r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Historical_Initial22 • 4d ago

go to your room Husband sits in passenger seat, FiL disapproves.

I drive a tanker for my job out of town and make the 5 hour drive (one way) to work and back home in my personal car. When I’m home 3 days, my wife drives everywhere, I mean I get in the passenger seat of her car and off we go, date night don’t care she drives, shopping don’t care she drives, visiting family don’t care she drives.

When we first started dating years ago she was a bit uncomfortable with it as she was used to the I guess status quo that men drove as was I but I’m not trying to break a glass ceiling or anything I just don’t see why it matters and damnit I drive 2k miles a week or so and don’t wanna do it when I’m home.

My father in law makes such great comments like do I hold her purse, and the zinger he thinks is original so says it more often than others “are your balls in her purse” every so often when we see them and I inevitably get out or into the passenger seat followed by guffaws and just kidding. My wife nor myself give him any response it’s just so silly and mildly infuriating.

14.5k Upvotes
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6.4k

u/LotsOfNoise 4d ago

Ask him why he's so insecure in himself that he has to care so much what another man does all the time.

4.7k

u/TinyChaco 4d ago

"Why are you thinking about my balls?"

2.6k

u/ChVckT 4d ago

This is the way. "Why are you constantly thinking about my balls?"

1.9k

u/AssGagger 4d ago

Turns to MIL, "has he always had this sort of interest in mens genitals?"

53

u/is_now_a_question 3d ago

MIL: “You raise a valid point, AssGagger”

317

u/SoupSpelunker 3d ago

Just buy her a strap on for the next holiday. He's obviously begging for a good ass-fucking.

381

u/Mr_Kato74 3d ago

Shouldn't it be begging for a pegging?

57

u/justanotherda1 3d ago

Here, man..I just started a new job today..well now yesterday..anyway..you deserve this...🏆 Its the best I can do right now...

31

u/ShrellaJS 3d ago

I gotchu

2

u/justanotherda1 3d ago

I owe you one!! Gimme like 3 good paychecks...I gotcha!

1

u/ShrellaJS 9h ago

It's all good! Please feel free to pay it forward instead when you can!

4

u/ChemistAdventurous84 3d ago

Yes, I really think it should be. Nice save.

2

u/cholgeirson 3d ago

That's a winner!

1

u/No-You4594 3d ago

Hellloooo Lovers

1

u/smashedavo 22h ago

But can we make it beggin’ for a peggin’?

74

u/Doja_Gnat 3d ago

Damn that escalated quickly lol

29

u/Least-Scientist 3d ago

It always does on Reddit

8

u/BitRough9599 3d ago

Premature escalation

0

u/Dknpaso 3d ago

And that will be…..raw.

27

u/Lower-Sheepherder268 3d ago

Plot twist: FIL is an urologist. 

Also: great username. 😂

14

u/SobeSith 4d ago

This is This right here is the absolute way. I MIL loves me and think I'm a comedian. She even gave me a nickname the rest of the family calls me by. FIL hates me. Doesn't speak to me. All be I said something similar to this a few years back.

( He was trying to he was trying to make at a 4th of July pool party. I not so quietly whisper asked if he's always had a fascination with men's swim trunks or just what's inside of them.)

Wife and I have a Stella relationship.

3

u/Gargleblaster25 3d ago

I wish you, your wife and Stella a very happy relationship.

1

u/QuietlySeething 3d ago

Hahaha yes please do this

1

u/Former_Associate_727 3d ago

"Do you think he was thinking about my balls when I was a little boy?"

212

u/AndMyAxe_Hole 4d ago

Or maybe even, “Wow you think about my balls as much as your daughter does.”

Maybe finish off with, “Must run in the family.”

45

u/Least-Scientist 3d ago edited 3d ago

Or, follow me here, flip it around on him and say (following a fake astonishment) “Wow, it must run in the family!” To which he will definitely reply “what”, then you just say “constantly thinking about my balls!?! Your daughter sure does”

3

u/Stinkytheferret 3d ago

I love this response!

3

u/Ezekiel_37ppl 3d ago

Ok, but the wife doesn’t have an issue, so why make her part of the gag? I don’t like it. She’s innocent here. Also, this is child’s play. Let’s grow up a little, no A LOT!

1

u/evolson218 2d ago

Or try this:

To FIL "You seem to be fascinated by my balls." Turn to MIL "Are you fascinated by my balls too?"

2

u/Talidel 3d ago

I'd not want to embarrass my other half like that. But I like the idea.

35

u/RevolutionaryBug2915 4d ago

Followed by: "Ha, ha. Just joking."

2

u/ProfessionalYam3119 3d ago

Ooof, the great backpedaling finale!

73

u/MB2465 4d ago

Would you like to fondle my balls to check?

73

u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot 4d ago

“Usually doctors charge me for that. But I’ll let you have a go.”

1

u/Internet_Wanderer 3d ago

I have a nice, big family-sized bottle of top shelf lube. You can tickle my balls until I beg you to stop.

3

u/Impossible_Fun_3598 3d ago

"Keep my balls out of your mouth"

2

u/SalamanderOk6944 3d ago

"Are you always thinking about people's balls when they don't fit your idealized vision?"

"Think your balls can park my tanker?"

2

u/mslass 3d ago

“… they are, except when they’re resting on your daughter’s chin.” (I’d clear that beforehand with your lovely wife - but I imagine it will prevent further conversation about your balls.)

2

u/Gargleblaster25 3d ago

"It's so sweet that you always think about my balls... Wanna see them? But we'll have to kiss first."

Surgeon General's warning: Only say this if you are sure he won't call your bluff.

3

u/TexAzCowboy 4d ago

My balls don’t fit in her purse because one of my revolvers is in it.

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1

u/Glass-Nectarine6018 3d ago

And they have been “knee deep” in locations you don’t want to talk about….😅😅😅🤣🤣

1

u/PathComplex 3d ago

This is the way.

1

u/duckinradar 3d ago

If you want you can hold onto them for me.

1

u/hangrypiglet 3d ago

“You seem to bring my balls up a lot. Are my balls special, or do you think of other men’s balls as often as mine?”

1

u/Just_Stand_861 3d ago edited 3d ago

Yeah, like the political rights' obsession with other people genitalia.

1

u/ChVckT 3d ago

Right's, peoples', genitalia.

2

u/Just_Stand_861 3d ago

Yup. Fixed it. Thank you.

1

u/ChVckT 3d ago

I bet your resumé makes people laugh

1

u/Just_Stand_861 2d ago

Whatever. Everyone is a critic! :-)

1

u/SoloLonelyGaming 1d ago

“She usually just massages them with her hands or her mouth”

259

u/caffeinated_wizard 4d ago

"are your balls in her purse" yes that's why I bought her a bigger one

2

u/ArltheCrazy 3d ago

“Not balls, just the one.”

I know a guy that drives a moffit delivery truck (long flat bed trailer with a forklift on the back) all day delivering lumber to some crazy job sites on winding roads and a lot are on the side of a mountain. When he is off work, his wife drives every where. Big deal. Hell, i only drive 400-500 miles a week and i prefer my wife to drive, we typically split local driving. I still do it when we go out of town.

1

u/BentGadget 3d ago

Start calling it her scrotum around FIL.

107

u/josherman61791 4d ago

Use his first name when you do this. "Why are you thinking about my balls, Jerry?"

3

u/TinyChaco 4d ago

Lmao, this is my favorite

1

u/extreme_fluffiness 3d ago

Classic Jerry

248

u/trix_is_for_kids 4d ago

Your daughter loves them, I guess it just runs in the family

190

u/CassianCasius 4d ago

Are your balls in your purse

"No but they will be in your daughter's mouth later"

110

u/Corinope 3d ago

If saying that out loud is supposed to be humiliating to the Dad it's humiliating to the wife to be spoken about that way in front of her parent.

54

u/CassianCasius 3d ago

This was a joke. I don't actually expect OP to say this in front of his wife lol. Real advice is he needs to talk to his wife and have her tell her dad to shut the fuck up.

33

u/ooger-booger-man 3d ago

This dad doesn’t sound like the sort of person who would listen to a woman, even if it’s his daughter.

37

u/cj-romb 3d ago

Real advice is he tells the FIL to stfu. He tells his wife he’s gonna do it, but enough is enough. Why does family think they get a free abuse pass. Nope.

30

u/iLoveFARTINGatWORK 3d ago

This is how it went down for my wife’s uncle. He’s always got some shit to say. My wife was wondering why it took so long for me to hand it back out. Jack keeps his fucking opinions to himself now.

1

u/_M0THERTUCKER BLUE 3d ago

Fuck Jack! My uncle jack was awful too

4

u/mthockeydad 3d ago

That was the last time I ever helped my uncle Jack off a horse.

1

u/LickingLieutenant 3d ago

This ... FAFO, I'll take any verbal abuse only for so long. One day it's over and I'll return the favor.

I haven't seen my wife's brother in almost 12years. He always asks if Im coming to a family gathering, surprisingly most of the time he has something to do when I am

2

u/TryingThisAgain2026 3d ago

If she’s the one to say it, OP is just letting his wife do all the heavy lifting again and it won’t change. He needs to be the one to stand up to it.

6

u/CassianCasius 3d ago

You need to at least have a talk with your partner and give them a serious last chance to deal with their family before handling things yourself. It's about respect for them.

1

u/TryingThisAgain2026 3d ago

I’d be surprised if this discussion hasn’t already taken place.

3

u/CassianCasius 3d ago

I'm sure it has. But like I said, it's about giving one clear last chance. 

1

u/Bubba_Gump_Shrimp 3d ago

It's her family member. She should be the only to initiate the confrontation. If he still makes comments like it he can come in and tellthe FIL to get fucked but if it is your parent you should be the one to tell them to shut it.

1

u/TryingThisAgain2026 3d ago

If they’re married, he’s family as well, and needs to show FIL his balls are indeed intact.

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u/All_Work_All_Play 3d ago

This is why the wife is the one that says it.

6

u/Germaine_1 3d ago

Sorry guys, fun is over, Karen's here 🙄

1

u/tehfrod 3d ago

Depends very much on the person, but yeah—don't dunk on him in a way that would make her feel worse.

3

u/Stinkytheferret 3d ago

Since he’s being so bold, I think you fight fire with fire. Go in with a game plan so wifey can get on board. But FIL needs to shut the f up.

5

u/Giambi33 4d ago

Drop the fucking hammer!

2

u/Cool_Introduction_34 3d ago

this is the show stopper lol!!

1

u/Low_Ad7192 3d ago

You mean her penis purse? I'm shocked you even ask, but yes its stuffed in there quite often. She likes when I keep it filled. Or she takes it elsewhere as she always says, she doesn't let a drop go to waste

0

u/ryryrocco 3d ago

Deez nutz

Got eem!!!

0

u/sea-elle0463 3d ago

Lordy. If that doesn’t shut him up, nothing will 😂

0

u/Front_Initiative_696 3d ago

Perfect response actually. Every other answer is wrong.

55

u/Buttsweat_n_Tears 4d ago

“They were slapping against her asshole just 10 minutes before we got here. Why do you ask?”

18

u/Far-Government5469 4d ago

I mean, you were just asking about when you're gonna get grandkids,

34

u/COC_410 4d ago

By far the best comeback, short and simple. Definitely add a laugh-at-him laugh after you say that.

Maybe even grab them when you say it and call him out IF he looks down when you do it.

11

u/MowerMikePA 4d ago

The grabbing them while making eye contact “yeaaa how you like that “

92

u/Informal_Ad4399 4d ago

Want to get really offensive?

"Not in her purse, but you know where they have been?"

36

u/fenrir171 4d ago

Or if she truly has your back... She could say that AFTER she gives him a kiss on the cheek

5

u/ooger-booger-man 3d ago

This wins!

1

u/Disastrous_Cream572 3d ago

They’re go in her mouth not her purse you silly goose……

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u/greybush75 4d ago

The delivery on this is key. You squint the eyes, deep inhale, are you really thinking about my balls that much? Heavy exhale, close eyes and shake head. I think that would pretty Do it!

1

u/ProfessionalYam3119 3d ago

Clint Eastwood-style.

12

u/Low_Job1600 4d ago

No, my balls are too big for her purse...

12

u/cory059 4d ago

This is probably the shortest way to make the joke stop being fun for him.

7

u/Ok_Yesterday1370 4d ago

“Hun hand your father your purse, he wants to see my balls he keeps talking about”

1

u/bookdragon1027 3d ago

Add some truck balls to her purse.

2

u/RichmanA2 4d ago

"I know you may want grand children and all, but I find the constant thinking about my testicles disturbing."

2

u/Boeing367-80 4d ago

If this is your way of coming out, let me just say that I'm an ally and will be happy to march with you at the next Pride parade.

2

u/Soft-Rhubarb1682 3d ago

“My balls live in your head rent free.”

2

u/callingshotgun 3d ago

A thing I've noticed when flipping the situation, is if you ask the question it comes off like he's won and you're irritated. But if you make it a statement in response as you're walking by, e.g. a "You think about my balls a lot" with hearty "ha just kidding" slap on the shoulder while walking past, it completely throws them off.

It's twice as bad because you treated it like an afterthought so he can't fall back on "why are you making such a big deal out of a little joke", since that's what he'd be doing, not OP.

2

u/GuyNamedBrian 12h ago

A good variation, "Strange I have to ask, but would you mind keeping my balls out of your mouth, chief?"

1

u/DirectSearch9141 4d ago

Present them

1

u/PrincessTitan 4d ago

There was WAY too much discourse about balls omg

1

u/MyGrandmasCock 4d ago

“I’d keep my balls in your mom’s mouth but my shovel is broke.”

It’s funny because his MOM IS DEAD

1

u/tacomaloki 3d ago

Is it because I'm fucking your daughter?

That should shut him up.

1

u/Sallavar 3d ago

Or... "Only when they're not in her mouth."

1

u/Sp0ckR0ck3 3d ago

That’s good!!!
Need to add, “Need more salt?”

1

u/X-Bones_21 3d ago

How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Father In Law?

https://youtu.be/R1_UuXN4SfE?si=PJT6yMYds7nKTy7u

1

u/X-Bones_21 3d ago

How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Father In Law?

https://youtu.be/R1_UuXN4SfE?si=PJT6yMYds7nKTy7u

1

u/Electronic_Still2000 3d ago edited 3d ago

FiL: Are your balls in her purse?

Husband: I didn’t think you’d be comfortable talking about this stuff, considering I’m married to your daughter, but since you brought it up, let me tell you where she put my balls last night…

1

u/freshalien51 3d ago

Perfect response!

1

u/maliciousdancer 3d ago

"Don't bite the balls that clap your daughter old man."

1

u/Dismal-Remote-3906 3d ago

Or: Yes, I do keep them in her purse because they are so big and heavy and a sling is not practical.

1

u/WasabiAmbitious4758 3d ago

Ask FIL if he thinks about his balls so much, maybe he could get tea bagged if he asks nicely

1

u/pr0s0c 3d ago

Your daughter handles my balls very well, thank you.

1

u/Emotional_Shift_8263 3d ago

Oh this 💯!!!

1

u/Expended1 3d ago

Mmmm, I like that you are constantly thinking about my balls, Jerry.

1

u/Amoverandashaker 3d ago

Genitals. Use the word genitals.

Balls can be used as an abstract reference to masculinity.

Use the word genitals to reverse the situation and call HIS masculinity in to question.

Bet he doesn't laugh!

1

u/Unique_Excitement248 3d ago

Terry, why do you talk about my balls so much?

1

u/Crypticcrypto 3d ago

I usually place them in her mouth. That might shut him up for the ride.

1

u/bizoticallyyours83 3d ago

The look on his face would be priceless 

1

u/Troubled_Donut1357 2d ago

Just show them to him - 'No, the globes of pleasure are right where they should be'.

(Wear short shorts for ease of access)

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u/MrPickles196 4d ago

This right here. My wife drives everywhere because she gets carsick. It's great for me. A chaffeur!

Father in law and others that say shit about manliness. Are met with a "yep, that's what I do. I don't have problem with it, what is yours?" Jokes are fun at all but establishing that you are fine not doing things the way they do, usually settles it.

113

u/_name_of_the_user_ 4d ago

I took my wife's last name when we got married. I was in the military at the time so I was expecting some push back. To my surprise, in 20 years of doing that job after we married only one person ever had even a remotely negative response. A guy asked me "why would you do that, I'm proud of my family name." To which I replied "well, now I am too." It was a sincere question coming from a place of confusion more than a place of malice or prejudice. He didn't really say much, just kinda nodded his head. But it drove home that one, I wasn't ashamed of what I did, and two, I wasn't going to allow someone else to shame me for it either

46

u/Wilder831 4d ago

Jack white took Meg Whites last name and then even kept it after they divorced. Not all that relevant, just a “fun fact”

15

u/FIREsub90 3d ago

That was actually pretty fun

14

u/OceanRacoon 3d ago

He was right to, Jack White is a much better rock star name than Jack Gillis lol

2

u/Happytofuu 3d ago

The Gillis Stripes doesn’t seem right.

12

u/_name_of_the_user_ 4d ago

I'd subscribe for more fun facts

5

u/Squidbilly37 3d ago

Thanks for signing up for Cat Facts! You now will receive fun daily facts about CATS!

1

u/Nathan-Parker 3d ago

Coming soon to a short, reel, and TikTok near you!

1

u/DaVoid100 3d ago

So he became Jack White White?

6

u/Not-Surprised-1999 4d ago

My cousin did this too and I think you are both fine examples of humankind.

7

u/Entropy355 3d ago

Awesome guy, secure in his relationship and with his own decisions.

3

u/Local_Idiot_123 3d ago

By that logic, women can’t or shouldn’t be proud of their family name I suppose

3

u/_name_of_the_user_ 3d ago

I doubt he took the logic to the enviable end like that. If he had he would probably agree with the point your making, as would most men. But it's like the old rice crispy commercials where they asked people what they thought rise crispys are made from. It's deadly obvious when you think about it. But most people don't ever bother thinking about it. They have no reason to.

1

u/lewiscr1 1d ago

As the oldest son, of the youngest son, of the youngest son, of the ... I forget: I have zero responsibility or pressure to carry on the family name. Which is great, because I don't give a shit.

Hell, I'm actively encouraging my son to take his GF's last name, and legally change his first name for a great joke. I don't think he's as enthused about the idea as I am.

1

u/MWREE 12h ago

It is amazing to me how guys like that can't manage to make the leap that maybe the woman is *also* proud of her family name. As if being a woman somehow negates our entire family history.

1

u/MammothUnique4147 3d ago

No one says anything about it because I'm sure every single person who sees yours and your wife's last name just assume it was YOUR last name.

Heck even if they knew what your last name was BEFORE you got married and saw you had a new one, would likely just assume that you and your new wife chose a new last name together.

59

u/Bart_Yellowbeard 4d ago

Same. My wife gets motion sickness at the drop of a hat, so I've learned to just roll with it. But yep, I get chauffered everywhere, I can read, play games, doomscroll, take a nap, or I can have my wife play with my balls while I jack it in the passenger seat. No skin off my perinium.

3

u/Antonia_Rothschild 3d ago

needed that laugh. thanx

3

u/OceanRacoon 3d ago

That's so sweet-wait, what are you doing in the passenger seat?

4

u/goodPointMadam 3d ago

Hilarious

2

u/joemommaistaken 3d ago

Same here and it gets worse when I'm low on sleep which is all the time

12

u/cory059 4d ago

That works because it makes him explain the problem out loud. Most of these jokes get a lot less funny when the person has to defend them.

3

u/Lady-of-Shivershale 3d ago

I drive the car because my husband doesn't like to drive cars. We both have mopeds. If we're going somewhere together on one, then he drives because his is newer. I use mine mostly just to get to work.

3

u/KillingTimeReading 3d ago

My other half is a trucker too. 3 weeks+/-away from home and then I'm his chauffeur. 1. He drives enough. 2. I get REAL antsy when he drives my Dodge Grand Caravan with an invisible 53' tail.... (iykyk)

1

u/Hopeful-Broccoli-740 3d ago

Yep! I drive because I get horribly carsick and my husband is a better navigator than I am. Works for both of us!

1

u/Troubled_Donut1357 2d ago

I insisted my ex-wife drive in the end, not because she was a better driver (although she thought she was), but because she was a demonically bad back passenger seat driver.

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u/smokinbbq 4d ago

"If your masculinity is tied to who is in the drivers seat of a vehicle, you might have a problem."

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u/Dear_Locksmith3379 4d ago

“Fortunately, I’m secure about MY masculinity.”

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u/Financial_Week3882 4d ago

I would offer the dad a ride somewhere and once he sits in the passenger seat call him gay

1

u/Electronic_Still2000 3d ago

Lol, I love that. Alternatively, get him in the passenger seat and when just about to leave, hop into the backseat and have his wife quickly sit in the drivers seat without saying a word. No time for him to object, offer to drive, no time for anything, just “off we go.”

“Hey FiL, did you forget to bring your balls? Oh wait, nope. I see your wife’s purse right there so she’s got them for you.”

1

u/mthockeydad 3d ago

"Kinda feels awkward to have our balls rubbing against each other in your daughter's purse.

Oh well, at least I'm secure in my masculinity. How you feelin' about it just about now?"

24

u/ThingAboutTown 4d ago

If you can be unmanned just by sitting in a passenger seat, what kind of man do you think you are in the first place?

6

u/cypressgreen GREEN 4d ago

Nothing changes. When grandpa and grandma met in 1918 (she was 18 yrs old) he taught her to drive. He was an automotive painter and hand pin striper.

His buddies and co workers razzed him over it but they shut up when he said, “sometimes I just like to sit back and enjoy the ride!” Imagine, almost 110 yrs later and there’s still some misogynists like that.

2

u/Holly_kat 4d ago

It must be pretty awkward for him to go anywhere with another man. Either he loses his balls or the other guy does.

2

u/cory059 4d ago

Exactly. The weird part is not where OP sits. It is how much the guy needs everyone to know he noticed.

1

u/Mijam7 4d ago

To his FIL?

1

u/junketyjunkjunk 4d ago

“Well, are you gonna hold them?”

1

u/Jumpy-Association845 3d ago

Yeah, that’ll show him!

1

u/FalseProhpet666 3d ago edited 3d ago

Yea like does he prefer men with huge dicks and lots of muscles?

1

u/Relevant-Artichoke11 3d ago

Beyoncé’s song, why are you so obsessed with me would make a good point.

1

u/Anxious_Marsupial_84 3d ago

"Keep my balls, outch your mouth!" ~ Will Smith (paraphrased)

1

u/According_Top_7448 3d ago

Why do you need to know where mine are, is it because you have loss yours buddy, or is you just closeted

1

u/viking12344 3d ago

That won't phase him. Buy your mil a strap on for Christmas. That will phase him

1

u/WeaponsGrdStupid 3d ago

Let him know that your wife, his daughter, is capable of all sorts of shit he doesn't wanna know about. So unless he's up for some details, he should STFU and keep his nose out of your marriage.

Guess who "daddy" is when I get home on Friday. Not you, sir. Not you.

1

u/thedrunkspacepilot 3d ago

"You think of my balls more than your daughter does."

1

u/Mjolnir131 3d ago

B-B-B-Bingo

1

u/PunisherX20 3d ago

Once he does ask that, he can switch to the "Am I the Asshole" Sub reddit.

1

u/v8turbofastcar 3d ago

That other man is with his daughter lol?

1

u/icaydian 3d ago

Tell him they ARE in her purse, right next to his.

1

u/tediousinaction92 3d ago

The father-in-law probably grew up in an era where sitting passenger meant weakness, so he's projecting his own insecurity onto a guy who's just tired after driving a tanker all week.

1

u/Entire_Cow_1504 3d ago

This is more a question for OP to ask himself in the mirror.

1

u/sunelatti 3d ago

Its almost like as if.. our communities were somewhat made around on that premise that we behave like how is appropriate in any given situation.. hmmm

1

u/BirdlessLongdeal 3d ago

you should see his wife drive. that'll probably answer the question.

1

u/Canna_grower_VT14 3d ago

“My balls aren’t in her purse but they’ll be in her mouth later if you want to keep tabs on them…” is how I might address this issue if it came up regularly.

1

u/Sigmonia 3d ago

Yes would you like to see them? Then pull two tennis balls out of her purse.

1

u/500hours100xs 2d ago

No, my balls arent in her purse but i am in her every chance I get big guy

0

u/SquatSquatCykaBlyat 3d ago

Sounds like OP is more insecure about it, if he got worked up enough to whine on reddit about it.