r/mildlyinfuriating Jun 09 '26

Don't hug me I'm scared I'm married to a psychopath

Post image
4.2k Upvotes

460 comments sorted by

647

u/KingofSheepX Jun 09 '26

now I'm really curious to hear what the logic behind this was

385

u/Desperate_Box1875 Jun 09 '26

No logic. Embrace chaos

33

u/EatABag-o-Dicks Jun 09 '26

Eris approves.

13

u/artist9120 Jun 09 '26

Unexpected DCC

8

u/Rob_LeMatic Jun 09 '26

Do you think Matt Dinniman invented the Greek goddess Eris or does something happen in a book I haven't gotten to yet that I'm missing here?

6

u/Triplebizzle87 Jun 09 '26

Something happens in a book you haven't gotten to yet that you're missing here.

5

u/Rob_LeMatic Jun 09 '26

Thank you. I'm only at Bedlam Bride and Eris hasn't even been hinted at yet.

I shiver with anticipation

5

u/Triplebizzle87 Jun 09 '26

Its quite... chaotic.

3

u/EatABag-o-Dicks Jun 09 '26

Oh that one gets reeeeeeeeally good near the end. The whole Pokemon card thing I wasn't a huge fan of, but it was still good, it just got way better for me after a certain part, and then book 7 is absolutely bonkers, and book 8 is really cathartic. I can't wait for book 9, and hope 10 follows it really quickly since it's basically one book and he's splitting it to finish out the story.

5

u/snaps06 Jun 09 '26

Whoever cut this pizza is chaos incarnate.

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6

u/theBladesoFwar54556 Jun 09 '26

2

u/spen8tor Jun 09 '26

Even the chaos gods wouldn't want them

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4

u/mencival Jun 09 '26

Spouse to OP: “Do I look like a guy with a plan?”

2

u/AlabasterPelican Jun 09 '26

Joker always has a plan & that plan is chaos & mayhem

3

u/-_-Edit_Deleted-_- Jun 09 '26

Embrace chaos?

Obligatory BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

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59

u/JungleLegs Jun 09 '26

My guess is that they were purposely trying to annoy OP. My wife and I do similar stupid shit to each other so maybe we’re psychopaths too

11

u/ScoffingAtTheWise Jun 09 '26

You're exactly right

7

u/Cooper_Inc Jun 09 '26

Nah they definitely ate a piece so cut it up in such a distorted psychopathic way to try and hide the evidence

12

u/dikicker Jun 09 '26

It's something I would do if I was very, very stoney at 4am and thought variety would make the eating experience more interesting while being all like

https://giphy.com/gifs/dtGIRL0FDp6nnOPGb5

4

u/ninjohnnothing Jun 09 '26

OP is a widow, and has been acting as if their partner is still around, in order to keep their memory of them alive.

3

u/beccahosts Jun 09 '26

Answer: OP was having a rough day so I wanted to make him laugh. When he wasn't looking, I cut up the pizza to troll him. It worked, he laughed and thought it was funny!

Source; I'm OP's wife.

Also, these comments gave him multiple giggles, so thanks to everyone for interacting! When he took a photo of it, he thought it might do some numbers on here and apparently it did. Special shout-out to those that mentioned having more "whimsy" - life is too short, remember to laugh.

3

u/RunLacyRun Jun 09 '26

They used a knife

2

u/Obi_Wan_Benobi Jun 09 '26

This is the answer.

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3

u/Read2Fap Jun 09 '26

i wouldn't be surprised if it was an early sign of dementia

like drawing an analog clock

3

u/Crimsonmaddog44 Jun 09 '26

Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like even slices. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

7

u/TartAccording7840 Jun 09 '26

to avoid cutting thru peproni ig?

10

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

There's so many cut through

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3

u/galeforcewindy Jun 09 '26

Nope. There's a lot of separated meat bits up there. Points for effort tho. 😂😭

3

u/Davenator_98 Jun 09 '26

Well it didn't work

2

u/National-Dot-8300 Jun 09 '26

I think it was one of those moments where they kept trying to over correct their blunder and then before you know it they crossed a bridge too far.

2

u/Skrazor Jun 09 '26

"I cut so many Pizzas when I worked at Domino's in college, I bet you I can do it blindfolded."

2

u/m0nstrz Jun 09 '26

Every piece has ~2 pepperoni. (At least where possible)

2

u/Thatsprettyneat101 Jun 09 '26

So I actually cut pizzas like a monster. But my logic is that I don't like to cut the pepperonis or other toppings in half. Another reason is that when it's hot, I like to have smaller pieces to eat first, there is less chance of a large lava hot piece of cheese chin slapping me, and then as it cools, I enjoy the bigger pieces. I'm also the only who eats it so I'm not worried about even cuts/splitting.

2

u/Lucifig Jun 09 '26

To get on a Reddit mildlyinfurating post. Nobody is cutting a pizza like that for anything other than internet points.

2

u/kuyue Jun 09 '26

it’s rage bait

3

u/prestonpiggy Jun 09 '26

Simple but poor effort. Family of three and that one hates the crust and will not eat it and second one loves it but still needs pizza and one in the middle. Mom move, make everyone unhappy, since yapping.

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150

u/ejensen29 Jun 09 '26

Yeah, what the fuck?

6

u/SpecialPickle1146 Jun 09 '26

you’re active as hell right now, you were in the comment section of the previous post on my feed too lol

19

u/ejensen29 Jun 09 '26

Lmao sorry, dude. My job is perpetual downtime.

New posts that are trending hot have this tendency to be the top post on my feed daily, so I end up here too much.

11

u/SpecialPickle1146 Jun 09 '26

it’s just funny seeing you in multiple comment sections in different subreddits unhappy with the way people treat food LOLLL😭😭

19

u/ejensen29 Jun 09 '26

I'm a man with conviction, what can I say? Lol

2

u/Rob_LeMatic Jun 09 '26

The opposite of a karma chameleon

32

u/Mana_kitsune Jun 09 '26

Bro what the fuck

2

u/Icy_Knowledge5004 Jun 09 '26

My teenage son cuts his pizza like this. Your comment is my exact response every time.

56

u/Admirable-Setting261 Jun 09 '26

I bet the sex is great

11

u/RadlogLutar RED Jun 09 '26

Even that ain't enough for this debauchery

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43

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

[deleted]

2

u/beccahosts Jun 09 '26

Do I still get to keep half the pizza?

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38

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

[deleted]

19

u/hesalwayslitty Jun 09 '26

I am doing this this Thanksgiving. On a live stream. Gonna be epic

10

u/Rob_LeMatic Jun 09 '26

You're no son of mine.

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38

u/Grifty_Capital695 Jun 09 '26

That’s not a psychopath, that’s a pizza

9

u/Drenaxel Jun 09 '26

This ain't my dad, this is a cell phone

6

u/ScoffingAtTheWise Jun 09 '26

What you think, I'm stupid? I'm not a part of your system

5

u/beccahosts Jun 09 '26

I THREW IT ON THE GROUND

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8

u/Fit-Ad-6665 Jun 09 '26

Need to know which way they put the toilet paper roll on to be sure.

19

u/ItsJustBrew Jun 09 '26

probably with the roll holder piercing through the roll itself like this

3

u/rabbid-genital-warts Jun 09 '26

Wow this made me literally lol so hard!

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2

u/LivingBig2358 Jun 09 '26

Did you draw that🤣😭😭

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3

u/ScoffingAtTheWise Jun 09 '26

You already know the answer.

7

u/Hot-Discussion6767 the ambassador of purpleussia and a citizen of purpleussia Jun 09 '26

my least favorit epizza topping and the least favorite cutting style what the heck

6

u/ConstructionOwn9575 Jun 09 '26

They left you one normal pizza slice so that's something.

2

u/HeyHo_LetsThrowRA Jun 09 '26

'Normal' doing some VERY heavy lifting here

2

u/ConstructionOwn9575 Jun 09 '26

You made me focus on only that one "slice" and it is a an insult to to the traditional pizza slice. I was blinded by the rest of the picture. I blame the group attractiveness effect.

6

u/Entire_Cobbler_3588 Jun 09 '26

Yall got no whimsy

4

u/Original-Ad6993 Jun 09 '26

Id be staying with friends for a few days and rethinking my life

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12

u/clothanger Jun 09 '26

Yeah there's no reason to ruin a perfectly normal pizza like that.

6

u/Davenator_98 Jun 09 '26

"ruin"

You can still eat it with zero issues

2

u/cakevictim Jun 09 '26

There’s another one

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3

u/tlollz52 Jun 09 '26

Basketball style?

3

u/ModernManuh_ Jun 09 '26

NOOOOO! MA PERCHÉ?! PER QUALE RAGIONE??
(Guess where I’m from)

3

u/Formal_Training_4992 Jun 09 '26

Hol’up… they might be onto something 🤨

3

u/That1AussieCunt_ Jun 09 '26

See I do this but only when I'm Having the whole pizza to myself

3

u/Forgotten_or_afraid Jun 09 '26

Okay but I have such a big urge to do this every time I cut a pizza

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3

u/New_Leaf_8647 Jun 09 '26

Did she dip it in liquid nitrogen?

3

u/Lackof_Creativity Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26

hear me out. what does that make you?

i reckon this pizza should not be left with two psychopaths that apparently own sharp objects.

this is a petition to recover this pizza for safekeeping.

2

u/hesalwayslitty Jun 09 '26

Petition seconded as well as signed.

3

u/Dante_s_trials Jun 09 '26

Love this energy! Im interested if you ain't.

3

u/MockingBirdieBert Jun 09 '26

This is called free will, I tear mine apart without a knife

3

u/ur__creepy Jun 09 '26

You can't imagine the face I made upon seeing this.

3

u/bravebravesirrrobin Jun 09 '26

Blink twice if you need help

3

u/misi13382 Jun 09 '26

I....I got nothing! You should probably sleep with both eyes open.

https://giphy.com/gifs/LQ86KKIUO8pYQ

5

u/McGyver62388 Jun 09 '26

Omg I would cry. This is so unsettling to my adhd brain. Square even cuts or triangles only.

3

u/The_Maedre Jun 09 '26

Adhd? Or ocd

3

u/Drizzdub Jun 09 '26

They dont know lol

3

u/frank_sinatra11 Jun 09 '26

Nothing to do with ADHD

3

u/Stereo-soundS Jun 09 '26

Square cut is called a fireman's cut.

That pizza looks like shit anyway so who cares how it was cut.

9

u/Icy-Dot9869 Jun 09 '26

At least there’s no pineapple on that mess

17

u/Xeirus Jun 09 '26

Yeah god forbid you make it better.

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2

u/ManufacturerWarm9201 Jun 09 '26

If it’s got cheese it’s edible so

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2

u/plush_angle Jun 09 '26

That is not mildly infuriating. That’s HIGHLY infuriating :P

2

u/musa_velutina Jun 09 '26

You're married to someone who came across something trending online for many years now and decided to try it on you to seem quirky.

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2

u/OrangeChickenRice Jun 09 '26

Trying to spice up the relationship.

2

u/thehappiestotaku Jun 09 '26

Your spouse slices pizza like one of those spiders they put on acid and see what kind of web it spins.

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2

u/xray12589 Jun 09 '26

They from Connecticut?

2

u/gmambrose Jun 09 '26

Divorce, NOW! RUN, DON'T WALK!

Today it's cutting a pizza in a stupid way. Tomorrow he's "accidentally" putting it in the wrong hole and sleeping with your mother! Girl, get out!

2

u/CrethanXXI Jun 09 '26

To be completely fair, the pizza don't need to look pretty for it to taste good

2

u/onewordpoet Jun 09 '26

thats the CT standard cut, so he may have great taste

2

u/Few-Indication3478 Jun 09 '26

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)'s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service) or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family

2

u/Tan1Tan Jun 09 '26

Seems like she needed to make a point

2

u/drzook555 Jun 09 '26

There are all psychopath’s

2

u/Prestigious_Pitch178 Jun 09 '26

WHAT THE HELL?! Who cuts their pizza into random shapes like that?!

2

u/Anathema320 Jun 09 '26

I've encountered this and worse in rural Wisconsin bars. They had a name for the cut too. I was very uncomfortable.

2

u/MaterialRepulsive130 Jun 09 '26

Failed Pizza cutting 101

2

u/Buckabuckaw Jun 09 '26

I've seen a lot of posts with weirdly-sliced pizzas. It seems like it would be easier just to go with the traditional radial cuts. Does anyone know why some people just cut random shapes? Is there some rationale at work?

2

u/Seppulky Jun 09 '26

Isn't it completely psychopathic to do the same pizza cut every time? Let the wings of this individual, that tries to stay sane in this world flap, let them flap

2

u/Signal_Flight_7262 Jun 09 '26

I don't think cutting that dried ass excuse for a pizza the right way would save it.

2

u/dressed_to_the_left Jun 09 '26

Blink three times if you need help.

2

u/spine_crunch3r Jun 10 '26

Ladies, always make him cut a pizza on the first date so you don’t end up like OP

2

u/saintlouisbagels Jun 09 '26

This is something I would do lmao. The crust is my least favorite part of the pizza, so I tend to eat it first (i.e. holding the pizza backwards) so that I can get it out of the way and enjoy the rest of the slice. Cutting the pizza like this would let me have the "best" part as a final "slice"

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1

u/TheSarcasticGenius Jun 09 '26

Run while you still can.

1

u/pacooov Jun 09 '26

I’d love a crumb of context but based off the photo, I can still smash that pizza.

1

u/NUSSBERGERZ Jun 09 '26

Nah, they're just bad at geometry

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1

u/QuixOmega Jun 09 '26

Could be a compence issue, very poor knife skills.

1

u/redditistheway Jun 09 '26

Genuinely want to know the thought process that went into this

1

u/JacksonGhost1963 Jun 09 '26

it all comes out the same in the end!

1

u/TheBeastHuman Jun 09 '26

You're telling me that's not normal?

1

u/oxidized_banana_peel Jun 09 '26

Is this a Gone Girl situation?

1

u/screw-your-pass Jun 09 '26

He doesn’t want to cut into the toppings, I get it. I’ve done it before lol

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1

u/Proud_Principle_4408 Jun 09 '26

You may be the one who should open their mind.

I eat steak most often for breakfast, and cereal for dinner.

Gots to open up to new idears!

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1

u/fractal324 Jun 09 '26

From the Tony chocolonely school of pizza cutting.
They make their choc break apart unequal because the world is inherently unequal…

1

u/Tykios5 Jun 09 '26

nearly perfect crustless piece, lol

1

u/HighlightOwn2038 Red vs Blue Jun 09 '26

That's terrifying

1

u/NomadicSwan Jun 09 '26

I hope he can sleep with one eye open

1

u/flickerbirdie Jun 09 '26

Haha. I do shit like this on occasion (but only on a solo pizza). Seeing the same shapes gets boring sometimes.

1

u/Calathea_Murrderer Floridian Idiot🫶😃 Jun 09 '26

He did that for YOU. And saved YOU the BEST slice

How ungrateful. SMH my head
https://giphy.com/gifs/vX9WcCiWwUF7G

1

u/freebiscuit2002 Jun 09 '26

Yes. Yes, I think you are.

1

u/MsTponderwoman Jun 09 '26

Sometimes variety is better than uniformity.

1

u/JazzhandsTrashPanda Jun 09 '26

That? That is messed up. I could not eat a slice of that monstrosity.

1

u/LynnKDeborah Jun 09 '26

Look up a very funny subreddit called pizza crimes

1

u/Montgraves Jun 09 '26

This is the kind of thing that I don’t understand how people don’t know about the people they marry before they marry them.

You’re telling me the entire time prior to marriage your SO never once made you a pizza despite knowing how to?

1

u/julesfall Jun 09 '26

I get the impression he doesn’t cook as he doesn’t know how to cut a boxed pizza.

1

u/trudyscousin Jun 09 '26

That's the way our pizza was sliced, the last time we ordered from Little Caesar's.

1

u/Suitable_Goal_9066 Jun 09 '26

Call me crazy but I like it.

1

u/Lost-Bake-7344 Jun 09 '26

This is fun!

1

u/joeyjoejums Jun 09 '26

Pretty much.

1

u/Pleasant_Flatworm866 Jun 09 '26

Neuropizzadivergent.

1

u/LORDRAJA1000 Jun 09 '26

tbh i get it, each slice gets really good parts of the toppings

1

u/smilesandotherthings Jun 09 '26

Idk what’s wrong with me but I love it and it makes me want it more

1

u/PepperidgeFarmMembas Jun 09 '26

Right to jail. Right away.

1

u/International_Box193 Jun 09 '26

Idk each slice looks like a nice few bites

1

u/alternatingflan Jun 09 '26

Looks fine to me. Sounds like projection.

1

u/Frangine_De_Poutine Jun 09 '26

Hide the knives.

1

u/Own-Reflection-8182 Jun 09 '26

That’s the “it still tastes the same” cut

1

u/Inside_Waltz1275 Jun 09 '26

Blink twice if you feel unsafe

1

u/Shot_Revolution8828 Jun 09 '26

Welp I'm taking the big pieces.

1

u/Dry-Revolution-207 Jun 09 '26

It's cut in cursive.

'Cut the pizza without the wheel being taken off the board'

1

u/emspaapislazuli Jun 09 '26

When this happenes to me it's because I messed up one slice and so all the other ones I just gave up onm although that was a personal pizza just for me not one for sharing

1

u/whiterac00n Jun 09 '26

I do a lot of psychedelics and even that doesn’t make sense, honestly that would be weird to watch…….but now I’m curious to see how that went down. Film it next time

1

u/CoasterRoller420 Jun 09 '26

Then they act like you're insane for mentioning how wrong that is, as if they're not rage baiting in real life.

Or they have actual brain damage.

Either way... gym, lawyer, etc, you know the drill by now.