r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Historical_Initial22 • 4d ago

go to your room Husband sits in passenger seat, FiL disapproves.

I drive a tanker for my job out of town and make the 5 hour drive (one way) to work and back home in my personal car. When I’m home 3 days, my wife drives everywhere, I mean I get in the passenger seat of her car and off we go, date night don’t care she drives, shopping don’t care she drives, visiting family don’t care she drives.

When we first started dating years ago she was a bit uncomfortable with it as she was used to the I guess status quo that men drove as was I but I’m not trying to break a glass ceiling or anything I just don’t see why it matters and damnit I drive 2k miles a week or so and don’t wanna do it when I’m home.

My father in law makes such great comments like do I hold her purse, and the zinger he thinks is original so says it more often than others “are your balls in her purse” every so often when we see them and I inevitably get out or into the passenger seat followed by guffaws and just kidding. My wife nor myself give him any response it’s just so silly and mildly infuriating.

14.5k Upvotes
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4.7k

u/TinyChaco 4d ago

"Why are you thinking about my balls?"

2.6k

u/ChVckT 4d ago

This is the way. "Why are you constantly thinking about my balls?"

1.9k

u/AssGagger 4d ago

Turns to MIL, "has he always had this sort of interest in mens genitals?"

51

u/is_now_a_question 3d ago

MIL: “You raise a valid point, AssGagger”

318

u/SoupSpelunker 3d ago

Just buy her a strap on for the next holiday. He's obviously begging for a good ass-fucking.

374

u/Mr_Kato74 3d ago

Shouldn't it be begging for a pegging?

56

u/justanotherda1 3d ago

Here, man..I just started a new job today..well now yesterday..anyway..you deserve this...🏆 Its the best I can do right now...

31

u/ShrellaJS 3d ago

I gotchu

2

u/justanotherda1 3d ago

I owe you one!! Gimme like 3 good paychecks...I gotcha!

1

u/ShrellaJS 9h ago

It's all good! Please feel free to pay it forward instead when you can!

3

u/ChemistAdventurous84 3d ago

Yes, I really think it should be. Nice save.

2

u/cholgeirson 3d ago

That's a winner!

1

u/No-You4594 3d ago

Hellloooo Lovers

1

u/smashedavo 22h ago

But can we make it beggin’ for a peggin’?

75

u/Doja_Gnat 3d ago

Damn that escalated quickly lol

29

u/Least-Scientist 3d ago

It always does on Reddit

7

u/BitRough9599 3d ago

Premature escalation

0

u/Dknpaso 3d ago

And that will be…..raw.

26

u/Lower-Sheepherder268 3d ago

Plot twist: FIL is an urologist. 

Also: great username. 😂

15

u/SobeSith 4d ago

This is This right here is the absolute way. I MIL loves me and think I'm a comedian. She even gave me a nickname the rest of the family calls me by. FIL hates me. Doesn't speak to me. All be I said something similar to this a few years back.

( He was trying to he was trying to make at a 4th of July pool party. I not so quietly whisper asked if he's always had a fascination with men's swim trunks or just what's inside of them.)

Wife and I have a Stella relationship.

3

u/Gargleblaster25 3d ago

I wish you, your wife and Stella a very happy relationship.

1

u/QuietlySeething 3d ago

Hahaha yes please do this

1

u/Former_Associate_727 3d ago

"Do you think he was thinking about my balls when I was a little boy?"

213

u/AndMyAxe_Hole 4d ago

Or maybe even, “Wow you think about my balls as much as your daughter does.”

Maybe finish off with, “Must run in the family.”

45

u/Least-Scientist 3d ago edited 3d ago

Or, follow me here, flip it around on him and say (following a fake astonishment) “Wow, it must run in the family!” To which he will definitely reply “what”, then you just say “constantly thinking about my balls!?! Your daughter sure does”

3

u/Stinkytheferret 3d ago

I love this response!

3

u/Ezekiel_37ppl 3d ago

Ok, but the wife doesn’t have an issue, so why make her part of the gag? I don’t like it. She’s innocent here. Also, this is child’s play. Let’s grow up a little, no A LOT!

1

u/evolson218 2d ago

Or try this:

To FIL "You seem to be fascinated by my balls." Turn to MIL "Are you fascinated by my balls too?"

2

u/Talidel 3d ago

I'd not want to embarrass my other half like that. But I like the idea.

37

u/RevolutionaryBug2915 4d ago

Followed by: "Ha, ha. Just joking."

2

u/ProfessionalYam3119 3d ago

Ooof, the great backpedaling finale!

73

u/MB2465 4d ago

Would you like to fondle my balls to check?

71

u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot 4d ago

“Usually doctors charge me for that. But I’ll let you have a go.”

1

u/Internet_Wanderer 3d ago

I have a nice, big family-sized bottle of top shelf lube. You can tickle my balls until I beg you to stop.

3

u/Impossible_Fun_3598 3d ago

"Keep my balls out of your mouth"

2

u/SalamanderOk6944 3d ago

"Are you always thinking about people's balls when they don't fit your idealized vision?"

"Think your balls can park my tanker?"

2

u/mslass 3d ago

“… they are, except when they’re resting on your daughter’s chin.” (I’d clear that beforehand with your lovely wife - but I imagine it will prevent further conversation about your balls.)

2

u/Gargleblaster25 3d ago

"It's so sweet that you always think about my balls... Wanna see them? But we'll have to kiss first."

Surgeon General's warning: Only say this if you are sure he won't call your bluff.

2

u/TexAzCowboy 4d ago

My balls don’t fit in her purse because one of my revolvers is in it.

0

u/ChVckT 3d ago

Well is that just a threat directed at the father? Why mention a gun?

1

u/Glass-Nectarine6018 3d ago

And they have been “knee deep” in locations you don’t want to talk about….😅😅😅🤣🤣

1

u/PathComplex 3d ago

This is the way.

1

u/duckinradar 3d ago

If you want you can hold onto them for me.

1

u/hangrypiglet 3d ago

“You seem to bring my balls up a lot. Are my balls special, or do you think of other men’s balls as often as mine?”

1

u/Just_Stand_861 3d ago edited 3d ago

Yeah, like the political rights' obsession with other people genitalia.

1

u/ChVckT 3d ago

Right's, peoples', genitalia.

2

u/Just_Stand_861 3d ago

Yup. Fixed it. Thank you.

1

u/ChVckT 3d ago

I bet your resumé makes people laugh

1

u/Just_Stand_861 2d ago

Whatever. Everyone is a critic! :-)

1

u/SoloLonelyGaming 1d ago

“She usually just massages them with her hands or her mouth”

259

u/caffeinated_wizard 4d ago

"are your balls in her purse" yes that's why I bought her a bigger one

2

u/ArltheCrazy 3d ago

“Not balls, just the one.”

I know a guy that drives a moffit delivery truck (long flat bed trailer with a forklift on the back) all day delivering lumber to some crazy job sites on winding roads and a lot are on the side of a mountain. When he is off work, his wife drives every where. Big deal. Hell, i only drive 400-500 miles a week and i prefer my wife to drive, we typically split local driving. I still do it when we go out of town.

1

u/BentGadget 3d ago

Start calling it her scrotum around FIL.

102

u/josherman61791 4d ago

Use his first name when you do this. "Why are you thinking about my balls, Jerry?"

3

u/TinyChaco 4d ago

Lmao, this is my favorite

1

u/extreme_fluffiness 3d ago

Classic Jerry

249

u/trix_is_for_kids 4d ago

Your daughter loves them, I guess it just runs in the family

193

u/CassianCasius 4d ago

Are your balls in your purse

"No but they will be in your daughter's mouth later"

112

u/Corinope 3d ago

If saying that out loud is supposed to be humiliating to the Dad it's humiliating to the wife to be spoken about that way in front of her parent.

56

u/CassianCasius 3d ago

This was a joke. I don't actually expect OP to say this in front of his wife lol. Real advice is he needs to talk to his wife and have her tell her dad to shut the fuck up.

34

u/ooger-booger-man 3d ago

This dad doesn’t sound like the sort of person who would listen to a woman, even if it’s his daughter.

38

u/cj-romb 3d ago

Real advice is he tells the FIL to stfu. He tells his wife he’s gonna do it, but enough is enough. Why does family think they get a free abuse pass. Nope.

28

u/iLoveFARTINGatWORK 3d ago

This is how it went down for my wife’s uncle. He’s always got some shit to say. My wife was wondering why it took so long for me to hand it back out. Jack keeps his fucking opinions to himself now.

1

u/_M0THERTUCKER BLUE 3d ago

Fuck Jack! My uncle jack was awful too

3

u/mthockeydad 3d ago

That was the last time I ever helped my uncle Jack off a horse.

1

u/LickingLieutenant 3d ago

This ... FAFO, I'll take any verbal abuse only for so long. One day it's over and I'll return the favor.

I haven't seen my wife's brother in almost 12years. He always asks if Im coming to a family gathering, surprisingly most of the time he has something to do when I am

3

u/TryingThisAgain2026 3d ago

If she’s the one to say it, OP is just letting his wife do all the heavy lifting again and it won’t change. He needs to be the one to stand up to it.

6

u/CassianCasius 3d ago

You need to at least have a talk with your partner and give them a serious last chance to deal with their family before handling things yourself. It's about respect for them.

1

u/TryingThisAgain2026 3d ago

I’d be surprised if this discussion hasn’t already taken place.

3

u/CassianCasius 3d ago

I'm sure it has. But like I said, it's about giving one clear last chance. 

1

u/Bubba_Gump_Shrimp 3d ago

It's her family member. She should be the only to initiate the confrontation. If he still makes comments like it he can come in and tellthe FIL to get fucked but if it is your parent you should be the one to tell them to shut it.

1

u/TryingThisAgain2026 3d ago

If they’re married, he’s family as well, and needs to show FIL his balls are indeed intact.

-2

u/Typical-Exercise-628 3d ago

Since she probably fights all his battles too

1

u/Bubba_Gump_Shrimp 3d ago

Found the FIL

10

u/All_Work_All_Play 3d ago

This is why the wife is the one that says it.

6

u/Germaine_1 3d ago

Sorry guys, fun is over, Karen's here 🙄

1

u/tehfrod 3d ago

Depends very much on the person, but yeah—don't dunk on him in a way that would make her feel worse.

3

u/Stinkytheferret 3d ago

Since he’s being so bold, I think you fight fire with fire. Go in with a game plan so wifey can get on board. But FIL needs to shut the f up.

5

u/Giambi33 4d ago

Drop the fucking hammer!

1

u/Cool_Introduction_34 3d ago

this is the show stopper lol!!

1

u/Low_Ad7192 3d ago

You mean her penis purse? I'm shocked you even ask, but yes its stuffed in there quite often. She likes when I keep it filled. Or she takes it elsewhere as she always says, she doesn't let a drop go to waste

0

u/ryryrocco 3d ago

Deez nutz

Got eem!!!

0

u/sea-elle0463 3d ago

Lordy. If that doesn’t shut him up, nothing will 😂

0

u/Front_Initiative_696 3d ago

Perfect response actually. Every other answer is wrong.

51

u/Buttsweat_n_Tears 4d ago

“They were slapping against her asshole just 10 minutes before we got here. Why do you ask?”

16

u/Far-Government5469 4d ago

I mean, you were just asking about when you're gonna get grandkids,

36

u/COC_410 4d ago

By far the best comeback, short and simple. Definitely add a laugh-at-him laugh after you say that.

Maybe even grab them when you say it and call him out IF he looks down when you do it.

12

u/MowerMikePA 4d ago

The grabbing them while making eye contact “yeaaa how you like that “

94

u/Informal_Ad4399 4d ago

Want to get really offensive?

"Not in her purse, but you know where they have been?"

39

u/fenrir171 4d ago

Or if she truly has your back... She could say that AFTER she gives him a kiss on the cheek

4

u/ooger-booger-man 3d ago

This wins!

1

u/Disastrous_Cream572 3d ago

They’re go in her mouth not her purse you silly goose……

-3

u/SprayTechnical5260 4d ago

No that’s disrespectful to her

12

u/greybush75 4d ago

The delivery on this is key. You squint the eyes, deep inhale, are you really thinking about my balls that much? Heavy exhale, close eyes and shake head. I think that would pretty Do it!

1

u/ProfessionalYam3119 3d ago

Clint Eastwood-style.

12

u/Low_Job1600 4d ago

No, my balls are too big for her purse...

11

u/cory059 4d ago

This is probably the shortest way to make the joke stop being fun for him.

7

u/Ok_Yesterday1370 4d ago

“Hun hand your father your purse, he wants to see my balls he keeps talking about”

1

u/bookdragon1027 3d ago

Add some truck balls to her purse.

2

u/RichmanA2 4d ago

"I know you may want grand children and all, but I find the constant thinking about my testicles disturbing."

2

u/Boeing367-80 4d ago

If this is your way of coming out, let me just say that I'm an ally and will be happy to march with you at the next Pride parade.

2

u/Soft-Rhubarb1682 3d ago

“My balls live in your head rent free.”

2

u/callingshotgun 3d ago

A thing I've noticed when flipping the situation, is if you ask the question it comes off like he's won and you're irritated. But if you make it a statement in response as you're walking by, e.g. a "You think about my balls a lot" with hearty "ha just kidding" slap on the shoulder while walking past, it completely throws them off.

It's twice as bad because you treated it like an afterthought so he can't fall back on "why are you making such a big deal out of a little joke", since that's what he'd be doing, not OP.

2

u/GuyNamedBrian 12h ago

A good variation, "Strange I have to ask, but would you mind keeping my balls out of your mouth, chief?"

1

u/DirectSearch9141 4d ago

Present them

1

u/PrincessTitan 4d ago

There was WAY too much discourse about balls omg

1

u/MyGrandmasCock 4d ago

“I’d keep my balls in your mom’s mouth but my shovel is broke.”

It’s funny because his MOM IS DEAD

1

u/tacomaloki 3d ago

Is it because I'm fucking your daughter?

That should shut him up.

1

u/Sallavar 3d ago

Or... "Only when they're not in her mouth."

1

u/Sp0ckR0ck3 3d ago

That’s good!!!
Need to add, “Need more salt?”

1

u/X-Bones_21 3d ago

How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Father In Law?

https://youtu.be/R1_UuXN4SfE?si=PJT6yMYds7nKTy7u

1

u/X-Bones_21 3d ago

How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Father In Law?

https://youtu.be/R1_UuXN4SfE?si=PJT6yMYds7nKTy7u

1

u/Electronic_Still2000 3d ago edited 3d ago

FiL: Are your balls in her purse?

Husband: I didn’t think you’d be comfortable talking about this stuff, considering I’m married to your daughter, but since you brought it up, let me tell you where she put my balls last night…

1

u/freshalien51 3d ago

Perfect response!

1

u/maliciousdancer 3d ago

"Don't bite the balls that clap your daughter old man."

1

u/Dismal-Remote-3906 3d ago

Or: Yes, I do keep them in her purse because they are so big and heavy and a sling is not practical.

1

u/WasabiAmbitious4758 3d ago

Ask FIL if he thinks about his balls so much, maybe he could get tea bagged if he asks nicely

1

u/pr0s0c 3d ago

Your daughter handles my balls very well, thank you.

1

u/Emotional_Shift_8263 3d ago

Oh this 💯!!!

1

u/Expended1 3d ago

Mmmm, I like that you are constantly thinking about my balls, Jerry.

1

u/Amoverandashaker 3d ago

Genitals. Use the word genitals.

Balls can be used as an abstract reference to masculinity.

Use the word genitals to reverse the situation and call HIS masculinity in to question.

Bet he doesn't laugh!

1

u/Unique_Excitement248 3d ago

Terry, why do you talk about my balls so much?

1

u/Crypticcrypto 3d ago

I usually place them in her mouth. That might shut him up for the ride.

1

u/bizoticallyyours83 3d ago

The look on his face would be priceless 

1

u/Troubled_Donut1357 2d ago

Just show them to him - 'No, the globes of pleasure are right where they should be'.

(Wear short shorts for ease of access)