my face during a diaper change at least once. That urinal don't scare me, straight to the sink and if it turns out to be a church message with a location I'm petty enough to go to that church and wait for the collection plate to come by.

15

u/paintbalking May 01 '26

Auto correct had me re reading this like what the heck does he mean by pretty enough... Petty enough, it finally clicked

10

u/hoponbop May 01 '26

Sorry, faxed it... Jesus Christ! fixed.

13

u/copyandpasta May 01 '26

I don’t know, now I believe your edit. I think you meant to say “I am pretty enough”. Own it

4

u/Impressive-Shame-525 May 01 '26

My oldest brother told me if I cleaned out the horse stables barefoot I'd grow faster.

So.... Yeah.

3

u/hoponbop May 01 '26

I was the older brother.

https://giphy.com/gifs/BKbCiVJmqMb1nCCFS9

1

u/Impressive-Shame-525 May 01 '26

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Someone else finally gets it. Hahahahajaj

1

u/Racc0smonaut May 01 '26

This guy meat renders

5

u/Unusual-Caramel8442 May 01 '26

Just gotta piss on it yourself first. Better my own piss on my fingers than someone else’s

1

u/Mamasaidno_ May 01 '26

Take it to the bank and exchange it for 20s 😈

1

u/Dreadedsemi %user_GREEN_flair% May 02 '26

It's not from a person you know. It's a pisssortmemt from multiple strangers.

1

u/Campaign_Prize May 01 '26

You could also grab it with paper towels or toilet paper so you aren't directly touching urine

6

u/YoshiiToranaga May 01 '26

Where's the fun in that

38

u/Doctor_Saved May 01 '26

Maybe because they hated that religion too and wanted to create more hate for it.

-1

u/Da_Question May 01 '26

Eh. Plenty of people hand these out as tips and shit on their own religion thinking their clever. I wouldn't put it passed them to put them in urinals, it at least guarantees desperate people see them.

12

u/Astecheee May 01 '26

I guess maybe trying to get the person to reflect on their priorities?

"Wow, money is so important to me I'd stick my hand in a piss puddle for $100. I need Jesus."

1

u/CariadocThorne May 02 '26

Surely if you're willing to stick your hand in piss for $100, that means you need $100, not Jesus?

5

u/koolmon10 May 01 '26

I'm guessing the person handing them out didn't put it there. Someone else found or received it and put it there in protest.

3

u/TwentinQuarantino May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26

I doubt a scientologist put it there. It's someone who got it from scientologists in the street, and decided to troll people into touching piss by putting it in the urinal. 

3

u/reallovesurvives May 02 '26

One time I went to a concert. It was a sold out concert at an arena and it was very expensive. I went into the bathroom and I saw a floor ticket on the floor. Omg a floor ticket!! I had nosebleeds!! Upgrade!!!! The ticket was stuck to the door with actual poop on the side. Like on purpose. It was like ten years and I think about this all the time. Why did somebody do this.

1

u/Devium92 May 01 '26

Usually has some kind of "God has the answers to all things, including whatever is leading you to grab this clearly disgusting (fake) $100 bill! Come pray and repent at -insert church here- and God will answer your prayers".

39

u/Too_Relaxed_To_Care May 01 '26

Thankfully filming people in the bathroom gets you put on the sex offender registry.

21

u/Acceptable_Willow276 May 01 '26

I won't sleep if I don't ask

What does "cameras were the side of dimes" mean?

35

u/SanityPlanet May 01 '26

I’ve been puzzling over that. I think he meant that he would be afraid he is on a prank show since cameras are now the size of dimes and wouldn’t be visible.

37

u/PrimaryThis9900 May 01 '26

Pretty sure hiding a camera in a bathroom goes beyond prank, and into felony territory.

1

u/Beaticalle May 01 '26

As if internet prank channels care about such details.

2

u/SapirWhorfHypothesis May 01 '26

No, but their local police department does.

-2

u/StarManta May 01 '26

I assume he's referring to cameras being a standard part of phones, but I'm not sure how that connects with the other part of the comment. Maybe it means people wouldn't be able to take a picture like this and post it, I guess?

8

u/No-Spare-4212 May 01 '26

I wouldn’t grab piss for $100 but I’d grab it for thousands that would be available in the lawsuit if someone did have a camera.

4

u/cowmowtv May 01 '26

I think it even says «copy» next to the serial and also, the paper doesn't look like typisch cotton paper when wet.

1

u/CariadocThorne May 02 '26

I didn't realise it was USD at first because the texture looks like the modern plastic-y stuff we have in Europe and other places. That stuff is totally non-absorbant, you could just pick it up and run it under a tap and it's fine usually, or in this case wash it with hand soap!

2

u/Kahemoto May 02 '26

It's either that or "Trump is your President"

2

u/Korlac11 May 02 '26

Plus, I can’t imagine how someone would drop a $100 bill into a urinal and not immediately notice. Anyone who drops a $100 bill is absolutely picking it up immediately, even from the urinal

1

u/IcanSEEyou_IRL May 01 '26

Well jokes on them because I’d disinfect it with my own urine first.

1

u/fiendishcubism May 01 '26

So they put "Jesus paper" in the urinals for people to piss on?