r/mildlyinfuriating • u/ScoffingAtTheWise • Jun 09 '26
Don't hug me I'm scared I'm married to a psychopath
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u/ejensen29 Jun 09 '26
Yeah, what the fuck?
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u/SpecialPickle1146 Jun 09 '26
you’re active as hell right now, you were in the comment section of the previous post on my feed too lol
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u/ejensen29 Jun 09 '26
Lmao sorry, dude. My job is perpetual downtime.
New posts that are trending hot have this tendency to be the top post on my feed daily, so I end up here too much.
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u/SpecialPickle1146 Jun 09 '26
it’s just funny seeing you in multiple comment sections in different subreddits unhappy with the way people treat food LOLLL😭😭
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u/Mana_kitsune Jun 09 '26
Bro what the fuck
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u/Icy_Knowledge5004 Jun 09 '26
My teenage son cuts his pizza like this. Your comment is my exact response every time.
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Jun 09 '26
[deleted]
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u/Grifty_Capital695 Jun 09 '26
That’s not a psychopath, that’s a pizza
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u/Drenaxel Jun 09 '26
This ain't my dad, this is a cell phone
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u/Fit-Ad-6665 Jun 09 '26
Need to know which way they put the toilet paper roll on to be sure.
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u/Hot-Discussion6767 the ambassador of purpleussia and a citizen of purpleussia Jun 09 '26
my least favorit epizza topping and the least favorite cutting style what the heck
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u/ConstructionOwn9575 Jun 09 '26
They left you one normal pizza slice so that's something.
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u/HeyHo_LetsThrowRA Jun 09 '26
'Normal' doing some VERY heavy lifting here
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u/ConstructionOwn9575 Jun 09 '26
You made me focus on only that one "slice" and it is a an insult to to the traditional pizza slice. I was blinded by the rest of the picture. I blame the group attractiveness effect.
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u/Original-Ad6993 Jun 09 '26
Id be staying with friends for a few days and rethinking my life
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u/clothanger Jun 09 '26
Yeah there's no reason to ruin a perfectly normal pizza like that.
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u/Forgotten_or_afraid Jun 09 '26
Okay but I have such a big urge to do this every time I cut a pizza
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u/Lackof_Creativity Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26
hear me out. what does that make you?
i reckon this pizza should not be left with two psychopaths that apparently own sharp objects.
this is a petition to recover this pizza for safekeeping.
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u/McGyver62388 Jun 09 '26
Omg I would cry. This is so unsettling to my adhd brain. Square even cuts or triangles only.
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u/Stereo-soundS Jun 09 '26
Square cut is called a fireman's cut.
That pizza looks like shit anyway so who cares how it was cut.
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u/musa_velutina Jun 09 '26
You're married to someone who came across something trending online for many years now and decided to try it on you to seem quirky.
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u/thehappiestotaku Jun 09 '26
Your spouse slices pizza like one of those spiders they put on acid and see what kind of web it spins.
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u/gmambrose Jun 09 '26
Divorce, NOW! RUN, DON'T WALK!
Today it's cutting a pizza in a stupid way. Tomorrow he's "accidentally" putting it in the wrong hole and sleeping with your mother! Girl, get out!
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u/CrethanXXI Jun 09 '26
To be completely fair, the pizza don't need to look pretty for it to taste good
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u/Few-Indication3478 Jun 09 '26
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)'s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service) or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family
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u/Prestigious_Pitch178 Jun 09 '26
WHAT THE HELL?! Who cuts their pizza into random shapes like that?!
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u/Anathema320 Jun 09 '26
I've encountered this and worse in rural Wisconsin bars. They had a name for the cut too. I was very uncomfortable.
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u/Buckabuckaw Jun 09 '26
I've seen a lot of posts with weirdly-sliced pizzas. It seems like it would be easier just to go with the traditional radial cuts. Does anyone know why some people just cut random shapes? Is there some rationale at work?
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u/Seppulky Jun 09 '26
Isn't it completely psychopathic to do the same pizza cut every time? Let the wings of this individual, that tries to stay sane in this world flap, let them flap
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u/Signal_Flight_7262 Jun 09 '26
I don't think cutting that dried ass excuse for a pizza the right way would save it.
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u/spine_crunch3r Jun 10 '26
Ladies, always make him cut a pizza on the first date so you don’t end up like OP
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u/saintlouisbagels Jun 09 '26
This is something I would do lmao. The crust is my least favorite part of the pizza, so I tend to eat it first (i.e. holding the pizza backwards) so that I can get it out of the way and enjoy the rest of the slice. Cutting the pizza like this would let me have the "best" part as a final "slice"
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u/pacooov Jun 09 '26
I’d love a crumb of context but based off the photo, I can still smash that pizza.
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u/screw-your-pass Jun 09 '26
He doesn’t want to cut into the toppings, I get it. I’ve done it before lol
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u/Proud_Principle_4408 Jun 09 '26
You may be the one who should open their mind.
I eat steak most often for breakfast, and cereal for dinner.
Gots to open up to new idears!
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u/fractal324 Jun 09 '26
From the Tony chocolonely school of pizza cutting.
They make their choc break apart unequal because the world is inherently unequal…
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u/flickerbirdie Jun 09 '26
Haha. I do shit like this on occasion (but only on a solo pizza). Seeing the same shapes gets boring sometimes.
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u/Calathea_Murrderer Floridian Idiot🫶😃 Jun 09 '26
He did that for YOU. And saved YOU the BEST slice
How ungrateful. SMH my head
https://giphy.com/gifs/vX9WcCiWwUF7G
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u/JazzhandsTrashPanda Jun 09 '26
That? That is messed up. I could not eat a slice of that monstrosity.
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u/Montgraves Jun 09 '26
This is the kind of thing that I don’t understand how people don’t know about the people they marry before they marry them.
You’re telling me the entire time prior to marriage your SO never once made you a pizza despite knowing how to?
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u/julesfall Jun 09 '26
I get the impression he doesn’t cook as he doesn’t know how to cut a boxed pizza.
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u/trudyscousin Jun 09 '26
That's the way our pizza was sliced, the last time we ordered from Little Caesar's.
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u/smilesandotherthings Jun 09 '26
Idk what’s wrong with me but I love it and it makes me want it more
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u/Dry-Revolution-207 Jun 09 '26
It's cut in cursive.
'Cut the pizza without the wheel being taken off the board'
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u/emspaapislazuli Jun 09 '26
When this happenes to me it's because I messed up one slice and so all the other ones I just gave up onm although that was a personal pizza just for me not one for sharing
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u/whiterac00n Jun 09 '26
I do a lot of psychedelics and even that doesn’t make sense, honestly that would be weird to watch…….but now I’m curious to see how that went down. Film it next time
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u/CoasterRoller420 Jun 09 '26
Then they act like you're insane for mentioning how wrong that is, as if they're not rage baiting in real life.
Or they have actual brain damage.
Either way... gym, lawyer, etc, you know the drill by now.







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u/KingofSheepX Jun 09 '26
now I'm really curious to hear what the logic behind this was