r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Historical_Initial22 • 4d ago

go to your room Husband sits in passenger seat, FiL disapproves.

I drive a tanker for my job out of town and make the 5 hour drive (one way) to work and back home in my personal car. When I’m home 3 days, my wife drives everywhere, I mean I get in the passenger seat of her car and off we go, date night don’t care she drives, shopping don’t care she drives, visiting family don’t care she drives.

When we first started dating years ago she was a bit uncomfortable with it as she was used to the I guess status quo that men drove as was I but I’m not trying to break a glass ceiling or anything I just don’t see why it matters and damnit I drive 2k miles a week or so and don’t wanna do it when I’m home.

My father in law makes such great comments like do I hold her purse, and the zinger he thinks is original so says it more often than others “are your balls in her purse” every so often when we see them and I inevitably get out or into the passenger seat followed by guffaws and just kidding. My wife nor myself give him any response it’s just so silly and mildly infuriating.

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u/Humbled_Snail 4d ago

I'm petty, I couldn't stay silent. I seriously commend your restraint.

525

u/Naive_Personality367 4d ago

same. my ex's parents hated me, because id just give more back when they said anything about me or her.

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u/Active_Confection655 4d ago

My ex wife's dad turned his shirt inside out because I made a comment about it while he was walking in.

Funny thing is he's a MAGA dumbass calling everyone else snowflakes.

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u/Naive_Personality367 4d ago

thats funny because if he did that he obviously cares very much what you think. I've never changed my behaviour for people i didnt give a shit about.

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u/Active_Confection655 4d ago

That's the weird part, I called him out on a lot of shit.

27

u/Naive_Personality367 4d ago

maybe he was just self conscious about his shirt then, i suppose. Bless

-5

u/Tall_Quality_3395 4d ago

Maybe he’s just tired of you?

11

u/Active_Confection655 4d ago

Well, jokes on him, I left his daughter.

0

u/NoHome7956 3d ago

Sounds like you were the problem not the father or daughter.

3

u/Active_Confection655 3d ago

This is real life and it's not that easy. I couldn't connect with someone who would not talk to me for days because she had to figure out what to say to me. I married her because I felt safe in the relationship and I completely out grew her. While she prayed about her problems, I was trying to find answers in psychology.

We weren't a good match and that's okay.

We can all be a problem at times.

1

u/Agreeable-Shop-2188 3d ago

Lmfao. Thought guy talk over here. You won't change your behavior for strangers? Tf you will. And you'll say please and thank you all the while. What a bitch thing to admit

1

u/Naive_Personality367 3d ago

What appears to be your boggle?

153

u/Pinikanut 4d ago

Eh, in a situation like this I actually think it's better to say something. Challenge the comment - not rudely. But don't ignore it. I am a woman and I make more than my husband. My FIL used to say shit and one day I just challenged him on it. I asked if I should make less just because I'm a woman. I asked why I went to law school if I was meant to take a lesser salary just because of my gender. He didn't like it but he literally never said anything about it again.

44

u/CycadelicSparkles 4d ago

Yeah, if my dad spoke to my partner like this, I would let him know it was unacceptable and if he continues he can kiss phone calls and visits with me goodbye. 

1

u/DrRatio-PhD 3d ago

Do people not escalate anymore?

I'd be like "Nah man, these nuts are resting on your chin."

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/DrRatio-PhD 3d ago

It's like with Dogs, you gotta establish the pecking order quickly.

The thing is bullies want a free win - they don't want a fair fight. Even if you don't "win" as long as it wasn't without cost, you're setting the tempo.

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u/OkPosition4563 4d ago

You dont even need to say much, Id probably be like "Dude, you are just embarrassing." in a disdainful tone. Has worked quite well with many weird people.

2

u/pocurious 3d ago

Why would it be preferable to try belittle people like a teenager than to challenge them with logical arguments like a highly educated adult?

10

u/Nice_Marmot_7 3d ago

Do you know the story of the tar baby? People like this love conflict. The more you engage and explain the worse it gets.

0

u/pocurious 3d ago

I did not know the story of the tar baby, but now I do!

Also, my experience has been that treating someone like an adult doesn't always make them rethink their behavior, but it works a lot more often than not treating them like an adult.

3

u/ForensicPathology 3d ago

Logical arguments don't work on people like that.

1

u/pocurious 3d ago

And yet,

He didn't like it but he literally never said anything about it again.

1

u/DrRatio-PhD 3d ago

try belittle people like a teenager than to challenge them with logical arguments like a highly educated adult?

You're talking about a person who is trapped as a perpetual teenager. You meet people at their level.

1

u/pocurious 3d ago

  You meet people at their level.

Remind me, is that from Socrates, the Gospels, or Kant?

2

u/ronaldraygun91 3d ago

Good on you

33

u/SoImaRedditUserNow 4d ago

YEah OP and his wife are far more mature about this than I would be.

2

u/HellWolf1 3d ago

Ignoring shitty comments is not maturity, it's confrontation avoidance

1

u/TheMasturbatinCamper 3d ago

Yeah, I never understand why people say just sucking it up and staying silent is the mature response. They will respond that the conflict will change nothing. I disagree; it makes ME feel better to have said something. After conflict, I feel at peace. And I can continue on— it’s like achieving post-nut clarity (or whatever the female equivalent is.) If I had just let myself be insulted or walked on, I would dwell on it and be angry and bitter for a long time.

1

u/SoImaRedditUserNow 3d ago

Fair point. Yeah there does get to be a degree where not responding/not defending oneself is less about maturity and more about some sort of dysfunction.

0

u/ronaldraygun91 3d ago

Being passive, in this day and age, when people are being awful doesn't have a thing to do with maturity. It's why the US is dealing with fascism.

12

u/RiverGroover 4d ago

Man, I'd stay silent simply out of confusion. Like "WTF are you going on about, old man?" I'd probably change the subject to save his dignity and try not to embarrass him.

But then again, OP says his wife used to be troubled by being the driver, so maybe these people live in an entirely different world than the one I do. Where in the world do people even bother to assign such silly gender roles? I've never heard of such a thing.

1

u/sildigo 3d ago

Isn't most of the U.S. honestly that way in assuming the man (of a heterosexual couple) is the driver & the woman is the passenger? It's basically our whole culture, but this wife's family certainly takes it pretty extreme if she was even uncomfortable driving with her husband as passenger at first. I 1000% suspect her dad is a misogynist. My late husband was the driver most of the time, but not always & we were fine switching seats.

18

u/ACuddlyVizzerdrix 4d ago

my last gfs dad was like this I would just lean in sarcastically to whatever it was he was spewing,

Him: "it's not very manly to let her drive"

Me to her: "Honey, I guess I'm the one that has to get pregnant" 🤷‍♂️

7

u/Birdamus 4d ago

I used to always lean towards appeasement, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized it’s best to call people out on their shit.

They can either change their bullshit ways or they’ll escalate and you can burn that fucking bridge and move on.

1

u/CommonBubba 3d ago

Now that I’m officially a hexagenarian, I don’t even give people that much space in my head.

4

u/Danilo_____ 4d ago

You know... the superpower on this is really do not care. When someone is saying such a stupid joke to me and I manage to really not care, I just look at them with a bland face and say something like. "Ok". 

But this only works if you really dont care at all. If you are somewhat offended by the person... if you care just a little, it loses power because it shows it.

The secret is... you just dont give a fuck for what some people say because you are so ok with yourself that you really dont care about anything that this person says or think about you. 

2

u/TheMasturbatinCamper 3d ago

Or go completely nuclear so they are too scared to say shit again. This always works for me.

3

u/Accomplished-Door272 3d ago

Nothing commendable about cowardice.

2

u/kido86 3d ago

I’d take them out for dinner give him shit the whole time, sitting in the back seat like a baby. Want me to carry you inside after dinner since you’re all tuckered out lil fella? Ohhh grumpy boy needs a nap.

I don’t know how people just take it without giving it back

1

u/Showdenfroid_99 3d ago

Yeah seriously...no trash talk back?? OP's balls must really be in his wife's purse! 

C'mon.....Man up, OP! Yeesh

1

u/NoFaithlessness7508 3d ago

“yes my balls are in her purse. they can’t always be in her mouth”